The dating expert says that British women have become entitled and overweight and firmly advises clients to avoid homegrown ladies and go for Eastern European girls - who are more feminine, well mannered and prettier in his opinion. In fact, after realising that British women were 'not marriage material', Richard moved to Moscow, Russia in .
I can't seem to leave my ex husband. He left me 7 years ago, then 2 days later emailed me and we started "dating." I have no idea why I allowed this, but he was so hard to live with and such a big disappointment on many levels that I was glad he left in some ways, yet I still loved him.
So 7 years later, he divorced me, and we kept dating... but now I am miseralble. On 2 or 3 occassions I tried to break up with him, but each time he would find a reason to email me and I fell for it every time.
As the years when by he started to help me more and more as I started to have big financial problems due to some horrible advice he gave me to buy a house I could not afford. I hate myself and I hate him for this whole nightmare. I am sick of being alone and struggling, yet he is my closest confidant and support. I only have 2 or 3 other close friends and when I try to leave him I fall apart.
I can't afford therapy, but I have no chance of happiness if I stay. Hi. Well, you are at a crossroads. It is time to do what is right for yourself and to be the strongest woman you can be. Yes, this is a problem that you've contributed to. But hey, we all make mistakes!
So now the thing to do is fix it. You've gotten yourself into some financial trouble------- that is alway scary. Make a plan on how to get out of it. These days regarding mortgages, research some public options for getting advice. Also, do you have a mom and dad or any siblings? Whether you are embarressed or not, talk to them. That is what family is for. Second, you've isolated yourself if you only have a couple of friends.
Things you can do about this----------- open yourself up to other people. Be friendly. Remember that they do not know what is going on inside of you so if you are just friendly and relaxed----- . Do things that you enjoy and join groups that are involved in this. If you like gardening----- join a volunteer group in the area that does volunteer gardening for the community.
If you like art, take a class. If you like to exercise---------- join a gym or if you are looking for free things--------- find where those are. Running groups are everwhere. Ask a neighbor to walk with you. Go to your local community center (they are around and oftn people don't know about them) and see what kinds of exercise classes they have. Y memberships for a single are not too expensive and often our insurance will cover it as part of preventative care. (and it is good for any depression you may have).
Invite some ladies to your house for wine tasting. Everyone brings a bottle and you all taste each one and then just serve some snacks. Everyone could bring a snack too. You could start with the 2 or 3 people you know and ask them to bring a friend. But just be creative and think of ways to get out more and practice your social skills. Your husband. Really---------- this is the easiest of your issues.
Yep, it will take some will power. But knowing that he isn't good for you---------- well, that should help. Ask him to not contact you. And if he does, know that you do not have to give in to it.
You are your own woman and no one is forcing you to do anything. While you are meeting people, meet some men as well to become friends with. Your ex is not your only option for male contact.
But you have to really decide that you want to be free of him. And then you have to hold firm to it. In my eyes, you've been living in limbo for 7 years. Time to start your life again! good luck All true and good advice. I know my problem runs deeper as I have a hard time breaking out and meeting people. I tried to "force" myself last winter to go out once a week with a friend who is a really people person.
Out of the 20 times I went out, I only enjoyed myself once. Most of the people are drunk and boring. Maybe its because I am closed off, but I wish I could find a group of people I felt like I fit in with. I tried to get into that meetup thing, but for some reason the ones I wanted to go to never panned out. Probably the things I like to do are not what the masses are intersted in and the groups kept getting canceled.
I suppose I need to try that again. I sort of like the wine tasting idea, it actually sounds fun and could be relatively cheap, but I can only think of a small handful of people who would even come, so it could be embarassing if only 2 people showed up.
I did church counseling about 10 years ago when my husband first moved me to this area and I was really struggling. Even then it was 25 a week and I really don't think I should spend any money like that as I am on the verge of losing my home, but I suppose I better do something or I may end up spending the next 7 years in limbo. This whole time I thought we may be moving toward a real life together, although to be honest there are a lot of things Or maybe I just tend to hook up with selfish and crappy people I am not sure which it is.
I keep dreaming that some guy who is more of what I want will come along and I will have another shot at having a partner in life, but at almost 50 I am starting to think, this may be it, I may be alone and better get used to it, which I guess is why I have stayed with him.
I feel I will never meet anyone else and its hard to be completely alone, and I am scared :( Hi. Don't feel alone. You're not. Do you have family of any sort?
