Mutual is a dating app exclusively for Mormons. Heavenly resources. Growing up, Jillian Sewell spent Sundays dreaming of her perfect spouse. In (church) we would do this thing where we would write down all the things we wanted in our future husband, she said. When she enrolled in Brigham Young University, Mormonism's flagship school, Sewell expected to get married right away Brown's realization is a radical idea within Mormonism -- one only found on the fringes of the faith. Some Mormons who flirt with dating non-members live in areas with scant Mormon populations or feel they have exhausted their options at church. For many, Mutual brought them back to the Mormon dating fold, providing an incentive to seek a temple marriage that rhetoric alone could not.
So I am 24 years old, and I've never had sex. I also don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs, and I don't drink coffee. I'm a Mormon. And I've lived in New York City for six years as a Mormon, and it is hard to be a Mormon here if you don't drink or if you don't do drugs, but it is especially hard to live in New York City if you don't have sex. Because I'm young and I wanna have relationships, and I wanna play too and, like, date and stuff.
But unfortunately, because I don't have sex, the longest relationship I've ever been able to sustain is four weeks… and that was only because for two of them he was out of town.
There's this huge part of me that wants to be considered sexy. But if you're not selling sex, you really shouldn't advertise, and so I don't really ever get to come across as sexy. But one time I was at this vintage boutique, and I came across this 1940s slip. It was dark navy blue – lacy at the top and then silk – and it was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen. I tried it on, and I looked in the mirror, and I thought, Oh my gosh! I am sexy! Wow! Who knew I could be sexy?
And so I bought it. I took it home, and I put it in a drawer, and no guy has ever seen me in it. But occasionally, late at night, I'll try it on and look in the mirror and think, I'm sexy! And I know that Mormons are notorious for saying no to things, and you would think as a person who says no to a lot of things, I wouldn't be any fun.
But while I say no to some things, I try to say yes to everything else, which makes me a really enjoyable person. I learned the power of saying yes when I was going to NYU. They used to have these career fairs, and I was a drama student, so they wouldn't even set up booths for us. But for all the business school students, they had tons and tons of booths with the coolest trinkets they would give away. And I discovered that if I said yes to all the questions they asked, I could get presents.
They would ask, "Are you a Stern student?" "Yes." "Are you interested in a job at Morgan Stanley Dean Witter?" "Yes." And if I answered yes enough, I would get a cool triangle highlighter with three different colours. And I know that technically that's lying, and Mormons aren't supposed to lie by any means, but I figure I do everything else right so I can do that. And then another time I was walking by the Javits Center and someone said, "Are you looking for the paper convention?" And I immediately was like, "Yes!" I walked in and there were all these booths, and I just said yes to everything people asked me, and I left with a bag full of amazing stationery.
I thought, This is awesome! It all led up to the mother of all conventions. I had some friends in town at the Marriott, and we had breakfast. I glanced under the table and saw a badge, and it said, "Bob Barnett, 7-Eleven Convention." And I was like, "YES!" So I put the badge on, and we went down to this banquet hall, and they were celebrating 75 years of 7-Eleven.
So I start mingling with people. I'm making friends, taking free samples. And I end up meeting the woman who's running the whole convention. And I was like, "I go to conventions all the time, and this is so well organised." And she said, "Did you need tickets for today's events?" And I said, "Yes." And so she gave me four tickets to Madame Tussauds, four tickets on a bus tour, four tickets to , and then she said, "Will I be seeing you on tonight's cruise?" And I said, "Yes, but, you know, I sent all that stuff in, and they never mailed me anything back." And she was like, "What?!" And she ran off and came back with four tickets worth $150 each on a dinner cruise around Manhattan.
So that night I got all dressed up, and me and my three friends went on this cruise. It was 1,500 7-Eleven employees and us. And we start mingling. We dance. We get going in karaoke. And then they serve this four-course meal. And at the end of dinner my friend turns to me, and he says, "Elna, I dare you to make a toast." I don't even drink, so I've never made a toast before, but I've seen movies, so I took a knife, and I was, like, tink-tink-tink on my glass.
Everybody shut up, and I said, "I'd like to make a toast to 7-Eleven for redefining convenience." And they cheered. And the thing that I love so much about saying yes is that where you start at the beginning of the day and where you end up can be two totally different places based on all the things that you say yes to.
But then there's this other side of my life, which is that I do say no to a lot of things. And with sex, the thing I've learned is it's one thing to say no to having sex with someone you've dated for two weeks. It's actually pretty easy because for me that would be kinda slutty to just say yes after two weeks.
But it's a whole other experience to say no to having sex with someone when you feel like you're in love. I met my yes counterpart a year ago, and his name was Nick. And when I met him, immediately I was like, "You!" And he was like, "You!" And we were like, "YESSSS!" Our first date was amazing.
