Having dated a few Russian guys myself in my younger years living in the then-USSR, I can completely appreciate and relate to this woman's experiences and frustrations. In fact, it sounds as if the guys are even more anti-feminist than they were in Soviet times. Comments? Share I don't think American guys are better . they don't try to change me as much and they are not as controlling, but on the other hand they are often not very romantic either. I understood her frustrations. Share.
In general, I'm always amazed how often bloggers discuss women on LJ! Everything about them - appearance, age, mentality - dissecting every single component of their being.
So many amusing comments in this comparing German and Russian women. And where are all the stories analyzing men, their looks and their behaviors? I rarely see them. Today for the English speakers, I'll share an interesting discussion about Russian and American men.
I know a lot of Russian men, but I've never dated one. Could I? I guess it's possible, but he would have to be progressive with modern views about women and their roles in relationships. In general, I don't consider someone's ethnicity in the dating equation. Each person is an individual, with their own unique traits. I've dated Americans, Eastern Europeans (Slovak and Ukrainian) and two Jewish guys.
The most important factor is finding someone with a similar mentality who shares my passions and life goals. Maybe he's Russian, maybe he's American, maybe he's African? I don't know because I haven't found any man who keeps me stimulated on the level I wish long-term. Recently someone sent me a link to an article entitled " I Love (and Hate) Dating Russian Men." You can read the full text .
The author is a young Russian woman who grew up in St. Petersburg, moved to New York and is now back in Russia teaching English. She has dated both American and Russian men, and her observations on the differences are highly amusing. The article is very long, so I'll summarize the main points and offer my input on American men. Female readers, your input about Russian men is very important. :) Reveal the truth, because some of the observations made by this Russian woman are disturbing!
The story begins with a recap of a drunken party in some Russian village. She's hanging out with her Russian boyfriend and some other friends, when all of a sudden another guy puts his arm around her.
Her boyfriend gets angry and starts punching him in the face. At first, she views this as a good thing, a man defending her honor. Then the boyfriend shifts the blame on her. "Did I tell you you could talk to him?!" And this leads to her first observation: Russian men are patriarchal alpha males, and feel obligated to look after women at all times. In her mind, this is a huge turn-on. Personally, I hate it. I can't stand overly aggressive men. Men who try to control every movement of my day or life - it will never work.
Here are some other observations: Russian men are more aggressive, obvious and persistent when it comes to romantic intentions. In her words, "you don't meet a Russian man, you are chosen by one." In contrast, American men tend to stop sexual/romantic pursuits when a woman indicates they're repulsed by his presence.
Russian attitude toward rape is medieval. "It happens...that's life." Wandering penises are common and infidelity is widespread and acceptable from a male point of view. Then, a very interesting discussion on sexual differences between Russian and American men. The Russian author portrays Western men as being completely passive and over-accommodating in bed, asking if we "need a pillow" or "a glass of water." I don't know who she slept with, but if any man asked me these questions during sex I'd kick him out of bed.
It has never happened. But she correctly notes that most women want a man who's "a gentleman at dinner and an animal in bed." Well, I prefer a gentle animal. :)) "During sex, you want to completely transcend the cognitive prison and corporeal self in which we are always encased, becoming nothing but senses. This the Russian man understands. He leaves behind any semblance of propriety, responding only to primal urges, losing himself in you entirely.
Of course, the major downside of this caveman treatment is that Russian men still follow the egotistical 'sex is a favor that women do for men' mentality...it's still not customary for Russian men to perform oral sex, although they will expect it." I agree with the author's general thoughts on sex, but American men gladly perform oral sex.
It's an absolute must for me, and I've never had a man hesitate. If a man refused, I couldn't have a sexual relationship with him. One more distinction on the sexual front - almost all American men are circumcised. Over the weekend, a straight Russian man on another blog decided to argue with me on this point. If you need a good laugh, read the comment thread starting . I think the author exaggerates the sexual distinctions between Russian and American men.
For me, it's irrelevant because I'm very vocal in bed. If a man is being too gentle or primal, I'll tell him. Most American men appreciate it, but I'm not sure how a Russian man would react if a woman started giving him directions in bed?
