What is Dating with Purpose? Many people date unconsciously, content to enter a relationship with whoever comes along or shows interest. That’s certainly one approach, but it’s not likely to produce the lasting, loving relationship you dream of. When you are dating with purpose, you approach finding love from a higher consciousness Skipping this step could mean you repeatedly attract the same kind of person and replay the same mistakes. You can work with a therapist, visit a healer, use flower remedies, or employ a combination of several methods to clear the way When dating with purpose, you know that the best solution is to continue dating until you find The One. Finding love is totally possible, whether you are looking for your first love or your third husband.
Are you dating for a purpose or for entertainment purposes only? Dating for a purpose means you have clear goals, you know what you want, what you’re willing to accept, and what you’re willing to compromise on. You’re thinking long term while getting to know your person of interest in the short term.
During that time, you’ll figure out through your interactions if the two of you share similar goals, work and play well together. Dating for a purpose often happens in our late 20s and on. We’ve played the field. We’ve learned the game, as well as any person possibly can since the are ever changing.
Now we are, or at least should be, more mature. We no longer want to be in the club with our friends every weekend, we’d rather save that money and travel internationally, use it to pay off our student loans, or save it and purchase a home. We no longer want fruitless, substanceless relations that don’t add to our spirit. Once you start dating for a purpose, entertainment just isn’t enough.
See, when one is dating for entertainment purposes only they are looking to have a good time above all else. That could mean a good time with Sam/Samantha, then Daniel/Danielle, then Michael/Michelle, but we rarely, if ever take these dates seriously. All we want is fun. Sam/Samantha can’t make it tonight, ok Daniel/Danielle is next on speed dial. There are no emotions involved, no feelings. The only thing we care about are our selfish needs for instant gratification. Sooner or later, sooner for some, later for others, we come to realize that dating for entertainment purposes only is unfulfilling.
If we are lucky, we come out of this stage of life unscathed; i.e. no baby momma/daddy drama, trust issues, and the like.
Then we begin to focus on legacy building. And that’s when we have to take our dating lives more seriously. Each stage of dating, whether it’s for entertainment purposes only, has its time and its own set of benefits. Just be careful of how much time you spend dating immaturely. It’s never a good look to be the old man or woman in the club trying to get your mack on. What stage of dating are you in right now? How do you know when you’re ready for a more ?
___________________________________________________ Written by Dena Reid, Esq., Founder of Code Red Flag and author of .
best date with a purpose means - Is there a difference between purpose and meaning?
6 | 3665 views Dating is usually about having fun or getting to know each other better. Have you ever thought about helping others while you date? There are dozens of ways you can share your passion for giving back and help your community as a couple. Pitching in on a service project gives your date a focus and a purpose while working together can help you know each other better.
Here are few dates with purpose you may want to consider. Share Your Passion Do the two of you enjoy writing, painting or gardening? Most schools and youth programs are eager to have volunteers lead projects for students. Offer to lead a writing workshop afterschool and develop a curriculum together that you can co-teach once a week. Design a vegetable garden and recruit the kids to help you plant it. If the two of you enjoy art or painting, think about developing a mural to adorn the wall of a school, shelter or non-profit organization.
Give Your Time Sometimes your presence and a little friendly attitude is all that is needed to help others. Visit a nursing home with your date and together you can brighten someone's day. The facility's staff can let you know where you are most needed.
Bring flowers to cheer up the community room or fresh pastries for Sunday brunch. You can engage in a board game or lively conversation. Fresh energy can be a breath of fresh air to the elderly in a convalescent home.
Pet A Pup Animal shelters are often overrun with dogs and cats that need grooming and attention. Volunteer to spend time stroking the kittens that need homes or take some of the dogs out to stretch their legs. Help out with feeding time and making sure all the animals have fresh water.
