Take my loser quiz to find out just how pathetic you are. If it turns out that you are indeed my biggest loser, You must masturbate and eat your cum today!
What you can do is shift your thinking a little bit. One reason why you may be dating people who are not right for you is because you are attracted to those people begin with. You can shift your attraction or success by dating people you are not initially attracted to. You would be surprised to see what it can do for your dating life. Sometimes we are attracted to the people who are actually not good for us. We sometimes tend to fall into our previous relationship patterns that are familiar and safe to us.
So we keep falling back to it by dating the same type of guys. In order to break out of that pattern you need to look for the guys you are initially not attracted and interested in and give them a chance. Attraction and interest can grow with time. In fact, it can be inspired. Be the best person you can be for yourself and you will automatically be that for your date or partner.
Value your own time and energy, and have interests outside the relationship and dating. Show your partner that your happiness is not dependent on him being in your life, and that you are with him because you want to and not because you need to.
Show your partner that life with you is amazing, uncomplicated and easy. Don’t overanalyze and overthink every feeling, reaction and action. These are some of the ways you can use to inspire a man to fall for you.
That is how you can inspire attraction and interest. first you have to understand the definition of GOOD BOYFRIEND: Good Boyfriend: it means who loves, who stand with you in all situation, who fights you, who cry when you sad, and who never end the relation by giving the excuse of family and friends reasons.The person who stands with you after fighting in all situation. Second thing, don’t make your thinking or mind set for dating and all.
sometime we loose our respect, our culture and our parents boundaries. so search that partner who can loves you, can do anything for you, can convince parents and the most important thing, who can think you for long term or to the end of his life.
that will be the best partner for you. Recently, i got breakup from one girl. she also loves me a lot but she left me by giving the reason that her parents are not convinced and they have so many doubt like living standard, lifestyle and all for future. so left me. so these are not the good signs of long term life partner. that type of partner can leave you anytime and hurts you. Beware from that types of people. At the end, i told her you can take full command of mine life and yourself.
you can do whatever you want, i never restrict you, but she gives the priory to her parents thinking.
i am not saying she did wrong by giving the priority but if she knows the priority of parents then no parents will tell to go in relationship with boy.
so if she took the decision of relationship then she has to give cooperate and convince her parents by saying that i have blind faith on my life partner. so (I) boyfriend of that girl with thinking like today i am boyfriend but have to become husband of that girl and will try all efforts to make my life beautiful with her only (with her only with her only)never think about left right, up down.May be life our become challenging …my be i will not provide that much luxury life where her parents can give with some other guy.
but in love dont compare this things. just clear by small example: if parents give birth to me then i have to stay full life with them only, never compare that my parents are rich or not, nature is polite or hard, condition and all.
They are parents and god makes the relation. same we have to thin, if we make the relation then we have to stand for that for whole life .
Thanks 9992983812 you can whtsapp me also.
best am i dating a losers - How to get a good boyfriend
Advertisement Are You Dating a Loser? Identifying Losers, Controllers and Abusers, Page 1 If you’re dating a ‘loser’, you may recognize in your partner some of these characteristics described by Consulting Clinical Psychologist Joseph M.
Carver, PhD. This article continues with a note on dangerous versions of the ‘loser’ and offers guidelines for detachment. Also see the new “Relationship Quiz: True Love or True Loser?”, which may help you to identify and highlight experiences of concern within your relationship. Untitled Document "The Loser" Warning Signs You're Dating a Loser Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D., Psychologist Comment (September 27, 2003) This article was published to the Internet several years ago and was originally written to help identify "Losers" in relationships.
The e-mail feedback I have received on the article has been tremendous. It's clear the article is a way of identifying not only "losers" but controlling, abusive, and manipulating individuals. It's also obvious these warning signs are not only found in dating relationships - but in our spouse, our parents, our friends, and our relatives. There are more victims in the environment of the Loser than his or her partner. I Am A Loser i'm glad i found more people like me , but im sad i had to go all the way to a random internet wall post thingy.
I couldnt believe how similar i felt to almost everyone who's written in about themselves . just like most of the male authors here i hadnt experienced sex til i was into my twenties . just like most of the writers i am very self conscious about my image (badly receded hairline by 19, very small mouth, short).
i have to say i actually felt better reading all the stories that people have poured out about themselves, not because it makes me feel any more valuable in comparison , but actually, because i dont feel alone anymore. why is it i cant meet more people like me , like us ...
why does everyone else around me seem to be normal and slighlty socialized. how come i can always understand why im called a goof (not the good way), but i never see anyone else being called a loser , and i never see anyone else acting socially akward . if i could just find other "goofy" people i might actually make a real friend for the first time in 8 years, but there aint any in sight like me.
and i dont mind being called a goof or loser or faggot cuz its true , im socially akward , i make random statements that amuse me but no one else and make others want to alienate me, im not gay though. 19 Signs You're Dating a Loser ... Warning Signs That You’re Dating a Loser | MHMatters Warning Signs That You’re Dating a Loser: Very few relationships start on terms other than sweetness and politeness.
