First dates. They can be nerve-wracking, exciting and, if they go well, they can be the start of something truly great. But what, exactly is it that makes a date ‘go well?’ There's lots of advice out there, so we thought it was time to gather some expert tips together in order to create a first date master guide. 10 frequently asked first date questions: 1. When should I ask someone out online? When you meet someone online it can be easy to get caught up in a flurry of messages and to develop strong feelings as a result. However, before you get too swept away, it’s important to test that.
(Last Updated On: 03/05/2017) Guys often ask me which is the best dating advice out there, or whether a specific dating advice by a certain author or dating “guru” or PUA is good or bad. I believe that except for some advice that’s clearly wrong, there is no such thing is good advice or universally perfect advice, just like there is no perfect place to live, perfect diet, perfect job, or perfect exercise plan.
There are things that are perfect for you. This doesn’t make them perfect for everyone. Just like there is no single diet or fitness regimen that will be perfect for everyone, since it depends so much on your goals, your lifestyle, your body type and health condition, there is no such thing as perfect dating advice.
What dating advice will be effective for you depends on who you are, what you want, your social and cultural context, and where you live, among other factors. Here are three major factors that will make a difference to which kind of dating advice is appropriate for you and you should follow: 1. How attractive are you physically? If you are, you probably want to tone down the sarcasm and banter a little, or otherwise you will come across as full yourself or a total player, which will be a big red flag and turn off to many women.
Being a little nicer or sweeter will work to your advantage if you have the looks of a model. If you are average or slightly above average looking, that’s the time to be a little more funny and sarcastic, as enhancing your personality will make your overall more attractive to those women who can appreciate. 2. What kind of girl are you looking for or are you dealing with? If you are looking for a woman who is more traditional, feminine and seems to be having a more nurturing energy, that’s the kind of woman who probably wants to be pursued and it’s ok to call her and text her a little more often and be more aggressive with her when the right time comes.
“Notebook” is a classic example of this kind of traditional dynamic, where the guy continues to show interest in a girl until she finally responds.
Of course, times have changed, and fewer and fewer women belong to that category, especially in big cities, but they are still out there.
This is the kind of woman that you don’t need to be a “challenge” with or wait to return calls or text messages with. She will actually be more attracted to you if you are more straightforward with her. On the other hand, if the girl you are dealing with is more of a business, “independent” type, then being “busy”, being a a little more of a challenge and playing other games in moderation is more appropriate, since that girl will be busy herself and you don’t want her to feel like you are hovering over her all the time.
In this case, you may consider taking the kind of common modern dating advice that encourages you to wait to return phone calls and text messages, not to see that girl more than once/twice a week in the beginning, not to tell her that you like her until it’s clear to you that she likes you first, etc.
And if she doesn’t seem all that interested, then you should definitely not push it. 3. How do guys in your community behave? What do most men in your area wear? What do they talk about in their dating profiles? What are they talking about on dates and how aggressive are they sexually? Whatever they do, try to do or say something different. Here, in San Francisco, for instance, people love to write in their dating profiles about how adventurous they are, how they live to hike, rock climb, skydive, travel, go wine tasting, and eat.
Here, I would advise any guy (or a woman) to avoid saying these things about themselves and go in a completely different direction with their writing.
You can wait to talk about hiking, traveling, and restaurants later, when you meet and find out other, deeper and more interesting things about each other.
Here is an example of a truly unique, fascinating OkCupid profile written by a young woman: My self-summary: 2oz New England pragmatism 3 dashes California outdoorsy wanderlust 1 splash Asian attention to detail 1 tsp feminine wiles 1 dollop of good humour 1 slice of creativity, w.
caramelized edges ———————————————– Mix feminine wiles, Asian detail oriented-ness, and California wanderlust in an an old-fashioned glass. Drop in the dollop of good humor and slice of creativity.
Muddle into a paste using the back end of a wooden spoon. Pour in the New England pragmatism, fill with ice cubes, stir, and enjoy while sitting on a bench in Half Moon Bay watching the sunset.
A delicious concoction unlike any other. You can’t have just one! When I get a chance to observes people on dates near where I live, I always here the same “What do you do? Where are you from? Where did you go to school? Where do you live?”. Men also seem to be quite passive and way too cautious with their conversation and humor. One of the issues women complain about so often in this area is that most guys they meet are boring, and they all talk about the same things.
If that’s the situation in your locality, the best dating advice for you for your first date is to skip all those questions at least at first and start your approach or your dates with anything other than what every other guy does and says.
Talk about movies, new stores that opened up recently, any new scientific fact that you recently learned, a book you recently read that fascinating you or anything other than work, and this will give you an edge over all those other people your date has been talking to and meeting lately. • In short: dating? Not worth the bother. For the male. And so we don't date. Saves us the seven kinds of hell we already encounter as we... · • Those men that find androgyny women attractive, normally have hidden same sex tendencies, Male are masculine, Female are feminine, its all...
