Best Answer: Well 1st off I don't think that your situation is hopeless.I think that maybe when you 1st start dating someone I wouldn't tell them about your Asperger's bc until you know if this is a relationship that you would like more from then really there is no need for them to know.That way it. will never be an excuse as to why after the 2nd date it just didn't work.When you want to continue on and not only date and getting to know each other phase that's when I would tell them.It also sounds like you should work on your attitude a bit.You can hang with the people so yes i would go out with somebody with Asperger's Syndrome and any other disablity. everybody desive a chance dont they. good luck. caz · 1 decade ago.
All romantic relationships have challenges and require some work. Being in a relationship with someone who has Asperger’s syndrome (AS) can create an additional challenge, according to psychologist Cindy Ariel, Ph.D, in her valuable book, .
That’s because you and your partner think and feel very differently, she says. And that leaves a lot of room for misunderstanding and miscommunication.
In her book, Ariel provides wise advice and practical exercises to help you improve your relationship and overcome common obstacles. (She suggests keeping a journal to record your responses.) Here are five ideas you might find helpful. 1. Don’t put the blame solely on your partner. Your partner isn’t solely to blame for your relationship problems.
As Ariel writes, “The true problems lie in the blending of two different modes of being. It is not your partner’s fault that he doesn’t understand certain social expectations, just as it is not your fault that you don’t understand how the pipes in your house work.” 2. Learn as much as you can about AS. If you don’t know much about AS, it’s easy to misinterpret your partner’s actions and think they don’t care about you.
Educating yourself on how AS functions can be a huge help in better understanding your partner and feeling compassion toward them. Individuals with AS don’t process information the same way everyone else does.
According to Ariel, research using brain scans have shown differences between the brain structure and shape of people with AS vs. people without AS. People with AS have a tough time picking up on nonverbal cues in interactions and understanding people’s emotions. They may misinterpret a loved one’s needs. They may fixate on their own interests and appear like they’re self-absorbed and just don’t care about others.
Essentially, people with AS see and experience the world differently. But they absolutely do care and experience emotions — again, just differently. Learn more in our article on . 3. Reframe your partner’s behavior. You might think that your partner knows precisely what you need but purposely ignores it or intentionally does something to hurt you.
And when you think your partner is cold and mean, you not only get upset and angry, but you also might view all of their actions and intentions negatively, Ariel says.
Reframing your partner’s behaviors helps you refocus on your relationship and work to improve it (vs. stewing in the negativity). It also might help you come up with creative solutions.
You still might disagree with their actions and feel hurt. But you may better understand your partner and work to move forward. To help you reframe your partner’s actions, Ariel recommends creating three columns in your journal: Behavior or Situation; How it Makes Me Feel; and Another Perspective.
In the first column, describe a behavior or situation that upsets you. In the second column, record your feelings and why you think your partner acts this way. In the third column, try to think of a different explanation for their behavior.
Say you were upset recently about how your spouse handled you being sick. According to Ariel, here’s how your columns might look: 1st column: “When I was sick in bed for three days, she came in only at dinnertime. She left food without asking how I felt.” 2nd column: “This proves how self-centered she is. She didn’t care that I felt lonely and sad because of our lack of connection.” 3rd column: “She likes to be alone when she feels sick. She thinks asking people how they feel when they’re sick is dumb.” It helps if both of you do this exercise and can discuss it.
4. Be specific about your needs. Many of us expect our partners to automatically know what we want. Or to know what we want after the many hints we drop. In reality, that’s rarely the case. And it’s especially not the case with AS partners. Rather than expecting your partner to naturally know what you want or hinting at it, communicate your needs as specifically and directly as possible.
This can be tricky because you might think that you’re already being very obvious. Here’s a simple example: According to Ariel, you might say, “I’m going out for a few hours. Can you please do the yard work?” To you this obviously means bagging the leaves because it’s fall and they’re everywhere. To your partner, this might mean weeding. Instead, it’s more helpful to say: “Can you please rake the leaves and put them in the leaf bags by the curb for Friday’s pickup?” 5.
Talk about how you’d like to connect with each other. Because you and your partner experience emotions differently, having an emotional connection also can be challenging. Remember that people with AS have a difficult time understanding and identifying emotions, and they may show very little emotion or express inappropriate emotions. You also might miss displays of deep connection from your partner because you express emotions so differently. Ariel includes the below exercise to help you and your partner articulate how you can improve your emotional connection.
