Dating an introvert was the best romantic choice I have ever made for myself. Too often we outspoken, wild extroverts mistake the mild mannerisms of introverts for signs that they're boring, subdued, and apathetic. Since 75 percent of people are naturally extroverted—while only 25% of the population are introverts—we're in the majority, which can make it hard to recognize and appreciate personalities that are the antitheses of our own. Have you ever heard that famous line from Pippin , You are the wind beneath my wings? That’s what it’s like dating an introvert. My partne .
What is it like ? Well, back when I first started looking for love, I noticed that one of my extroverted friends had a very different style than I did when it came to dating.
He enjoyed staying out late at bars and clubs, and he was not shy at all about broaching sexual topics with women he had just met. That’s not me at all. As an man, I’m reserved and gentle. I believe that it’s more respectful to wait at least a little while before becoming physically intimate with someone.
However, after watching my friend have several successful romantic encounters, I started to worry that I had to be more like him if I wanted to find love.
Was his extroverted personality more suitable for dating? Was my introverted personality a curse on my love life? Turns out, being an introvert is not a curse at all. Introverts have a lot of unique advantages when it comes to love. Here are six reasons it can be better to date an introvert. Advantages of Dating an Introvert 1.
Introverts cultivate deep, meaningful relationships. Introverts prefer to connect deeply with a chosen few people rather than maintain surface-level relationships with many acquaintances. We tend to be polite and sincere, and this helps us make meaningful connections. The extrovert I mentioned earlier has an address book filled with women’s phone numbers.
He’s had a lot of hookups and short-term flings. On the other hand, I take my time when getting to know someone romantically. Even though he’s gone out with more women than me, ultimately, my relationships last longer. 2. We tend to listen well and be perceptive of others. Our powerful ability to listen helps our significant other feel heard.
We notice small things, such as what our partner likes, how they’re feeling, and which kinds of gestures mean the most to them. We understand what makes them tick, and we’re naturally good at stepping into their shoes and seeing things from their point of view. Because of this, it’s easy for us to make our partner feel loved in the ways that mean the most to them.
3. We build strong emotional connections. We tend to stay away from shallow small talk and impersonal banter about the weather. Instead, many introverts enjoy discussing more meaningful topics such as what gets us out of bed in the morning, our thoughts on the latest Game of Thrones episode, or whether Team Iron Man or Team Captain America should have won.
We share our hopes and dreams, and we’re good at getting our significant other to do the same. We’re naturally good at making the conversation more personal and creating emotional intimacy. 4. We tend to be calm during conflict. Introverts generally know how to keep their cool, which can be an incredible gift in the midst of conflict. In , Susan Cain recalls her experience as a Wall Street lawyer representing a client who had trouble repaying a loan and was hoping to negotiate new terms against nine angry bankers and their lawyer.
Describing herself in the third person, Cain writes, “She rarely spoke without thinking. Being mild-mannered, she could take strong, even aggressive, positions while coming across as perfectly reasonable.” Instead of trying to be louder or more dominant than her opposition, she remained calm in the meeting, which helped reduce the tension in the room and ultimately won her the day. 5. We’re often deliberate and reflective.
Because many of us were teased or bullied about our quiet ways growing up, we know just how hurtful words can be. We understand that they can leave deep, invisible cuts that may never heal completely. And, the wrong thing said in the heat of the moment can never be taken back. Introverts tend to be less impulsive in this regard. As Cain explains in Quiet, Professor Kagan of the Laboratory for Child Development at Harvard observed that a group of five hundred infants could be divided into two groups, “high-reactive” and “low-reactive,” based on their reaction to stimuli such as recorded voices or balloons popping.
The high-reactive children — that is, the ones who reacted more when surrounded by other people and loud noises — would turn out to be introverts. Kagan observed that these children tended to spend more time considering all the alternatives when presented with a choice and therefore made less impulsive decisions.
6. Introverts understand and accept people for who they are. Introverts live in an extroverted world, so we know what it’s like to have to play a role. Often, we have to put on a mask and act more extroverted than we really are in order to fit in.