In the beginning, "the honeymoon" of the relationship, it's difficult to determine what type of individual you are dating. Both you and the date are guarded, trying to obtain information about the other as much as possible without seeming like a police detective.
"The Loser" Romantic relationships can be wonderful with the right person. A relationship with the wrong individual however can lead to years of heartache, emotional/social damage, and even physical damage. A damaging adult partner can damage us, damage our loved ones, and even damage the way we feel about love and romance in the future. They can turn what is supposed to be a loving, supporting, and understanding relationship into the "fatal attraction" often described in movies.
There are a variety of "bad choices" that may be encountered each week - most of which are easily to identify and avoid. We all know to avoid people that appear insane or abusive and not select them as a dating partner.
However, some individuals are better at hiding their personality and behavior abnormalities. In an effort to provide some warning about these very damaging individuals, this paper will outline a type of individual commonly found in the dating scene, a male or female labeled "The Loser".
"The Loser" is a type of partner that creates much social, emotional and psychological damage in a relationship. "The Loser" has permanent personality characteristics that create this damage. These are characteristics that they accept simply as the way they are and not a problem or psychological difficulty.
In one sense, they have always lived with this personality and behavior, often something they probably learned from their relatives/family.
Psychologists usually treat the victims of "The Loser", women or men who arrive at the office severely depressed with their self-confidence and self-esteem totally destroyed. The following list is an attempt to outline the characteristics of "The Loser" and provide a manner in which women and men can identify potentially damaging relationships before they are themselves severely damaged emotionally or even physically.
If your partner possesses even one of these features, there is risk in the relationship. More than three of these indicators and you are involved with "The Loser" in a very high risk relationship that will eventually create damage to you. When a high number of these features are present - it's not a probably or possibility. You will be hurt and damaged by "The Loser" if you stay in the relationship. 1. Rough Treatment "The Loser" will hurt you on purpose.
If he or she hits you, twists your arm, pulls your hair, kicks you, shoves you, or breaks your personal property EVEN ONCE, drop them. Male losers often begin with behaviors that move you physically or hit the wall. Female losers often slap, kick and even punch their male partners when upset. 2. Quick Attachment and Expression "The Loser" has very shallow emotions and connections with others.
One of the things that might attract you to "The Loser" is how quickly he or she says "I Love You" or wants to marry or commit to you.
Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you'll hear that you're the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you. You'll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures.
This is the "honeymoon phase" - where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you. Remember the business saying "If it's too good to be true it probably is (too good to be true)!" You may be so overwhelmed by this display of instant attraction, instant commitment, and instant planning for the future that you'll miss the major point - it doesn't make sense!!
Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a lot of information before offering a commitment - not three weeks. It's true that we can become infatuated with others quickly - but not make such unrealistic promises and have the future planned after three dates. The rapid warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which later cause "The Loser" to detach from you as quickly as they committed.
"The Loser" typically wants to move in with you or marry you in less than four weeks or very early in the relationship. 3. Frightening Temper "The Loser" has a scary temper. If your boyfriend or girlfriend blows up and does dangerous things, like driving too fast because they're mad, breaking/throwing things, getting into fights, or threatening others - that temper will soon be turned in your direction.
In the beginning of the relationship, you will be exposed to "witnessed violence" - fights with others, threats toward others, angry outbursts at others, etc. You will also hear of violence in their life. You will see and witness this temper - throwing things, yelling, cursing, driving fast, hitting the walls, and kicking things. That quickly serves to intimidate you and fear their potential for violence, although "The Loser" quickly assures you that they are angry at others or situations, not at you.
At first, you will be assured that they will never direct the hostility and violence at you - but they are clearly letting you know that they have that ability and capability - and that it might come your way. Later, you fear challenging or confronting them - fearing that same temper and violence will be turned in your direction.
4. Killing Your Self-Confidence "The Loser" repeatedly puts you down. They constantly correct your slight mistakes, making you feel "on guard", unintelligent, and leaving you with the feeling that you are always doing something wrong. They tell you that you're too fat, too unattractive, or don't talk correctly or look well.
This gradual chipping away at your confidence and self-esteem allows them to later treat you badly - as though you deserved it. In public, you will be "walking on eggshells" - always fearing you are doing or saying something that will later create a temper outburst or verbal argument. 5. Cutting Off Your Support In order to control someone completely, you must cut off their supportive friends - sometimes even their family. "The Loser" feels your friends and family might influence you or offer negative opinions about their behavior.
"The Loser" begins by telling you these friends treat you badly, take advantage of you, and don't understand the special nature of the love you share with them. In some cases, if they can't get rid of your best same-sex friend, "The Loser" will claim he or she made a pass at them.
If you talk to your friends or family, "The Loser" will punish you by asking multiple questions or making nasty accusations. Eventually, rather than face the verbal punishment, interrogation, and abuse, you'll develop the feeling that it's better not to talk to family and friends. You will withdraw from friends and family, prompting them to become upset with you. "The Loser" then tells you they are treating you badly again and you'd be better to keep your distance from them.