• Using index cards or slips of paper, write down what you do to help you feel more connected to your partner. • Next write down at least five things you’d like your partner to do. • Have your partner do the same and list what they do to help you feel connected and what they’d like you to do. • Read each other’s cards and talk about how you’d like to connect in the future. • Put the cards in boxes: one box for what you’d like your partner to do; another box for what they’d like you to do.
• Try to do a few of these behaviors each week, and regularly review your lists. Even though being in a relationship with someone with AS may add additional challenges, together, you can absolutely learn to better understand each other and improve your relationship.
You can learn more about Cindy Ariel at her .
best dating a guy with aspergers syndrome - Ladies, would you date a guy with Asperger's Syndrome? (man, attracted, gay)
[text_image img=”https://8list.ph/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/asperger-headtitle4.png” width=”100%” type=”title”][list_title][/text_image] “Asperger’s syndrome is a mild form of autism that makes it difficult, if not impossible, to understand others.
People with Asperger’s syndrome are generally socially awkward; they often avoid eye contact and have a tendency to monologue about their particular interests instead of sharing conversations with others.” It’s certainly not easy to date someone with .
In fact, if anything, the realization of how closely alike they are to people without Asperger’s makes the few but glaring differences all the more difficult to overcome. I won’t pretend to be an expert on Asperger’s, but suffice it to say that I have dated someone who has it.
To this day, she’s still one of my dearest friends, and one of the sweetest persons you will ever meet in your life. And like anyone else, aspies, as they are fondly referred to, certainly are capable and deserving of love and affection, even romance. For the sake of her privacy, let’s call her Princess. Because that’s what she is, as far as I’m concerned. [text_image img=”https://8list.ph/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/asperger-text-8.png” width=”100%” type=”subheading”]8.
Asperger’s is a difference, not a disability.[/text_image] Via [buffer by=”15px”] Just as men and women are different, just as a guy who likes sports and a geek who likes comics are different, aspies and people without Asperger’s (often referred to as neurotypical, or NT for short) are different. These differences manifest themselves in different ways, but the key thing to understand is that aspies are and can function quite well in society, regardless of difficulties.
I Remember When… Princess graduated from college earlier this year, and is taking her second major. She’s very intelligent and very few people actually realize she’s even different, and often just consider her “quirky” because of the way she dresses and the fact that she’s a cosplayer. It’s the lack of awareness that she’s different that causes friction for her with NTs who just don’t understand why she does what she does.[/buffer] [text_image img=”https://8list.ph/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/asperger-text-7.png” width=”100%” type=”subheading”]7.
Romance is a learned behaviour for most aspies.[/text_image] Via [buffer by=”15px”] Because it defies easy-to-follow logic, aspies the big idea of romance—but then, who does?
This doesn’t mean they can never be sweet or romantic, though. It just means they have to understand what is sweet and romantic, and why it is, through patient explanation and reasoning. This sometimes leads to strange but amusing results. I Remember When.. .When Princess and I broke up, there was no drama involved.
We went back to being friends right away, and little changed between us. Seven months later, I got into a new relationship, and I told her about it. Because of how she came to understand the concept of jealousy, here’s how our dialogue turned out… Me: I have a new girlfriend now, Princess.
Her: What? You’re cheating on me! Me: Uhhh, Princess? We broke up seven months ago. Her: Oh, right! Okay! ^______^ There was no lingering anger or jealousy once she realized there was no logical reason to be jealous.
She just dropped it right away. [/buffer] [text_image img=”https://8list.ph/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/asperger-text-6.png” width=”100%” type=”subheading”]6. Aspies don’t play well with subtle hints. You have to drop anvils for them to get you.[/text_image] Via [buffer by=”15px”] I think this speaks for itself, but to elaborate, innuendo, the kind that’s not necessarily sexual, doesn’t go well with them because they take your words only at face value.
This goes double for sarcasm. I Remember When… I once told Princess that it’s sweet when she would feed me (read: subuan), and she immediately took to it like a horse to water. When I got full, she refused to stop feeding me, and she got so annoyed she poked me pretty hard with the fork and I started bleeding.
Her friends were horrified, but she indignantly looked at me and said, “Your fault. You didn’t open your mouth.” I would have gotten mad if I didn’t realize that yes, it was my fault. I didn’t make it clear enough that the gesture stops being sweet when the person you are feeding no longer wants to eat.[/buffer] [text_image img=”https://8list.ph/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/asperger-text-5a.png” width=”100%” type=”subheading”]5.
When aspieshyperfocus, don’t take it as a sign that they’re not into you.[/text_image] Via [buffer by=”15px”] Aspies tend to have certain interests that they on. Some aspies end up being classified as geniuses because of this, but it also means that this kind of hyperfocus comes at the expense of a lot of other things.
