Best dating my best friends ex girlfriend

best dating my best friends ex girlfriend

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best dating my best friends ex girlfriend

Hi All, I’d like to ask you for some advice. I’ve been in a relationship for 8 months. My boyfriend has a best friend.

She is also his ex girlfriend. They were together for 4 years, broke up and became best friends. She went on and had many boyfriends since.

She is now also in a relationship with a man for 1.5 years . My boyfriend was single for 5 years before he met me and we have been together for 8 months. My boyfriend and his best friend hang out regularly and they are on email contact on a daily basis. They meet up and go out for walks every month or so. I’m very uncomfortable with this and have had many arguments over this with my boyfriend. The reasons why I’m unhappy because they don’t invite me to their walks which made me think ‘have they got something to hide’.

I do trust my boyfriend and he said it’s pure friendship between them. My boyfriend is very protective towards his best friend. I just think it’s social etiquette – they can at least invite me on their walks. I’ve stepped up and said I want to her (and her boyfriend). The four of us meet together one day for a coffee (double dates). Apparently, my boyfriend said she’s quite a complicated character. She thinks that it’s awkward to meet and have me their walks. What I don’t get is that she seems to be a very busy person – always out and about but it’s so ironic that she doesn’t want to spend time with me.

I’ve come close to breaking up with my boyfriend over this because it has made me very unhappy. Would love to hear what you think? Thank you! Isabella, Since it makes you uncomfortable, then don’t you think that it would be uncomfortable for all of you if you went walking with them? If they are used to talking about things that are private, then it wouldn’t be that possible to do that if there was another person present who would have a problem with the friendship.

They have a history and a connection, which enables them to share thoughts that they might not be able to share with other people. I can understand being jealous over such a connection, but would you really want to deny such a thing for other people?

I personally don’t understand what the problem would be, since I’m the kind of person who tends to stay friends with exes and have several male friends. I know that it’s not natural for some other people and they assume that something has to be going on. It’s just a difference in personalities. I’m also a person who’s social, but it doesn’t mean that I wish to spend time with people who clearly do not like me or think that I’m up to something.

It’s not going to create a very nice atmosphere. You say you trust him but entertain thoughts that he is up to something on their walks? Doesnt sound much like trust to me. Im with the Ruminant, I dont see why ex’s can not be friends. If he was single for 5 years before meeting you, he had 5 years to get back with this girl. The fact he didnt run back to her in 5 years makes me think they are strictly friends and anything more is long in the past.

They are apparently over whatever their romantic involvement was, and you should be too. Hello Isabella, You have received two responses that did not understand your feelings however I do. Its pretty hard to accept your boyfriend spending time with another women . Even more difficult when this woman is someone who once held his heart and in some ways still does. Its best to have a serious conversation with him regarding your security. If he cares for you he should be willing to compromise.

Limit his time with her. I understand irrational fears and how they can be too difficult to overcome. I don’t like the idea of saying “if you care for me, you will change”. That’s emotional blackmail. However, obviously they will have to come to a compromise and there’s the possibility of resentment building up on both sides.

Communicating in a calm manner is definitely a good idea. If you explained why you feel the way you do, it would be easier for the other party to understand. But please be honest. To say that you trust and then behave in the exact opposite manner doesn’t help. It’s OK to feel insecure, but you have to be honest about it.

@The Ruminant, I think what Angela meant was if he cares, he will be respectful of her insecurity, being respectful can come in many forms and doesnt have to be all or nothing type of deal.

However this does or should not let her off the hook of dealing with them herself. I think such a statement would serve to only hurt the situation as the matter in question isnt something that is out right hurtful to the relationship, as if he were drinking and driving.

I think such a statement would be appropriate in that situation. As far as communication, I think most people will guard what is said for fear of how it will be reacted to. When this occurs communication isnt really happening. Good advice about being honest and clear and understandable @Chad, I think I understand what you’re saying, except for the “guard what is said”.

What does that mean? Sorry, English isn’t my first language, so I may be missing some incredibly simple point 🙂 I’ve been thinking about this, because it kind of hits close to home because of the type of person I am. I also have an ex to whom I’m close to and he’s pretty much the only one who knows me inside and out.

I could very well imagine this being an issue to someone in a future relationship. I’m thinking that the way it was presented to me was most important. To outright tell me that I’m not allowed will not work. To tell me that he’ll leave me if I don’t will not work, nor does any other type of manipulation. But if my partner told me that he was scared and felt really uncomfortable every time I talked to my ex, I would be much more sympathetic.