You may find yourself falling in love with a pup and with your date. If the two of you are ready for a bigger commitment, you may want to consider adopting a pet and sharing in its care. Help The Homeless Homeless shelters and soup kitchens are always in need of volunteers and donations. Most shelters and food banks will take donations of food. Work together to organize a drive of canned goods and dry food for a shelter. Work at a food bank once a week to prepare and distribute food to clients.
Volunteer to host birthday parties for children at homeless shelters or offer a weekly read-aloud time for the kids. Go Green Host a collection of electronics to recycle.
You can contact friends, co-workers and neighbors or put up signs in your community and encourage people to clear out their closets. Everyone has old cell phones, radios, computers and other gadgets that they don't know what to do with. If you collect items that are still useable, donate them to a school or non-profit organization.
If the items are broken, take them to an electronics recycling station. Volunteering together is energizing and fun. Finding a project to work on together can give you more in common, more to talk about and may provide a bond that will last. , 08/23/2012
Dating, it seems, has somewhat of a bad rap in the Christian world. I’ve heard people say things like “dating is a waste of time” or “God will bring me the right person at the right time.” I’ve also heard people say that dating is harmful, dangerous even and always leads to sexual sin and immorality.
I have to admit that I find all of this talk confusing. Just because dating as we know it isn’t explicitly outlined in scripture doesn’t mean it’s wrong, does it? I know some people object to this idea, but I confess that I see dating as a necessary and even healthy process.
Dare I say it, I even think it’s okay to date someone while knowing good and well that you are not going to marry them. Sound scandalous? The real question is, should Christians date without purpose? Well, here’s my own personal story… I dated a lot. I dated in high school, college, and after college.
I liked dating. Granted, some of my relationships were not Godly. I wasn’t always following Christ throughout some of those periods. However, my Christian relationships taught me a lot about marriage. They taught me a lot about how to contribute, encourage, and bless my brothers in Christ which in turn taught me how to the same as a wife. I realized too, while dating, that sexual purity would pretty much always be a struggle for me (until marriage). Thankfully, I was able to date Christian men who were above reproach in this area and did not tempt me or pressure me.
This was huge for me. For the first time I felt freedom in a relationship–the freedom to not have sex. I knew that the Godly man I was dating loved me because of me, not because of something I was giving him. This reality proved to be so miraculously healing for me that without it, I doubt I would have been health enough to ever marry.
And this man who helped me feel confident and secure without sexual pressure is not the man that I married. I dated another man who helped me know what it was to just enjoy time with the Lord together, as a couple. He was a catalyst for me in understanding that friendship with Jesus and the person you love did not need to be compartmentalized. All this to say, that by the time my husband did come along, I was so much more prepared to be a wife and I owe much of that preparation to dating.
Yes, the Holy Spirit did the work in me, but He used the vehicle of dating to accomplish much of that work. When I hear Christians complaining about dating, I get frustrated.
When they say that dating in and of itself is sinful or wrong, I have to object. Dating is not evil or wrong just because it isn’t mentioned in the Bible.
Neither is dating someone that you might never marry. Had I not dated the men I never married, I might not have ever married! If God is allowed into a dating relationship, just any relationship, it can be healthy and fruitful. Some want to call dating without the intent of marriage useless or harmful. They would argue that there is no purpose in that kind of dating.
However, God had great purpose in my dating relationships, some of which prepared me for marriage. And, I believe, dating should be fun. It doesn’t need to be this serious, restrictive, or boring event.
In my case, dating was enjoyable regardless of whether or not I was going to marry the guy. I think God supports dating when it glorifies Him. I just hope more Christians would realize the same thing. What do you think of Christians dating for fun or dating without “purpose”? Do you think it’s okay to date someone you know you will not marry? What should Christian dating look like? Posted on Author Categories , , Hmmm. Big can of worms, Miss Nicole.
I disagree about dating. To me it serves no purpose. Dating, and let us be honest here, usually entails some form of physical affection that is best reserved for covenant.