Once you are isolated and alone, without support, their control over you can increase. 6. The Mean and Sweet Cycle "The Loser" cycles from mean to sweet and back again. The cycle starts when they are intentionally hurtful and mean. You may be verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor. Suddenly, the next day they become sweet, doing all those little things they did when you started dating.
You hang on, hoping each mean-then-sweet cycle is the last one. The other purpose of the mean cycle is to allow "The Loser" to say very nasty things about you or those you care about, again chipping away at your self-esteem and self-confidence. "The Loser" often apologizes but the damage to your self-esteem is already done - exactly as planned.
7. It's Always Your Fault "The Loser" blames you for their anger as well as any other behavior that is incorrect. When they cheat on you, yell at you, treat you badly, damage your property, or embarrass you publicly - it's somehow your fault. If you are ten minutes late for a date, it's your fault that the male loser drives 80 miles per hour, runs people off the road, and pouts the rest of the evening.
"The Loser" tells you their anger and misbehavior would not have happened if you had not made some simple mistake, had loved them more, or had not questioned their behavior. "The Loser" never, repeat "never", takes personal responsibility for their behavior - it's always the fault of someone else. If they drive like a maniac and try to pull an innocent driver off the highway to assault them - it's actually the fault of the other driver (not his) as they didn't use a turn signal when they changed lanes.
They give you the impression that you had it (anger, yelling, assault) coming and deserved the anger, violence, pouting, or physical display of aggression. 8. Breakup Panic "The Loser" panics at the idea of breaking up - unless it's totally their idea - then you're dropped like a hot rock.
Abusive boyfriends often break down and cry, they plead, they promise to change, and they offer marriage/trips/gifts when you threaten ending the relationship.
Both male and female losers may threaten suicide, threaten to return to old sweethearts (who feel lucky they're gone!), or threaten to quit their job and leave the area - as though you will be responsible for those decisions.
"The Loser" offers a multitude of "deals" and halfway measures, like "Let's just date one more month!" They shower you with phone calls, often every five minutes, hoping that you will make an agreement or see them just to stop the telephone harassment. Some call your relatives, your friends, their friends, and anyone else they can think of - telling those people to call you and tell you how much they love you. Creative losers often create so much social pressure that the victim agrees to go back to the bad relationship rather than continue under the social pressure.
Imagine trying to end a relationship and receiving tearful calls from all his or her relatives (they secretly hope you'll keep them so they don't have to), seeing a plea for your return in the newspaper or even on a local billboard, receiving flowers at work each day, or having them arrive at your place of work and offer you a wedding ring (male loser technique) or inform you that they might be pregnant (female loser technique) in front of your coworkers!
Their reaction is emotionally intense, a behavior they use to keep you an emotional prisoner. If you go back to them, you actually fear a worse reaction if you threaten to leave again (making you a prisoner) and they later frequently recall the incident to you as further evidence of what a bad person you are. Remember, if your prize dog jumps the fence and escapes, if you get him back you build a higher fence. Once back in the grasp of "The Loser" - escape will be three times as difficult the next time.
9. No Outside Interests "The Loser" will encourage you to drop your hobbies, interests, and involvement with others. If you have an individual activity, they demand that they accompany you, making you feel miserable during the entire activity.
The idea behind this is to prevent you from having fun or interests other than those which they totally control. 10. Paranoid Control "The Loser" will check up on you and keep track of where you are and who you are with.
If you speak to a member of the opposite sex, you receive twenty questions about how you know them. If you don't answer their phone call, you are ask where you were, what were you doing, who you were talking to, etc. They will notice the type of mud on your car, question why you shop certain places, and question why you called a friend, why the friend called you, and so forth.
Some losers follow you to the grocery, then later ask if you've been there in an attempt to catch you in a lie. In severe cases, they go through your mail, look through your purse/wallet, hit your redial on the phone when they arrive, or search through your garbage for evidence. High-tech losers may encourage you to make "private" calls to friends from their residence, calls that are being secretly taped for later reference.
They may begin to tell you what to wear, what to listen to in music, and how to behave in public. Eventually, they tell you that you can not talk to certain friends or acquaintances, go certain places, or talk about certain issues in public.
If no date is present on Friday night - "The Loser" will inform you that they will call you that night - sometime. That effectively keeps you home, awaiting the call, fearing the verbal abuse and questions you might receive if you weren't home for the call. This technique allows "The Loser" to do what they want socially, at the same time controlling your behavior from a distance or a local bar. 11. Public Embarrassment In an effort to keep you under control while in public, "The Loser" will lash out at you, call you names, or say cruel or embarrassing things about you in private or in front of people.
When in public, you quickly learn that any opinion you express may cause them to verbally attack you, either at the time or later. If you stay with "The Loser" too long, you'll soon find yourself politely smiling, saying nothing, and holding on to their arm when in public. You'll also find yourself walking with your head down, fearful of seeing a friend who might speak to you and create an angry reaction in "The Loser".
12. It's Never Enough "The Loser" convinces you that you are never quite good enough. You don't say "I love you" enough, you don't stand close enough, you don't do enough for them after all their sacrifices, and your behavior always falls short of what is expected.