I don’t wish to see my loved one in pain, so I would probably want to do something to alleviate that pain. I would find this very disturbing and unsettling to start.Relationships do not have three legs.I believe that the inconsideration is coming from your BF’s GF.

She needs to find someone else to hang out with as clearly she is crossing a boundary which most people would decently respect. i would suggest this to her in a simple way, ask her if she has anyone she is interested in or introduce her to some of your male friends.This will both indicate to her that you are not comfortable with her around your BF as well as illustrate to your BF that it is inappropriate for him not to be sharing aspects of himself with you if he is in a relationship with you.Clarity is important and if he values you then you will see a change, if not then you should interrupt them more often to break up the cycle a bit.This is very unpleasant for you and you should make that clear.If there is respect, there will be a positive change Thank you all for sharing your thoughts.

Much appreciated. Communications is key and I’ve told my boyfriend about how I feel and how unhappy I’m about this situation. He’s trying to arrange a meet up with the 4 of us: him, me, the female best friend and her boyfriend. I said going forward if he meets her 4 times a year, I’d like to come to their meetup 3 times out of 4.

It’s a compromise here. I’ve said to him to reduce his frequency of email contact with her if possible – 2 emails a week is more than enough instead 5. She has a family, a boyfriend and plenty of friends around – not emailing him one day won’t. My boyfriend also needs to learn to live without his best friend for one day (try). Because you never know, she could be run over by a bus at anytime.

He needs to go out and meet more people (he’s quite introvert). Isabella, I can relate to your situation.

I dated a man who was “best friends” with his ex-girlfriend and it bothered me, a lot. I realize there was insecurity on my part and maybe that insecurity wouldn’t have been as pronounced if I didn’t have other issues/doubts within the relationship. That said, I think it all depends on what expectations you have for a romantic relationship. Some people would be ok with it and some people would not.

I don’t think there’s a right or a wrong, except in the sense that you have to feel comfortable and trusting in a relationship no matter what the circumstances. If his friendship with her doesn’t work for you, that’s ok, but you may need to remove yourself from the relationship.

For me, I would hope that my partner and I would be “best friends”. The emotional intimacy is as (or more) important to me as the physical intimacy. My view is that my partner should not be as emotionally intimate with another person as he is with me.

Otherwise what makes our relationship special aside from the physical aspects? I am happy if you are able to reach a compromise with your boyfriend, but tread lightly. If you try to control the situation, it may lead to resentment and rebellion.

I think what you’re asking for seems reasonable, but at the same time, is it really a mathematical formula? By that I mean, if he only emails her two times a week instead of five, does that really make a difference in the quality or character of their relationship? Does it make you feel better? My personal opinion is that getting together 4 times a year is really not all that much, however if they are emailing nearly daily I would have some heartburn about that.

I agree with what The Ruminant said – your approach in discussing this could make all the difference. If you come at it by dictating terms of his friendship (only 2 emails per week, 3 of the 4 meetings have to include me, etc.) you might have less success than if you talk more about your feelings. I think it’s a good sign that he is trying to arrange a meetup with the four of you.

Thank you for your post, Kelly. I read Isabelle’s last post and actually got hugely triggered by it. I felt physically sick by the thought of someone controlling me or telling me what I can or can not do. Your post alleviated that fear, which is why I’m thanking you. Indeed we are all different. I see nothing wrong with friendships between men and women and I personally don’t feel like I need to be everything for one person or him be everything to me.

Just like with friendships, I don’t expect certain friends to understand other aspects of my life, so I don’t discuss those with them, and discuss those things with other set of friends. I can understand that someone else feels differently and needs the security of one person. I’ve been thinking here what would I do if I encountered someone like that and there was a possibility of a relationship. I think you may very well be right that it just wouldn’t work. Considering the reaction I had, it would make me terribly anxious and unhappy.

So it really would be about one person having to be anxious and unhappy and neither could be truly happy and relaxed. Hi Kelly, Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It’s good to know someone who can relate to what I’m going through. I do want to be with my boyfriend long term – that’s what we all hope for when entering a relationship.

I’m willing to work at this and to make it work. If you dont mind can I ask why did you and your ex break up? It was not because of him being best friend with his ex? Thanks Isabella I don’t mind you asking but to be honest, the relationship ended several years ago and I’m not sure I could point to exactly what went wrong. I can tell you that throughout, I had troubles trusting him.

Not only was his ex his best friend, virtually ALL of his friends were other women, many of whom he had either dated or who wanted to date him. This may be narrow minded of me to think this way, but it always struck me as a bit odd that he didn’t have any men his life he could relate to. But truly it wasn’t even exactly that, there were just so many stories he told me that didn’t quite add up.