Is it the end of the world is my daughter kisses some boy she is “dating”, even though she knows she has no intention of marrying him, but is using dating as a way to refine her social and girlie skills? Nah. It’s not the end of the world. But in essence she is kissing on someone else’s husband, since she knows she isn’t going to marry him. I endorse courtship. I endorse old-fashioned and archaic standards to this issue.
Being a father of daughters, God help the boy who feels it is appropriate to treat any of them like his personal testing station. My rule will be simple: Do not do anything with that boy that you would not do in front of me. Dating? Nah. No use. Thanks for allowing me to opine! Donald, as a father, I can completely appreciate your perspective. However, as a daughter, I have to prepare you that this could cause your daughters to completely do the opposite that you want them to do.
I’ve seen it happen… As a loving presence in their lives and by being a great example as a husband, they may not feel the need to date. But as for your rule, I think that does inhibit some intimacy in a relationship that is necessary prior to marriage.
I believe there should be some understanding of what is to come. Being flexible as you learn what’s best for each daughter might be helpful too. I know my sister and I made completely different choices in this arena.
One thing is certain, your girls are lucky to have a dad who cares and loves so deeply – that is for sure! The word date is such an icky word. I’ve dated girls who I know I won’t marry.
I’ve even gone dates with girls who are ineligible (not having a dating relationship though.) It has helped teach me how to treat women. It has helped me see what qualities I appreciate most in women (Please don’t confuse this with shopping around.) I was told growing up in church to never be alone with a girl, because it only leads to giving into temptation. I’ve found I can date without having sex, kissing or even holding hands. I don’t even have to put a Bible between our seats. All I have to do is hide His Word in my heart.
Thanks for your story! Though I’m celebrating 30 years of marriage with the love of my life, my kids’ dating experiences have reminded me of my own once again.
Like you, my dating life improved as I got older from “looking for love in all the wrong places” to learning more about myself and what kind of relationship could be lasting. Here’s a comment for discussion: “You can stay friends with the ones you don’t kiss.” I’ve always had a hard time with the idea that dating is wrong in the Christian world.
I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one :). I think there’s a really strong pressure to marry, period, but especially to your first boyfriend/girlfriend and that’s not always the right person for you. Yes, we should strive to be pure and mature and avoid hurting others, but I also think that God is good enough to use the situations we are in, heal us and use us to bless others. Dating gets messy when one person becomes much more attached than the other, or if being with that person makes you stumble, fall and sin.
Even then, it’s not the other person’s fault, though. dating does get a bad rap. but i think all of it has a purpose. it’s just defining what that purpose is that makes it shady. going on dates for fun to “try someone on” so to speak has a purpose. i think it’s great. but i think entering to an exclusive relationship with someone should be set aside for when you are ready to start looking for a mate.
Okay, I’ll put my neck out and support Nicole’s point. I’m not good at dating, and never have been, but just because it is a concept that scripture does not deal with directly, doesn’t mean a disqualification of the idea. Granted, in a perfect world, our soul-mate would suddenly appear one day, by divine order, and we would simply marry and live happily ever after. In the real world, that rarely happens. I had a professor in Bible college who once opined that most people get married about five or six people too early.
In other words, it takes an evolution of several relationships to teach us about ourselves, and help us figure out what we want in a mate. The older I get, the more I think he may have had a point.
As I am now in the process of recovering from a divorce and rebuilding my life, I think that perhaps I have a lot to learn about women and relationships. Dating for some period of time before I settle down once again would seem (to me) to be a useful tool. There is so much that I do not know about myself, about what I want in a woman, and about how to get along with people of the female persuasion. I’m in no hurry to jump into anything that God hasn’t prepared, but I fully acknowledge that he may very well prepare a number of dry runs for me to experience.
Nicole, you said, “Yes, the Holy Spirit did the work in me, but He used the vehicle of dating to accomplish much of that work.” I think that is a valid point – a point that I failed to experience as fully as I should have in my younger years.
