Having anxiety is not an easy battle . Some days, you feel on top of the world, enjoying life, like nothing can bring you down. Other days, you wake up feeling trapped in your own body – crawling out of your own skin as though you’re a prisoner who cannot escape. Anxiety is a real illness, no matter how many people deny it’s existence – and as someone who suffers with it on a regular basis – it is harshly real . Just because you have an illness that is not physical – unable to be seen on your body by the naked eye – does not mean it is invalid or nonexistent. With the numerous stigmas against.
If you experience anxiety when meeting girls, either first talking to them, or meeting them on a date, don’t worry you are not a weirdo. In fact, this is a normal psychological and physiological reaction to walking into a new situation and in this case meeting a new, sexy, person.
Wouldn’t it be amazing to rid you body and mind of anxiety and truly express who you are? I totally agree! Here are a few tips that I use that I’ve learned from experience, dating coaches and psychology to help me overcome anxiety when I see a girl I want to approach, or when I am getting ready for a date.
Tip 1 : Cut the fear, and approach her immediately In the pick-up/success with women community, we are taught that you should approach a girl quickly, as your fear will ruin the approach or likely not make you say hi at all.
So, what can you do if you are feeling ? Approach her immediately. Take the headphones out of your ears, call your friend back later and approach her.
Obviously this is a harder type of tip to implement, however, it is extremely effective for getting over your fear quickly and building character, as you will notice that you become more of a fearless person after doing this over time. Give yourself less than 3 seconds to approach. Tip 2 : Gradually desensitize yourself So let’s say the first tip is too frightening for you and makes your stomach turn over. A second option is doing less scary things before talking to a girl or .
Examples include : talk to a shop staff member (they always have to be polite), ask directions from people, ask for the time, or just give a compliment to a girl and then walk away. You can also yell in a private or public area and pretend it wasn’t you. A funny one is yelling out penis. This is effective, as it unstifles you psychologically. Generally, these can be fun to do, but you need to make sure you gradually amping up the actions you are doing, all the way to the point where you are approaching a girl and attempting to have a full conversation, or to the point where you are comfortable enough to be on the date.
If you don’t amp up the actions, you will likely still be anxious. Tip 3 : Mingling This pertains mainly to nightclubs, as they tend to be areas where there are many people in one area who are stationary. Mingling means to just start talking to anyone and everyone.
This means hot girls, girls you are not interested in, guys, bouncers, bartenders etc… It entails that you do not have an agenda, and rather are just being social to be social. This is very useful to remove anxiety, as socializing with people actually is a natural remedy for anxiety (provided that it’s a non-confrontational conversation.
Eject if this is the case). Having a fun conversation with people just calms you down, and is a good way to work the club without getting a rep that night of the ‘predator’, the guy who’s approached every girl and is now coming off pushy.
Been there, and done that, so this is why you want to mingle with everyone early on, make friends, and then flirt harder as the night goes on. You can literally talk about anything, and can even talk about the weather. All that matters is that you are talking to people. If you are going on a date, you can either go in a bar and mingle, or you can meet some friends and just start having a fun conversation for a couple of minutes or an hour.
Tip 4 : Introduce people to other people. Connecting to mingling, another method of removing anxiety is by being the connector, the social guy who is helping others get over their anxiety. You can do this by talking a girl or guy, and then when you see a cute girl pass by, you tap her shoulder and say hi. Then when you have her complete attention, introduce her to the person you were talking to before.
You essentially want to create a social circle on the spot. In order to this properly, two things have to be in place : 1) The girl you are already talking to likes you. 2) You have an excuse and premise why the girl you just stopped should talk to your friend (She loves your dress/ you look adorable/ join the party and hang!) In the pick-up/success with women community, we call this “merging sets“.
Merge which means to combine, a Set meaning an interaction. Do this, and your anxiety will drop over time, and you will notice that you will be the most popular guy in the club, and maybe even have girls approach you!