We were walking by a movie set, and we decided to sneak on and pretend we were extras. And so we were extras in the back of all these scenes, and we ended up in the makeup department. And they asked us what we needed, and at the same time we both said, "Black eyes!" So they gave us these huge black eyes, and we spent the rest of the day going around New York City with black eyes.
We had so much fun. We just kept going on adventures. And we were dating. I didn't tell him I was Mormon, because I thought, You know what? In addition to being Mormon, I am a lot of other things. But I really, truthfully didn't wanna tell him I was Mormon because I wanted to get to date him, and I knew that it probably wouldn't work out if he knew I was Mormon. And so as casually as you can bring that up, a couple of weeks into dating him I said, "Oh, by the way… I'm Mormon." And he was like, "Oh, um… I'm an atheist.
Can you be with an atheist?" And I was like, "Yes. Can you be with a Mormon?" And he said, "Yes." So we kept dating. And we kept going on adventures, and it was really, really wonderful. But then there were these grander things than we were that kept interfering, as much as we tried to ignore them. And I remember one of the bigger ones was when I found out he didn't believe people had souls. I was like, "What?
What!?!? Doesn't everyone believe that? I mean, religious or not, doesn't everyone believe people have souls?" And he said, "No. I don't believe people have souls." I grabbed him by the shoulders, and I looked him in the eyes, and he was like, "What are you doing?" I said, "I'm looking at your soul.
I can see it. I can hear it. I know it's there." And he was like, "Really? And what does my soul have to say?" And I listened really close and said, "It says… 'Fuck you. I've been inside you for 29 years, and you've been ignoring me the entire time.
Argh!'" So we kept dating, even though at this point I realised my soul mate didn't actually believe in souls. But I was willing to be OK with that. And then the sex thing came up, and he asked, "Are we gonna have sex?" And I said, "No." And then he did that thing where, like, he started to pull away. And I could tell he was starting to phase me out. It's so interesting because every girl knows when a guy starts to phase her out, even if it's just a coincidence that he didn't pick up his phone.
You feel it and you know. And so I started thinking, Why would he wanna phase me out? It's because I'm Mormon and it's because I won't have sex. And then I started thinking, What if he's the love of my life, and I end up marrying a Mormon guy that I like OK, and I spend the rest of my life regretting this decision?
What if he's right, and what if God doesn't exist, and then I'm making this sacrifice for this totally imaginary reason. Elna Baker: 'I started thinking, What if he's the love of my life, and I end up marrying a Mormon guy that I like OK, and I spend the rest of my life regretting this decision?' Photograph: Rebecca Aldler And then I started thinking about sex, and how when you're in love sex is totally different.
It almost feels like a natural progression of things. And I thought, You know, maybe I could have sex. And then we went out again, and I sensed it was one of the last times we would get to go out with each other. We were supposed to go to this outdoor exhibit, but it got rained out, so we ended up back at my apartment. It was the middle of the afternoon on a Tuesday. We made grilled cheese sandwiches and put on a movie. I was still wet from the rain, so I said, "I'm just gonna change into something else." I walked into my bedroom.
I was just gonna put a T-shirt on. I opened the drawer, and I saw that blue slip. And I thought, What if I put that on? I was like, Why would you do that? It's the middle of the afternoon on a Tuesday. I thought, Well, I own that, and I've never worn it.
And what is this sex thing? I can do that. I can say yes to having sex. And what I love about saying yes is when you do say yes, everything can change. And so I took that slip out, and I put it on.
And I walked into the living room, and he said, "What are you trying to do to me?" And I was like, "Shh." And we started kissing. And we lay down on the couch. And the moment was building, and we were kissing. And I leaned into his ear, and I heard myself say, "You need to pray and find out if God exists." And he was like, "What?" So I was like, "Never mind." And we started kissing again. And the moment started to build again. And it was all going well again. And it happened again.
I leaned to his ear, and I heard myself say, "How can you know if God exists unless you've prayed?" And he was like, "WHAT?!?!" And I thought, What am I doing?! All I wanna do is have sex right now, and instead I have God Tourette syndrome! And he sat up, and I sat up, and he asked, "What are you trying to say?" And I said, "Well, it's just the only reason I believe in God is because I prayed, and I asked, and I got an answer. And so all these choices that I make are a result of that feeling." And he asked, "Do you want me to pray?" And I said, "Yes." And he said, "OK.
I can do that." And I was like, "Really? OK." And so we said goodbye and he left. And the minute he left, I said a prayer. I said, "God, I know I pray a lot, but can this one count for a whole lot more than the other ones?
And you don't even have to listen to anything else I ever say, but if Nick prays, will you answer him?" And then I called my mom and dad, and I was like, "Can you pray?" And they said they would. And then my parents called my grandparents.
And literally there was a Mormon family tree across the United States, praying for me that if he prayed, he would get an answer. I didn't hear from him for two weeks.
