APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent FBI background check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical report from your doctor. 1. 2. 3. name:_date of birth:_ height:_ weight:_ I.q._ GPA_ social security# .
Important: Read all instructions, disclaimers, waivers, provisions, and questions completely before filling out this form. Note: This application to date my daughter must be printed out and submitted in person. Appropriate interview attire is highly recommended. This application to date my daughter must be accompanied by a non-refundable $50 application fee and a $120 security deposit which will be returned if 1) this application is denied, or 2) at the end of the date if all terms and conditions have been met.
Required recommendations must be submitted at time of application and will be verified. A missing recommendation will count 10 points against you. Multiple applications will be entertained; however, the application fee is subject to a multiplier equal to the Fibonacci Series value for the sequence number of the application. This application covers one date only and must be resubmitted unless waived in writing.
Application will consider not only the answers submitted, but the level of detail, specificity, and forthrightness of the material supplied. Applicant is required to submit any information that might be evaluated adverse to this application whether or not any question is asked about that information.
Any instructions that are contradictory, confusing, incomplete, or incomprehensible should be regarded as a test of your intelligence and ability to resolve issues. Application is not considered complete until all supplemental materials and fees have been submitted including fingerprints, drug test results, and STD clearance.
Miscalculation of fees will trigger a forfeiture of fees submitted. Application must be accompanied by an handmade gift for my daughter reflective of your perception of her quality, nature, and value.
Submission of this application, as evidenced by physical delivery of a printed copy of this application with all supporting documentation, fees, and deposits, constitutes an agreement to waive all damages, civil or criminal, caused by me upon your body or property, including, but not limited to bruising, bleeding, loss of limb, eye, or life, mayhem, carnage, and/or destruction of vehicles or other property in the event that the terms of this agreement are not followed or in the event of dishonesty in filling out this form.
In that event, you specifically waive the right to have your body found. You agree that you are solely responsible for any damages to third parties deriving from any enforcement action under this contract and will indemnify me for any judgement pertaining to any collateral damage obtained by any third party.
This specifically includes damages from automatic weapons fire and explosives. You have no privacy. You explicitly give us permission to capture, publish, and exploit any information that we can get out of you or your visit here.
You agree that we can laugh at you, make fun of you, ridicule you, and post your responses on the internet in a way that holds you out to insult, derision, and emotional injury. So far your chances are: Name of Daughter: All phone numbers will be verified prior to any date. During the date, failure to answer your cell phone will trigger a forfeiture of deposit.
Answering your home phone during date will also trigger a forfeiture. Number of Children: by women I am 100% current on any child support responsibilities that I might have. Social Networks. Include name of network, your ID, password, and the URL of your profile. Instant Messenger IDs Your Family Information Your Father's Contact Information Name I live at the same address as my father Street Address Apt.
City State ZIP - Father's Phone: Father's Cell: Father's email: Name(s) of live-in females Do not include your father as a live-in Your Guardian's Address Name (Male) Name (Female) I do not have a guardian Street Address Apt.
City State ZIP - Guardian's Phone: Guardian's Cell: Guardian's email: Number of Brothers Full Half Step Number of Sisters Full Half Step Birth Order In 200 words or less, describe what you would do to anyone who hurt one of your sisters Using the above as a template, state your expectations of what would happen to anyone who hurt my daughter Other Required Information Credit Score: Myers-Briggs Type: Educational Plans.
Be specific and cover planned fields of study and planned degree programs through the post-doctoral level. Occupational Plans. Be specific and cover at least the next 10 years Church: Phone Pastor: Phone Youth Pastor: Phone Denomination: Include in your supporting documentation letters of reference from your coaches.
They should specifically address whether they would permit you to date one of their own daughters. Community Involvement Police Involvement Have you ever been accused of any crime: Describe each incident, outcome of trial or plea bargain, and sentence.
Do you have any record that has been sealed or expunged? Attorney: Phone: Probation Officer: Phone: Therapist: Phone: Note all previous girlfriends for the last 8 years. Include in your supplemental materials Letters of Recommendations from each. For each specify the reason for breaking up. Note any Child Support allegations or judgements. Current location of your belt/top of pants relative to your waist (at the thinest part): inches Note that at the time of any date, pants not found at an appropriate level are subject to being fastened at the waist with an industrial staple gun.
Attitude toward Safe Sex. On the reverse side and in handwriting using fountain pen, describe the nature and intent of the proposed date. Be specific and use standard essay style. Descriptions of less than 550 words will not be considered. Neatness and grammer count. Descriptions in Latin, Greek, Hebrew, Coptic, Ugaritic, and/or Acadian will be given additional consideration.
Using Microsoft Project (or open source equivilent), show time, budget, and resource deployment associated with this plan. Minor variation will be assessed at $2/minute. Major variation or variation not covered by deposit will generate a police record. Transcribe all of the above here.
On a separate attached paper, utilizing any technology predating 1800, write a 500-600 word essay, in English, on why I should NOT permit you to date my daughter.