Tip 5 : Get a wingman! A wingman is essentially a buddy who helps you get the girl by occupying her friends. A wingman can also be a good motivator and person to talk to when you are feeling anxious. Many times, I have found myself either pushing my friends to talk to girls, or had them pushing me to talk to a girl when I felt scared, and this proved to be very effective.
Some of my best friends are my wingmen, and we help each other out by talking to the girl`s friends, or by motivating and encouraging each other. Plus, you can really have a lot of fun and party with your wingman as well, as generally going clubbing or alone can be boring, however, many times you may not have a choice specifically if you see the girl and you are alone.
As a sidenote, you can also have a wing woman, but this is up to you. I generally find that if you are using having a girl with you as a crutch, you will struggle without her, and if she approaches for you, this lowers your value a lot and can kill attraction in the hot girls eyes. If used properly, however, you can really get girl’s comfortable quicker as they see that you are already chosen by women.
Tip 6 : Self-amusement So this is a bit of complex concept, but here it is in a nutshell : Self-amusement is a state of mind where you are doing things to amuse yourself rather than seeking a reaction. In the pick-up/success with women community, there is a massive emphasis on this, as not seeking a reaction actually reduces your anxiety, makes you carefree, and actually gets girls chasing for your attention without doing much.
Most guys seek a reaction when , and this is a knee-jerk response when you feel anxious or are unsure of how much value you have in a social situation.
So, with that mentioned, find ways to amuse yourself. Here are some examples : – You talk to the girl and stroke you hair whispering to yourself ‘I have such beautiful hair…’ in a funny way.
You can also tell the girl this. – You can sing along to the music and make a parody of the lyrics. – Talk to a group of girls and have your wingman pull you out of the interaction and say to the girls ‘ Excuse me!??? This is boys night only, don’t flirt with my boyfriend.’ You can say you are joking after. – If a girl asks you to buy her a drink, say you are on welfare in a joking way. Self-amusing yourself is not that difficult. In fact, most of us do it when we are bored and don’t feel judged.
In general, you want to avoid seeking a reaction from girls, and rather focus on amusing yourself in order to reduce anxiety and a need for an outcome. Tip 7 : Change your perspective A lot of the root of you anxiety is part biology, large part perspective. Imagine if you knew women wanted you to meet them and were receptive to you, your anxiety would reduce drastically and you would have a higher chance of having the guts to approach them.
Perspective is everything, and this is why you need to constantly be aware of how you are thinking about meeting girls in person or on a date. This is critical, as the girl can feel your anxiety when she speaks to you, and anxiety will make her feel anxious. Here are some perspectives to use that I found to be effective : There is nothing to gain, nothing lose. Only an opportunity. The world is abundant of women, so one lost is not the end of the world. What one man could do, another man could do.
Even if I say hi and she leaves, at least I made her day as many guys do not have the guts to approach her. Girl`s just want to be swept away. I am going to give her that opportunity.
Try these tips out and keep in mind that these tips are about long-term growth, however, can show results immediately when using them. If you are serious about getting better results with women, anxiety is something you must control, so get started and let me know how it goes!
About the author Jon De Santis My Name is Jon, and I run , a neat blog about how to succeed with women through improving your personality, lifestyle, and self-acceptance. I am a student of seduction and am personal friends with dating coaches, some of who are famous in the community and are personal mentors. I like to meet women on a daily basis in coffee shops, on the street, clubs, bars, the internet etc... and have a passion for understanding male and female relationships. Other interests I have are internet marketing, blogging, and sound synthesis.
I live in Quebec, Canada, Tabarnak!
best dating a girl with anxiety - How to Date Someone with Anxiety
1. Remember she is more than her symptoms. But be sensitive to the fact that her heart rate may go sky-high over things that to you seem small fry in the worry-stakes.
2. She may get light-headed and even frequently faint. This is not her swooning over you. Sorry to burst your bubble. 3. And she may have real trouble sleeping at night. Don't be surprised if you find her awake at 3am over-thinking just about everything. 4. When she does get to sleep, anxiety often causes a lot of really awful nightmares. My nightmares during anxiety disorder attacks include fun stuff like sea monsters, the apocalypse, blood dripping from church ceilings… I think my mind wants to be a horror movie director.