I hope to learn from my mistakes. Ed…YES!!! You just spoke what I was thinking and couldn’t find words for. I agree whole-heartedly with your professor…I think people DO marry 5 or 6 people too early…and I’m a good example of this! We have not divorced, though at times we have been very, very close. But our marriage of 23 years is not the kind of relationship I ever wanted for myself. I just couldn’t foresee the twists and turns it would take, and wasn’t at all ready or prepared to deal with them.
This was the 2nd boy I dated….and then married him. The first one I dated was for 4 years. I feel like I have missed out on so much by not experiencing what it is like to “date” guys casually. If I could go back and re-do anything about my teens and 20’s it would be that. I’m not saying the end result would be different, but I know it would make me a more content woman right now, instead of one who wonders who I let get away because of my very narrow views on the subject when I was younger.
Nicole…thanks for broaching this topic…very thought provoking. And I have to say, I agree with you 100%. Nicole, your posts always have me thinking a million thoughts and wondering how to get them into a comment and have them actually make sense. Love it! So here is my best effort. I think dating and the purpose for it differs from person to person. I have never been a big dater, probably for some healthy reasons and for some not so healthy ones.
I can tell you that the few boys I called my boyfriend were boys I knew I would never marry. Now don’t get me wrong because I did like these boys, enjoyed spending time with them, and built friendships with them. I wasn’t purposely using them. I absolutely learned things about relationships from them but in the end felt bad because they would end up having stronger feelings for me than I had for them. Hopefully that doesn’t sound like I am bragging. There have been plenty of others who did not return my affections I promise.
However, I also learned things from guys I had as friends and never dated but minus the hurt feelings. So, should I have been dating those other guys or not? Not really sure of the answer. Maybe this is where how a person defines dating comes into play. Is is just hanging out and getting to know someone or being in a relationship with someone?
I probably have not been very successful in finding that perfect balance for myself but I would be interested to hear thoughts from others. By the way Nicole, so nice to be posting for the “first” time. I truly appreciate your support! What do you think of Christians dating for fun or dating without “purpose”? I think that there is a great purpose in spending time with the opposite sex and just having fun. Fun is good. We just need to be careful that it is the right kind of fun that does not lead to damage.
God made us social creatures, like Himself, and we should spend time being sociable. This generation has lots of different terms for dating, and I confess that I cannot keep them and their definitions all straight. I made up my own term for a healthy meeting of two gender opposites: edification appointment. An edification appointment is all about building up the other person. Instead of focusing on my desires and my shopping list of qualities I seek in a mate, my goal is to focus on the other person’s life in order to find ways to encourage and help and serve her, to draw her nearer to Jesus, to build up her faith, to give her a clearer vision of her importance in the body of Christ.
I want to listen to her to find out about the trials and obstacles she faces so we can pray together for the victory Christ will bring. When the focus of the time together is spiritual encouragement, physical temptation has a harder time getting its way.
When we practice edifying one another, only good things happen. Is it possible later to lapse into a destructive relationship? Yes, but it should also be apparent to both parties what is happening and that the nature of the relationship has changed, and not for the better. There is a wonderful side effect of enjoying edification appointments. We learn more about the opposite sex, how they think, and how I one day can be a godly servant to a spouse.
When sexual tension is removed from the equation, I can be more relaxed, be myself, and learn how to grow in all mixed-gender situations. Do you think it’s okay to date someone you know you will not marry? If we have established a healthy Christian friendship by edifying one another, we can continue to spend time together as genuine friends who do not need to inspire jealousy even when that future spouse appears.
That’s what the body of Christ is supposed to look like: brothers and sisters loving one another. “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” — Jesus, quoted in John 13:35 I love that you write about interesting and important topics like this! I didn’t date much because I was picky and I knew I wasn’t looking for insignificant relationships. I think it’s unrealistic to expect teenagers or young adults to know what they’re looking for in a spouse, but you can’t enforce a ‘no-dating’ rule and expect your child to obey without question.
