Dating a separated man can be a challenge. You'll need to be patient for plenty of reasons, but for how long? Read on to find out what you need to know Dating a Separated Man with Baggage. The truth is, dating a man who is still married will always be a problem. They have all kinds of baggage and no matter how great a guy he is, you can’t separate him from this baggage. Only HE can do this Has a million excuses why he can’t see you, things won’t get better in the future. Loves you and you love him, but this doesn’t make you happy, it won’t change! The Bottom Line. Can dating a separated man work out? Sure, on super rare occasions a man will finish his divorce, feel ready for a relationship and commit to you for the kind of romantic partnership you want.
Of course, so long as he is honest and upfront about this. As most women know, men who are separated come with a lot of baggage. Men who are divorced can as well, but there has at least been an element of time in between relationships. Separation, can be very recent. It really depends on the woman and what she is looking for.
If she just wants some fun then the separated man is probably more suited as it is less likely to become long term or serious. If she is looking for something more permanent then attributes of stability are more likely in a divorced man. Of course, this is pure conjecture and each person is attracted to another by how suited they are and this is a vibrational and not a conscious choice.
I cannot speak for other women. But I wouldn't date a seperated man. To me, seperated men are legally married men. I would not date a married man. Of course, there are exceptions.
For example, I have a friend who could not get a divorce because she could not find her husband to file the divorce. It took her a few years to finally have her divorce granted without the husband presence.
And other countless exceptions too. But for me, I would rather error on the safe side of not falling in love with a married man who never intends to leave her wifeet.
best dating a separated man who won divorced - The rules to dating a separated man
Dating a separated man can be a challenge. You’ll need to be patient for plenty of reasons, but for how long? Read on to find out what you need to know. Can Dating a Separated Man Work? The best answer I can give on dating a separated man is that – it depends. There are so many variables and I can only cover so many, but I will do my best to touch on the main points.
His Personality First, it depends on the man’s personality. How much can he handle living in the flux of still being legally married, but not in a romantic relationship. For some men this is a huge burden and they need time to heal. That usually cannot happen until the divorce is over. So, if the guy you’re dating is still separated, you’ve got a LONG HAUL before you. His Ex Wife Another contributing factor depends on his ex – is she a high-drama type or civil and reasonable.
If he claims she’s crazy, you are sure to suffer being in a relationship with him. It doesn’t matter if this seems fair or not, when the ex is difficult, everyone is affected. His Children Some men have no trouble seeing their kids and having a life for themselves. Others feel tremendously guilty and as a result must spend every waking moment with their children when they have them. What that means for you is you’ll always be a second-class citizen and never come first.
This will show up in many hurtful ways and never get better so beware if this is your situation. You might only see him on his off weekend or may be not even that will be guaranteed. You can forget about anything regular if he works weekends, is passionate about his hobbies, or his wife offers more time with his kids than their agreement stipulates. Dating a Separated Man – Is He Ready?
Regardless of what he SAYS, most men who are separated are not ready for a new serious relationship. If you’re OK with casual, which means you’ll see each other whenever and not every weekend, then it might work. Not all women want a consistent, close relationship fearing their independence will be at risk.
This can be perfect if you are not looking for a commitment. However, if you want a committed relationship, weekend companionship, consistent weekly dates, you are out of luck when dating a separated man.
He will have too many things taking up his time to offer what you want or meet your needs. In addition, emotionally a separated man can’t handle much pressure. They tend to be sporadic in their dating efforts. Romance is usually not a top priority even though they welcome female company and of course sex.
How to Know If He’s Not Ready? Once you know what to look for if dating a separated man, it’s easy to spot a guy who is definitely NOT ready for the kind of love you want. He might say variations for the following, so listen closely when you first meet a new guy: “I’m not looking for anything serious, but I’m happy to get to know you and see where things go.” “I need space, but we can get to know each other and see what happens.” “I just got out of a relationship, but let’s get to know each other and see how things go.” Turns out men who say this are being HONEST with you.
Right up front they are telling you they don’t want a relationship, commitment or anything serious. They want something lose and commitment-free with no expectations. If you can handle that, great! But, if deep down, you are hoping he’ll see how great things can be with you and change his mind, you are looking at disappointment and possible heartbreak.