When I did, we agreed to meet up. And we met up and sat on a bench, and we were just small talking. And finally I just broke through and asked the question that I really wanted to ask. I said, "Did you pray?" And he said, "Yes." I thought, Wow, because he's 29, and his whole life he's never once tried to pray.
I said, "What happened?" And he told me that he sat in his room in silence, and that he prayed, and he asked if God existed. And he sat there for a long time, and he listened. And he realised that even if he did hear an answer, it would just be him telling himself that he had heard an answer because he wanted to be with me, and that it wouldn't be real.
And that was it. We broke up. And, upset as I was that he didn't get the answer I wanted him to get, I totally understood where he was coming from, because he tried as hard as he possibly could to find God for me, and I tried as hard as I possibly could to have sex for him. But in the heat of the moment, all I could do was bring up God. You know, my whole life I'd thought that I didn't have sex because I was Mormon, but I realised in that moment that I don't have sex because I don't want to.
And sometimes saying no can actually be saying yes. • This is an edited extract from The Moth: This Is A True Story, edited by Catherine Burns, published by Serpent's Tail at £12.99. To order a copy for £10.39 with free UK p&p, go to or call 0330 333 6846.
Read and on why they love The Moth, plus true stories by , Nobel prize-winning geneticist , and .
best dating a mormon man up - A Month of Mormon Day 27: "Man Up"
Dear Ask Mormon Girl, I’m writing to ask you for help understanding the Mormon man I’ve been dating over the past several months. He is a lawyer who recently divorced from his wife of twenty years. At first, I was impressed by his strong work ethic, sincerity, excellent kissing skills, impressive knowledge of basketball, rugged all-American good looks, and one-generation-off-the-farm pragmatism.
He seemed so emotionally tuned-in at first. When we briefly broke up after only four weeks of dating, he even cried! However, as I have become more engaged and smitten, he has maintained his distance, unable to commit emotionally (although he does say he “likes me a lot” and finds me “adorable.”). I can’t help but think that there might be something about his Mormon background and culture that is keeping this from developing any further.
What could be going on? Jenn in Phoenix Remember the opening line to Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina: “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way”?
It’s a great line, but it needs a little tweaking, I think, for application to the world of Mormonism. Mormons tend to believe we have our own special brand of happiness that comes from living a devout Mormon life, but our unhappiness seems to come from the same sources as everyone else’s: failure, disappointment, conflict, self-doubt, poor choices, and so forth.
I’m tempted to say that the unhappiness and emotional distance you’re experiencing with the Mormon man you’re dating has more to do with the fact that he is processing the end of a twenty-year marriage than with any particularly Mormon facet of his masculinity.
Which is not to say that you’re wrong in your hunches, or that Mormonism has not played a role in shaping his masculinity. Few contemporary world religions talk more explicitly and prescriptively about gender roles than Mormonism, and I have no doubt (especially if he is a multigenerational or ethnic Mormon) that his Mormonism has helped shape how he understands and expresses himself—including his love of basketball, his pioneer work ethic, sincerity, pragmatism, and his sentimental tears!
But theorizing the relationship between Mormonism and masculinity doesn’t sound like a fun way to start a relationship. Sure, it’s a fascinating topic that has generated some terrific novels (see The Backslider and The Lonely Polygamist) and a bit of scholarly .
It’s great dissertation material. And I suspect it may generate some interesting comments below. But do you really want or need a dating relationship that gives you more angsty grist for your analytical mill? What do you think, folks? Is Jenn right in her suspicions that Mormon culture may be contributing to the turbulence in her relationship?
Shall we talk about Mormonism and masculinity? Or shall we encourage her to move on? Send your query to , or follow askmormongirl on Twitter. I have to agree with you Joanna. His distance probably has to do more with his recent divorce or the pain caused by that, than the fact that he is Mormon. IMH everyone deserves as much time as they need before having to commit to a relationship, he may be feeling pressure to do just that (Mormon speed dating style) and after a divorce this makes it especially tricky because he may be trying very hard not to make the same “mistakes” again and may need even more time to assess a relationship than someone who has never been married.
I would ask how long he dated his first wife and if he even knows how to take a relationship slowly. It may be a real struggle for him if he was someone who met and married within months of each other the first time around. Hmmm…. good question. I think our culture shapes us and our life events do also. Definitely the Mormon culture shapes a man to be the way he is — but the end of a 20-year marriage may rock someone into having a hard time getting too close also.
Mormons tend to bond quickly. All in all, I would ask him. And if he can’t communicate openly, then maybe that’s a problem too. I think Mormonism is playing a role in the emotional withdrawal of this man. It’s true that the divorce rate is lower for Mormons, but it does not necessarily mean that Mormons have happier marriages. It could mean that Mormons are more likely to remain married due to the fears of social rejections and lowered self esteem as a result of the divorce.