That includes your relationship. An aspie who hyperfocuses can and will neglect you, even if they do care about you. This doesn’t mean they don’t love you enough: it is what it is. Their affection for you and their ability to hyperfocus tend to be mutually exclusive. I Remember When… As a cosplayer, Princess will often be oblivious to everyone and everything else while she imbibes her character.
This makes people feel that she’s suplada when in reality, it’s how she achieves amazing results with her cosplay, to begin with. I learned pretty early on to not take it against her when she completely ignores me during a convention. [/buffer] [text_image img=”https://8list.ph/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/asperger-text-4.png” width=”100%” type=”subheading”]4. Self-defeat is a common trait among aspie relationships. You need to work with them to overcome this.[/text_image] Via [buffer by=”15px”] An aspie tends to have a lot of personality quirks These numerous difficulties make them generally pessimistic about their prospects in a romantic relationship, and given their logical but very linear mindset, a breakup is of no great consequence to them, so it’s easy for them to move on.
If you’re not ready to work with them through this, don’t expect the relationship to last very long. I Remember When… Except for our Facebook status, Princess and I still treat each other exactly the same way we did when we were in a relationship. It’s good in that there is no drama or bitterness after the breakup, but it’s bad in that I, being an NT, tend to forget that we’re no longer together sometimes.
[/buffer] [text_image img=”https://8list.ph/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/asperger-text-3.png” width=”100%” type=”subheading”]3. They generally hate surprises.[/text_image] Via [buffer by=”15px”] Because surprises tend to defy logical progressions, If you think you’re going to do something so sweet and romantic for the aspie you’re dating, and it involves a surprise, think again. I Remember When… When Princess celebrated her birthday a few years ago, I tried to make it a bit special by having 21 of our friends greet her, since that was how old she was at the time.
Our friends happily obliged, as they texted her throughout the day. When I called her later that day, she complained about the fact that a lot of people have her number now. My bad : ( [/buffer] [text_image img=”https://8list.ph/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/asperger-text-2.png” width=”100%” type=”subheading”]2. Don’t make them feel like you’re babysitting them, even if you feel like you are.[/text_image] Via [buffer by=”15px”] They can manage just fine without us reminding them that they’re different.
It’s especially worse if they aren’t actually diagnosed with it yet, which means that they aren’t even aware that they’re different, and unless you are a qualified professional, you have no business playing psychologist for them and lampshading their difference. I Remember When… Every single time I would mention that she’s an aspie, Princess would promptly punch my arm or scratch me. That’s how she copes with it, and soon enough, I knew better than to bring it up.
If you plan to date an aspie for long, you should learn to address their differences without making it clear to them that you are doing so. [/buffer] [text_image img=”https://8list.ph/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/asperger-text-1a.png” width=”100%” type=”subheading”]1.
When all else fails, ask for expert advice.[/text_image] Via [buffer by=”15px”] Whether you are dating someone with Asperger’s, or strongly feel that the person you are dating has it, then you need to learn more about Asperger’s.
There are so many resources out there to understand aspies better. You can get in touch with if you wish to ask people who are in the know. They even have a I Remember When… The day I realized Princess was an aspie, I did all the research I could just to make sure that I could still somehow make her happy even if I don’t fully understand every facet of her. Even though we aren’t together anymore, just waking up to her sending me a smiley to start my morning off never fails to brighten up my mood, and having her offer me a hug and her standard response of “condolence ^____^” when I’m feeling down and out never fails to turn my day around.
Sometimes, I do wonder what I’ve done right to deserve someone as amazing as Princess in my life. [/buffer] I have been in s relationship with an AS for 3.5 years now. It’s a rollercoaster ride. It’s not a fun one. In the beginning I felt so loved. He treated me like a princess! I was so happy. But looking back it has always been a huge struggle. There is not enough time in the day to list all of the confusion, frustration and sadness.
But his constant arrogance and lectures are over. Over because we had a disagreement and he goes MIA for almost 4 weeks now. But have received a few texts from him with requests of things I need to work on. I wake up ever morning with panic attacks and just plain sick everyday. I know I am not as crazy and stupid as I am feeling these days.
I just can’t be. I used to date a girl called Gwendoline back in 2008. She was the first ever person to point me about my Aspergers condition. She told me how people with Aspergers are; to be honest, it wasn´t a revelation, then she just touched my arm and tried to comfort me.
