Have you had a good first date, then the guy starts texting but never asks you out? Find out what this means here I had a first date with a guy two weeks ago. It went really well and I texted him the next day. He said he was would love to see me, but was busy. I am having trouble understanding men. Since then he texted me every three days. First he said he hoped he had time to see me at the weekend, so I thought he would call. At the weekend he texted me after 6pm on Saturday and said he was with a friend, but wished he knew I was free. Three days later he texted he would like to spend time with me this weekend. I replied I would be free.
Let’s rewind to a couple of years ago, when I met one of the only guys that I’ve ever really liked. He was the cousin of my best friend’s boyfriend and four years older than I was.
One night, we ended up on his front steps talking and laughing. I felt something, like a flutter of some sort, but I ignored it. I heard that he had a girlfriend and knew I couldn’t do anything with him. I woke up the next morning to a text from him saying, “What would you have done if I kissed you last night?” I couldn’t believe it. I was so conflicted. I liked him so much, but he had a girlfriend! I asked about her, and he told me not to worry, that they were on the verge of breaking up.
So, I believed him. I started a semi-physical/semi-emotional relationship with him. We would text throughout the day and see each other on weekends. We hooked up countless times and I really started to fall for him.
This relationship (or whatever you want to call it) spanned over nine blissful months. The longer we were together, the deeper my feelings for him became. And then, it all came shattering down. His girlfriend surprised him by showing up to a party he threw. I was there, she was there, he was there, all of us in one room.
She had no clue about what was going on between us, but everyone else did. I had been hanging out with all of them for months. It was really awkward for me and I made my best friend leave early because I was so hurt and utterly embarrassed of how dumb I had acted. I actually thought that he had broken up with her. Later, I found out that they were on a “break” but weren’t officially broken up for the entire time we had been seeing each other. I was the side girl. I helped a guy cheat on his girlfriend.
But the messed up thing was, I still liked him and wanted to be with him. We continued to see each other for a couple of months after that. I knew he had a girlfriend, and I didn’t care. I liked him so much that I couldn’t stop seeing him.
We finally stopped hanging out as much and went our separate ways. We were “together” for a little over a year when all was said and done. It was the longest relationship I’ve ever had, but in reality, it wasn’t real. It was a lie. We were a lie. We tried to justify our behavior and actions, but in the end it was too much. Here’s what I learned from being in a relationship with a guy who had a girlfriend: 1.
Make sure he is completely single before you develop more feelings for him. You need confirmation that they are completely over. He needs to tell you straight up that they are broken up. If you need to do a little online research to make sure that things are removed from profiles and that it is public knowledge, then do it. Knowing is so much better than assuming. 2. Liking him more won’t make him break up with her. I convinced myself that I wasn’t doing anything wrong because I liked him so much and we were supposed to be together.
Liking him more than he likes you never ends well. He liked me but not enough to leave his girlfriend. That was a hard pill to swallow.
3. If things seem shady, it’s because they are. I didn’t think about it until after we were done, but we never went out in public.
He never took me on any dates or showed affection towards me when we were out with our group. If it seems like he’s hiding you from others, then he most likely is.
4. Don’t let your feelings cloud your judgement on what’s right and wrong. Once I found out that he was still with her I should have ended it. But I didn’t. I thought that if I just waited long enough that he would eventually choose me. I also became attracted to the idea of being caught and having her finally find out about us. It made the hook-ups hotter, which only made me want him more. 5. Don’t be afraid to call him out.
If you have some reservations about how things are going down, tell him. I assumed that he told me the truth and never questioned the situation. Huge mistake. Be on top of the things that he says he will do. If you notice that he’s giving you the runaround or making up excuses, then get out of there. 6. Put yourself in her shoes. I never put myself into his girlfriend’s mindset.
I never thought about her, off at college, thinking that her boyfriend was home waiting for her. They were together for a really long time and I was the girl that came in and messed things up.