There is a great deal of pressure on a married Mormon couple to treat each other well, be happy, and above all else, work it out. All people feel a sense of failure after a divorce, but I think for Mormons the pain is tenfold. I believe his emotional withdrawal could be caused by his inability to forgive himself for a failed relationship, and a reluctance to engage in a new relationship because he isn’t certain he could handle the devastation of failing again.
I agree that the situation may not be worth this amount of stress. If you really mean a lot to him, then he will take a risk. If he won’t, then you know where you stand. JB, you know I think you’re brilliant but unless you know something about this questioner that I don’t, I’m reading this question in a completely different way. She’s not a Mormon, and IMHO the surface question is: Is the fact that I’m not Mormon keeping him from committing to me; is it responsible for a certain level of reserve and apprehension on his part?
I think the deeper Mormon cultural question she’s asking is this: While he frequently gives the APPEARANCE of deep, sensitive, emotional connection, in reality he’s distant and emotionally reserved. I think she’s looking at the disconnect between what he seemed to be and what he truly is, and wondering if the display of emotion and appearance of depth and feeling coupled, confoundingly, with distancing behavior, is related to Mormon cultural practices.
Are Mormon males socialized to act a certain way? A way that may or may not accurately reflect their emotional abilities? Non-MO’s are not typically used to emotional displays from men.
His may have led her to expect something of him that he can’t actually provide. Just to confuse things for you…. Anyone recently divorced, especially from a 20 year marriage, is going to be bouncing all over the place for quite a while. Not knowing the guy, I think it has more to do with time needed for healing and gathering his emotional bits and pieces than anything. Sometimes we need more dating experience under our belts but don’t want to hurt, or lose, the person we are currently with.
And let’s not forget the hugely differing sexual practices of single Mormons (at least the faithful ones) and single non-Mormons. If he is unwilling to have sex outside of marriage and she is all for it – that is bound to cause some pulling away and distance and yo-yo behavior.
I’m a ‘Mormon’ guy and I’m divorced. I wasn’t married for the length of time he was, nor do I know the circumstances of his divorce, so how my view apply’s is subjective. My wife left me…I was not without responsibility but the event left me devestated.
I shudder to repeat that trauma…and though I find it easy to love, I find it difficult to lay my full trust in someone’s hand again. The desire to be close to someone, to love them, and to be loved was there right away…but I wasn’t ready to seriously persue a relationship for at least two years.
I was in it as Dante, in Dante’s Inferno, was in it…for the long haul. For that bond to be severed is no small matter. If he were to be emotionally ready to attach to you, I’d be scared! You want a man who will love you no matter what…even if you were to spike his foot to the floor and leave him to waste…he seems like such a man.
His lack or enability to commit shows just how commited he was to his former. Though he has resolved the legal aspect through divorce, it says nothing of the emotional resolutions that need to take place.
Distance…I quickly found out just how intimately envolved i could become with those I dated…not very much, without stirring up a bold wave of passion and feeling. Don’t take that as a slight against you, but as respect toward you. ‘Mormons’, if practicing, tend to take on a long term perspective on things…me being affectionate and intimate with someone reflects the nature of a relationship that I will have with but one person for the rest of my life and beyond…to look that far ahead will be too painful for him, as it was for me.
To ignore the long term and take pleasure in the moment would be dishonest and disrespectful. Respect him in return and understand that the closness he feels toward you is acutely akin to the closeness he felt toward his ex…which is that of companion…which should be a compliment. Sorry you caught him at this point in time.
Know that your relationship will remain platonic…if you can’t love him enough to let go then you ought to walk away. Being a supportive, loving, selfless friend is a step in the right direction no matter what the outcome is. I find it interesting that people trust “the Internet” and “Mr/Mrs no one and nobody” or whoever is behing the screen” more that close friends or someone they are intimate with when it comes to their efforts to understand Mormon beliefs and Mormons.
I presented a paper on how Francophone Mormons and non-Mormon use the Internet at the Sunstone Symposium this week. Someone in the sample that I studied posed almost the same question: “is it ok for me to continue dating a Mormon?” Joanna: please check you “contact” email regarding a researcher on Mormonism living in Bordeaux, France.
So you’re thinking of dating a Mormon, eh? Good choice. I’m bias, but I find most Mormons are very cheerful people who care about others. If you’re dating a teenage Mormon, there are quite a few things to know. First, we’ll talk about the rules, but then we’ll get into the more important things that will help you understand where they are coming from.
Required Mormon Dating Rules The official Mormon dating rules can be found in , but I’ll do my best to explain them in layman’s terms here. • Nope. If it’s what you’re wondering, no. Mormons do not have sex before marriage. Period. • No dating before age 16. • Date only people who have high moral standards. • Date in groups. You go with one person, and join up with another couple for planned dates. • Avoid going on frequent dates with the same person.
This doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with the same person often as friends, but it means if you’re hooked up, you have to be careful about spending too much time together, because it often leads to… well… feeling too comfortable around each other. That’s Only Half the Story The “Rules” for Mormon dating are only half of the story.
You can understand those rules and still have no idea what your teenage Mormon friend is thinking. I want to explain a Mormon belief that is central to our beliefs that is responsible for just about every dating decision we make. Eternal Marriage. Eternal marriage means that Mormons believe that if we are married with proper Priesthood authority (in a Mormon temple) then God will honor our marriage not just on earth, but also after we die and are in Heaven.
So the whole point of the rules above are to help Mormons to keep from disobeying God’s commandments about morality and sex, so that when they decide to marry later on in life, they can marry for eternity. If you understand that, you’ll understand something else, too. The “rules” mentioned above are just the base guidelines for dating. They are the bright-line, never-compromise standards. It’s the minimum acceptable code of conduct.
The Individual Standards for Mormon Dating Since Mormons strive to meet the goal of eternal marriage, they also make their own individual standards to help them to stay chaste (sexually pure).
The following are some examples. • Some Mormons may choose not to kiss anyone while in high school and will wait until they are ready to date seriously in consideration of marriage later on. Others, will be completely fine with it, but wouldn’t get into any passionate, heavy kissing. • Some Mormons may choose not to develop a relationship to the point of calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, but others may see that as acceptable as long as it is kept within certain bounds.
• Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Knowing Where the Line Is What’s the best way to know what is okay and what isn’t when dating a Mormon?
Don’t be so weird about it! If you want to know, then just ask the girl or guy. It’s not rude. It shows great respect for their decisions and goals. One last thing. If you really care about the Mormon you’d like to date, the easiest and quickest way to understand them at a deeper level is to understand the beliefs that are central to the way they live.
Ask your friend if you can talk with some missionaries, or check out , which has more information than you can shake a stick at. I own an online company where I create websites which are read by millions of people. I'm a non-practicing lawyer, and a father of three little kiddos. My faith in Christ is the most important aspect of my life, and this blog is where I get to share my beliefs. The rest of the time, I'm riding dirt bikes or traveling the world taking pictures.
I live in Meridian, Idaho where I attend my local congregation of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I started this blog at the encouragement of President Boyd K.
Packer who asked members of the church to step up in sharing their beliefs online. It is now read by 21,000 people each month who are beginning to learn about the church. The opinions expressed on this website are not necessarily those of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints as this blog is not an official source of church information. However, every effort is put into providing accurate information in support of the church.
I recently started going to Mormon Chapel in Preston, uk. I hope to be Baptized soon. I like one of the Sisters at the chapel and would like to take her to movies on a date. I hope to marry her in the future but a bit shy to ask her on date,due to my slight Aspergers. What is best way to ask her,while respecting her beliefs? • It wouldn’t be rude or disrespectful at all to ask out a Mormon on a date–even if you are not a member of the church.
Just call her up and ask her if she’d like to go with you. It’s that simple. After reading this blog post, you already know what things to be aware of and how to make sure your actions don’t conflict with her beliefs. It’s wonderful that you too are learning the beliefs that this sister also holds. Good luck to you! • There’s one thing people don’t understand about Mormons .Mormon is no t another form of religion ,we are also Christians , followers of Christ ,we follow the teachings of Christ .Also the word Mormon is an Egyptian name which means more blessings more righteousness .Mormon is a prophet ,a historian that abridged the book of Mormon.
And I testify to you that the church is true ,also that book of Mormon is true ,and I testify unto you that if you feast upon the word of Christ,the word of Christ Will Tell ye all things which ye should do ,this I testify humbly in the name of Jesus Christ.Amen • @Sarah – I honestly can’t answer that for you. The prophets have given us their advice in the For the Strength of Youth, which is what I refer to in this article. The Church doesn’t want to make your life decisions for you.
You take the words they say and the spirit of those commandments and choose what is right for you. For me PERSONALLY, I wouldn’t have wanted to have kissed when I was 12. The younger you get too familiar with the other gender, the less a kiss will mean to you later on when you’re ready to choose someone to marry.
• I happen to have a friend that is Mormon. He also happens so be in a relationship with a girl but have never been on a date. He is thirteen and he calls the girl his girlfriend. Me being Christian I don’t really know much about the specifics of Mormonism, but is him calling her his girlfriend kind of “against the rules”?
It’s been bothering me and I wanted to see if it was true. • Hey Christian, Thank you for taking the time to learn about our beliefs. That’s cool of you. We believe in following the guidance of our prophet, and that’s what I’ve shared on this page.