Next the author states that "love in a Russian man is expressed in a type of tender savagery. Russian men crush your body, not because they want to hurt you, but out of an excess of feeling. They squeeze you tightly because they want to possess you fully, and to possess always means, to some extent, to first destroy.
They bite your neck and bruise your arms for the same reason that tigers claw on the trees to mark their spot: to show other beasts of the jungle that you are taken, that there is a man to whom you belong." The word "possess" should not be used in human relationships.
No person should be fully controlled. A couple is one unit, but each person should maintain individuality and interests, have outside friends and hobbies. A woman is not a piece of property to be "possessed," "controlled" or "fixed-up." Neither is a man.
Russian men always pay for everything and bring lots of flowers and gifts. They are willing to commit but not necessarily stay faithful. In contrast, American men want more casual relationships with multiple women and generally marry much later. This is the most accurate statement in the article - American men don't want to commit and casual sex, even among friends, is very common.
People move from one person to the next, screwing everyone in their path. Treating sex like a recreational sport rather than something meaningful. The concept of "friends with benefits" is mainstream. Personally, I don't care if people have casual sex but it's not for me. I can't just hop into bed with strangers and have any sense of fulfillment.
It may feel good in the moment, but afterwards there's a complete sense of emptiness. I absolutely must know a man well and trust him before I have sex.
It doesn't have to be love, but there must be some type of connection (intellectual, artistic or emotional). What the author hates most about American men is that they're too passive, not defending her honor when other men look at her, etc. Yet she also complains that Russian men are too controlling and overbearing, checking in on her every move, needing to know every detail of her life.
In my mind, the author is a typical 25 year old woman who doesn't know what she wants. She wants men to be aggressive and protective, but only when it benefits her. In the end, it seems easier to know when a Russian man is romantically interested because they make it obvious.
The same is NOT true for American men. Their intentions often are unclear - does he want to be friends or something more? Of course, you can just ask but I'll never do it. I'll never be the initial aggressor in a romantic relationship.
A man will always have to make the first move physically to transition the relationship from friendship onto another level. The fact that American men don't pay for things as often as their Russian counterparts is meaningless to me.
In America, it's very common for couples to go "dutch," meaning they split dating and household costs equally. I never expect a man to pay for anything, and I don't understand the concept. I'm a grown woman, have a career and make my own money. I can afford to pay for my own meal and see no reason why a man should pay for it. Why do men want to pay? To convey they are "providers"? And why do women think men should pay for everything?
Explain. Just a reminder that these aren't MY views of Russian men. I'm only summarizing what the author of the article wrote. The Russian men I know don't behave in this manner, but I'm not in a romantic relationship with any of them. In my life, there has to be a delicate balance where a man doesn't treat me like a kitten in a tree to be rescued, yet still serves as an emotional protector and rock.
I don't want a man who simply craves a doll on his arm, with absolutely no intellect or opinion of her own. Mostly, I need a man to challenge me creatively and intellectually, provide emotional support and pleasant companionship through the journey we call life. To teach me things and stir my adventurous spirit. If a Russian man can do this, I'll welcome him with open arms.
best date russian guys - What are Russian Men like
Russian girls have many outstanding qualities that may attract foreign men. These ladies are beautiful, stylish and loving. So, what do you do to date them online and how do you go about the process?
How to date a Russian girl? Where do you start? The first question to answer is how to find a Russian girlfriend? Let’s get some practical tips from start to end. • Finding a date in Russia First place to go is online.
There are hundreds of various dating sites, where you can meet Russian girls. However, not all of such sites are safe. There have been many cases when people would date “fake” brides from Russia. In some situations there were men behind those dating profiles with fancy female pictures. They would make you interested and then entice you into distant relationships. Finally they got lots of money out of foreign men and just disappeared.
Thus, you need to find a reputable dating site, where they check up all the profiles of girls and do all they can to avoid fraud. • Create a profile Take some time to fill out all the information about you. Get a nice photo, but make sure it is still relevant.