5. She may find it hard to talk about her anxiety. And may not be comfortable revealing her condition to you because she – like many people with mental health problems – has probably experienced a lot of stigma.
6. Muscle pain is also a problem. I get super-tense in my neck and shoulders to the point where I click my neck from side to side in a Rocky Balboa kind of way.
Which means a massage from my partner is always nice (hint hint). 7. She, like me, may forget to breathe… Breathing just isn't top of my conscious priority list! Being reminded to breathe may sound ridiculous but it can be really helpful. 8. You can help by knowing you didn't cause it and you can't cure it. Remember it's her condition, not who she is. She isn't defined by it, just like you're not defined by what car you drive, which team you support or the fact you down a pint in less than 5 seconds.
Those are aspects of who you are but they are not everything. Nice trick with the pint, by the way. 9. Do not tell her to "calm down". This is 9 times out of 10 pointless. Whenever someone tells me to calm down I feel more stressed.
"Don't you think I would've calmed down if I knew how to calm down?! I'm feeling this way! Feelings aren't things to be scared of! Let me feel things!" 10. In fact, just asking how she feels may really help. Listening to her is simple but effective. 11. Talking really helps, too. If she tells you about whatever it is that is causing her anxiety, just listen, don't compare and don't judge.
12. And crying. It's a really good tension release. I had a great cry this morning and feel a lot better for it. The flip side of that is that laughing really helps too! Again, it's a great tension release. And exercise, with all those endorphins. 13. If your girl doesn't yet have a diagnosis and you're a bit concerned, consider asking her how she'd feel about seeing a GP about her symptoms.
14. Nice ways you can help us: Cook us a decent meal, or take us for walk. A healthy diet including lots of fresh fruits and vegetables is proven to lift our mood. And while stimulants like sugar, caffeine and alcohol can make anxiety and stress worse, gentle exercise is great for our wellbeing. Stephen from Mind says "Findings from the University of Essex show that getting into an outdoor space can improve mental health, boost self-esteem, improve physical health, and reduce social isolation.
This could include gardening, an outdoor sport or even just a stroll in the park." 15. Heard of mindfulness? It's massively helpful. Look into it – for her and for you. As Stephen says "Mindfulness can help us better understand our thoughts and feelings. It's really easy to rush through life on auto-pilot, not really taking in our surroundings – missing out on the good means life isn't as rich as it might be, and missing out on the bad means we're not in such a good position to take action." 16.
Lots of us also find online forums helpful, particularly if we feel unable to confide in friends or don't have strong social networks. Try Mind's 'Elefriends' website (). 17. Mental health is layered and complex . Anxiety can be a condition in itself or it can be a part of bipolar disorder, or it can be something that leads to other anxiety-related conditions like OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). 18. But it is manageable.
All mental health conditions are totally workable, especially when we have the help and support of loved ones. . * is an anxiety sufferer and comedian.
performance Juliette Burton: Decisions at Gilded Balloon; Wee Room at 4.40pm throughout August as part of Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
You don’t see it on our faces when we It’s not something we wear on our sleeve when you take us home for the first time. On the surface, we seem cool, calm and collected when you lean in for our first kiss. When we text at night, there’s no trace of it through our words.
Our voice doesn’t shake when you call to ask how our day is going. You can’t even see it when we pack for our first trip together. Slowly, but surely as time passes through our relationship, it creeps out in bits and pieces–asking to be addressed. We begin to ask you things over and over, wanting reassurance in where we are. We start to overanalyze and knit-pick at our relationship, even when nothing’s wrong. We begin to worry about things that, to you seem irrational, but to us, seem normal.
We can’t eat. We start to change. Slowly, but surely, a third person enters our relationship uninvited. Our anxiety. isn’t something that we sign up for. It’s not something we wanted to brand ourselves with, like getting a piercing or a tattoo. We didn’t ask to be diagnosed with a condition that hinders our everyday lives. But the reality of the situation is, our anxiety isn’t something that is going to go away overnight.