Everything else is really up to the personal choices of members of our church. It’s good for you to encourage your friend to do what is right, but also remember that we are all different and don’t have any business judging each other. • Hi, I’m a Mormon youth (16) and on the flipside of who this article is designed for. I am dating this boy, who isn’t a member. I have deep feelings with him but I don’t like how people are treating me when I say I am dating a non-member.
I’ve talked with him about WOW, sex and other standards and he respects them, even encourages them. How can I explain that he respects me and is there for me, he just isn’t a member? The worst part is that I’m a convert (as of age 7) so people undermine me for that as well. Sorry if this makes no sense • @Clover – Makes perfect sense to me.
It sounds to me like you feel confident that you are doing what is right, but that your main concern is how it appears to others.
I understand that feeling, but just remember that other people can make their own choices. YOU act for you. Just do what you think is right and ignore the naysayers.
Read through For the Strength of Youth, pray, study the scriptures, and YOU decide what is right. Follow the prophet and do what’s right and the opinion of others will matter little. You also mentioned that you feel that some look down on you. There will ALWAYS be people who look down on you. People who look down on you because you’re a teenager, because you’re a convert, later because you’re young and they are the old person at the firm, because you’re too fat or too skinny or too serious or too goofy.
Your religion is about developing a relationship with Heavenly Father and we ALL have our problems–including those who are prideful and look down on you. Just focus on the Savior. • Hi so my friend and me really really like each other ( ive known him since pre-k), he’s Mormon and i am a Methodist.
Hes 15 and i am 14(almost 15). we are both very mature . we both want to respect both of our beliefs but, i really would like to make it official bf and gf. I feel bad hanging around him and his friends (who are all Mormon) when i want to be more then just his friend.
I feel this way because my last boyfriend felt embarrassed about me being with him. When he says we can only be good friends till hes 15 does that mean that we are in secret or just no your my friend only and we can only talk online. • @Nessa – I’m glad to hear that you and this boy like each other. That’s a fun time of life. It’s also admirable that you are willing to respect his beliefs as he respects yours. I understand that you want to “make it official.” If that conflicts with his belief system, do you care enough about him to wait?
Life is a long journey. This may feel urgent right now to get a boyfriend and make it official, but I’d just encourage you to ENJOY BEING A TEENAGER and not feel it too much of a rush to be in a relationship.
Just REALLY HAVE FUN together. Hang out all the time. Be with other people and friends. Once you pair off, others will never treat the two of you the same way when you’re in a room together. • Hello my name is Leo, I am 14 years old (almost 15). I am Christian and I am sort of dating this girl who is Mormon, and she is 13 years old (almost 14) and I understand the whole dating thing you know, like they cant date till they are 16, I get it and I really respect that.
In the beginning when we both started to like each other, she told me that she doesn’t like using the word love because she feels like its for the grown ups, and I respected that and later on I was the first boy she ever said I love you to. but we have been dating for 8 months and all but last week she broke up with me, because her parents don’t like me anymore, but I don’t know what I did wrong honestly, I wanted to respect her, her parents rules.
before we do things like hugging, holding hands and etc I always ask her is it okay. But I just need help because I really care for this girl and I don’t know what to do honestly, like what can I do to gain her parents trust again?
And how would I know if she just wants to be friends or?? cause I’m new to dating a Mormon its like my first time. • Hey Leo, You sound like a good guy who really respects this girl. Would you be grown up enough to simply go meet her parents and ask them how you can best respect their wishes for their daughter, and for you to still be able to be close to her? If you really respect her, then be brave enough to simply talk to her parents and learn from them how you can navigate the relationship.
They have been where you are, and could help you and her to do this right. • Hi Jim, First, thanks a lot for your blog.
I’ve just found out, that my good friend is a Mormon (22yrs old; unfortunatelly, he’s never talked about it before with me… don’t you know why is he keeping it as a “secret”?), so this really helps me to understand his beliefs.
I love when you said “You can understand those rules and still have no idea what your teenage Mormon friend is thinking.” I totally found myself in this. How can I recognize what is he really expecting? One day he calls me “bro”, the other day he texts me “sweet dreams” or “good morning” or make a surprise you’d expect only from your real boyfriend.
It makes me so confused!! But now, I finally know, what the reason propaply is. And also – Can a non-religious person (as me) marry a Mormon? Are there any “problems” connected with that? Thank you! • Hi Andy, Yes, a non-Mormon “can” marry a Mormon. We fall in love with people of all religions just as anyone does. However, you’ll often find that Mormons marry each other. Why? Because we believe in eternal marriage. We believe that marriages we make on earth will be forever–that our families will be together in heaven as well.
However, God requires us to make certain promises to him in order to receive that blessing. Those promises can be made in our temples. Mormons, who believe in eternal marriage, want to find a partner who is willing to live by God’s laws and promise to do so in the temple.