Do not post outdated one. After all, you do not wish a lady to do the same thing with her profile. So be genuine and honest. The good thing is many younger Russian ladies are willing to date and marry guys who are some 10+ years older. This is a part of Russian culture, where women have no problem marrying older men. So, if a 25 year old is willing to date a 40 year old guy, it is not a scam.
• Introduction Once you locate such a site, find several portfolios of the ladies you like and contact them. You do not need to get focused on just one date at this point of time. You do not know how it will turn out, so pick several ladies and write them all. Make a since first letter. Do not make it too long and use simple language to write it. Do not forget you have a language barrier to deal with.
Even if the lady states she knows English, she may not know it too well. So, keep it short and simple. No jokes, no idioms or sayings she may have hard time translating. • Overcoming language barrier This tip is essential for success in dating women from Russia or any other foreign country.
Good dating sites offer translation services or chats. If not, you may have to find and hire a translator for your letters or chats. You can find such a person online on various freelance sites. Some ladies may ask you to pay for their English lessons. It is not a good idea, because at this time you have no clue of how long your relations going to last.
Better get a good interpreter and pay for your communications. • Get on Skype Two or three letters is enough to ask to meet with the other person on Skype. If she is not willing to do that you might be dealing with a scammer. These days most people in Russia have PCs, phones, etc.
They have good internet connection, so there should be no problem doing video conversations with her. Even if she does not know English, you may still want to get on Skype. You can use Google translate to try and communicate with her. You need to check and see, if the woman is real. • What to talk about So, how to meet Russian women? Handle the situation as you would with ladies from any other place. Think through your future conversation. Be polite and nice. Compliment the lady, but avoid sex talks.
She is still a stranger now. Ask her about her family, education, job, etc. • Moving forward Once you spend several chats on Skype and write back and forth to each other, you may take it a bit further. If you really like the lady, you may offer her to date you. You see, you start writing to several people at once.
She might be doing the same thing. She may have several guys she chats with. If you two take strongly to each other, why not start playing solo? Offer her to date you exclusively. This means you should be making some sorts of plans for the future. You may plan a trip to Russia to come and actually meet in person. Otherwise, she may not agree to do that. • Gifts Distant dating should not mean your lady is not getting any presents or flowers.
Check out if your dating site offers such services. They may send some flowers or a gift over to her and you pay for it. If not, many larger cities in Russia have such services for foreigners. You may contact them and get some flowers over. Or just use snail mail and send her a box of goodies. Your gifts do not have to be expensive, but Russian ladies do love fancy things.
So, do not send over just souvenirs. Send something more practical. And do not forget to put in some presents for her family. If she has a child, send something for him or her. Also include the gifts for her mother, father or siblings. • Money issue Avoid sending any money before you actually come over and meet in person. If she writes or talks too much about financial issues, problems and troubles, she might be a scammer.
So, limit things to gifts or gift certificates, if you are not sure what to send over. • Coming over Do not wait too long to come over. She is out there looking for a husband, not a distant lover. So, if you two are serious about it, plan your trip over to Russia in 2+ months after starting serious relations with her.
So, how to marry a Russian woman? Just follow these ten simple steps and go for it.
A few weeks ago, a reader requested that I write a post on the dos and don’ts of dating Russian men. A reader’s wishes is normally my command, and yet this particular one presented a bit of a dilemma. Albeit having spent the initial sixteen years of my life on Russian turf, I have probably dated a total of 1.5 Russian guys in my post-high school life.
This is in no way an act of rebellion – trust me, there is nothing I would love more than to bring home a man who would be able to deliberate the (grim) future of Putin’s reign at a Khorosh family dinner. No, it is simply that Russian guys and myself rarely cross paths, for most of them prefer adult restaurants in favor of hipster joints and stay as far from my beloved Nolita as possible.
And so, I decided to ask for a little bit of help from my friends. “How do you date a Russian guy?” A mass alert was sent out to all of my Russian podrujki . A few hours later, I received a dispatch from Moscow. Halleluiah! Immediately, I knew that my investigation was over.