We understand what it’s like to be misunderstood, so in turn, we often offer understanding and acceptance to the people in our lives. For us, a Friday night spent watching Netflix in our pajamas is an awesome night.
Small talk is a form of torture. A rainy afternoon spent indoors is just as beautiful as a sunny day spent outdoors. And our favorite thing about partying is being able to go home afterwards! When we find someone who understands and appreciates us for who we are, we cherish those people, whether they are a peace-loving introvert or rowdy extrovert.
For all you introverted gentlemen out there, check out my blog, , for more dating advice. Did you enjoy this article? Sign up for to get more stories like this. Learn more: , by Jenn Granneman You might like: • • • • Steven Zawila is an introvert, bookworm, and self-proclaimed master of being silly.
He runs the blog , which provides authentic dating advice to introverted men about where to meet women, what to say to her, and how to be confident around her. As an INFJ personality type, Steven believes there can always be more love in the world, and he hopes to make this happen through his blog.
best dating an extroverted woman - Advice For Extroverted Women Who Want to Date an Introverted Guy
Every so often I get a message from a frustrated extroverted woman who is smitten with an introverted guy. Usually said woman has already looked through my blog posts, desperately searching for answers to her dating dilemmas. She is having trouble interpreting the introverted guy’s behavior.
She wants to know if he hasn’t made a move because he isn’t interested or because he’s introverted. Other questions that often come up are: “Should I try to hold back, and be more reserved around him?” “Can an introvert extrovert relationship work?” “Why is he so flirty on Facebook and then barely talks to me in real life?” Being the that I am, I do my best to help these women. Below is the advice I typically give. You might find it surprising. What I tell extrovert women who <3 introvert men 1.
Stop overcompensating and pursuing him. Just because he is an introvert, doesn’t mean that he is incapable of pursuing a woman he is interested in. If you want a man who will treasure you, treat you right and make you feel like a lady, you need to shift from being dominant, pursuing, and trying to control things, into a more feminine energy … 2. Tap into your feminine energy by allowing men to pursue you and staying open to ALL men flirting with you and asking you out on dates (not just the man you like).
If a man does not pursue you – whether he is an introvert or extrovert – it is a bad idea to push him. If he likes you he will pursue you. If he’s too shy to even make a move, he is not the man for you. You will be putting yourself in a position of always having to be the planner and pursuer, which does not feel good.
3. Just trust me on this, beautiful. I know from A LOT of dating experience. And I have dated many many introverted men, too. It is always better to lean back, give some space, and allow him to pursue you. Make it known that you like him, by flirting in person and being open and receptive when he approaches you, but resist the urge to message him or devote much time to Skyping with him.
As a gorgeous, confident woman, you must never give away your precious time and energy to a man who is not actively pursuing you and making you feel good. Yes, thanks for the advice. I’m an extroverted woman surrounded by introverted men and can attest that they need to be given a lot of space and respect. No hovering, no stalking, no paying inordinate attention to them. They like being in stealth mode, and they hate being pursued. You’ve probably already addressed these issues, but once an extroverted woman has really been loved by a introverted man and experienced the amazing unspoken passion, we learn to sit back and let them take charge.
Introverted men love deeply from the head (by giving complements that sound a bit like objective evaluations) and from the heart (by getting us to spend one-on-one time with them so they can share their heart). But otherwise they feel the need to keep the relationship hidden from view. If an extroverted woman has lots of friends and activities to keep her busy and has patience so she doesn’t obsess over her favorite introvert, these men can be well worth the wait.
• Again, very wise words! I chuckled when I read this: “Introverted men love deeply from the head (by giving complements that sound a bit like objective evaluations)” because it brought back so many memories of introverted boyfriends complimenting in that exact way. It takes some getting used to, but is very endearing.
