The first rule of dating someone at work is knowing if you actually can, says Susan Bartell, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist with a specialty in interpersonal and work relationships. Some companies ban office romance outright, while others ban dating among direct colleagues, such as superiors and juniors (and teammates). You should consult your employee handbook, and if that’s not clear, ask your HR department directly. (Remember: that’s what they’re there for.)
Have you ever wondered exactly what casual dating is? To some people it sounds glamorous and mysterious. To others it sounds like a polite term for sleeping around. In reality, many casual dating relationships have nothing to do with sex. Read on for casual dating tips... Casual dating is all about keeping your options open and playing the field so that you can figure out what type of person you are most compatible with. It is about having a good time and enjoying someone’s company, all the while keeping things light and easygoing.
There are no serious talks, no pressure to commit and (best of all) no messy breakups. Does it sound too good to be true?
It isn’t! Here are eight rules of casual dating to help get you started. 1. Rack Up the Digits When you strike up a conversation with an attractive, interesting guy in a club, an elevator or even a supermarket aisle, go ahead and ask for his phone number. Casual dating means you can always be on the lookout for someone new, so that if or when things fizzle with one of your current guys you have a list of new potential dates to choose from.
Don’t be afraid! It gets easier with practice, and the worst he can say is no. 2. Experiment The reason you decided to pursue casual dating relationships was to find the guy who’s right for you, right? But chances are there’s one “type” of guy that you always seem to find yourself attracted to – whether it’s the slick bad boy, the long-haired jokester or the buttoned-down prep. In the search for Mr. Right, make sure you don’t start typecasting.
Experiment by dating guys with different looks, personalities and outlooks on life. You might just surprise yourself and find exactly what you’ve been looking for. At the very least, you’ll broaden your horizons and maybe even learn a thing or two.
3. Be Honest The number one rule in casual dating: Be clear about your intentions from the start. Before you even agree to accept a date, make sure he knows that you aren’t looking for anything serious. Act like an English teacher and check for comprehension.
Some people hear the words, “I’m not looking for a relationship,” and they think what you’re saying is, “I’m not looking for a relationship yet.” Your new man might think there’s hope to win you over, so you must be brutally, painfully (politely) obvious. Tell him that you’re still trying to figure out what kind of guy you’re looking for and it is going to be a very, very long time before you allow yourself to get into a serious relationship.
If he’s still interested, game on. If not, he can walk away; no harm, no foul. 4. Don’t Kiss and Tell If honesty is the number one rule of casual dating, then rule number two is all about discretion. No one likes to hear about their competition, especially in the dating world. If you’re dating more than one guy at a time, keep the details about your other relationships on the down low.
Discussing your other relationships will only spark jealousy. 5. Choose Your Stance on Sex Casual dating is not synonymous with casual sex. There are two schools of thought when it comes to casual dating and sex. The first is, if you are the type of person who can enjoy sex without the emotional attachments that typically go with it (think Samantha from Sex and the City), then a bedroom romp might be the natural end to a great night out.
After all, casual dating is about finding the right guy for you, and physical chemistry is an important part of compatibility. As long as you use good judgment (no beer goggles, please) and proper protection, there is nothing wrong with having sex without having a relationship. For many people, however, there is nothing casual about sex. Making love often triggers a feeling of emotional investment. You may find it hard to keep the “casual” vibe in your dating life once you go to bed with a guy.
To keep your sanity and cut down on drama, most relationship counselors and sex therapists agree that you should abstain from sex while you are casually dating. Wait until you your casual dating relationship turns into something more before you take that next step. 6. Go Out When you are casually dating, make sure you actually go out on dates. See a movie, eat at a restaurant, play miniature golf or even go skydiving. A casual dating relationship is all about enjoying new experiences with someone new in your life.
Take this piece of casual dating advice and (repeat after me) get out of the house. That means no DVD-watching on your comfy couch. No cooking dinner at his place. No lounging around in pajamas on a casual Saturday.
These home activities are not a part of casual dating; they are the tell-tale signs of coupledom. Inviting your man-of-the-moment up for a nightcap is one thing.
Nesting is another. 7. Respect Your Date Remember, the guys you are casually dating have feelings, too! Don’t treat them like they’re a dime a dozen. If you go on one or two dates with a guy and the chemistry just isn’t there, don’t pretend like you don’t see him the next time you pass him in the street (or the office). Have the decency to smile, say hello and even strike up a few lines of small talk.
You don’t have to avoid each other just because the sparks didn’t fly. By the same token, however, if the sparks happen to turn into fireworks on the first or second date, control your urge to call your new flame every half hour or drop by his place unexpectedly just to say hi. If you’ve entered into a casual dating relationship with a man, then you both agreed to have the same boundaries – strictly fun, nothing serious.
If you develop deeper feelings for the guy you’re dating, you are well within your rights to profess them. But expecting him to reciprocate would be unfair. Most importantly, if the man you are casually dating professes his deeper feelings, you must be honest about how you feel. If you aren’t interested in starting a relationship, let him down gently but firmly.