This is another method of destroying your self-esteem and confidence. After months of this technique, they begin telling you how lucky you are to have them - somebody who tolerates someone so inadequate and worthless as you. 13. Entitlement "The Loser" has a tremendous sense of entitlement, the attitude that they have a perfectly logical right to do whatever they desire.
If cut off in traffic, "The Loser" feels they have the right to run the other driver off the road, assault them, and endanger the lives of other drivers with their temper tantrum. Keep in mind, this same sense of entitlement will be used against you. If you disobey their desires or demands, or violate one of their rules, they feel they are entitled to punish you in any manner they see fit.
14. Your Friends and Family Dislike Him As the relationship continues, your friends and family will see what "The Loser" is doing to you. They will notice a change in your personality or your withdrawal. They will protest. "The Loser" will tell you they are jealous of the "special love" you have and then use their protest and opinion as further evidence that they are against you - not him.
The mention of your family members or friends will spark an angry response from them - eventually placing you in the situation where you stop talking about those you care about, even your own family members.
"The Loser" will be jealous and threatened by anyone you are close to - even your children. In some cases, your parents or brothers/sisters will not be allowed to visit your home. 15. Bad Stories People often let you know about their personality by the stories they tell about themselves.
It's the old story about giving a person enough rope and they'll hang themselves. The stories a person tells informs us of how they see themselves, what they think is interesting, and what they think will impress you.
A humorous individual will tell funny stories on himself. "The Loser" tells stories of violence, aggression, being insensitive to others, rejecting others, etc. They may tell you about past relationships and in every case, they assure you that they were treated horribly despite how wonderful they were to that person.
They brag about their temper and outbursts because they don't see anything wrong with violence and actually take pride in the "I don't take nothing from nobody" attitude. People define themselves with their stories, much like a culture is described by it's folklore and legends.
Listen to these stories - they tell you how you will eventually be treated and what's coming your way. 16. The Waitress Test It's been said that when dating, the way an individual treats a waitress or other neutral person of the opposite sex is the way they will treat you in six months.
During the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship, you will be treated like a king or queen. However, during that time "The Loser" has not forgotten how he or she basically feels about the opposite sex. Waitresses, clerks, or other neutral individuals will be treated badly. If they are cheap - you'll never receive anything once the honeymoon is over. If they whine, complain, criticize, and torment - that's how they'll treat you in six months.
A mentally healthy person is consistent, they treat almost all people the same way all the time. If you find yourself dating a man who treats you like a queen and other females like dirt - hit the road. 17.
The Reputation As mentioned, mentally healthy individuals are consistent in their personality and their behavior. "The Loser" may have two distinct reputations - a group of individuals who will give you glowing reports and a group that will warn you that they are serious trouble. If you ask ten people about a new restaurant - five say it's wonderful and five say it's a hog pit - you clearly understand that there's some risk involved in eating there.
"The Loser" may actually brag about their reputation as a "butt kicker", "womanizer", "hot temper" or "being crazy". They may tell you stories where other's have called them crazy or suggested that they receive professional help. Pay attention to the reputation. Reputation is the public perception of an individual's behavior.
If the reputation has two sides, good and bad, your risk is high. You will be dealing with the bad side once the honeymoon is over in the relationship. With severe behavior problems, "The Loser" will be found to have almost no friends, just acquaintances.
Emotionally healthy and moral individuals will not tolerate friendships with losers that treat others so badly. If you find yourself disliking the friends of "The Loser", it's because they operate the same way he or she does and you can see it in them.
18. Walking on Eggshells As a relationship with "The Loser" continues, you will gradually be exposed to verbal intimidation, temper tantrums, lengthy interrogations about trivial matters, violence/threats directed at others but witnessed by you, paranoid preoccupation with your activities, and a variety of put-downs on your character. You will quickly find yourself "walking on eggshells" in their presence - fearful to bring up topics, fearful to mention that you spoke to or saw a friend, and fearful to question or criticize the behavior of "The Loser".
Instead of experiencing the warmth and comfort of love, you will be constantly on edge, tense when talking to others (they might say something that you'll have to explain later), and fearful that you'll see someone you'll have to greet in public.
Dates and times together will be more comfortable and less threatening when totally alone - exactly what "The Loser" wants - no interference with their control or dominance. 19. Discounted Feelings/Opinions "The Loser" is so self-involved and self-worshiping that the feelings and opinions of others are considered worthless. As the relationship continues and you begin to question what you are feeling or seeing in their behavior, you will be told that your feelings and opinions don't make sense, they're silly, and that you are emotionally disturbed to even think of such things.
"The Loser" has no interest in your opinion or your feelings - but they will be disturbed and upset that you dare question their behavior. "The Loser" is extremely hostile toward criticism and often reacts with anger or rage when their behavior is questioned. 20. They Make You "Crazy" "The Loser" operates in such a damaging way that you find yourself doing "crazy" things in self-defense.
If "The Loser" is scheduled to arrive at 8:00 pm - you call Time & Temperature to cover the redial, check your garbage for anything that might get you in trouble, and call your family and friends to tell them not to call you that night.