Some days, we hardly even know it’s there. But there are other days that are bad–really bad. We can’t get out of bed. We can’t stop the worry. We hyperventilate just to make it through the day. with anxiety isn’t easy. It’s not going to be the same kind of relationship you’ve had with other women in the past.
Nothing is going to be “simple.” But, that doesn’t mean that everything has to be all doom and gloom. Girls with anxiety love hard, and they live fiercely. They will protect you and stand by you through the storm at all costs.
They will always, always support you because they know firsthand how much support truly matters. There are a lot of things you’re going to have to do differently when you date someone with anxiety. 10. You’ll need to practice patience. When anxiety strikes, it’s important to know that we’re scared, unhappy, and feel incredibly embarrassed sometimes. , anywhere. We could be having a great time and all of the sudden–bam–we’re hit with a wave of anxiety and it feels as though we’re struggling to get to the surface of the water we’re drowning in.
It’s not ideal for us to get anxiety when we’re out on a date, having fun. It’s a burden when we’re with friends and we need to leave early. And, it totally sucks when we get hit with an anxiety attack while we’re on a trip together. Instead of getting annoyed and frustrated with us–practice patience. says that: When dating a , it is best to remain patient when your partner is faced with panic attacks and anxiety.
Let them know that you are there for them and that you have their safety and welfare in mind. Giving us time to regather ourselves, our thoughts, and our minds is always appreciated. 9. You can’t tell her to just “calm down.” Telling someone with anxiety to just “calm down” is something that universally is looked down on. By saying this when your partner’s anxiety is really bad, you give them the notion that you’re belittling their disorder and downplaying it.
It shows her that you don’t realy care that they’re going through something this hard and, that you think it’s preventable.
In reality, it’s just not. points out that telling someone with anxiety to calm down is amongst. Telling someone with an anxiety disorder to “calm down,” is akin to telling someone with allergies to “stop sneezing.” Mental illnesses are not a choice.
No one would choose to feel paralyzing levels of anxiety, and if the person was able to control their anxiety, they would. Telling someone to “calm down” is invalidating to the person who is struggling and insinuates that they are deciding to have their anxiety disorder. Instead, try asking the person what you can do to support them. It could be beneficial to ask the person this question when they are relaxed, rather than waiting until they are in a state of heightened anxiety.
8. She’s going to need reassurance. Give it to her. Many women who have anxiety experience moments of overthinking and stress. We wonder if you’re still all-in with us, even when we’re at our worst. When our anxiety gets really bad, we think that you’re going to run for the hills–even if you’ve never dropped hints of this at all. It will become annoying and be aggravating for you when she asks question after question, but understand she’s looking for She wants to feel as though she has control over her own life and what is happening and, giving her the answers she’s seeking can help her regain that control and confidence.
7. Listen. Listen. Listen. No matter how much you , there may be things you have no idea about. Certain times, they may look as though they’re completely fine but on the inside, they’re going through a war. The best thing you can do in a relationship when your partner has anxiety is always listen to what they have to say. And, don’t just half-listen, trying to prove to her or anyone else that you are doing the right thing–really listen. And, when she’s ready, asking the right questions to understand her anxiety better will help you both in the long run.
points out that by asking the right questions, you’ll be able to truly understand your partner and her relationship to her condition better. If you want to know something, ask your loved one first, and then be sure to intently listen to his or her answer.
Some questions to ask include: -Is there anything I can do to help you with this diagnosis? -What’s it like for you to have this condition? -How do you feel about the treatment options available to you? -Does having a diagnosis make you feel better or worse? -Is there anything you think I need to understand about the challenges you face? 6. You can’t get angry at her because . Sometimes, your partner’s anxiety will make you angry and upset because there’s no way you can truly stop it and make it disappear.
But, no matter how upset or angry you get–you can’t get mad at her for having anxiety. You can be mad at the situation, but you can’t attack her based on your desire to make her better. This can be a difficult distinction to make, but it’s important. Attacking a person’s character or personhood can further damage shaky . Perhaps you’re angry that once again, you’re attending the employee picnic alone, or not going at all. Your partner is around large crowds of people and is not far enough along in treatment to go even for a little while. It’s natural for you to feel angry or even resentful.