It was like the Russian Man Whisperer had descended from the sky and awarded me with the Ten Commandments of seducing Slavic gentlemen. After thanking my lucky stars for a task easily accomplished, I was hindered by another realization. It dawned upon me that I was nothing like the woman my friend had described in her email. First and foremost, I talk way too much. In fact, I am the kind of person who can easily hijack all the oxygen in the room, immediately diminishing all chances of coming off as cold or “untouchable”.
Secondly, I like to ignore nail salons for extended time periods and have trouble conceptualizing outfits that do not revolve around jeans and black crewnecks. Could it be that my penchant for chit chat and Converse was derailing my Slavic-coupled happiness all along? What I consider a “going out outfit” Conflicted by these thoughts, I decided to conduct a social experiment and see if I could change my fate by becoming the subject of a Russian man’s fantasy for just one night.
As all great leaders know, no grand mission, particularly one that involves kilos of lip gloss and sour attitude, can be tackled solo. The first order of business was assembling a team. Luckily, my friends are troupers who have been forced to bear witness to years of my brilliant ideas, so it took me about five minutes to round up a small brigade of for a trip to , a Gramercy-based Russian restaurant that boasts a very happening Monday night party.
I assume that part of their eagerness had something to do with the potential sartorial opportunities, because they spared no time before delving into an outfit-planning discussion worthy of a Kardashian stylist. Tight black gear was pulled out of the backs of closets, Louboutins were dusted off after years of hiatus.. Suddenly, we were 23 again, getting ready for a night of endless opportunities!
Twenty scrolls deep into , I decided that, no matter what happened, I would go for a Power Barbie look that involved a very short skirt paired with a boxy blazer A tad on the risqué side but still in charge, ya know . Twinsies! Then Monday came along, bringing on a 80-degree heat wave that forced me to rethink my strategy. Too hot for blazers or booties, I dug up a Dries Van Noten sample sale skirt that only fits me on leap days, pairing it with a lace camisole normally reserved for non-celibate sleeping – because what is a Monday night if not a prime opportunity to wear your lingerie in public?
The already questionable chiffon and silk concoction was topped off by an old blazer with sheer sleeves that made me feel even more like the bottom of a Victoria’s Secret bargain bin.
While, aesthetically, nothing about my so-called outfit made sense, something told me I was on the right path. Non? Speaking of excess, my makeup took about an hour more than usual, mainly due to the globs of foundation required to reach that laminated look popularized by the K-clan.
I repeated the mantra “kilo of lip gloss” over and over and tried to remember the 2 contouring tutorials I had seen in my life. My newly-short hair felt defiantly unsexy, so I slicked it back in a ponytail and hoped that my pushed-up breasts would compensate. My friend came over with a huge Chanel Boy bag in tow. Sensing that this was the piece of the puzzle I had been missing all along, I bribed her into lending it to me. Armed with a 5K Fuck You accessory, I finally felt ready to step out into the world of privilege and pretension.
Despite being exhausted from all that prepping, I suddenly felt a bout of excitement. The night was young and hot and promising of Russian oligarchs who could potentially sponsor my very own Boy bag, given that I was to remain mum about money and pretty much anything else.
NO, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M WEARING EITHER Aware that speaking would soon be off limits, I decided to get my quota out in the taxi. And so, I made a Snapchat video. As we walked over to the restaurant, my friends realized me that we had overlooked an important detail – apparently, one needed a special key to get in. Normally I would have burst into a radiant smile in an effort to flirt our way into the joint, but this was against the rules.
Instead I caught the eye of the doorman and gave him a long, seductive stare. He looked at me like I was a mental patient, spoke to my friends and reluctantly let us in. The party inside hadn’t yet commenced for most of the attendees were still wrapping up dinner.
Having spent dinnertime layering lip gloss, we were left with no choice but to make our way to the bar. Assuming that this presented an excellent platform to test my commandments, I perched myself near the bar, narrowed my eyes à la our next First Lady and gave the crowd a sexy sweep-over. A minute passed, then five, then ten, yet nobody had even looked in my direction. I wished for a water pipe (hookah?) but it’s not something I normally carry around with me, so I grabbed a cherry from the bar and stuck it in my mouth instead.