They can often be counted on for support. I'm not much of a bar person so if my only social outlet was going to bars and hanging out with other bar people or going to parties with those same people doing the same things they do in bars only at someone's house . .. I'd probably not have a great time either. The thing to do is to think of what you LIKE to do. There is a way to meet other people doing it no matter what it is. What about a book club. And hey, 2 people coming is a start.
Then branch out and ask them to bring someone. Or go to your local library or book store and see if they have book club opportunities. Wine tastings don't need a lot of people either----------- 2 or 3 ladies getting together is fun. And just throw it out there that friends are welcome. If you like politics, join a campaign and volunteer. If you are religious, join a bible study.
Your job is to put yourself into positions to mix and mingle and make some friends. Don't worry about meeting a guy to date right now. You need to practice your social skills and build confidence. Make some solid friends that you have some things in common with and go from there.
Maybe a great guy will knock on your door. But usually it takes being out in the world for it to happen. I like to garden. I helped on projects around the city on a volunteer basis. Then my city has a big flower and garden event every year. I worked with the group so of course, I was going. They throw a big party/dance on the last night of the flower and garden show.
I met my now husband at that party. And I agree that if you belong to a church, they usually have counselors that can help. Check into that. Also, do you have insurance at all? I think I'd talk to your physician about this. I'm afraid you may have some depression which will make everything more difficult. A doctor can point you in the right direction for help with that. good luck I joined a group. It is a Onecommand group, which is kind of like the secret but a different author.
It was good. But today only 5 days after breaking up with the ex I am so sad, I feel like I can't go one. I am on wellbutrin, but I ran out this week. I was only on a tiny dose anyway so I guess I should get more and up the dose too. Probably I am just depressed, but life feels so hopeless. I am having financial troubles too which seem like they will never end, and the ex was a support to me and helped me feel like I had a safety net.
The truth is I am in this situation because of him. If I left him I might find a real partner and that would help my financial situation to not have to do it all alone. But the truth is I don't think I can find someone. I am almost 50, overweight and it seems like a new wrinkle appears every day without fail. This is new territory for me, dating at this age. I will have to find someone who to me looks really old as I do to him.
Anyway the group I joined will have another meeting in 3 weeks and I will read the material and try to focus on some of it in addition to meditation. You have been straddling that fence for a long time. Afraid to go either way for fear of regretting your decision. On top of that it sounds like you are co dependent. He keeps you hanging around by helping you and you stay for that reason and others.
Until you take that leap you will continue to be unhappy. And once you do you can expect to go thru the phases of grieving just like when someone you love dies.
Get counseling and be prepared for the rollercoaster ride. It will be rough I will not lie to you, but is necessary to get you to the next level. Hang with friends, take a course, join a yoga class, anything to keep you diverted and around others. Worst thing you can do is drop off the radar and hide and not communicate with people. Oh, as you start to heal, I bet that weight starts dropping off that you are worried about. You are not too old to start over! Take the plunge! You are absolutely right.
Its amazing how people can sum up my life with a short blurb from me. It must be blatently obvious. I am incorporating the bits and pieces of advice from everyone, and most of it is the same. Join groups, get out etc. Its really hard for me as I hate groups that have no focus, like random parties or bar scenes... so the group I joined last week is perfect and it is $5. a group. Freaky how perfect it was and the timing was too!
But that's only one small thing. I have been looking for other groups and so far have not found one yet, and in the meantime I felt so depressed last night I wanted to end it all. I don't mean that I had a plan and would do it, I just mean that life felt so meaningless and scary and lonely. How have I lived this long and found so few comforts? I feel like my life is behind me at 49. I only had one child.
I wanted more but the ex didn't and he always won. Its amazing what I gave up to stay with him. But he was giving in ways no other man I have ever know was... but still I suppose it was a scam, as the bottom line is life always had to be his way, and I live the life of a single person without the benefit of the fun!
So will this intense sadness pass? Will I ever find a feeling of comfort? I suppose it is like a death, the death of all the years I spent waiting for us to become a happy couple. Last night I dreamed I was traveling with him to see his family, and I had packed 800 cash and a gold necklace he was bringing for his neice in a suitcase with all my clothes.
The suitcase was stolen and I was distraut.... I was without any clothes and all my money and his necklace were gone and it was my fault. I should not have put valuables in the big suitcase! The Content on this Site is presented in a summary fashion, and is intended to be used for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to be and should not be interpreted as medical advice or a diagnosis of any health or fitness problem, condition or disease; or a recommendation for a specific test, doctor, care provider, procedure, treatment plan, product, or course of action.