It’s best that you don’t see each other anymore if you obviously want different things. Don’t lead him on or act wishy-washy about how you feel just so you can keep seeing him. You’ll only end up hurting him in the end.
8. Stay True to Yourself For the most valuable casual dating advice, all you have to do is listen to that little voice inside. If, half-way through the first date, you realize things aren’t going to work out, break the news gently. If something (probably not your heart) tells you to strike up a conversation with that cute UPS guy the next time he swings by your office, do it.
If and when you feel ready to move from a casual dating relationship to something more exclusive, let your guy know. If he doesn’t feel the same way, don’t settle for less than what you deserve. If you are prone to jealousy, co-dependence or insecurity, casual dating probably isn’t for you. The same advice applies if you’re on a mission to find Mr. Right.
But, if you’re looking for a chance to meet new people and have some fun with zero strings attached, you might want to try casually dating.
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best dating assessor rules - 7 Christian Dating Rules To Live By
The key to it all is planning, if you choose the right kind of place to meet and you have everything you will need then you will feel more in control and relaxed.
Dos • Meet in a public place, preferably one that you already know. Choose one that serves decent coffee and has a good atmosphere, then you will be in familiar territory and have fewer things to worry about. • Make your own way there. It isn’t a good idea to get into a stranger’s car and even though you may have been chatting online for some time your date is still, at this stage, a stranger. • Tell someone where you are going and what time you expect to be back and make an arrangement to check in with them after the date.
• Keep it simple. Remember that one date is not a big deal, it is simply a chance for you to see each other and have a face to face conversation which is usually a continuation of correspondence you have been having online.
You don’t need to go all out planning a flashy night – that can come later. • Remember your date is probably feeling exactly the same way as you and may even be more nervous. When people are nervous they sometimes say and do silly, uncharacteristic things.
If this happens be charitable and forgiving and put it down to nerves rather than writing the date off or cutting it short. • Be prepared. Have enough money to cover your coffee and a cab home. Have a fully charged mobile phone and the number of someone you can ring if you need to. Read the paper or listen to the news so that you have some interesting topics to talk about if the conversation dries up • Be yourself.
Any pretense you make will be exposed later so it’s always best to be honest, open and upfront right from the start. • Relax and have fun. One of the most attractive qualities in a person is an enthusiastic, cheerful nature. Make eye contact, laugh when you find something funny and generally engage with your date – you will have a much better time even if you never want to see them again. Don’t • Arrange to meet in a noisy crowded place. The aim of this first date is to give you a chance to get to know each other a bit better and this can be difficult to do in a noisy, crowded bar.
• Check your mobile phone for texts, emails and status updates every two minutes. Give your date your full, undivided attention for the hour or so you are together, your mobile can wait.
Put it on on silent and keep it out of sight, not on the table in front of you. • Drink too much. You could arrange your meeting in a coffee shop instead so neither of you are tempted.
• Leave your drink or personal possessions with your date if you step away for any reason. • Lie about yourself to make your life sound more interesting. Trust that who you are is good enough and if you aren’t the right one for them that is ok. • Moan, even if you have had a tough day, year or life a first date is not the time to offload.
Especially don’t moan about your ex. • Try to tell your whole life story in one date. Keep it light and enjoyable and remember to ask your date about their life and experiences too.
• Make snap decisions based on appearance or mannerisms; try to keep an open mind and an open heart. • Give out your home address, email or workplace until you have met at least a couple more times. • Go back to their place or them back to yours. It is 2011 but it is still a good idea to keep it light on the first date. That way you will respect yourself in the morning regardless of what anyone else’s opinion of you is.
A kiss if it feels appropriate is sufficient, and is much easier to stick to if you have shared a coffee on a Saturday afternoon than come out of a club at 2am. Whatever you do make sure you have fun and keep your focus on your feelings rather than trying to mind read whether your date likes you, they will let you know soon enough.
As Americans work longer and longer days, one thing is inevitable: more and more time in the office. But for the single masses among us, that’s not always such a drag. According to a survey of roughly 2,000 people conducted by the third-most common way people find romantic attachments is through work.
Another conducted by CareerBuilder, revealed that at least a quarter of all working professionals have confessed to dating a colleague in the past.
So if you find that you’re crushing pretty hard on someone in a nearby cube, don’t worry: you’re definitely not alone. But how should you proceed? Your office isn’t exactly a singles bar, and the line between becoming a “boyfriend” and a “creep” in the corporate world is always a fine one. (And, frankly, there’s no guarantee that your company will smile upon your budding romance, either.) To ensure that you come out of this situation with both your heart and your career intact, consider this your handy guide—just don’t forget to brush up on your game with Know the Ground Rules The first rule of dating someone at work is knowing if you actually can, says Susan Bartell, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist with a specialty in interpersonal and work relationships.