· • I can appreciate how that must feel for you. I myself now have a healthy respect and admiration for men (-well, most! - some can be pure... · • Belinda, I understand where you're coming from.
However, I see the dating situation as completely HOPELESS. In my experience, there are... · • I do understand. To be honest, I actually prayed... lol, - I got very bored with many guys, as I felt that I had to initiate nearly all of... · • Belinda, I'm happy for you. However, for every story like yours, there are at least 100 stories of hostility, sexual harassment claims,...
· • Follow me on Twitter • Tags
best dating advice ask first date - The 3 Best Questions to Ask Your Online Date
Actually meeting the person you are talking to is one of the most important steps to online dating. That sounds amusing but many online daters dwell on internet communication overly long. I made this mistake early on and now understand why a few girls, after several emails, would ask direct questions like “Is there anything else you would like me to answer?”.
They didn’t want to answer more questions! They wanted me to get the show on the road and they were right to feel that way. There are times where you will feel like you are communicating with a “great catch” only to realize what a mistake that was 60 seconds into the first date. It is important to meet early on so less time is spent talking to the wrong person and more time is spent trying to find the right one. When to Ask for the First Date Sooner rather than later. The first date should be planned not long after communication has begun.
It is personal preference on how long to wait but there are very few reasons to delay. After all, contacting someone is just a pre-cursor to the first date. It’s not as if you hoping to “chat” with someone and end it there. You want to talk with them and if things go well meet them.
One common reason to delay a first date is due to an attempt to learn more about the other person. This is not a very good reason. I found the first few minutes of the first date are worth more than dozens of emails. Another reason to delay would be if the person you are communicating with has expressed extreme reservations about meeting people from the internet.
I once talked to a woman for two months before we met. She was very nice and we got along well so I was willing to communicate but let her know I’d be talking to others while she gained comfort. This reason is acceptable, especially considering the hassle that some women end up going through when dating online. Photo by In general, my rule is an invitation to meet should come by the third email you send. By this point you have talked back and forth twice and can measure how well you are getting along.
You will be able to judge the situation better as you communicate: sometimes you’ll get a date on your first email, other times you may realize a few weeks of communication would be best. I found that people will not be offended if you suggest a first date before they are ready.
In my experience, the other person would offer an excuse but continue communicating. If this happens to you, wait a few days (continuing the email conversations) and then ask again. Unless a good reason is give for not meeting, I would not ask more than three times – there are some people out there who are looking to make online friends or live fantasies out in their head without any intention of actually meeting.
Other times, people are just reluctant to meet you because they are still trying to decide if they like you. After a while, any of these cases is a waste of your time. A grown woman (or man if the lady is asking) can decide in a few weeks if she would like to meet you – someone looking for a pen pal should do so somewhere else. Your time is valuable and should be used to communicate with people truly interested in meeting you.
What about the Phone? I never went for phone conversations as a stepping stone from internet communication to meeting. I tried phone conversations early on but had a few bad experiences with “excessive calling” and one case where a girl took it as a personal offense every time I had to get off the phone. Photo by Honestly, I have never felt comfortable talking on the phone for long periods of time (even to close friends) so I prefer to jump straight from the internet communication to meeting.
If you enjoy talking on the phone or prefer to do so before meeting someone, treat this step like you would the first date by asking for the phone number by the third email. If you really hit it off on the phone (for example, did you talk for two hours without even realizing it?) ask for a first date as soon as possible.
Regardless of the success of the first phone call, I still think the first date should come rapidly so don’t wait too long to move from phone conversations to a real meeting. First Date Length Plan to keep the first date short. Hint or specifically state that you can only be out until a certain time. Most people will accept this or make a joke in an attempt to fish for more information (“What, have another hot date after ours?” was the most common for me to hear). You can come up with a reason you can only be out for a set amount of time but most people will not press very hard to find out why.
Limiting the time of the first date is a safety precaution: if you end up on a nightmare of a date you’ve already established your “out”. If on the other hand the date is going excellent, suggest to your date that you extend it. Your date might remind you of your time constraint (“But I thought you needed to be home at 8…”). If so, tell the truth. People who are dating online actively will appreciate your planning for a bad date and like the fact that you are saying to them “this is a good date”.
If you would rather not let them in on your planning for the worst-date-scenario, just say that you’d prefer to cancel your previous plans and spend your evening with them. Either way you approach it, they won’t mind if they are having a good time.
If they insist you not break your plans you may want to evaluate how well the date is going! On my first date with my wife, I schedule a one hour date at a diner. After the hour was over, I explained that I only extend the good dates and since ours was a great date asked if she would be up for miniature golf (she was). In contrast, many times the dates ended with coffee or lunch.