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best dating ex husband against me shall prosper meaning - Russ
It was such a relief not having to sneak right under our parents’ noses. We found respectable jobs for ourselves and had already set out on our little journey. Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License I remember spending a rainy day by the window in our cozy apartment. We’d make ourselves some hot tea and look outside.
We enjoyed looking at the dark grey clouds in companionable silence. After spending minutes staring at the stormy sky, we spoke about our future and our dreams. Suggested read: Mine weren’t too realistic, but his were overly ambitious. When it got dark, we’d sit under yellow lights and play a game of scrabble. We’d end the day making love. Those were the days. Nine years later, we were getting divorced over “compatibility” issues.
Who would’ve thought that the same person I spent almost half my life with, doing things that once upon a time made us go bananas, was now a person I could barely stand. His very sight invoked a lot of feelings, and love wasn’t one of them. I guess, all that silence we had over the years were times we probably should have spoken. We couldn’t recognize each other anymore. We didn’t understand each other anymore, it’ was like our love died; it died somewhere during those rainy days. The very same days we looked forward to, were now only a reminder of “bad times.” The person who was gravely affected was our 3-year-old daughter.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License One day, as my husband was explaining the changes that were yet to come to our daughter, he said, “This arrangement is only temporary. Things will get better. You don’t have to worry, honey. I still love you and will meet you.” I don’t know how much she understood but I knew this was the end. Finally, when the divorce came through, we sold the house and bought two apartments.
We decided to stay in the same vicinity so that he could stay close to our daughter. One afternoon, as I parked my car outside my daughter’s play school to pick her up, I saw a familiar car pull up at a distance. A man got out, smartly dressed in formals and headed straight towards the school gate. I watched in some sort of amusement. It was my ex-husband, of course. It had been about 8 months since the divorce, and we hadn’t really met; apart from him clumsily showing up on some weekends in shorts and oversized T-shirts to pick up our daughter for the weekend.
But here was a man who was now probably working on a “revenge body.” His little beer belly had vanished and his trousers fit him so well – oh my gawd! I brushed my hair and scurried through.
He waited at the gate, occasionally looking at his phone. I walked towards him and greeted him. He turned around, and I had to admit that he looked great. Or maybe I hadn’t seen him in a while dressed for work.
He wanted to surprise our daughter and had decided to show up. He had planned to take her out for some ice cream and asked me to join them. Image source: Shutterstock We went in his car, and my daughter was the happiest. She was happy to just see mommy and daddy together. It did feel nice, I’ll be honest. Felt like nothing had changed and we were cordial with each other, may be a little formal too. But whatever it was, it made my daughter smile from ear to ear for that one hour.
A few days later, he texted me and asked if we could meet for lunch without our daughter. I agreed. Suggested read: Seemed like our little rendezvous at the school the other day had also sparked a little something for him. He made no attempt to tell me that during our lunch, but as the days passed, it seemed like the two of us were now “hanging out” like love birds.
It was strange for most of our friends to understand what this was. Dating my ex husband was now such a thrill. I felt silly, just like how I felt when we first started seeing each other. We now met every alternate day, sometimes with our daughter, sometimes not. Eventually, there came a day when he spent the night at my place.
It was like doing it for the first time. Again. I felt like a brand new person with some motivation to wake up, to dress well, and to feel loved.
We flirted with each other and teased each other, I was curious to know if there was ‘another woman’ in that time that we had been separated. There wasn’t, and that made me fall harder for him.
Dating my ex was now the only thrill in my life, apart from my daughter. Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License My friends warned me against it, and so did his. But we chose to ignore everyone and continued doing what we thought gave us momentary happiness. Yes, that was it. Happiness that lasted for a brief moment. Soon, when he began frequenting our place and spent the night with us, he had begun to annoy me once again.
We weren’t compatible. It was true. I was now seeing clearly why I had left him in the first place. He was selfish, wanted us only for his needs, his priorities were all messed up, his male ego was at an all-time high, and he went about giving orders as if we existed to please him.
I felt like he was controlling my life again. He wanted to know everything. I had to take his approval for every single thing. Now that I had resumed work after my maternity break, his doubts doubled. He called me several times during the day and thought he could treat me the same way he did before we parted ways (formally).