A Mormon may certainly marry someone who is a non-Mormon, but they will always want that person to prepare to go with them to the temple and become married for eternity. • Hi, I have a question. I’m a Mormon guy with a strong testimony, and I will not give up my standards. After 3 years of homeschooling, I get put into grade 9 high school ( I’m 14).
I’ve been here for about 2 weeks, and already a year 10 girl likes me and a year 9 girl says she loves me every time we meet. I haven’t told them I’m Mormon and I don’t know what to do or how to reply to that year 9 gal… I’ve prayed and I felt to ask her ” why do you love me? ” I don’t know plz reply. 🙂 • Hello, i have a question my cousin was a christian until she decided to have a seriously relationship with a Mormon boy but now she has converted to being a Mormon like him and she has also been baptised.
I’m unfamiliar with this religion and was just wondering if this was normal when the couple is beginning to think of marriage. • @Mia – Thanks for your message and your concern for your cousin. There is no rule or anything that requires Mormons to only date Mormons. However, we believe that families can be together when married with God’s power. For this to happen, the couple must follow God’s commandments to be prepared for making those commitments.
One of the preparations for that is baptism–the first promise we make to God. So yes, it’s normal for a couple who wants to be married for eternity in the church to begin this process by both of them taking on the promise of baptism. • Hey so I think I love this boy.. And I think he feels the same about me, but we’re both 13.
Is it wrong to love someone at this age? Because after reading articles like this they keep saying like “Don’t love someone in your teens.” And “Getting too close with someone is wrong before 20” This got me all confused like, seriously? It’s not like I can control how much someone means to me! He was the only person that made me happy back when I was depressed so yeah, of course I love him for that. But now I’m feeling all guilty about loving him because of this, so I need confirmation, is it wrong that I love someone at age 13?
• There certainly isn’t anything wrong with being in love, Rissa. No one is asking you to not love him. However, God’s prophets have asked members of our church to simply delay forming steady dating relationships while in high school. You can still love him. You can still be around him. You can still be friends and do things together. But that doesn’t mean you have to be boyfriend and girlfriend. • Hi, i have a question. I am a 19yr old male and in love with this 18yr old girl who is mormon.
The thing is, i am not a mormon. I dont have any religious affiliation. From what i read and what she told me, Mormons primary goal is to be sealed inside a temple to be together for eternity. Only problem is, I dont think i can give that to her. I have a meeting with missionaires and maybe they can lead me toward mormonism but i wouldn’t count on it.
I love her and she loves me but i dont want to stand in the way of her beliefs and goal to be sealed. Any advice? • Hi.. I’m 14 and the boy I like is a year and half older than me and is almost 16 (he turns 16 in five months) . He is a Mormon and I honestly don’t know what I believe in. Im very worried I’m going to push boundaries because I barely know anything about the religion. I want to fully respect him and his religion, so what would be “pushing it too far”?
• Hi, My “boyfriend” is Mormon and he’s 14 years of age. I’m 13. I know it’s super wrong for him to date at his age, and on top of that, me being a nonmormon, but we really care about each other? I’m just a little bit confused because his parents know as well, and they seem fine with it. We’re kind of, I guess you could call it, exclusive, but I’m wondering if I should stop it here and let him figure out if he wants to continue our relationship or see some other people, or stop dating altogether even though I know that if I told him we should “break-up” he would be really upset.
I totally respect his religion, and I do think it’s wrong for us to be dating, but we really just kind of clicked, y’know? Thank you! • Kat – That was a very mature comment from you.
Thank you for being so respectful of his beliefs. I would encourage you to keep your relationship casual and friendly during high school. It’s wonderful that you care about each other. If that’s true, then I think you may find that just being best friends at your age is likely a better choice for both of you. If you continue really liking each other later on, then you will have shown respect for one another while you’re young that it will create a healthier relationship later on.
Studies have shown repeatedly that developing very serious relationships at a young age leads to immorality and a higher temptation for compromising one’s values. • I really like this Mormon boy and i talk to him somewhat often but I’m not sure about how he feels about me even though he’s under age… I want to get closer to him but I’m not sure if that would be weird since he can’t date yet… also I’m not sure if he’s very strict Mormon or more layer back but I’m not sure what to do • Im a Mormon, I’ve recently become really close friends with this boy in my school.
He isn’t a member, however he also has very strict morals on being sexually pure. We are both 16 and really like each other and want to make it “official” and “exclusive” but I’ve been hesitant because of the rule that states that you can only double date at my age… Does him also having really strong values change anything?
• Hey Jim! This article really helped for me in my current situation. I’m in middle school and a little too young and unexperienced to be dating. But, there is this mormon girl I go to school with who I really like and so I gave her a valentine.
She accepted this, and later told me that she was having a hard time talking to me because she liked me too! I was so happy, but I knew she was mormon from asking one of her friends ( who is also morman). I’m trying to figure out what to do and I know these rules that Mormons can’t take till they are 16 and I 100% respect that. However, I’m wondering if I should wait until she is 16 in high school and then start making moves towards her when I’m ready enough to do so?