I think it’s beneficial to discuss the importance of relationships and how they will affect your marriage. Even if you’re just dating, you have to work hard like you would if you were married. And if you go too far in a relationship it can affect your future relationship with your spouse. Most importantly, the only way we can lead young adults or our children is to pray and listen to His direction for that specific person. No two people are alike and the same advice or rule does not apply to everyone.
Although we’ve been married for 40= years now, we still date. It’s a time to be together just for fun. Maybe I’ve lead a sheltered life, but I don’t recall ever having heard before that Real Christians aren’t supposed to date. Is that something new on our legal horizon? I’ll never make it as a Real Christian; every time I get close, they raise the bar.
Nicole, Well said and I agree. Unfortunately, I think the word itself, dating, carries a stigma for most people. Maybe if we replaced the word dating with socializing, people would line up to agree wholeheartedly. Here is where it boils down for me: It’s just like the topic of alcohol. Drinking alcohol is not wrong. Biblically it never says do or don’t. It does say don’t get drunk. It’s the end result.
Just like dating…..err….socializing. It doesn’t say do or don’t. It does say do not be unequally yoked. In other words, you shouldn’t marry a non-believer. In both cases, you are given the freedom to decide for yourself.
You are required to live it out by faith. I just wish people asked themselves more, “what can I handle?” As a student pastor, I CHOOSE not to drink. I don’t want to allow myself the chance to lose control and get drunk nor will it be easy to have that conversation with one of my 6th grade students. I don’t want to be in that situation.
I know what I can handle. In this case, if people would just ask, if I hung out with this guy or girl, would I be able to sustain from living un-Godly? If you cant answer with a resounding yes, then no, you should not date without purpose. Guard your heart folks, it is the wellspring of life.
Chris, I think you bring up an interesting point–asking people to discern what they can and can’t handle. I don’t think dating is for everyone, especially someone for whom it may be a constant temptation. But i also think dating shouldn’t be immediately squashed as an option like it is for some believers. Nicole, I love this post! Can’t say I AGREE with all of it, but it’s interesting to say the least! I agree that God can and does use dating relationships to teach, heal, change and shape us.
But I absolutely don’t think we should date someone, knowing that we won’t/can’t marry them. I think the primary purpose of dating is to get to know someone, in order to decide whether you think you could marry them. Dating someone you know you couldn’t marry is just giving them (and yourself) the opportunity to fall deeper into a relationship that’s not going anywhere – falling in love that’s only going to end with broken hearts. Donald, I love that you said “I endorse courtship. I endorse old-fashioned and archaic standards to this issue.” My approach to dating (as a single young woman) would probably be classed as courtship, or ‘old-fashioned’, even though I’d still call it dating!
I want to honour, protect and respect any guy I get involved with, and myself, by not jumping in headfirst with emotional and physical intimacy that should be saved for marriage. As for whether dating is completely wrong altogether, I think we have to ask what we mean by “dating”?
For me, it’s spending time getting to know a guy, in order to see whether he might be someone I could marry. It’s important that we both stay physically and emotionally pure, guarding our hearts and not giving away anything we’d regret (whether or not the relationship ends in marriage). But I think a certain amount of intimacy is necessary in order to get to know someone and make that judgement – to marry or not to marry? Not right at the start of the relationship, not jumping straight in to saying “I love you and I can’t live without you” to a guy I’ve only just met, but over time I think it has to get to that point.
Call it dating, call it courtship, call it just getting to know someone, but I don’t see anything wrong with it if God’s at the centre and it’s honouring and protecting each other.
Thank you for liking the post, even though you don’t agree with all of it. You said you think we shouldn’t date someone unless we know we are going to marry them, but we might not know that right away. What if it takes 6 months…a year…to know if we are going to marry someone? More than that, I think we can date to find out what marriage is sorta, kinda, a smidge like and what we personally need to be working on before marriage. And yes, I agree, God has to be at the center. That’s exactly my point, that dating is a time to figure out whether you could marry someone.
