Best dating someone with borderline traits

best dating someone with borderline traits

You may think you are dating someone with borderline personality when really you could be dating a borderline narcissist. Borderline Personality Disorder is One of the Most Common Personality Disorders that Exist, Which is Why You Should Understand Borderline Personality Disorder Traits. Sometimes dealing with a borderline personality can be like pulling hair. But if you understand it from their point of view, it goes a long way in having empathy and working through the troubling times Her current significant other is the best guy in the world. Her exes were all disgusting lowlifes who don’t deserve to be happy.

best dating someone with borderline traits

Borderline personality types are known as “emotional roller-coasters”. If you are unsure as to what that means, then these 6 traits will clear up everything. All of the flakiness and unpredictable emotional outbursts are commonplace for someone with borderline personality.

Now your friend’s or boyfriend’s behavior will start to make sense. Inside the Mind of a Borderline Personality She lives inside her own little bubble. The bubble has a tough exterior: others have to work very hard to get inside. But once inside and looking out, one realizes that the bubble is fragile on the inside. It is very easy to get pushed out of her bubble. Her behavior is erratic, her negativity can be overwhelming at times, and she has too many defense mechanisms to count.

Simply put: she’s just too much effort for most people to try and deal with. Maybe you’ve met someone who fits this description. This is the description of someone with borderline personality.

You could label it as a disorder, but as the name suggests: its status as a mental illness is borderline at best. Classic Borderline Personality Traits 1. Identity Crisis People with borderline personality haven’t figured out yet who they are or what they want out of life.

Thus their appearance and direction in life changes on a whim. 2. Bad Relationship History Explosive relationships and borderline personality go hand-in hand.

It is their extreme mood swings and paranoia that get the best of them when dealing with the opposite sex. 3. Mood Swings The mood swings are something that someone with borderline personality can’t easily control. It is part of who they are and a part of the illness. The way to handle it is to be unreactive and understanding. 4. Low Self-Esteem Low self-esteem causes borderline personalities to harm themselves and others in ways that average people aren’t capable of.

In order to love others, you must also love yourself. 5. Abusive Stemming from their low self-esteem, a borderline personality can abuse themselves with many self-destructive behaviors. It places a burden on their family and everyone around them. 6. Paranoid Paranoia is a common trait among a borderline personalities. A result of which is they rationalize their behaviors to others and engage in defense mechanisms like passive-aggression to get what they want.

Borderline personality is difficult to diagnose, because to some extent almost everyone displays these symptoms from time to time. Therapy for borderline personality disorder can be quite extensive. And even after thorough investigation, the diagnosis is still often confusing for many. You may think you are dating someone with borderline personality when really you could be .

Borderline Personality Disorder is One of the Most Common Personality Disorders that Exist, Which is Why You Should Understand Borderline Personality Disorder Traits Sometimes dealing with a borderline personality can be like pulling hair. But if you understand it from their point of view, it goes a long way in having empathy and working through the troubling times.

1. Identity Crisis: Constant change of appearance This problem stems from an oppressive childhood. Most adolescents find out who they are and what they want by the time they reach adulthood. But someone with borderline personality has trouble understanding who she is or what her direction in life is supposed to be.

Her sense of self has never truly developed to the point of a mature adult. They express themselves by constantly changing their appearance, interests, and passions. Those suffering from borderline disorder have trouble coming to terms with themselves, thus project these frustrations onto others at random times.

2. Long History of Destructive Relationships One of the main borderline personality disorder traits is someone who has a very hot and cold attitude towards people. Her current significant other is the best guy in the world. Her exes were all disgusting lowlifes who don’t deserve to be happy.

Borderline personalities have a distorted perception about other people. They often only see in black and white; either a person is good or they are bad. This is the recipe for relationship disaster. Their personality is explosive and leads to intense feelings of desire, anger, jealousy, and regret.

Relationships of this kind have a short shelf-life and have a tendency to end violently. Abandonment Issues The paranoia of someone with a borderline personality is always looming. A part of extreme regret comes the fear of abandonment. She can’t handle people distancing themselves from her, whether it is real or imagined. She may act extremely needy when she perceives that others don’t want to be around her. In the same light, she is also extremely closed off in her own insecurities to let people back into her life that she herself abandoned.