He was in legal/criminal trouble as well and ended up serving some time for an OWI (his second). I never believed the story he presented to the jury (also involving another woman) but I stood by his side and even enlisted the help of my father’s attorney friend (at a huge expense) to appeal the conviction.

I felt like if I couldn’t believe him about something that was such a big deal (to me anyway) that I couldn’t trust him in general. I haven’t thought about that relationship for awhile, whew! I ramble, but I believe trust is so fundamental to a relationship. I can’t think of a more important thing. So ask yourself if you truly trust your boyfriend. If you do with all your heart and soul, what is it that bothers you about his friendship so much?

No judgment, but the answers might help you as you evaluate things. To me DUI is an enormous deal breaker. Its one thing if the person got one when they were young, which such a poor choice could occur due to immaturity.

However, for an adult the choice to drive intoxicated signals to me a complete lack of respect or care to not only themselves, to those they care about and who care about them. Not to mention the completely innocent people on the street who’s lives they are putting at risk.

To me it is a sign of a complete lack of accountability, responsibility, control and awareness. Trust is fundamental but some people do not have the capability to be trusting, not so much someone has shown themselves unworthy of trust. If you are one who consistently is distrustful or weary of females in this mans life, you may need to reflect on what that says about you.

Ive trusted everyone I have ever dated, and to the unhealthy extent of justifying and ignoring red flags in the pursuit of unwavering trusting. Its not so much even something that I have to convince myself to trust. I just do, because I understand its a prerequisite, to love. Insecurity is the largest hurdle to trust. I believe its not so much trusting them as it is a lack of trust in ourselves. To feel comfortable in being vulnerable enough to let this person in, because maybe our trust has been broken in the past.

However this insecurity doesn’t absolve someone we care about to being understanding and sensitive. They are making a choice to be in this with someone who has some issues, and needs to take extra steps to do their part. However the work to make it better must come from both sides. If he is attempting to calm down some behaviors that trigger insecurities than your willingness to own the issues within yourself and work on them must also be present. I am the other woman in a similar situation.

It didn’t work with my ex bf but we clicked on a different level – communicated on a daily basis, shared, helped and supported each other. We have both recently moved to a new country and found in each other the close people, relatives, friends we have left back.

We are both very sociable and made our social circles quickly, but still this was the oldest friendship in the new country for me. We went for walks as well once every 3-4 months :). He have both been very supportive with our romantic relationships. There was no physical or romantic connection anymore.

He recently got in a relationship with a woman while she was still married to another man and one month into the affair she left her husband and moved in with her kids to my friend’s place. Initially when he asked for my opinion, I openly told him that I don’t think what they are doing is moral and that such relationship will hurt him.

We became distant, did not communicate at all until 3 months later, when I followed up about a business issue I have helped him with in an email and he replied to tell me that the gf has problems with me and, to save himself the drama, he will be seizing any public contact with me, but we can still talk on the phone and, eventually, go for walks.

Again, during all that time we have not spoken, texted or had any contact, moreover initiated by me. I am a person of very high integrity and find unfaithfulness and even flirting highly unethical and unfair.

I just asked him who else did not pass her approval to be on his friend’s list. As expected, only women got the boot 🙂 Now I feel sad and hurt. Although, I shouldn’t be as this is something outside me. She is insecure and does not trust him. He is not worth the trust apparently.

I should be glad to have had the chance to see the true him but it hurts. What I wanted to tell the lady who started the thread is that trust is the foundation of any relationship and by trying to control your man’s friendship you are questioning his integrity, ruining the trust between you and also hurting his friend. Which is bad karma. Give him the space and, if he is the right man, he will be yours. Good luck, • This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice.

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best dating my best friends ex girlfriend

best dating my best friends ex girlfriend - Dating Your Friend's Ex


best dating my best friends ex girlfriend

leaffan_digger posted: They dated 2 years ago. He knew I had liked her back then. Hes cool with it. I think. [hr][/blockquote] Nah, he isn't cool with it. What the hell does it matter if you liked her back then?

That's even more reason for him to not like it. If you date her, you will lose your friendship with him. Guaranteed Yeah, unless you're going to hit it and dip, I wouldn't recommend it. It will eventually bother him, if you argue with him about something completely different, he'll bring this up and be like, "you're not even a real friend, you done bedded my old bitch brah." Just don't mess with that fuse, unless of course you don't mind losing a friendship over some quick pussy.