You warn family/friends not to bring up certain topics, avoid locations in the community where you might see co-workers or friends, and not speak to others for fear of the 20 questions. You become paranoid as well - being careful what you wear and say. Nonviolent males find themselves in physical fights with female losers. Nonviolent females find themselves yelling and screaming when they can no longer take the verbal abuse or intimidation.
In emotional and physical self-defense, we behave differently and oddly. While we think we are "going crazy" - it's important to remember that there is no such thing as "normal behavior" in a combat situation. Rest assured that your behavior will return to normal if you detach from "The Loser" before permanent psychological damage is done.
Dangerous Versions of "The Loser" There are more severe if not dangerous versions of "The Loser" that have been identified over the years. If you are involved in a relationship with one of these versions, you may require professional and legal assistance to save yourself. Physical Abuser Physical abusers begin the relationship with physical moving - shoving, pushing, forcing, etc. That quickly moves into verbal threats with physical gestures - the finger in the face, clinched fist in the face, and voiced physical threats such as "You make me want to break your face!" Eventually, these combine to form actual physical abuse - hitting, slapping, and kicking.
"The Loser" is always sorry the next day and begins the mean-then-sweet cycle all over again. Getting away from physical abusers often requires the assistance of family, law enforcement agencies, or local abuse agencies. Female losers often physically attack their partner, break car windows, or behave with such violence that the male partner is forced to physically protect himself from the assault. If the female loser is bruised in the process of self-protection, as when physically restraining her from hitting, those bruises are then "displayed" to others as evidence of what a bad person the partner is and how abusive they have been in the relationship.
Psychotic Losers There are losers that are severely ill in a psychiatric sense - the movie description of the "Fatal Attraction". Some may tell you wild stories and try to convince you that they are connected to The Mob or a government agency (CIA, FBI, etc.). They may fake terminal illness, pregnancy, or disease. They intimidate and frighten you with comments such as "I can have anyone killed..." or "No one leaves a relationship with me...".
If you try to end the relationship, they react violently and give you the impression that you, your friends, or your family are in serious danger. People often then remain in the abusive and controlling relationship due to fear of harm to their family or their reputation. While such fears are unrealistic as "The Loser" is only interested in controlling you, those fears feel very real when combined with the other characteristics of "The Loser".
Psychotic or psychiatrically ill losers may also stalk, follow, or harass you. They may threaten physical violence, show weapons, or threaten to kill you or themselves if you leave them. If you try to date others, they may follow you or threaten your new date. Your new date may be subjected to phone harassment, vandalism, threats, and even physical assaults. If you are recently divorced, separated, or recently ended another relationship, "The Loser" may be intimidating toward your ex-partner, fearing you might return if the other partner is not "scared off".
Just remember - everything "The Loser" has ever done to anyone will be coming your way. "The Loser" may send you pictures of you, your children, or your family - pictures they have taken secretly - hinting that they can "reach out and touch" those you love.
You may need help and legal action to separate from these individuals. Guidelines for Detachment Separating from "The Loser" often involves three stages: The Detachment, Ending the Relationship, and the Follow-up Protection.
The Detachment During this part of separating from "The Loser", you recognize what you must do and create an Exit Plan. Many individuals fail in attempts to detach from "The Loser" because they leave suddenly and impulsively, without proper planning, and without resources.
In many cases, "The Loser" has isolated their partner from others, has control of finances, or has control of major exit needs such as an automobile. During the detachment phase you should... Observe the way you are treated. Watch for the methods listed above and see how "The Loser" works.
Gradually become more boring, talk less, share less feelings and opinions. The goal is almost to bore "The Loser" to lessen the emotional attachment, at the same time not creating a situation which would make you a target. Quietly contact your family and supportive others. Determine what help they might be - a place to stay, protection, financial help, etc. If you fear violence or abuse, check local legal or law enforcement options such as a restraining order. If "The Loser" is destructive, slowly move your valuables from the home if together, or try to recover valuables if in their possession.
In many cases, you may lose some personal items during your detachment - a small price to pay to get rid of "The Loser". Stop arguing, debating or discussing issues. Stop defending and explaining yourself - responding with comments such as "I've been so confused lately" or "I'm under so much stress I don't know why I do anything anymore". Begin dropping hints that you are depressed, burned out, or confused about life in general. Remember - "The Loser" never takes responsibility for what happens in any relationship.
"The Loser" will feel better about leaving the relationship if they can blame it on you. Many individuals are forced to "play confused" and dull, allowing "The Loser" to tell others "My girlfriend (or boyfriend) about half nuts!" They may tell others you're crazy or confused but you'll be safer.
Allow them to think anything they want about you as long as you're in the process of detaching. Don't start another relationship. That will only complicate your situation and increase the anger. Your best bet is to "lay low" for several months.
Remember, "The Loser" will quickly locate another victim and become instantly attached as long as the focus on you is allowed to die down. As "The Loser" starts to question changes in your behavior, admit confusion, depression, emotionally numbness, and a host of other boring reactions. This sets the foundation for the ending of the relationship.