This needy behavior comes from extreme paranoia that nobody could ever love her. 3. Mood Swings: Instability Help for borderline personality disorder suggests for her to stop thinking so much. But someone with a borderline personality has very impulsive mood swings. If they feel neglected, they can and will go to extreme measures to satisfy their own ego. This could mean sacrificing her own life to hold onto others, or cause her to reject others before they reject her.

4. Low Self-Worth: Never satisfied If I’ve learned anything of witnessing someone with a borderline personality, it’s that they absolutely can never be satisfied with themselves. And since they are their own worst critic, they also can never give others credit either.

She is often selfish, and bringing people down to her level. She can never be happy for someone else, because she is so miserable with her own inadequacies. She is often depressed, and borderline depression causes her to feel forever unloved and unimportant. They always feel like their lives are empty and leading nowhere.

5. Self-Harming Behaviors: Potentially abusive Borderline personality disorder causes one to act very irrationally. Because of her low self-esteem, it is common for borderline personalities to engage in suicidal thoughts or behaviors. A high suicide rate among people with borderline personality means that anybody with these symptoms should be monitored carefully by family and friends at all times.

There is also always the risk of addiction, abuse, and wasteful spending. People with borderline personality should not own credit cards. Borderline personality disorder help should be administered when she is having an extreme impulsive episode that she cannot control. 6. Paranoid Thoughts: Paranoia Everyone has negative thoughts, but paranoia is dwelling in negativity for most of your days.

Someone with borderline personality cannot stop ruminating about past failures. This person has paranoid thoughts about people talking negatively about her, even when it is only going on inside her mind. She is constantly working against herself. She lives in an imaginary world where things have to work to her expectations, and if they don’t then there is extreme backlash.

Her hostility towards others comes from the fact that she cannot get over her own insecurities. She is not good enough for her friends or family, so suddenly and without any notice she burns the bridge with everyone.

The reason why a social life is difficult for people with this illness is because most people just cannot relate with such erratic behavior. A good family will always forgive their own, but the average friend just cannot deal with somebody so unpredictable. Borderline Personality Disorder Treatment There are many ways to solve the problem of someone having border line personality. Treating borderline personality disorder can be difficult because in order to be treated, she needs to be diagnosed as someone with the mental illness.

Effective treatment options include medication, therapy, or a combination of both. The therapy is meant to modify negative and self-destructive behaviors. Therapy in a group setting is often the most preferred route, as someone with bpd can find common ground with others who have the same struggles. Since a common symptom of borderline personality is inability to find people like themselves, group therapy is usually very effective.

best dating someone with borderline traits

best dating someone with borderline traits - Advice

best dating someone with borderline traits

According to author A.J. Mahari, it is important that you are aware and accept that that the person you love suffers from a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This relationship may become conflictual because a person with BPD struggles with intimacy and trust issues, and feels like she cannot rely on anyone.

Therefore, she may demand certain things one minute, yet still feel that you may never meet her expectations, and withdraw further from the relationship. According to Mahari, a former sufferer of BPD, this can begin the cycle of codependency. Mahari writes about the importance of developing boundaries. It is important you keep your own identity and interests and that you always take care of yourself first.

She stresses the importance of helping your partner by lending physical assistance, but not enabling her emotionally by preventing her from doing what she is capable of doing for herself. This often happens with personality disorders, because we want them to recover, so we try to help them by dictating what they should do. However, sometimes we try to change them too much and even lose sight of ourselves in the process. According to BPD Central, do not allow yourself to be sucked into the games of the BPD sufferer, and do not accept and listen to his anger and accusations, even when they are repeatedly directed at you.

Confront him from your perspective, using “I” statements, but do not accuse him, as this will make him more agitated and unreasonable. According to BPD Central, there must be love and compassion for this relationship to last.

You should not have to be intimidated by your partner or walk on eggshells around him. However, it is important to show patience and understanding, and remember he experienced a great deal of inner turmoil in the past and does not realize how he is acting towards you.