Not cool man. But eh it depends on the situation. Just I couldn't ever do that. But I mean if you're really into the chick then go for it, instead of wondering what could have been. I mean your friend will get over it. But just know that you could be hurting him. I have stepped on people to get girls before. But those people didn't matter to me.

More back story: Me and my buddy hardly ever see each other. We go to diffrent schools, we have diffrent friends that we hang out with. He'll forever be my best friend, but living on diffrent sides of the city we dont get to see each other that often. Typically Im the one that turns him down on hanging out more often than he does me, mostly because I have job.

I think he sees this as chance to relive the old days, which is pretty much all he talks about when we chill. Plus my buddy is going to Houston for a golf scholarship in the fall, he has no reason to be jealous of me. I promise though, if he was to tell me he has a problem Id stop. Even though this girl is cool as f*** and an easy 9/10 More back story: Me and my buddy hardly ever see each other.

We go to diffrent schools, we have diffrent friends that we hang out with. He'll forever be my best friend, but living on diffrent sides of the city we dont get to see each other that often.

Typically Im the one that turns him down on hanging out more often than he does me, mostly because I have job. I think he sees this as chance to relive the old days, which is pretty much all he talks about when we chill. Plus my buddy is going to Houston for a golf scholarship in the fall, he has no reason to be jealous of me. I promise though, if he was to tell me he has a problem Id stop. Even though this girl is cool as f*** and an easy 9/10 Not cool bro. You have to talk to him and make sure he's cool with it.

You can't just "think" he's cool with it. Even then, still not cool. Say he doesn't care about this chick and really does have no problem with you dating her. He's going to be nervous around you next time he's with a chick that he really does care about. It's a no no all around, bro. Just don't do it. Not cool bro. You have to talk to him and make sure he's cool with it.

You can't just "think" he's cool with it. Even then, still not cool. Say he doesn't care about this chick and really does have no problem with you dating her. He's going to be nervous around you next time he's with a chick that he really does care about.

It's a no no all around, bro. Just don't do it. More back story: Me and my buddy hardly ever see each other. We go to diffrent schools, we have diffrent friends that we hang out with. He'll forever be my best friend, but living on diffrent sides of the city we dont get to see each other that often. Typically Im the one that turns him down on hanging out more often than he does me, mostly because I have job.

I think he sees this as chance to relive the old days, which is pretty much all he talks about when we chill. Plus my buddy is going to Houston for a golf scholarship in the fall, he has no reason to be jealous of me. I promise though, if he was to tell me he has a problem Id stop. Even though this girl is cool as f*** and an easy 9/10 Let me give a rebuttal to all these guys saying "a friend wouldn't do that" or "you'll lose your friend" or whatever.

Chances are, when one of you gets married, has kids, gets a real job, whatever, the friendship is all but dead anyway. You will both move on, make other friends that fit more comfortably into your lifestyle changes. It happens. So basically, what I'm saying is, plow this girl while you have the chance.


best dating my best friends ex girlfriend

Do nothing. What I’m about to write is only my way of seeing things and true to my own characteristic style of writing. No offense to be taken, neither read in a wrong context. Hope, you have a burly fur thing of a cat for a pet.

You love it so much, that the smell of you encourages your cat to jump onto your lap and twist & twirl in affection. You don’t mind it. It’s well kept and taught etiquecies. Fine. Sometime, in your life, you may have tried your hand at boiling milk. Bad luck, when you were at it, it overflowed and spilled onto the floor. Who’s to blame. Not the milk for going over board nor you for misreading the boiling point and reacting slowly.

The spilled milk on the floor will start moving in a direction which is inclined to it. Your cat walks in.

Despite all the mannerisms you had taught, it will resort to licking the flow unmindful of the heat. You had another option of mopping the floor and saving the cat from disgrace, which you didn’t. So, had it not been your cat, it would’ve been some others. And you really don’t intend to teach your cat a new lesson. Why lament over spilled milk and why refrain your cat from licking it. Infact, it saved time mopping the floor neat & dry. Likewise, you split with your ex for reasons best known to you.

In all fairness, boiling point would’ve been the culprit. Just ignore the whole issue and move forward. No point talking to your ex and don’t embarass your friend. But beware, as you move forward in life not to spill the can of beans. SCM. If it is reel life, you will just accept this situation and after the best friend marries your ex, you will have occasions to meet often and in the process you will have sex with your ex ( now your bestie’s wife ) and after some more complications, you and your ex will realise the mistake with your best friend pardoning both and all live happily ever after.

But, in real life, in order to avoid any such complications, you will wish your best friend ‘all the best’ and move away from both leaving them to find their own future without you.


Should you date your ex's friend? (ft. uToonz)
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