😉 • Very interesting when you say that some introverts give compliments in a way that look very objective and neutral. I am going out with a girl which seems quite introvert, and I am always showing my feelings (I cant hide them), and she is very careful to say that she is in love with parts of me, but not with me, and that she wont promise any love, etc… This hurts me, and when I get compliments from her, it sounds always so objective, almost robotic, so i dont really feel it as a compliment.
But as you said, its just their way, and I have to get used to it. We have been dating for 3 months and I never know if she likes me or not. I tried to break up twice because I felt she didnt like me, and on those two times she fought hard to keep me, so I felt that she really likes me. I think its kinda stupid to have to make such a big drama just to check if the person likes me (I dont do it on purpose, it just happens), so I hope that we get mature soon and can enjoy our times together instead of me getting worried.
I love her too much to give up, but I have to admit it is very, very hard… sometimes I pray to God so that I dont get crazy on the process!! Thanks all of you! • New to the introvert. If the self professed introvert stops what they are doing, gets up and comes to have a conversation with you is that a sign of interest or just being respectful, especially when they are doing work for you?
Lingering, following you around, and seemingly not in a rush to get back to their work. Going out of their way to help you outside of the SOW.
If it is interest…and you won’t see them unless you hire them…what does an assertive, extrovert do? • This is one of the rare posts from Michaela where I basically disagree.
You have to remember this is a woman talking about a man’s point of view, and she’s also telling an extroverted woman what she wouldn’t like from an introverted woman’s POV.
Just because a guy is into you doesn’t mean he will pursue you. Guys nowadays are scared to approach women, especially depending on the culture they come from. A lot of American men are scared to approach, and many introverted men don’t even know how to start conversations or friendships with people, which makes it harder for them. The days of “let a woman be a woman and a man be a man” stereotypes are dying, and that seems to be Michaela’s bottom line, i.e.
be a woman and let the man pursue. But it can be easier on an introverted man to have the woman doing more, and the average extroverted woman is not going to mind doing more vs an introverted woman.
When introverts have to do all the work in forming a relationship, it feels unnatural and difficult for us–we don’t want to pursue people. Extroverts generally aren’t like that. Also, as an introvert, I don’t mind being pursued, as long as it’s by a woman I like and she’s not going overboard. I also don’t think a woman needs to be open to every man who is interested in her, and with someone of Michaela’s beauty level I don’t get the point.
Maybe less attractive women and women who don’t get approached much should be more open and possibly women who are not getting the results they want, but otherwise you can and probably should be choosy.
It’s interesting that Michaela thinks that way and it’s probably something that should give men a lot of hope that a very beautiful woman has that kind of mentality (because men tend to think the most beautiful women won’t give them the time of day).
But I think, in general there are a lot of good reasons for women to be discriminating with men. • People can’t make people feel something. We are responsible for our innards and cannot place that burden on someone else. This is what i find most complexing: The expectation of fulfillment from a relationship. Like two sick people needing each other to get by, enabling each others weakness because of fear of self refecltion then calling that complimentary.
I just don’t understand. So much, the thought of dabbling in this dysfunction leaves me to withdrawal from the whole mess of relationships. However, i love everyone; truly in my heart I care deeply about the world so…i…i know that someone is out there that has the balance I’m looking for between self reliance and compatibility.
I hesitate because I know that day might not come but I know I’d rather not be in a “dysfunctional” relationship then be in a relationship at all. • Recently while “scouting” introvert sites, I realized that I’ve had a pattern of attraction to and have dated many introverted guys. My most recent “muse”, is an introverted gentleman that attends my place of worship. He has a quiet, yet sophisticated awkwardness that I’m drawn to. I realized that he’s talkative when one on one with me.
He seems to come out his comfort zone to get my attention at times. He gives genuine compliments and he’s very thoughtful. The discovery of his beautiful qualities makes me antsy because I want to get to know him but he’s not making a move!
If you start typing "an introvert ..." the first Google suggestion would be another "introvert". It seems that nowadays we have forgotten about the idea that the opposites attract. Now, if you are an introvert, you should be . And if you are an extrovert, then you should be dating an extrovert. But what about an introvert dating an extrovert or an extrovert dating an introvert?