Some companies ban office romance outright, while others ban dating among direct colleagues, such as superiors and juniors (and teammates). You should consult your employee handbook, and if that’s not clear, ask your HR department directly. (Remember: that’s what they’re there for.) If you’re not careful, flirting could get you in real trouble, or even be considered sexual harassment. If things progress between you and a colleague down the line, be sure to speak up about your relationship if it’s what your company requires.
“Disclosing the relationship and following the rules may potentially protect you and/or your partner from issues related to sexual harassment,” says Rebecca M. Chory, Ph.D., a professor in the College College of Business at Frostburg State University who studies workplace relationships.
Do Your Due Diligence If there are no corporate hurdles standing in your way, the first thing you need to do is find out a stranger’s relationship status. Simply look around, says Bartell. While a ring on a finger is an obvious indicator, photos on someone’s desk or workspace can also be a big clue a person is taken. If you’re friendly enough with the person to friend them on Facebook or follow them on Instagram, you’ll likely find photos of the things they love the most there, too, notes Monica O’Neal, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist and relationship expert.
But if you’re not friendly IRL, don’t start firing off friend requests—that’s creepy. In these early stages, you should also try to catch her eye, as well. Start by checking out the Enter the “Friend Zone” First Don’t question any colleagues about someone’s relationship status unless you want to come off as creepy. “It’s going to seem like you’re behaving inappropriately,” adds Bartell. Instead, simply start talking to the person while you’re waiting for coffee, when you pass each other in the halls, or at the beginning of meetings.
In between finding out what movies they saw this weekend or how long their commute is, you’ll usually learn their relationship status.
Build off of that friendship: “If it’s someone at work, you need to come pretty far in the platonic part of the relationship before it turns romantic,” says Bartell. Don’t Date the Intern If You’re an Executive. (And Vice Versa. Your safest bet for a partner is a peer—someone on your own organizational level, says Chory.
And while dating someone above you on the corporate ladder is often against the rules anyway, it bears repetition: Don’t date the boss. “Employees who date their organizational superiors incur the most negative coworker reactions. They are more likely to be deceived by coworkers, distrusted, and gossiped about,” says Chory.
Define “Single” Psyched because the lady of your dreams told you she’s single? Not so fast: “You have to understand what that means,” says Bartell. “They could be single but not divorced; maybe they’re separated but not sharing that information with you.” Maybe you’re fine with that. But here’s the thing: It’s important to clear the air right off the bat to avoid a blow-up that could negatively impact your work life later. Consider the Downsides, Because They’re Big “Before you make a move, give it some serious time to think, ‘is this person worth making things slightly uncomfortable for myself?’” suggests O’Neal.
That extra mental leg work is insurance: In an ideal world all works out, but if everything fizzles to a fling, you have to see this person every single day—and act professional doing it. Barrel says: “Every way that you behave has to be motivated by that at the end. You can’t just walk away and not see that person again.” Make Your Move with a Lunch Date Ready to make your move? O’Neal favors the lunch date. Plan it for the next day or a few days later and make it a sit-down restaurant (no, your go-to sub shop doesn’t count).
That way, it’s a date but it’s nothing too intense, she says. A good lunch allows for conversation about the things you both enjoy—and a chance to find out what overlaps (and what your next date might be). Drinks, on the other hand, can put you in a vulnerable situation where the relationship could move … well … too fast. Don’t forget to brush up on your style game with these Practice Restraint Jumping in too quickly—both physically and emotionally—can be a recipe for a messy office breakup.
So just as you shouldn’t start the relationship by heading to the bedroom, you also shouldn’t get ahead of yourself planning your retirement together. If you’re both open to exploring the possibility of a relationship, think about things in slow motion, says Bartell.
Have a Script Depending on your company’s rules regarding romance, whether or not you keep your relationship under wraps will vary. But if you’re not required to put it out in the open, it could be a good idea to keep things quiet for a month or so, says Bartell.
O’Neal suggests having a conversation that goes something like, “I feel like there’s potential here and I want to explore where this can go, but can we keep this between the two of us for now so that we can figure out where it’s going?” After all, letting your love life become office gossip isn’t good for anyone.
Once you’re in a commitment, speak up if you want, says O’Neal. Be Wary of Your Colleagues Turns out, you might be the only one on cloud nine about your newfound romance. “Even if you think your coworkers are not bothered but it, they may be,” says Chory. “Be prepared for them to be less open and honest with you, to trust you less, and to think you are in the relationship in order to get ahead in the job.” Deflect their emotions by never showing favoritism toward your partner and not accepting favoritism from them.
Cory adds: “Perceptions of injustice drive coworker deception and other negative responses, so trying to avoid the appearance of preferential treatment can prevent a lot of problems.” Be a Good Co-Worker Now that you’re an item, here’s another biggie: “Keep your romantic quarrels and drama out of the workplace,” says Chory. Her research finds that one of the most common complaints employees have about their coworkers dating is that arguments spill over into the office, disrupting work.
And then make sure your courtship goes the distance with
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