Make sure you stop and think about how you would feel if you were the one that was being cheated on. 7. Know your worth.
Know how great of a catch you are. Any guy would be lucky to call you his girlfriend and don’t settle for anything less. I thought he was the only one that would ever like me.
I was wrong. There are so many people out there who will appreciate how lucky they are to be with you and not put you in second place. At the end of the day, I wouldn’t take back what I did because my feelings for him were real, but I wish I had been smarter about my choices. Ignoring the problem doesn’t make it go away, it just makes you a coward. I never found out if she knew about us or if she even suspected anything. It’s almost like our relationship never really existed. Have you ever been the other girl?
Why did you choice to stay in the relationship? Follow Gurl, pretty please! , , and He was technically not with her. He was single the time he was with you and he wanted to try other women than her before he makes up his mind what he wants to do in future. If he wanted a break from her, she would have known he could be sleeping with other women in the meantime.
Please, don;t blame or put yourself down. It was a real relationship. It just didn;t last. The guy wasn;t ready for anything serious. He didn’t invite her to the party. She turned up uninvited=she was chasing him even when he wanted a break from her. My guess is they are not together any more. Unless it was her who wanted the break? • It’s hard being the other woman.I’m that right now and i know i shouldn’t be.He tells me when he is with her so i remember not to call him.We wete caught at one point and she told him to change his phone number etc which he did.I still contact him though but he wont call me as she checks his bill.Social media is how he contacts me.She made him delete the apps from his phone but he re installs them to contact me.Then deletes when he is at her place.We love each other but he also loves her still.I will bide my time to get what i want.Wrong yes but feelings have taken over.
• I was played by girl that had a boyfriend, cheated on him with me and she acted like she was in love and both developed feelings for each other, we were planning on being together, known her as a friend for 2 and a half years (never met the boyfriend) so after like 2 and a half months of seeing each other I told her to make a decision, she got offended and shit went downhill after that.
I know I should probably let it go but Im really close to sending his boyfriend all the conversations I had with her, and the pictures she sent me so that he knows the piece of shit he is dealing with. Would this be a good way to give it closure with a bang lol or should I just let it go, Im quite on the ledge here • I’ve always been an overachiever… So, in comparison, here’s my story: I’ve moved to another country last year, at first I was staying at my best friend’s house but eventually I had to move to my own place.
(Let’s make clear the fact that I sorta had a boyfriend back home, we broke up and got back together as soon as I got to my new “home” and were in long-distance relationship), so I met this new guy here… he’s awesome, we both have an amazing time together and, he also has a girlfriend back home… So I thought: THIS IS JUST FOR FUN.
When the time to move from my friend’s house came, he also had to move from his place, so we rented a place for the two of us (at first it was an ugly room on a department we shared with 8 other people, then we got ourselves a beautiful department). Time passed and my bf and I broke up.
The guy I live with constantly tells me how crappy his relationship is and how he only cares about what we have here, cause I know his struggle and we have shared a lot of hard and good times being strangers in this other culture.
Lately I’ve been feeling really attached to him, he has pointed out he gets jealous when I speak with other boys, and all… We have a crazy sex life, it is mind blowing. But he stills talks with his girl back home, he even post pictures on instagram as a constant reminder for her.
I dont know what the fuck I should do at this point. I feel pathetic. Please help. • It takes two to tango. The other woman is not the one ruining the relationship.
It’s the guy that doesn;t care about it. There is no substance to the relationship and there will not be by people making rules and asking him to change numbers. He will just find another one to do the same thing with. Face it, he is just not that much in to you… • I have been the other girl before and it is absolutely horrible, i was on and off with my boyfriend for the past four years to only just find out his been seeing another girl, then coming home to me.
It made me feel sick and now I cannot stop thinking about it and thinking where I went wrong, it constantly felt like my fault. It’s been a month and all i can do is think about what he done to me, he would text me saying he had shit to sort out and all this bollocks, fair play the girl might have liked him but she knew we were together, she saw us together loads, everyone knew we were together.