Dating my ex was a terrible mistake, something that wasn’t the first time I was hearing. People concerned about me had genuinely expressed this thought, but I hadn’t listened. Now, it dawned on me that separation was better and that I was better off without him in my life. But breaking up with him, again, was going to be painful, especially for our daughter. She had just adjusted to this – seeing her daddy often and her parents together. How was she going to deal with this trauma – again?
I wondered. But children are more flexible, I’m told; they get accustomed to changes and adapt easily, that they are more accepting, and that “this too shall pass,” was what I was told. I didn’t know how to break it to him that I was done with him, once and for all. Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License One evening, as I was putting my daughter to bed, I told her that she would see her dad only on the weekends again, and that it was going to be like before.
Where mommy would live with her, and daddy would live a few blocks away. It was better for us to live like that. That she wouldn’t understand now, but someday when she grew up, she would know why her mother did what she did. That our love for her was still going to be the same, but just that mom and dad would never be able to love each other again – not in the way we were supposed to. Suggested read: So I tried dating my ex, and it didn’t work out. I’m glad it didn’t because it was frivolous, and a stable relationship couldn’t work that way.
I’m glad it didn’t work out because I didn’t want to live like that, I didn’t want to be controlled by a selfish person. I wanted to spare my daughter that horror, scared that she would grow up seeing this and think that it’s normal for men to be this way.
No, I wouldn’t let that happen. I was now assured that my decision to leave him was right. This was a moment that could have been a second chance, but now I was as sure as one could be that it just wasn’t meant to be.
It wasn’t going to work out. Ever. Some people don’t stay with you forever, and he was one of them; I had to let him go.
It wasn’t so painful this time around because I was consciously taking this call on behalf of our daughter too. It was the right thing to do. We are happy now, individually. Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
My ex-husband and I have been divorced since our children were small (they are now in their 20s). I remarried once for a brief and unfortunate time and I've had a few long, failed relationships. He used to date but hasn't in many years. We are both single now and remain very good friends. He was always involved with the children, and our kids never remember us fighting or saying mean things to each another.
Over the years we have changed and things just aren't as big a deal as they were when we were in our 20s. We are both nice people from good families and our families like one another. My ex has always been welcome in our home. He spent Christmas Eves with us to wake up with the boys on Christmas morning (we slept in separate rooms). He came to every birthday party, and eventually every party we ever had he came as a friend and part of the family. We remember being married and having many good times together.
We now help each other with household things. He has helped me even when my boyfriend was living with me recently. My boyfriend and I used to visit him at his house. We get along really well and have the same sense of humor and ethics.
Not least of all we have our children's welfare in common. Recently I remodeled a room in my house. My ex helped me and we had a great time. He is now doing his own remodel and asked me to help him with the design. It is my pleasure to help him - not only is it fun for me but I really enjoy his company. I think he enjoys mine. He never acts romantic at all and gives me no indication that he would like the relationship to evolve.
I admit I do think about it. I'd love to ask him to go out with me on a regular date: something fun, like a movie or concert. But I have some self-esteem issues surrounding my failed relationships. I'd be humiliated if he told me no, and I don't want to put our nice relationship at risk. I'd rather take what I have than risk not having his precious friendship. I would hate to think he would hesitate to call me because I put him on the spot. But, what if...?
– I am a lonely painter, I live in a box of paints, Boston IAALPILIABOP, I'd take the emotional risk and ask your ex-husband/father-of-your-grown-children out on a date. And please, make sure he knows that it would be a d ate date.
You guys sound chummy enough that a simple dinner-and-a-movie request might not be a big enough hint. If he doesn't want to be with you like that -- if he has turned you from wife into platonic best friend -- well, yes, it's going to sting. And it may take you some time before you can jump in and remodel his home.
But … aren't "what ifs" more painful? You can feel safe knowing that whatever happens, this man adores you. I'm pretty sure he'll go out of his way to help you cope with the rejection he doesn't feel the same way. Please do not live in a box of paints. Please do not let this turn into an unrequited love situation where you're remodeling his home so that he can live there with someone else with him never knowing that you were an option.
And please, please, please -- give us an update when you know what's what. Readers? Should she risk the perfect friendship she has with the father of her children by asking him on a date? Do you think he has feelings for her based on his close ties to her -- even when their kids aren’t involved? How bad would it be if he rejected her? Anyone have a friendship like this with an ex-spouse?
Anyone live in a box of paints? – Meredith
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