Does a pairing like that no longer work? A lot of people would tell you that a pairing like that is useless, and you can kinda see where it's coming from. It is really hard to imagine a reclusive person dating someone who is life of the party. Is an extrovert bound to turn into an introvert for the sake of the relationship? Or an introvert must forget about his hermit way of life and start partying like it's 1999?
Well, that's how it looks for most of the people. But should we follow those social standards? According to them, if there is a possibility of an introvert-extrovert bond, then a male partner should be an extrovert and a female partner should be an introvert. According to social stereotypes, there is no way that those relationships would work otherwise. Like how on earth a party-going girl would even look at the introverted boy? There is even no way for them to meet, except for the online dating services.
And even if they meet online, their relationship won't develop, as he won't become a party goer and she won't give up her life full of fun for him. Well, that's what you are going to have if you view an introvert dating an extrovert woman through the stereotypes. But is everything actually that dreadful when it comes to dating an extrovert?
Believing those stereotypes means only one thing – denying the merest possibility of dating between introverts and extroverts. But there is one thing that goes against this denialism. Regardless of the stereotypes, there are romantic relationships between introverted males and extroverted females. So, let's check out how that's possible. Introvert vs Extrovert Dating: Who Are They in Relationships? It is no surprise that extroverts and introverts have different approach to everything in their life.
An introvert prefers a small group of friends whom he really trusts, while extroverts may have up to fifty friends and it often seems that they trust all of them. Introverts prefer quiet evenings with a small chat, while extroverts prefer wild parties.
Once again, it seems how on earth a couple like that can work? Let's dig into that introvert vs extrovert dating. 1. Other People The main problem that an introvert may face when dating an extrovert is a lot of other people hanging around. The main point is that an introvert would feel absolutely happy to stuck on the deserted island only with his partner. But it's extremely hard for an extrovert to devote himself/herself to his/her partner completely.
An extrovert is life of the party, thus they cannot exist without a party. As you can see, dating an introvert when you are an extrovert can be also quite hard. An extrovert sees no problem in getting their prospective partner with all of his/her friends on the first date, while an introvert may find it quite confusing.
2. Small Talks When you are an extrovert, you have a lot of people around you. Thus, you need to make sure that all of your conversation mates receive enough share of your chatting. When you are an introvert, you don't have a lot of people to talk to.
You have a few, quite interesting people that you may talk with for hours. It means that a small talk is definitely not your cup of tea. Still, if you want to date an extrovert, you need to try small talks too. But an introvert and an extrovert may easily confuse each other with one another preferring absolutely different types of conversations.
3. Introverts Can Turn Extroverts Introverts understand that parties are inevitable when you are dating an extrovert. Thus, introverts can turn into extroverts from time to time. But the main point is being active and talkative is just draining for introverts. They rarely receive energy from being with a lot of people hanging around them. And the small talks between all that party goers just don't make sense for introverts. However, they may have fun at those extroverted parties from time to time.
An extrovert, on the other hand, feels great at the party. An extrovert feels happy when surrounded by a lot of loud people. And an extrovert can go from one party to another, while an introvert would need a week to recharge himself.
That's why introverts rarely hunt for their prospective extroverted crushes at the parties. 4. Socializing The major difference between an introvert and an extrovert is socializing. An introvert needs to prepare mentally before socializing. It may seem that it is hard for them to make friends and find partners. Actually, it takes them longer, as they are looking for the right ones to date or make friends with.
Extroverts, on the other hand, have no problems with socializing. They can start talking to a stranger on the street and feel absolutely okay about that. Introverts are okay with two or three friends for decades, while extroverts feel the need to constantly make new friends.
5. Going Out Introverts don't like going out often, while extroverts do. And this is where problems may occur. An introvert would feel absolutely okay about his extroverted partner going out without him. But an extrovert may get suspicious and think that an introverted partner is not that interested in him/her.