While you’re in the ‘not sure but still discovering’ stage, it’s all well and good – and of course while you’re in the ‘yes’ stage it’s all well and good too.
But if you’ve decided you couldn’t ever marry that person, I think it’s risky and irresponsible to continue dating them, because they might be in either one of the other stages! Nicole, I stand and applaud you for writing something that almost everybody feels but doesn’t have the courage to speak out loud.
I’m 29 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for the past six months. Before that I was single pretty much my whole life. I got so tired of “NOT DATING” because I wanted to get married someday that I thought I would write a book about my frustrations so that I could encourage others who were feeling the same way as me. I cannot believe in a million years that Harvest House picked it up and come this February “Not Another Dating Book” releases.
We need to talk. Seriously. Nicole- Thanks for bringing up this topic! I think the big breakdown and where the danger comes in with dating is when we date out of selfish needs.
My dating mindset as a 16 year old was wanting someone to tell me I was pretty and make me feel good; not to actually be in a relationship where I gave anything. I didn’t want to be the girl without a boyfriend and I enjoyed kissing boys, so why not?!
These relationships were damaging to me not because of temptation and sex, but because I thought these guys would fill a hole in me and tell me what I thought I needed to hear. Ultimately, I decided to stop dating until I thought it was “worth it” whether because I thought he was husband material or I felt like I was able to be in a healthy relationship.
One thing I would like to learn from all of those who don’t support dating is a description of courting. I didn’t meet anyone who courted until college and had already started dating my (now) husband. I know dating isn’t the magical equation for marriage, but for me, dating was a great experience once I was in a healthy place with myself and the Lord.
It’s not the same for everyone, but the physical aspect of dating (on an appropriate level) was important for me and my husband. To those of you who have courted, how does it work? Why do you support it? I totally support dating. I had to grow up in the Christian single scene when that whole “I kiss dating goodbye”was so embraced.the result?A bunch of “socially awkward”Christian singles where no one knows how to approach the opposite sex.
I have Christian guys who approach my bible study leader to get my email address because they feel “lead from God” to take music lessons from me when the intentions are not professional but rather romantic.
I find many Christian singles “socially challenged”. it is so hard because I am in the entertainment industry where you meet people that are incredible but you can’t date them because they are not christians.
Then I look at those at my church and they are so “socially challenged”. Dating develops much needed social skills. I would also like to add that I know many Christian married couples that did not really date but rather did the group thing or courting are having major issues in their marriage.
why? Because they really did not get to know each before they got married.In a group setting people can put a nice front and their best foot forward. But one on one, you really find out what they are made of. Being a follower and believer in Christ is hard core living: I live a high moral lifestyle in a secular environment. What bothers me is when the church make up “implied” man made rules like dating.
There are so many Christians that are marrying really late in life (which increases sexual temptation and pressure)and I truly believe it is due to lack of making a effort to get into relationships. Frustrating when you have been single all your life and really want to be married since you were 18. To make it harder, many churches turn a blind eye and are non supportive to singles so every few churches have a young professionals group or singles group.they put up too much red tape just to get a group going or won’t allow events to be advertised.
How are you suppose to meet other Christian singles and do the group thing or courting? any ideas on how to meet other Christian singles for friendships and dating other than online? Someone close I know is in a dating prohibited church. The leader says “dating is for married couples. Marriage happens when the Lord reveals your partner through dream of vision and then it is confirmed by the pastor.
Then and only then are you permited to do limited dating and mostly in group setting. So what do you think of that one. I really didn’t know such practices existed I was floored. I believe that dating “without purpose” is useful. But, it does put me, personally, in more of a position to sin. I think you have to have a certain level of spiritual maturity to be able to date and not fall into the trap of having sex.