Dating a Separated Man with Baggage The truth is, dating a man who is still married will always be a problem. They have all kinds of baggage and no matter how great a guy he is, you can’t separate him from this baggage. Only HE can do this. Until he’s ready to move on and make you a priority, he’ll be full of excuses.
Maybe he feels too guilty to go through with the divorce, even though he promised and he’s close. Or he might want his freedom to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants including helping a friend, dating other women or watching football all weekend. This can be a highly selfish time for a separated man and in truth he NEEDS this time for himself. No matter how much you like him or how much he claims to like you – he’s got family and emotional baggage you’ll have to put up with.
And that will not be fun. Love is not enough to have a healthy relationship no matter how long you are willing to wait. Dating a Separated Man Who Lives With His Wife What could be worse than dating a separated man who is still at home living with his wife? Sometimes he feels too guilty to leave, he feels like she needs him, or he can’t afford to sell the house and move out. What a mess! How can this situation bring you anything but heartache?
I’ve heard crazy stories about men who agree to still go to family events with their wives or show a good front for business, regardless of being in a new relationship. How Long Should You Be Patient Dating a Separated Man? So, how long should you be patient with a separated man? Depends on how much of your life are you willing to put on hold or waste waiting for him? If his divorce is just a couple of months away from completion, well that might be worth it.
However, if he… • Hasn’t even started proceedings why wait for what could take years? • Doesn’t keep his promises and often disappoints you, that will not suddenly improve • Was super nice for a while, but that’s all changed, it won’t revert back to how things were • Doesn’t have time for the relationship you want, that’s who he is, and it won’t change • Has a million excuses why he can’t see you, things won’t get better in the future • Loves you and you love him, but this doesn’t make you happy, it won’t change!
The Bottom Line Can dating a separated man work out? Sure, on super rare occasions a man will finish his divorce, feel ready for a relationship and commit to you for the kind of romantic partnership you want. However, playing the lottery makes more sense since the odds of winning are better.
Please don’t think YOU will be the EXCEPTION. I know so many women who wasted the best years of their life dating a separated man who promised to get divorced. Your separated guy is NOT the only one for you no matter how it seems. And if you are just starting to date, please exclude separated men from your list of potential partners. Eliminate the drama and pain. Why even get started when you know this situation is 99.9% sure to be a tear-jerker? Stop being patient and understanding and instead, go after what you want!
Move on from men who can’t love you the way you want and find a new man who is ready for the healthy relationship you dream of and deserve.
Curious about other big dating mistakes that can ruin your chances for love? Get my free book
By: Kimberly Turtenwald While dating can be a challenging and confusing time for anyone, adding a man who is separated, but still married, can make things even more complicated. Some women choose to avoid this situation altogether, vowing to only date men who are free and clear. However, sometimes the right man comes along and, even though he is still technically married, you wish to pursue a relationship with him. While he is still legally married, though, it is important to be careful.
Be discrete. It is likely that if anyone finds out you are dating, it will have a negative impact on his divorce proceedings, especially if there are children involved. This might mean that you go on dates in another town or do not go out to many public places. If you aren't willing to do this for him, you should not be in the relationship.
Be patient with him throughout the process and lend him an ear. Going through a divorce is a traumatic time emotionally. He is likely to be on a roller coaster of emotions and needs someone to listen to him. You may have to wait longer to meet his children, family and friends.
If he means enough to you to have a relationship with him, you have to be willing to wait until he is comfortable. Remind yourself that he will need to communicate with his wife for the sake of the children if they have children together. If you are feeling jealous, share it in a way that does not make him feel like he has to choose between you and his children. He will need to communicate with his wife about their children for many years to come. To have a successful relationship, you must accept this.
Keep your dating experience low-pressure. No matter whose fault the divorce is, some men may be gun-shy to start up a new serious relationship.
Be there for him and listen to him. Enjoy being together, but do not pressure him to become engaged or promise to marry you someday. Let him know that you understand the need to go slow and you are willing to wait as long as he needs. Ask him about his expectations for your relationship and what he expects from you. Listen to him about what went wrong in his marriage and what he expects to be different the next time around.
Be willing to work on yourself if he needs something from you. But be honest with him if you feel you cannot meet those expectations, especially if he expresses that he has no desire to ever marry again and that is a goal for you.
Separated but not divorced, should you date him?