So why the f*ck did she even start talking to him. So here is so advice stay away from people’s boyfriend because it breaks the other girls heart. • I’m in a flirtationship with a guy that has a gf. He says things are rough, they are constantly on the verge of breaking up.
I think about how terrible I am all the time for doing this to this poor girl. The feelings are real but our relationship is a ghost of something I deserve with someone deserving of my time and affection.
He’s so loveable and the thought of being caught is so exciting/hot. But it’s honestly not real. I have to end things. Thanks For The Wake up call. •
best dating a man who has a girlfriend but i like him quiz - 8 Reasons Why You Should Not Date Someone With a Girlfriend
About half a year ago, I noticed that a guy in my dance class was doing the stare-game with me: whenever I would (accidentally) look in his direction, he would turn his head away pretending nothing happened, then the same thing would happen minutes later and that for weeks. It was only then that I noticed him, before that he didn’t really strike my attention.
After that I fell for him hard. However, two weeks after I decided to pursue him, I found out he had a girlfriend (all along)… I was devastated and couldn’t understand why he would do the “stare-game” if he was committed to someone already.
What made it more confusing, was that he would (out of nowhere) congratulate me on my results for my dance exam and would smile at me as if we’d known each other for years. We didn’t even know each other “officially” during that time, we just happened to be in the same dance class and had mutual friends, that was it. Then he became my dance partner. Of all his partners (he has a four or five), I’m the only one he looks at during dancing whenever we’re not talking. Also, if he doesn’t know a person (yet) it takes a while before he can act familiar with him/her (just like with everyone), but with me it was the “I’ve-known-you-for-years”-attitude right from the start.
Another example is that whenever he greets the dance group, he looks at me until I say “hi” back. I don’t know what to think of it… I still like him a lot, but he has a girlfriend, I don’t know if he likes me back in the same way or just finds me attractive.
Either way, it’s getting worse every time (maybe from both sides, maybe just from mine…) I see him and getting myself another dance partner (I’ve considered that) is harder than most think, knowing there is 3 ladies for every man at my studio.
I don’t know what to do. Does he like me back? Or is he playing a game with me? Should I still pursue him? Or find myself another dance partner after all? Thanks in advance, I appreciate your time! He stares at you because he finds you attractive. And the “I’ve-known-you-for-years” thing is probably the same chemistry at work. It may be a game, in addition. Usually for men, there is a lot of energy in the “hunt” phase of love.
And when they finally get a girl, after awhile the energy eventually settles down into some kind of secure, more steady thing. But their “hunter” part is still alive, after all, and so they keep looking around.
Maybe it is just being flirtatious, and they can self-manage their own chemistry to keep it from randomly spreading seed all over the planet (as young men are notoriously said to be biologically programmed to do). That chemical attraction thing is a kind of mock-soulmate feeling. It’s the “in” part of falling “in love” — you fall into it.
Actual statistics show that this feeling is a very poor predictor of relationship success, however. It does not at all mean that happiness is just around the corner.
It could also easily mean that great and compelling drama is there — the painful kind. Regardless of the feelings, I always recommend you also use your head. Which you are doing, in fact, by reaching out and asking for a second opinion.
So here is my opinion, offered… To know what to do, you first need to see the big picture — and sense where your own values line up when you see it. How can you see the whole picture? Let’s start with the following visualization of one possible future scenario: Imagine that in some way or other, you do in fact become his girlfriend.
Imagine that things have been great and exciting for the past year of being with him, but now it is a year later and things are more secure and longterm, and things have gradually settled down. Sense that you are indeed steady, and as far as you are concerned they are pretty sweet…. Here’s the kicker… imagine he is next in some new dance class, and his “hunter” comes out to play with some other new attractive girl who generates all that warm chemistry for him. He’s staring at her and somehow ends up her partner.