Ending the Relationship Remembering that "The Loser" doesn't accept responsibility, responds with anger to criticism, and is prone to panic detachment reactions - ending the relationship continues the same theme as the detachment.
Explain that you are emotionally numb, confused, and burned out. You can't feel anything for anybody and you want to end the relationship almost for his or her benefit. Remind them that they've probably noticed something is wrong and that you need time to sort out your feelings and fix whatever is wrong with you. As disgusting as it may seem, you may have to use a theme of "I'm not right for anyone at this point in my life." If "The Loser" can blame the end on you, as they would if they ended the relationship anyway, they will depart faster.
If "The Loser" panics, you'll receive a shower of phone calls, letters, notes on your car, etc. React to each in the same manner - a boring thanks.
If you overreact or give in, you've lost control again. Focus on your need for time away from the situation. Don't agree to the many negotiations that will be offered - dating less frequently, dating only once a week, taking a break for only a week, going to counseling together, etc.
As long as "The Loser" has contact with you they feel there is a chance to manipulate you. "The Loser" will focus on making you feel guilty. In each phone contact you'll hear how much you are loved, how much was done for you, and how much they have sacrificed for you. At the same time, you'll hear about what a bum you are for leading them on, not giving them an opportunity to fix things, and embarrassing them by ending the relationship.
Don't try to make them understand how you feel - it won't happen. "The Loser" only is concerned with how they feel - your feelings are irrelevant.
You will be wasting your time trying to make them understand and they will see the discussions as an opportunity to make you feel more guilty and manipulate you. Don't fall for sudden changes in behavior or promises of marriage, trips, gifts, etc. By this time you have already seen how "The Loser" is normally and naturally. While anyone can change for a short period of time, they always return to their normal behavior once the crisis is over.
Seek professional counseling for yourself or the support of others during this time. You will need encouragement and guidance. Keep in mind, if "The Loser" finds out you are seeking help they will criticize the counseling, the therapist, or the effort. Don't use terms like "someday", "maybe", or "in the future". When "The Loser" hears such possibilities, they think you are weakening and will increase their pressure.
Imagine a dead slot machine. If we are in Las Vegas at a slot machine and pull the handle ten times and nothing happens - we move on to another machine. However, if on the tenth time the slot machine pays us even a little, we keep pulling the handle - thinking the jackpot is on the way. If we are very stern and stable about the decision to end the relationship over many days, then suddenly offer a possibility or hope for reconciliation - we've given a little pay and the pressure will continue.
Never change your position - always say the same thing. "The Loser" will stop playing a machine that doesn't pay off and quickly move to another. Follow-up Protection "The Loser" never sees their responsibility or involvement in the difficulties in the relationship. From a psychological standpoint, "The Loser" has lived and behaved in this manner most of their life, clearly all of their adult life.
As they really don't see themselves at fault or as an individual with a problem, "The Loser" tends to think that the girlfriend or boyfriend is simply going through a phase - their partner (victim) might be temporarily mixed up or confused, they might be listening to the wrong people, or they might be angry about something and will get over it soon.
"The Loser" rarely detaches completely and will often try to continue contact with the partner even after the relationship is terminated. During the Follow-up Protection period, some guidelines are: Never change your original position. It's over permanently! Don't talk about possible changes in your position in the future. You might think that will calm "The Loser" but it only tells them that the possibilities still exist and only a little more pressure is needed to return to the relationship.
Don't agree to meetings or reunions to discuss old times. For "The Loser", discussing old times is actually a way to upset you, put you off guard, and use the guilt to hook you again. Don't offer details about your new life or relationships. Assure him that both his life and your life are now private and that you hope they are happy. If you start feeling guilty during a phone call, get off the phone fast. More people return to bad marriages and relationships due to guilt than anything else.
If you listen to those phone calls, as though taping them, you'll find "The Loser" spends most of the call trying to make you feel guilty. In any contact with the ex "Loser", provide only a status report, much like you'd provide to your Aunt Gladys. For example: "I'm still working hard and not getting any better at tennis. That's about it." When "The Loser" tells you how difficult the breakup has been, share with him some general thoughts about breaking-up and how finding the right person is difficult.
While "The Loser" wants to focus on your relationship, talk in terms of Ann Landers - "Well, breaking up is hard on anyone. Dating is tough in these times. I'm sure we'll eventually find someone that's right for both of us." Remember - nothing personal! Keep all contact short and sweet - the shorter the better.
As far as "The Loser" is concerned, you're always on your way somewhere, there's something in the microwave, or your mother is walking up the steps to your home. Wish "The Loser" well but always with the same tone of voice that you might offer to someone you have just talked to at the grocery store.
For phone conversations, electronic companies make a handy gadget that produces about twenty sounds - a doorbell, an oven or microwave alarm, a knock on the door, etc. That little device is handy to use on the phone - the microwave dinner just came out or someone is at the door. Do whatever you have to do to keep the conversation short - and not personal.
Summary In all of our relationships throughout life, we will meet a variety of individuals with many different personalities. Some are a joy to have in our life and some provide us with life-long love and security.