Be specific, complete, and persuasive. Transcribe all of the above here. Refute the above argument. You may use any language not previously utilized. Essay must be hand encoded for the web. Provide URL to where this essay is posted. Essays posted to social networking sites will not be considered. Essays will be evaluated for content and appearance (both of graphic design and adherence to source coding standards).
Use this opportunity to show mastery of W3C standards, client and server side processing, and AJAX. RDF/OWL description blocks are expected. Each paragraph of your refutation should be worked into verse and the whole should represent a sampler of poetic styles through history. Be creative. Transcribe all of the above here. Identify all rhetorical devices within your refutation.
Transcribe all of the above here. What is your favorite video game: Rating: Preferred gaming system: Favorite board game: Last time you played: Favorite Movie: Rating: Usual Theater: Using concepts from both Mereological Calculus and Calculus of Variations, describe your fate should the above described date not proceed along the plan.
Ethics question: A young scumbag takes indecent liberties with an innocent young girl. Sometime later, the scumbag is tied to a tractor by masked men and beaten senseless with 2x4s and lead pipes. Does the girl's father have an obligation to send flowers to the hospital room or mortuary?
Write answer and seal in envelope. Telepathically convey response to my daughter who will recite it to me to determine that we all understand one another. Variation between her answer and your written answer will count against you. Describe German troop movements with respect to the Maginot Line. Describe it both the military strategy and a pickup strategy. Some idiot wants you to fill out an application to date his daughter in some weirdo language.
Do you really think that he knows how to read it? Find out what HE really knows! Tell him to blow it out his ear in ! Assert your manhood in ! Describe your lusts for his daughter in ! Do you think he will really know?
best date daughter application form pdf - NEET 2018 Application Form: Last Date
I came across this today and, since I am the father of three girls, decided to make it public for possible suitors to prepare themselves as well as for other fathers who may need it. Note, this is slightly changed from the original version that I received! Below is the text from the form, however, I have created a PDF version of it that is probably more useful.
The PDF version –> NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. GENERAL INFORMATION: NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________ HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________ SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________ BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________ HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______ Do you have parents?
___Yes ___No Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No If “No”, explain: _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ Number of years they have been married ______________________________ If less than your age, explain ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ACCESSORIES SECTION: A.
Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No C. A waterbed? __Yes __No D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No E. A tattoo? __Yes __No F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? __Yes __No (IF YOU ANSWERED ‘YES’ TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY.
I SUGGEST RUNNING.) ESSAY SECTION: In 50 words or less, what does ‘LATE’ mean to you? ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does ‘DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER’ mean to you? ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does ‘ABSTINENCE’ mean to you?
______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ REFERENCES SECTION: Church you attend ___________________________________________________ How often you attend ________________________________________________ When would be the best time to interview your: Father? _____________ Mother? _____________ Pastor? _____________ SHORT-ANSWER SECTION: Answer by filling in the blank.
Please answer freely, all answers are confidential. A. If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: ______________________________________________________________ B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: ______________________________________________________________ C. A woman’s place is in the: ______________________________________________________________ D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: ______________________________________________________________ E.
What do you want to do IF you grow up? ______________________________________________________________ F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is: ______________________________________________________________ G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________ I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_________________________________________________________ Applicant’s Signature (that means sign your name, moron!) _______________________________ ________________________________ Mother’s Signature Father’s Signature _______________________________ ________________________________ Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman In the boxes below, please provide Finger Prints, inked in your own blood for Homeland Security Identity Checking and DNA sampling: Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.
Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back) To prepare yourself, should you, by some ice cube’s chance in HELL, be even remotely considered, start studying Daddy’s Rules for Dating, which is attached to this Application.
Daddy’s Rules for Dating Your dad’s rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you’re a guy) Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.
If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.
However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a ‘Barrier method’ of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day.
Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: ‘early.’ Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.
If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge.
Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Advertisement Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: • Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. • laces where there is darkness.
• Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. • Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka – zipped up to her throat.
• Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. • Hockey games are okay. Old folks’ homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me.
I may appear to be a slow, potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi.
When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway, you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car – there is no need for you to come inside.
The camouflaged face at the window is mine. HTD Says: Boys – you had better read up! Dads – be sure to get this form! Michael Sheehan Avid technologist, writer, journalist, content marketer, blogger, tech influencer, social media pundit ( on Twitter), loving husband and father of 3 beautiful girls living in the San Francisco Bay Area.
I write about technology, consumer electronics, cloud computing, gadgets, software, hardware, parenting "hacks," and other tips & tricks. I'm a fan of all technology that is new, exciting and valuable. I currently am a Senior Manager of Content Marketing within the Solutions Marketing group at .
I previously worked at as a Senior eCommerce Content Marketing Manager and at as a Brand Journalist and Social Media Strategist. All of content on this site is my opinion and not of any employer or company unless otherwise noted. See my for more details.
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Date My Daughter