After all, you’re missing out on a lot of fun and the company of someone you care about. Instead of getting angry, experts say communicating with your partner is best and addressing how the situation makes you feel–after you’ve had time to cool off. 5. You should remember it’s not personal.
When your partner constantly asks you questions over and over and looks at the relationship for reassurance and comfort, it can feel as though you’re the cause of the anxiety. Other times, your partner may be angry and frustrated at the situation in general–having anxiety all of the time can become exhausting.
Realize, first and foremost, it’s nothing personal. Licensed therapist, “Anxiety can [also] often manifest as anger or frustration, but don’t assume he or she is upset with you. The biggest challenge you’re likely to face is feeling frustrated that you can’t fix it. You can offer support, but your partner is responsible for managing their symptoms, which can range from emotional responses, such as intense worrying and fear, to physical sensations, such as headaches or nausea.
Hopefully, your partner has a good therapist, and you may need to find one, too. After all, you both need to be taking care of yourselves for your relationship to be healthy.” 4.
It’ll help if you do some research. The best thing someone can do if they don’t experience or have anxiety themselves is do their own research about the disorder. There are thousands of online articles, books, and resources that you can look over just to get an idea. According to can be tricky because your partner may “look” perfectly normal at the same time they’re telling you they’re having a . This might cause you to minimize what your partner is going through.
“Oh, you’re fine,” or “Just relax,” won’t be particularly helpful or well-received comments. Reading reputable books or information on the Internet can help you realize that anxiety disorders are very real, and fortunately, also treatable. See the Resources at the end of this post for places to get started. 3. But, you should know While there is a ton of information on anxiety available to you online and in stores, it’s important to remember that no two people are exactly the same.
While some anxiety symptoms are pretty universal and many people go through similar struggles–your partner’s anxiety may be completely unique and different for her. She may experience panic attacks differently than someone else, her triggers may vary, and she may have different ways of coping that work more so than others.
Although you should do some research online and know the signs, symptoms, and ways to help, realize that if it doesn’t work right away it’s not because of you, but maybe your partner just needs something different.
2. You should support her, but don’t suffocate her. Showing support is important in terms of your relationship and helping your partner through her anxiety.
However, don’t push her to talk and communicate if she’s not ready. Experts say that when your partner feels comfortable enough, she will come to you. Communicate to your partner that you are available to listen, but that you will not push them into discussing it until they feel ready. Additionally, do not bring up their disorder in front of others. Many panic sufferers chose to only tell trusted friends and family about their condition.
It can cause embarrassment or other conflicts if you mention their struggle in a group setting. Remember to be there, but not to put a label on your partner that she is only her anxiety. 1. You have to embrace solutions. While you cannot necessarily “cure” your partner’s anxiety, you can help embrace positive solutions and suggestions to help make it better.
This can mean a multitude of things. Doing things together that help her anxiety is one–like going to yoga or meditating together. Another is pushing her to go to therapy and speak to someone about her situation and condition. You can even suggest going to therapy together so that she sees you’re on board with supporting her and helping her through her anxiety. Don’t be afraid to seek outside help for your relationship if warranted.
This can be a good adjunct to the individual’s therapy for the anxiety disorder. Couples therapy promotes better communication skills, which can allow people to feel more at ease in a variety of typically anxiety-provoking situations. In addition, less at home creates a better environment in which to work on the treatment of an anxiety disorder.
Dating a girl with anxiety is hard, but here’s why it’s worth it. Girls with anxiety are fierce, triumphant and cunning. They are unstoppable. They don’t accept failure as an option – they push themselves to reach every single goal they set. They are never truly at ease, they are never truly the calm that comes before the storm – they are the storm.
They are the raging, thundering, fiery storm that rips through towns and leave their mark. They are invincible. They are the girls who will change your life.
Dating a girl with Depression and/or Anxiety