Laura Nowak is a freelance writer who combines her love of travel and research to write travel articles. She has been published in various print and online publications, including the "Western Herald," where she wrote arts and entertainment articles. Nowak earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in practical writing from Western Michigan University.

best dating someone with borderline traits

Someone with borderline personality disorder comorbid with schizotypal personality disorder would look like me - at least, me in my teens and twenties. Regarding the schizotypal side, the Mayo Clinic has the following information, and I have indicated which I had when this was a disorder, and which I still exhibit - Schizotypal personality disorder typically includes five or more of these signs and symptoms: • Being a loner and lacking close friends outside of the immediate family • [check; still applies] • Incorrect interpretation of events, such as a feeling that something which is actually harmless or inoffensive has a direct personal meaning • [in other words, ideas of reference - check; I still have a tendency this way] • Peculiar, eccentric or unusual thinking, beliefs or mannerisms • [check; still probably eccentric in thought, but to me is normal] • Dressing in peculiar ways, such as appearing unkempt or wearing oddly matched clothes • [never of my own free will, only the ugly school uniform we were forced to wear; put it this way, I envied Catholic school girls for their stylish dress] • Belief in special powers, such as mental telepathy or superstitions • [check; still somewhat, but largely ironically, meaning I think this way and then make fun of myself in my head for doing it, but continue to do it anyway] • Unusual perceptions, such as sensing an absent person's presence or having illusions • [check; still do but this has never been frequent] • Persistent and excessive social anxiety • [check (I used to have to be drunk to speak to anyone easily); but not any more, not at all; in fact, now, most would consider me extremely social and socially adept] • Peculiar style of speech, such as vague or unusual patterns of speaking, or rambling oddly during conversations • [never, unless you count a tendency to babble when nervous] • Suspicious or paranoid thoughts and constant doubts about the loyalty of others • [bingo, bingo, bingo - less now, and I can use my reason, but back in the day I literally trusted no one ever] • Flat emotions or limited or inappropriate emotional responses • [well this was affected by BPD, I probably feel more emotion than many pwStPD; but empathy definitely affected, as detailed in • as well I have limited ability to feel grief, even for those I am close to, and I am not sure why - when I do feel strong grief it seems to be when I also feel some guilt, in the sense that I should have spent more time with that person/animal while they were alive; perhaps regret for lost opportunities is a better description than guilt • I have been told I have resting bitch face, so now when in conversation, I make a point to express emotion, and tend to mirroring the other person, not entirely subconsciously but also I don’t put a lot of thought into this anymore; at funerals, I just let it rest and that passes for somber grief - which I would like to feel, especially if the deceased was close to me, but often can’t • regarding tears - if you see me crying, I am either in a red rage, or listening to music (music is the one thing guaranteed to elicit emotion in me, from anguish to pathos to joy to euphoria; music can raise the hair on the back of my neck and make my scalp tingle) • I like people, at a distance, and don’t trust them generally; it takes not much for general vague liking to turn to distaste and then dislike; I do feel love, and strongly, but only toward very few people (but all my animals, and pefer the company of pets as per ) • except for social situations back in the day, I don’t feel a lot of fear; I am afraid of heights in a very visceral way but not much else, and I have been in some tight situations - I usually feel some adrenaline but not paralyzingly so, just enough that I quickly put a plan together and do what needs to be done to get out of the tight spot.] Signs of schizotypal personality disorder, such as increased interest in solitary activities or a high level of social anxiety, may be seen in the teen years.

The child may be an underperformer in school or appear socially out of step with peers, and as a result is often bullied or teased. I was definitely bullied and teased in early high school. And I was definitely an underperformer. I used to consider it a challenge to study as little as possible and still attain good grades - I could have done much better had I tried - I did try in university and graduated top of my class across all faculties. The chances of developing StPD are elevated if one has a close relative with schizophrenia, which I do.

This disorder was diagnosed in me at the same time as the BPD, on which the Mayo Clinic has the following to say, and again I will point out what used to pertain to me - Borderline personality disorder affects how you feel about yourself, how you relate to others and how you behave.

Signs and symptoms may include: • An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection • [only ever with my now-husband, anyone else I really didn’t care] • A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel • [except for a couple very intense idealizations, including my now-husband, not often, because of that schizotypal paranoia I stayed away from intense relationships, but I was known to devalue a few people that I had, if not idealized, at least was starting to have some trust in, most notably the psychologist with whom I first started treatment, and which ended in a suicide attempt] • Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all • [yes this was very much me back in the day] • Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours • [yes this too definitely me long ago] • Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship • [check all but gambling plus a few other risky behaviours…] • Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection • [four suicide attempts in all] • Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety • [check] • Ongoing feelings of emptiness • [check, alternating with the mood swings] • Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights • [I have written a few answers on my temper, most comprehensively • even if angry as opposed to seeing red, I was, and still can be, bitingly sarcastic • a few physical fights but not many, only when in a rage] There are other lists of symptoms/behaviours of both disorders and some have a few different; but if not comprehensive, this pretty much captures the gist.