I’m wondering what I should do because I have two high schools that I can go to, and the one I want to will not have her in it. But I’m wondering what I should do because the high school that she will be going to is different and I’m not sure which one I should go to. If I was going to the one that she is going to, I would be going for my friends and her.
However, if I was going to the other high school I wouldn’t know anybody, but I am familiar with the school because someone I knew went there. What do I do? • Hi Griffin, Thank you for your comment which clearly shows you have a respect for this person’s beliefs. I encourage you to come out of your shell and simply become a close friend with this person who you like, and who likes you back. It’s wonderful that you like each other, but that hardly means you have to turn the relationship serious.
Just be great friends while you’re still so young. • I recently bumped into these Mormon missionaries, and one of the Elders and I get along really well. My friend is convinced he has a crush on me. As he’ll text me when he’s finished his day or tell me when he can go have dinner so we will meet up and just talk.
I’m 18, and he’s 19. And he’s fully aware of I’m agnostic. But I’m afraid to like him as I can see his religion is such a big part of his life. He also has 5 months of his mission left so that too is constantly in the back of my mind. Should I stop entertaining this friendship or whatever it is? • so I want to be open to dating is about to be 14 but I’m Mormon and I LOVE it and I’m just confused because…. okay so the problem is ….. I don’t know if I’m allowed to kiss or go to the movies or dinner etc.
without feeling guilty about it, well actually I haven’t really done it but what I’m wondering is this. is it okay to kiss ( not heavily at all) or go out with someone since in under 16? • Hi, i’m not mormon but my bf is.
we’ve been secretly dating ever since i was 12 and he’s 13 .. at first 2 years of our relationship i didn’t really know that he’s mormon and i didn’t know about the rules we already shared our first kiss and everything except that (you know what i mean), i just found out when i started sharing him about my religion ..
i’m 18 now and he’s 19 and we’re still secretly dating he’s about to go on a mission this coming april…. i know it’s not allowed to date while you’re on a mission but he never asked me to break up with him… should i break up with him so he can be more focus on his calling?
.. also we’re in a long distance relationship for a year now because my family decided to migrate in other country.. • I am 14 years old and mormon and I recently met this 15 year old mormon boy who I feel very strongly for and he feels the same towards me.
We have been talking everyday for over 2 months but he is turning 16 soon. I am very nervous that he may begin to date other girls and I would be heartbroken. I am not exactly sure what to do and I am very nervous because he is a year and 1 month older than me so if he did wait for me it would be a very long time. Any advice? Also is it okay to kiss before turning 16? • So, I like this guy who’s Mormon. He’s 16 and so am I. But there are two problems I’ve been having so I wanted to ask.
I’m an atheist so I have no religious affiliation, would that be okay? also My friends are telling me he and I can’t officially date until his parents set up a formal date for us because it’s a mormon belief. Is this true? • It’s up to him whether he’d date you or not, just talk to him about it and let him know about your concerns, ask him what his thoughts are. His parents don’t have to set up an official date for y’all, you can set up a date or just start dating, but really it comes down to what he’d be comfortable with.
I have some friends who are dating but never went on an “official date” so that’s up to y’all. Hope this helped 🙂 • Hi! I know this can be a bit of an awkward question.
But I’m an LDS girl (16) and I’ve always wondered if it’s a sin to date/eventually marry a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th cousin. I’ve heard that it would depend on the state. I’m also worried that my parents would think badly of me for even asking a question like this.
Do you know a bit more about how this works? And any advice about my parents? • Hey, my name is John. Im 13 years old and an atheist (sorry).
I have quite a few friends who are Mormon, but I could never quite understand the dating rules. After reading through the comments, I’m starting to think that its up to the individual members although dating is frowned upon before 16.
Care to confirm anything? Thanks • Okay. I’m a newly converted member of the church, and I have a question regarding dating Mormons. So there’s a sister at the church which I attend.
I really like her, but I’m afraid that my lack of knowledge about Mormon dating customs will ruin any chance of us being happy together. What are some big “NoNo’s” when it comes to dating a Mormon, compared with dating someone who isn’t a Mormon? • Okay. So I’m a newly converted member of the LDS Church.
I like this girl who has been a member of the Church since birth. I’m a little nervous about asking her out as I’m afraid that I’m going to do something wrong that will put her off while on the date. What kind of advice do you have regarding what is considered acceptable behaviour on a date. (I know about the Law of Chastity and stuff but I’m a bit fuzzy on the specifics of what IS appropriate.) Purpose In Christ is a ministry of individual members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
While every effort is made to provide accurate information in support of the Church, please note that the authors’ opinions are their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of the Church.
If You Are A Free Thinker, Don't Marry A Staunch Mormon!