I don’t completely have that yet. I do feel bad or “convicted by the Holy Spirit” when I do have sex with the guy I’m dating. And, I want to know: In the end, is that better for me? And when you said that you dated “Christian” men who understood…I don’t know where they are. I think we need to have a database of “Christian men who understand” that we don’t want to have sex, and jeopardize our relationship with God.
I don’t think there are enough of them. At my previous church, I dated 3 guys over 17 years that I met at that church, were friends with, then began to date, then they pressured/expected sex just like any other guy. So, I think it’s all in our personal discernment of the guy. I guess, as individuals, we have to be adamant about saying no…and depending on your self esteem level at the time, will probably determine on the likelihood of you standing up for your Christianity.
Right now, I’m praying for God to send me a REAL Christian man, who loves God the way I do, and who “understands” and is willing to date without sex :) Wow, very interesting article. When I first read it, I fervently disagreed with every word you said about dating without purpose; but after considering it (and reading all the comments), it actually made a lot of sense.
I am a beautiful 21 year old girl but am socially awkward- when I get approached by guys that I don’t want to date, I reject them in a very awkward manner and I hate it. I haven’t really been in a relationship and my views on them need to mature up a lil’ bit.
I need to learn these social skills and now I see that being in a relationship will help me to develop them. I am very strict and picky and so I have banned dating and told myself that the guy I’d date would be the guy I marry.
Perhaps I thought that God would magically bring us together and all the communication problems I have would disappear because he would be “The One”. In the recent months though, being single has been a huge blessing- Christ has filled the hole that I had tried to fill with attention from guys. Being single is a season that shouldn’t be wasted by thinking of the next season. It’s a time of giving to God exclusively all of you (body, spirit and mind) and living for Him without any earthly hindrances.
1 Corinthians 7:34 I’m happy that I am at a point where I believe I am ready to date. I would be able to handle it and I know I will be learning a lot. Thanks so much for the article Nicole, and thanks to Chris’ comment (great comment- helped me to understand these gaps in the Bible :)) Hey Nicole :), I’ve been a silent reader on here for a couple of weeks now and love your posts!
This is probably the only thing I have disagreed with so far which is why I am commenting. Not that I disagree really but I feel like we are missing the point here. ‘Dating’ is such a tricky word in that it immediately causes people to think ‘couple’.
When you talk about “dating relationships” do you mean 1) Literally going out to get food, drink? etc…or 2) being a “couple” like early courtship stages of dating (my version of dating) with the intention of courting if successful? If 1) all that is achievable with friends, you can date your friends right?
Go out for a meal etc And if 2) you don’t necessarily want to marry all your friends do you? so you would not date them all in this manner (I’m not talking of just singular dates). You use different past relationships as examples of dating without purpose in which you learn things from guys you did not marry, very well, when in these relationships did you decide before the relationships that you are not marrying these men or was that after another circumstance?
I’m trying to outline the difference between “someone you might not marry” and “someone you KNOW you WILL NOT marry” And you did mention you were not always following Christ.
As an aspiring (lol) Christ follower I find it hard to imagine meeting a guy (stranger perhaps or just an acquaintance), thinking nonono but yes I will go out with you, even be in a ‘more than friends’ relationship with you just to see what I can learn.
Surely these could be achieved as ‘just friends’ and the thoughts and decisions come after you have decided to date this guy who you could possibly be marrying if God intended. At least that’s how I see it. You asked: “Just because dating as we know it isn’t explicitly outlined in scripture doesn’t mean it’s wrong, does it?” My answer: I’m not sure if wrong is the correct decision on the matter, unnecessary maybe, for me, something not being a biblical concept is no reason to call it a sin, it’s open to discussion but it is enough reason to not do it if you don’t know what you’re getting into.
I have no personal issues with dating….with purpose. There is nothing a dating relationship for testing sake can offer you that close friendship can’t.