The only “borderline” traits that still really apply to me are the rages/sarcasm and brief periods of dissociation while under stress and/or sleep-deprived. So in summary, I used to be “Paranoid, Eccentric, Emotional, Erratic” and now I am moderately paranoid and eccentric only, and the general public never suspects. Doesn’t impact my life at this point except in an enriching way, in my opinion. Footnotes EDIT: I’m so sorry, I read this as BPD plus schizoid traits!

Well, here is an answer about that! I cannot speak for schizotypal. I’ve been described as such, so I’m here to deliver an answer just for you! It’s a fascinating combination - extreme emotions + few emotions.

The only way that I can describe this is that it’s like having two different conscious entities who control me. I like to call the Right Brain (emotional) and Left Brain (logical). Only one of them can have complete control over me at a time, but the other one sometimes whispers in the background. Right Brain has BPD. She goes from ecstatic to morose, livid to content, in a matter of seconds. She has feelings that are completely unchecked by rationality. She get’s very angry at her close friends, but can become obsessed with a complete stranger.

She’s a mess, but she’s also incredibly inspiring and captivating. Left Brain has Schizoid traits. She’s slightly less assertive than Right Brain (as BPD is my dominant condition). She is cold and calculating, without empathy, and objective. She sets goals and achieves them without hassle. She is seen by my peers as ruthless and goal oriented. However, she is also quite abusive to Right Brain.

She always tells her that she isn’t important, and her feelings are invalid. Left Brain is detached socially, however she succeeds in academics. Both of these “people” combine to create me. My personality is somewhere in between these two’s personalities. They give me advice at different times, and it’s up to me to choose who’s advice I should take.

Personality disorders lie on spectrum. In the cluster b’s, it goes bpd->npd->aspd, where bpd has a more fragmented sense of self than npd, which is more fragmented than aspd. A chief cause of personal disorders is a lack of object constancy, which exhibits itself in “splitting” behavior.

The young infant cannot conceive of the same one who attends to its needs as not attending to its needs, so it thinks in terms of “good mother” (who comes right away when I cry) and “bad mother” (who doesn’t). As the child develops, if it does so normally, it learns that although mother has left the room, its field of vision, mother still exists and will come back.

Being able to hold apparently contrary ideas, that mother is good, but not here, allows it to form an integrated view of mother. Mother is basically good, but has some bad qualities (sometimes isn’t right here when I want her). This rather sophisticated capacity most children develop around age two or three, which is a milestone in emotional and psychological development, a start on the road to overcoming “splitting.”(the split between good Mom and bad Mom; realizing its one person with good and bad attributes).

The problem of splitting applies to the self as well as others. As the child develops normally, it develops an integrated view is self. “I have both good and bad attributes.” It is able to consider itself in a realistic way. This with personality disorders don’t have this ability. This lack of ability is the “disorder” in “personality disorder.” The personality is fragmented, not integrated, which leads to dysfunctional defense mechanisms.

The splitting behavior of bpd’s in manifest in a number of ways, such as being either up or down, bouncing radically back and forth between one alternative or another, and inflexible black and white thinking. Someone with bpd is either 100% good or 100% bad, and 100% bad is absolutely horrible, leading to behaviors which are typical of those who have bpd.

It’s common for those with personality disorders to have comorbidities, which makes sense intuitively, since the human mind is so complex, putting someone in a nice neat box often won’t work. Someone with bpd and schizotypal comorbidities would fall on the “more fragmented” side of the spectrum I outlined above. The splitting tendencies of the one with bpd would be even more pronounced than someone in the middle of the bpd spectrum. How would someone with borderline personality disorder with schizotypal traits be?

Or what would it look like? First of all, what schizotypal traits are you referring? The main schizotypal traits are: Magical thinking Ideas of reference Inappropiate or constricted affect It would look like every split personality. It would resemble sociopathy.

It would look like a borderline who in addition to have black and white thinking also has magical thinking along with ideas of reference and social anxiety.

Pt. 1. The Impossible Connection: Loving Someone w/ Borderline Personality Disorder. See Warning
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