Instead of falling victim to this display of oral fixation, the bartender turned around, gave me a dirty look, and told me that I had to order or clear out the space for other patrons. I asked for three Moscow mules and a plate of pickled vegetables, the least sexy food on the menu that tasted like heaven and constituted as the best ten minutes of the evening. I even let my guard down for a few minutes to bless the joint with a smile. Heaven Suddenly I heard the familiar Russian words: “Devushka, zdravstvuyte” (“Hello, young lady.”) I turned around to see a good-looking Russian man standing in front of me.
He looked like somebody with a criminal record, exactly what the doctor had ordered. I gave him a cold pout, yet he did not look deterred. “Menya zovut Dima, a vas?” (My name is Dima, what is yours?) I momentarily considered giving him my name, then changed my mind.
After all, I was a woman of mystery, a Russian spy, an oracle with no name and no past! Digging up my Russian literature course circa 9 th grade, I decided to interact with some Pushkin. “Cho v imeni moem?” (What’s in my name?) He looked confused. I continued: “Ono umret, kak shum pechalniy..” (It will die as does the melancholy rumor..”) I don’t know whether it was the Moscow Mule or all that makeup seeping into my brain, but I had actually half-expected him to be intrigued.
After all, how often do you bump into a girl in the middle of Manhattan who speaks like an 18 th century literary heroine? Instead, he just looked confused. “Vi otkuda takaya?” (Where are you from?) “Iz daleka..” (From far away..) I wished I had another poem to quote. “Ponyatno.” (Gotcha.) With that, he just turned around and walked away. I could have sworn I heard him mutter “otmorojennaya”, a word in the Russian language that stands for an idiot-moron hybrid.
I was clearly doing something wrong. I went to the bathroom and layered on some lip gloss. As I came out, the DJ turned on some 90’s Russian tunes and I was suddenly transported from Pushkin’s Russia to another kind of nostalgia, marked by the familiar melodies of of and . Unable to resist the blast from the past, I broke into a dance, pumping my fist like it was 2002 all over again. Suddenly, Dima was back. Together, we grinded our way to six antiquated pop songs until finally retiring back to the bar.
At this point, my lip gloss had melted and my entire Ice Queen persona had fallen. Defeated and drunk, I decided to confide in him about the experiment, even showing him the list.
I expected him to reassure me that it was all a crock of shit and that I was better off just being myself. Instead, he read it and nodded. “Your friend is smart,” he said, handing my phone back to me. “But you should smile. You have a nice smile. Otherwise you just look like a constipated bitch.” I vaguely considered slapping him, then decided he was too good of a journalistic resource and refrained.
With some further prodding, he went on to explain that over the past years Russian men had become extremely spoiled and now looked for way more than a pretty face. With the rise of strong females like Miroslava Duma, they now wanted women who actually had something to show for themselves in the professional sense. which is probably what my friend had meant by “be busy doing your own thing”. Basically, Russian men were now exactly like New York men, armed with unrealistic standards for supermodels with PHDs.
So much for my free pass oligarch fantasy. Speaking of supermodels, or rather the opposite of, I decided to show Dima a picture of myself IRL, with no getup or makeup.
He looked at the picture, then back at me with confusion. “Why would you look like that, when you could look like this?” Valid point. While the feminist, Pantsuit Nation part of me wanted to spit in his face and tell him that I would not be made into a walking mannequin to fit his Business Barbie fantasy, I could not help but recognize the sense of confidence that looking somewhat more “done” had bestowed upon me that evening.
At that moment, I decided that I would start making a tad bit more of an effort, if not even for others, but for myself. Alas, just like you can’t change a leopard’s spots, you can’t change a girl’s normcore fetish. Unfortunately for nobody other than myself, my newfound sartorial resolve lasted roughly about as long as my text relationship with Dima, who is now safely back in Moscow where he belongs.
I am proud to report I have not veered away from denim ever since. The End.
You Know You are Dating a RUSSIAN Man When...