So, all you need is understanding and a compromise. Tips for Dating an Extrovert After reading about the major differences between extroverts and introverts, you understand how to date an extrovert when you are an introvert. But it wasn't an introvert's guide to dating an extrovert. Thus, you need tips for dating an extrovert, which we offer you to check out without further ado.
1. Engage Into Activities That You Are Interested In When you start dating an extrovert, you want to engage into every activity that your extroverted partner is offering you. But that's the lame start. Reading the previous points, you may have come to the realization about the differences between the introverts and extroverts. The main point is to show that you can be a party goer from time to time, but make it absolutely clear to your extroverted partner that you are an introvert.
So, engage only in those activities that you are truly interested in. You are a movie geek and you enjoy discussing movies? Then, if your partner offers you to visit some screening with his/her friends to discuss a movie afterwards, agree to that.
If the word "picnic" means being stuck somewhere in the park with a bunch of people and getting bored to death, don't accept the invitation.
That's how to date an extrovert woman, by letting her know that you are an introvert from the very start. Engaging into activities that interest you shows that you are interested in something that your extroverted partner offers, but you are not going to engage into something which is definitely not your cup of tea. 2. Let Your Partner Into Your World An introvert is a person who likes keeping everything to himself. So, while the openness of your extroverted girlfriend may frustrate you, your eremitic way of life frustrates her as well.
Sometimes it feels for her that you are not serious about your intentions and that you are not really in love with her. You need to be open about yourself with your partner to show her that you are ready to let her into your world.
Explain that you don't feel well without having some alone time. Without any explanation your alone time would lead your extroverted partner to think the worse. Don't be afraid to look silly.
If you need some alone time, just be straightforward about it. Denying your partner an explanation would only lead to suspicions. So, if you need some solitude, just settle the matter straight. 3. Make Sure That You Have Your Own Life The main problem of relationships between extroverts and introverts is that they have absolutely different lifestyles.
Your life may be a complete routine with only job and some home duties. Your extroverted girlfriend is more likely to have a lively lifestyle and her work would reflect that. She may have a lot of after work duties. Her work may involve a lot of traveling or having dinners with clients. Needless to say that it may start bugging you at a certain stage of your relationship. You don't always find a logical explanation to that.
You start thinking that she's trying her best to avoid you and that's why she is always absent. You may even start asking yourself whether an introvert should date an extrovert. And that's why it is extremely important for you to make sure that you have your own life. Not that you need to acquire your partner's lifestyle, but you need to have some other activities. Just find some activities that will fit in with your personality. That won't make you feel upset and bored when you are apart from your girlfriend.
As an introvert, you need some alone-time, so make sure that you have some quality alone-time. Can an Introvert-Extrovert Relationship Work? While it may seem to you that you already know everything about relationships between introverts and extroverts, but something is still missing.
You don't feel like you are getting an answer to the question "Can an introvert date an extrovert?". Yep, there are other rules that you need to learn in order to make your introvert-extrovert relationship work. So, check them out. 1. Be Patient You need to be patient. It is easy for an introvert to go crazy in a relationship with an extrovert. Parties, parties, parties.
A lot of devotion to their friends. Seemingly lacking attention for long conversations with you. Still, you need to be patient and you need to be understanding. Keep calm and try to figure out whether your extroverted partner doesn't love you or it's just something on your mind? 2. Respect Extrovert's Rights Yes, extrovert's lifestyle may easily irritate you, but you need to respect your partner's rights. You should try making friends with his friends. You should try acquiring a more social lifestyle.
You should start visiting some parties from time to time. At the same time, you shouldn't forget about your own rights. Don't dissolve into your girlfriend and her extroverted lifestyle.
Remember that you have the right to alone-time and you don't have to go to all the parties that you are invited. 3. Don't Be Afraid to Talk Whenever you feel that something is wrong, you need to talk it over with your partner. When you don't want to go to some party, just say it, don't pretend that you are sick or something. If you think that she thinks that you are boring – ask her straight about it.
Whatever may bother you in your introvert-extrovert bond, don't be afraid to talk with your partner about it.
3 Advantages Introverts Have With Women