Others we meet pose some risk to us and our future due to their personality and attitudes. Both in medicine and mental health - the key to health is the early identification and treatment of problems - before they reach the point that they are beyond treatment.
In years of psychotherapy and counseling practice, treating the victims of "The Loser", patterns of attitude and behavior emerge in "The Loser" that can now be listed and identified in the hopes of providing early identification and warning.
When those signs and indicators surface and the pattern is identified, we must move quickly to get away from the situation. Continuing a relationship with "The Loser" will result in a relationship that involves intimidation, fear, angry outbursts, paranoid control, and a total loss of your self-esteem and self-confidence. If you have been involved in a long-term relationship with "The Loser", after you successfully escape you may notice that you have sustained some psychological damage that will require professional repair.
In many cases, the stress has been so severe that you may have a stress-produced depression. You may have severe damage to your self-confidence/self-esteem or to your feelings about the opposite sex or relationships. Psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and counselors are available in your community to assist and guide you as you recover from your damaging relationship with "The Loser".
Credit: This handout was written by Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D., a Clinical Psychologist. It is provided as a public service and can be reproduced as needed. Dr. Carver is in private practice in Southern Ohio and is affiliated with three regional hospitals.
| Mental Health Information and Resources Are You Dating a Loser? From perennial bachelor to mama's boy, guys to avoid come in all kinds of packages... the common denominator being they'll all eventually break your heart. Save yourself some heartache, and learn to recognize the type of men you're better off without. Is your guy a loser? Take this dating quiz and find out!
How Not To Date a Loser | The Huffington Post BUYER BEWARE LOSER: A MAN THAT LACKS CHARACTER, INTEGRITY, OR AMBITION...YOU WANT TO AVOID HIM AT ALL COSTS.
"He seemed great. I just don't get it. What a loser!" We've all sat around at brunch with our girlfriends psychoanalyzing our last relationship. We tend to act surprised when our latest love interest proves to disappoint us.
As women we are nurturers by nature. We want to see the best in our potential partner however it's to their credit and our chagrin. If we would only pay attention to the early warning signs, we may have avoided heartbreak all together.
For instance, your first date is an interview. Sure, there maybe wine, candlelight, and some Al Green serenading you but take away all of the romantic ambiance and you have two people exchanging in a Q&A for a few hours.
During an interview, you never reveal your true self instead you show your best self. Why would you want a perspective boyfriend to know about your ex or that fling you had over the summer? Well, the same can be said for him. He will only place his best foot forward.
Therefore, you have to pay close attention to not only what he is saying but also how he handles himself. Remember, losers are not as easy to spot, as you would think. The word loser usually conjures the image of a man in his mid to late 30s jobless, living in his mom's basement playing video games.
If only it was that easy to define a loser. A loser can be charming, polite, cultured, and even successful. It is of extreme importance you see the signs that he could be a loser on the first date. The reason I stress the first date is simple. When you go shopping for a little black dress, you browse the department store. You go rack to rack until something appeals to you.
Once you find a dress, you try it on to see if it fits; if it doesn't you leave it behind in the dressing room. Now what happened if you just bought the dress without trying it on? Well, it would be a hassle to get in your car, go back to the store, and return it, not to mention time consuming.
Our first option to try on the dress then buy makes the most sense. The same is said for dating. If you notice your date could be a loser, then stop dating him before you invest your energy and time in a second date.
12 Signs You’re Dating A Loser How is Jon Gosselin getting so much action? I didn’t think it was possible for America to transfer their sympathy from emasculated Jon to heinous shebeast Kate Gosselin, but it’s happened. He’s been boppin’ from bed to bed and taking his tramps all around the world. He's really proving how lame he is. Don’t let a guy like him happen to you!
Check out this list of telltale signs you’re dating a loser. He Hates Whatever You Want To Do, But Doesn’t Have Anything Better: He complains about you dragging him out to a party, a store, anything that makes you happy. But what would he be doing if you didn’t make the plans? Your Friends Don’t Like Him, And You Don’t Like His Friends: If you’ve banned his BFF from ever stepping foot in your house again, that’s a sign.
But really, the writing is on the wall when the people you like to surround yourself with don’t like him. He Lies All The Time, But He’s Still Not Top 10 AskMen's Top 10 Channel offers you top 10 lists on a variety of topics: dating, entertainment, travel, fitness, video games, celebrity, sports and more.
Am I a dating loser? If you are worried about how you might appear as "unattractive", browse through the net, save some money, go to a salon get a nice and good hair cut, buy yourself some nice clothes, go to the gym and work out (feel inferior and suck at first but it is worth it!!) . Trust me, this makes me feel more appealing. As for how not to hate on yourself, I can only help this much, I believe everyone go through somewhat of a similar phase in life.
I use to hate on my looks (was overweight and have acne issues) and blame it on bad genes. But I worked on it and over come it. Well, the word relationship have been under value. It is something precious my dear, to fall in love and to be love. Don't settle for what you don't feel is the best for you. Be nice, and the greatest girl will come by. Don't worry about it. She will appear in your life, sooner or later. Learn to love yourself more. You are with yourself 24/7. If you can't love yourself, nobody would love you.