I can learn to be a better Christian, person and then get practical experiences in my purposeful dating relationships, which may or may not lead to courtship and marriage but I didn’t go into it with that expectation.
What do you engage in with this man/lady that you can’t with a friend if not physical (which I assume you’d be abstaining from if you have God in the picture). After achieving being a great sacrificial friend to all those you can, if a more intimate relationship comes out of it then awesome!
If not what have you lost here? I have friends of the opposite gender and we talk about these issues a lot, I have grown a lot in those friendships and been able to openly talk about God and share with them, and not felt pressure when alone, especially not while debating about a sermon we watched/listened to.
I hope I haven’t rambled on much, just trying to make sure I have explained myself enough. To sum up, I think dating relationships should be entered with the intention of courting and courting with the intention of marriage. It may or may not work out (always depends) but if only interested in “learning people skills” then go on a date and make it very plain and clear that it is what it is (grab a cup of coffee with a buddy and make new buddies). I would not appreciate a guy getting into a relationship with me after already deciding that it’s going nowhere but just wants to hang out, dude just be my friend.
Easy right? I disagree. I think the Lord could have taught you everything you needed to know about being a good wife thru the Holy Spirit and His word without dating men with no purpose. God can teach you things without putting you in a tempting situation. Also, you’ve given your story, but what about these men that you didn’t marry?
Did you break any hearts along the way? Were they taking the relationship seriously? Were you honest with them beforehand that you had no intention of marrying them and were dating them only for “fun”? I’m sorry, but it seems like this is all focused on the benefits that you got out of it without regard to the feelings of others, and that’s not the example Jesus gives us.
While I don’t believe there is anything wrong with dating, I think it’s wrong to date for fun — because often it’s only fun for ONE person. The other is left with a broken heart. I loved this post,and I have no idea if you’ll comment back on this considering it was a year or so ago, but I have a question! I fully agree that dating isn’t wrong, but if you know you don’t want to end up marrying them, but you want to live in the now and your friendship/possible relationship is godly and you are attracted to each other, is it wrong/waste of their time just to want to have a non-serious, fun, teenage relationship?
It is wrong? I know God would use the situation to teach us and grow us regardless of the outcome, but is it stepping outside of God’s will for your life if you know you won’t marry them? Is there a point in visiting Paris if you don’t intend to live there? Yes! Why not! It’s fun, you live, you learn. I just don’t know where morals fit into this? In my own life, hah! I’ve always considered dating to be possible but not edifying.
The hand full of “dates” I’ve been on have left me feeling like a fish out of water. I’ve never felt like I was getting to know someone or really letting them know anything about me in that kind of really phoney situation. At the same time I’m not particularly socially awkward I just can’t stand that particular situation called a “Date”. A double date is somewhat more tolerable (that’s mostly all I’ve ever been willing to do) I’ve never believed flinging myself into various experiences was a wise way to learn about things or people and I still don’t, even after the girl I courted and married ended up leaving me because she loved her mother more and they both Hate her father and Mommie left him too.
You just can’t predict some things… Now I’m basically back to square one finding dating possible but not edifying. I’ve dated one Christian guy seriously and, though it’s not perfect, it continues to grow and develop into a really good relationship and really has great potential! I don’t want to just leave him just to date around – I have many many close and Christian guy friends and so I feel like i have a good sense to what else is out there!
Should I leave something good for nothing? I agree 100% I mean how is a man like me gonna know how to treat his wife when he finds the one? I think relationships are meaningful because you learn who you are in Christ by having that friendship with them. I think so many young men my age have given up on dating because they get to involved in asking the question “Is this the one God has for me?” instead of being thankful and allowing God to grow the relatiosnhip too many times we worry about “Is she the one?” and sometimes God wants us to enter a dating relationship not to answer “Is she the one?” but rather to learn, discover, and watch how God can work in our lives.
Hey Steve: First Date or First Interview?