Sit in the position of being his girlfriend as he does this, for awhile, and feel it all the way through your heart and soul. Get a sense of what that is for you as his girlfriend. Now imagine you are talking with that new girl in that new dance class of his, and tell her what your heart and soul has seen in this visualization. Give her your best advice for what she needs to know and consider in this situation.
Life is a learning experience, and sometimes we need to act on impulse to find out how that works for us. The visualization is an attempt to see things from all points of view, and, yes, to recognize that if you start a relationship as “the other woman” then down the road there is a distinct possibility that you will trade places eventually with some new “other woman.” I have learned the advantage to myself (and others) to keep relationships as clean as possible of triangular dramas, and that messy starts usually predict messy endings — and that the optimal way to start a fresh relationship is when both you and the other prospective partner have clean slates and have emotionally “completed” all previous chapters and interludes in your love life.
The key to lasting happiness in love. Some people communicate in ways that promote good feelings and a happy connection. Most of us need to learn better tools to do this. Become an effective communicator and get positive results. Express your needs well and have them met. Foster good feelings and prevent negative patterns. For over 25 years I have helped thousands of people build healthy, happy relationships. I’ve learned what damages love — and what makes a couple thrive. I’d like to give you the tools to keep your love life on track.
My book shows step-by-step how to create a solid, secure partnership — the kind that gets better with time! I’m so confident you’ll benefit from this book that I offer you a money-back guarantee. Post navigation
I've been in this situation. Kind of. I thought about it a lot. Caught myself with the dark thought: Yeah, he has a girlfriend, but why should I care? Well, what kind of person does that make you? Suppose you're dating a guy, and you really like him. Then, another girl comes onto him. Even if the two of you have a good relationship, wouldn't that make you uneasy? What would you think of this girl who, even knowing that he has a girlfriend, pursues your man anyway?
Well, I'd think she's a bitch. I liked a boy once, for a short period of time, and had this internal conflict. I decided to let it go after a while. If he has a girlfriend, good for both of them, she doesn't deserve to have some random girl trying to come between them.
I'm not a bad person, but I'd feel like one if I'd tried to pursue that boy anyway (which I'm glad I did not, at the end of the day). In my personal opinion, I'd say that if you really feel you need to tell him, then do it. Confess, and let it go. Respect his relationship.
That's all I have to say. There is a girl code! Obey it! Don't get involved with another females boyfriend! Considering you're young, i can almost guarantee that thier relationship, like most other boyfriend/girlfriend relationships that happen in high school, wont last that long.
You will get your chance, and most likely in the not too distant future. Your time will come, but for the love of God please wait til they break up first and don't be the reason that they do.
What could you hope to achieve by telling him you like him anyway? That he will end it with her and get involved with you? That will cause all sorts of problems and most definitely earn you the hatred of the girl hes with now. And if you tell him you like him and he does nothing about it and chooses to stay with her, wont that just make things awkward for you?
If you guys talk all the time already, chances are he already likes you to a degree and something will probably progress in due time. But let thier relationship run its natural course first and if you really like him, respect that hes taken for now and don't be giving him any reasons to cheat on her or end the relationship that he already has. What do you hope to achieve by telling him this? Are you expecting him to realize he’s actually in love with you, ditch his partner, and come running to your loving arms?
And y’all can live happily ever after? That’s just not how this is going to work out. Confessing your crush is just going to make things awkward between you, and this guy, because it’s pretty likely your feelings are not returned.
He’s most likely going to share this with his current girlfriend, who is forever going to view you as the bitch that tried to break them up. Assuming you have mutual friends, you have to know the gf is going to share this knowledge with them, and you’ll find yourself no longer invited to parties, nights out, or other events, because no one will trust you around their boyfriends either. No, you should not attempt to break up a relationship. No, you should not tell him you like him.
Boyfriend quiz: What type of guy is for you? Pick one love personality test