This approach is a cousin to the having-your-friend-call-you-and-faking-an-emergency act that some people think is so slick. I think planning ahead and bowing out gracefully is a much classier approach. First Date Locations The first date should be about each of you learning about the other so there should be as little distraction as possible.
Coffee shops, bookstores, restaurants, parks, and bars (that aren’t too loud) will all provide a good place to meet where the object of attention is each other. A baseball game or a museum isn’t too bad but I think each makes for a better second or third date.
As always, listen to your gut. If you both establish you love ballroom dancing before meeting, you obviously have a very good non-traditional alternative. There are no rules written in stone but for your first date keep it simple and make sure you go somewhere where you can hear each other! If you can only function properly on a date after you’ve had a drink the bar is fine but try to select one where you’ll still be able to hear each other speak.
Movies are the worst first date idea in my opinion. I have some friends who like movies on the first date because “it gives them time where they don’t have to talk”.
Well, I really do understand what they mean but they’re going to have to talk to the person someday! If it’s not easy from the start I find it difficult to believe that watching a movie is going to make the conversations flow much better.
Oh, sure, you can talk about the movie afterward but that can only last so long. I settled on coffee shops and bookstores for most of my first dates. I found many of the other options were hard on my bank account, especially once I started going on multiple dates a week.
I also found that women were very open to meeting for coffee (even when they didn’t drink coffee) because of how “safe” this type of date was. Interested in Learning More on First Dates with Online Dating? In this article I’ve discussed many of the ways to prepare for your first date…but there is far more to discuss than what has been described here. Below is a list of several other articles that I hope would help you as you begin to meet singles with online dating: • : In this article I discuss some of the challenges of first dates and offer recommendations for how prepare and then handle dating set-backs.• : A breakdown of different type of conversations you can have on your dates (and often should be having as you meet new people) • : A simple list of topics you can review to help get the conversations going.
Alternately, you can check out my which includes these topics and much, much more on all major areas of online dating.
Dating can seem like a nerve wracking experience and it’s difficult to know what to say to someone new on a first date. If you don’t know what your date likes to talk about or what their interests are, it can be really hard to keep conversation flowing without things getting awkward. With the right though, first time dating can be a great opportunity to get to know each other and best of all, it can be fun too. Below you’ll find advice on some telling questions to ask your date and how these can help you find out more about them.
What do you like to do for fun? This may be an obvious question to ask, but it’s good to get the basics out of the way in the initial stages of the date. Common sense dating advice is to ask your partner what they like to do in their spare time and get an idea of their hobbies and interests early on. Are they sporty or arty? Do they prefer clubbing or pubs, museums or galleries? You might be able to see some of this information from their dating profile; if so, make it clear that you’ve done your homework and are interested to know more.
Showing an interest in their pastimes lets them know you’d like to get to know them better. It also puts the focus on your date, which can help make the right impression in those vital first stages. Which book or film has had the biggest impact on you recently? This is telling in terms of your date’s cultural tastes, but it’s also a great source of conversation and will prevent awkward silences early on in the evening. Successful dating is about finding common ground and establishing a connection, so start by finding a film you’ve both seen or a book you’ve both read and talking about why you liked it or loathed it.
If you follow this simple dating advice you should be able to get through the opening stages of the date easily and with the added bonus of finding out more about your potential partner. What’s are your biggest turn offs? Good dating advice would be to ask this early on and you’ll avoid doing anything that could potentially put the object of your affections off dating you again. If you leave this until the end of the date you may have already ticked off his pet hates by chewing your nails, talking with your mouth full or taking a phone call in the middle of the main course.
Eliminate these dating blunders by getting this question out of the way at the beginning of the evening – genius! If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?
Ask this on a first date to find out your date’s goals and aspirations. Are they career focused, or do they have any secret dreams which they’d like to fulfil? Most dating advice focuses on the idea of finding someone whose values match your own and this question will give you an idea of what they really love and want in life.
What qualities do you look for in a partner? As with the question above, this gives you a great opportunity to impress later on in the date. If your potential partner likes dating people who are bubbly and can laugh at themselves, you will know to keep the tone light and fun for the rest of the evening.
If they like their partners to be intellectual and up to speed on current affairs, you can work this into the conversation later on. A word of important dating advice though, dating should also be about showing your own personality, so make sure you’re not doing this at the expense of being yourself! Some final advice Asking a succession of personal questions could make your date feel a little interrogated by the end of the night, so remember to keep things light hearted, and don’t ask anything which might seem intrusive or nosey.
Asking them five questions in a row isn’t advisable; instead, intersperse your conversation throughout the evening with these topics so that things feel more natural. Follow this simple dating advice and you should be well on your way to dating success.
3 First Date Tips That Make Her Want to See You Again