Wish you the best ;) Related for AM I Dating A Loser • January 8 Dating Losers My mom used to work for a dating service in the 80s. She kept a bunch of tapes and I edited clips of all the best losers. Enjoy Red Flags: How to Know When You're Dating a Loser: Gary S. Aumiller, Daniel Goldfarb: 9780452281172: Amazon. • December 30 35 Signs The Girl You're Dating Is A Whore – Return Of Kings Oscar Zach is a red piller who detests white knights/manginas, whom he believes to be the actual source from where feminism draws its power to subvert men in modern society.
He enjoys philo • December 30 Untitled Document "The Loser" Warning Signs You're Dating a Loser Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D., Psychologist Comment (September 27, 2003) This article was published to the Internet several years ago and was originally written to help identify "L • December 30 Are You Dating a Loser? Identifying Losers, Controllers and Abusers, Page 1 If you're dating a 'loser', you may recognize in your partner some of these characteristics described by Consulting Clinical Psychologist Joseph M.
Carver, PhD. This article • December 20 10 Traits of Losers: Are you One? Written on 8/07/2008 by Alex Shalman, creator of the Practical Personal Development blog. What is a loser? Well, many people define it differently. Some be 4 Traits That Separate Winners From Losers You know, there's • January 8 NerdTests.com Fun Tests Are you a LOSER? Are you a loser? Are you cool? Do you even know? Once again NerdTests.com has developed a test that will quickly tell you your status in society.
No longer can anybody just call you a loser, now you will have • January 8 19 Signs You're Dating a Loser ... → Love it can be hard to see who you are actually dating during the honeymoon stage, when everything is so perfect.
4 Signs to tell if your boyfriend is a loser 14614 North Kierland Boulevard S150 Scottsdale, AZ 852 • January 8 What are signs of being a "Loser"? At what point does someone become a "loser"? When they move into their mom's basement, when they are fired/quit their job, when their marriage fails...what exactly is the threshold of becoming a " • January 8 Untitled Document "The Loser" Warning Signs You're Dating a Loser Joseph M.
Carver, Ph.D., Psychologist Comment (September 27, 2003) This article was published to the Internet several years ago and was originally written to help identify "L
By Mary Cope We’ve all been there, your friend has been dating a guy and they are becoming serious. She is ready for you to meet him. She wants your approval. She wants you to like him…so, finally you meet – but there is something about this guy you just don’t like. You can’t quite put your finger on why you feel the way you do so you decide to give it more time.
You interact with the two hoping to catch a glimpse of what your friend sees him, because as far as you can tell you just don’t see it and this guy is a loser.
So, what now? What do you do when your friend is dating a loser? It’s inevitable once you meet him that your friend is going to look at you wide-eyed and ask, “Well, what do you think of him?” A good word of advice is to be careful and don’t interject your thoughts too soon.
If you answer negatively your friend may feel defensive, put her guard up and defend his actions rather than seeing him the way you do. Or, if you say too much too soon it could potentially backfire and your friend may get angry with you. If you begin boyfriend bashing you run the risk of your friend getting angry with you, defending him, and causing a wedge between you and your relationship.
It is better to answer your friend with the customary, “He seems nice,” then take it from there. Gage your friends’ reaction. If she seems on the fence or questioning his motives then you may sensitively voice your concerns. But, if your friend is really into this guy she may be too far in “la-la” land and unable or unwilling to hear anything negative about him. Remember that love IS blind so you need to give your girlfriend time.
The beginning of a new relationship often has you feeling so euphoric you can’t see straight let alone see the negative in someone. Be sensitive to your friends’ situation. Allow her to get over that feeling of bliss. Give her the time she needs and allow the newness of the relationship to wear off. Then perhaps, she will be able to focus on the not so great qualities and see this guy for who he truly is. It is better to let her figure things out on her own before you tell her what you think .
. . unless you have serious concerns for her safety. The best way to avoid conflict between you and your friend is to direct questions to her and not attack her new boyfriend. Ask her questions such as, what do you like about him? Does he make you feel special? Do you laugh together? Approaching your friend in this manner rather than being combative may open up the opportunity to get you both talking and allowing your friend to refocus her thoughts.
This may also help her question herself and open her eyes to seeing that perhaps “this guy” isn’t the “right guy” for her, allowing her to move on and find somebody who is. Helping friends navigate relationships is always a risky business, but by gently encouraging them to evaluate their own relationship and expectations and supporting them in the best way possible, you don’t burn any bridges over a “Loser Boyfriend.” [We’ve seen some bad boyfriends ourselves.
If fact, we’ve collected enough of them to publish a book of stories about ‘loser boyfriends.’ It's called – check it out!] About Mary Cope Mary Cope is a first time author with Astraea Press.
Her book, Beautiful One, is the first in a planned trilogy. She is currently writing the sequel, Beautiful Mess. Mary enjoys spending time with her family, baking, listening to music and taking long walks with her yellow lab, Maggie.
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TEN SIGNS HE'S A LOSER