She was nice and not judging. I really try my best to overcome this everyday, along with some insecurity problems in my neighborhood and school (thieves and jerks). I enjoyed this article, indeed. Peace :) Aspie dating an aspie and our relationship is beyond healthy.
Although I do agree with a lot of what the poster has written, number 7 is a bit off. We don’t learn romance. We already know it. We just don’t always express it nor talk all sweet even though deep inside we love eachother more than anything else and are aware. On some ocassions we do very romantic things. By the way @ poster, you remind me a bit of my N/T ex boyfriends. Despite them acting so happy with me, the relationship ended (most of the time, they ended it). I brushed right passed it and they still wanted to be friends.
Ps- every single one of them eventually came crawling back, lol. Currently in an online relationship with an aspie woman for about 6 months now and I am very much in love. Luckily I was aware of people with AS early on and done a bit of research but never in my wildest dreams that I would end up being involved romantically with an aspie. Not that I would never date one obviously but you get the picture.
But we started off as friends, share some of the same interests and it turned into us dating after six months of knowing each other. The fact that she’s bold, kind, creative, a bit out there despite her difference, and she makes me smile more than usual are the things that make me don’t care about her AS entirely. Sure she has her insecurities but I made it a point to be there for her and make her feel like the most beautiful woman that she is.
I’m not the most handsomest man in the world but I feel so damn lucky that she even likes me. I really want to meet her in person but I will wait for as long it takes for her to be ready for it. It’ll be worth the wait.
Crushes, dates, and love, do not evade anyone. While dating in itself is a one-of-a-kind experience, the feeling is no different if the person you're going out with, is someone who has Asperger's syndrome. All you have to do is read this HealthHearty post for some essential pointers, and you're good to go.
A person diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome lacks the ability to communicate and socialize with others, exhibiting repeated display of certain traits and behavior. This syndrome is also known as Asperger disorder, and is grouped under the autism spectrum of disorders.
People with Asperger's find it difficult to engage in a dialog or continuous conversation. The exact reason and cure for Asperger's has not been found as yet. But early detection can aid in developing an affected individual's social skills before he/she reaches adolescence. Hence, if you are dating a person with this disorder, you need to choose a different approach of interaction.
The overall dating experience is no rocket science if you understand his condition and are willingly to work things out. Let's get to know some of the most essential tips you need to either make a note of, or steer clear when your love interest has Asperger's. One cannot tell whether a person is autistic or not from his outward appearance. If you are not aware about what the syndrome really is, the chances of you misinterpreting his actions and expressions increases manifold.
Refer to the works written by medical professionals and even aspies themselves, to get a better understanding of what he is possibly going through, and what relations mean to him. It is essential that you take your own time when you're dating a person with Asperger's syndrome.
Continue your relation at an extremely slow pace if need be, since it will take a considerable amount of time for him to get used to your presence. Do not be shocked if he flinches at your slightest touch. Do not force him to do anything against his wishes. People with this syndrome are almost always uncomfortable with meeting anyone, solely because of their weak social understanding.
They usually prefer interaction via emails or any social networking site. But in order to date him, you need to ascertain that he is comfortable with you. Make sure that you are his friend first, and try to get to know him better, by hanging out with him instead of chatting online or exchanging text messages, making him feel more comfortable around you.
Make sure you do not pity him or treat him differently because of his disorder. Studies show that, people with Asperger's often show average and above-average intellect, so even if he might not be able to express it, he will not fail to comprehend when you take pity on him, and often treat him in the same way.
He will not understand elaborate gestures or the tone of your voice. Complex phrases may often go unnoticed; however, there are instances when he might resort to explanations involving complicated words, but more often than not he may not be completely aware of what he exactly means. Be more specific and direct when engaged in a conversation; using sarcasm, humor (as we know it), and metaphors will only seem like a labyrinth for him. Once he's comfortable being with you, try to spend as much time together, as possible.
He will be wary of strangers, so try to avoid going on double dates or make plans in groups; this will only make him go back into shell. Chances are, he will altogether avoid meeting you in future. If you cannot avoid such plans, do make it point and ask him in advance whether or not he will be comfortable meeting people you're making plans with.
Whatever his opinion, take his word and respect his feelings. Now, he is definitely not going to read your subtle hints, indicating your anger, love, and any kind of affection. He does care for you, he does like you, but he often will not register what is exactly going on in your head just by looking at you. Giving him a cold shoulder will make matters worse, and he will end up getting confused and flustered.
So, if you want something from him, convey the same without being blunt about it.
Dating guys with Asperger's Syndrome - Channel Intro