Dating post-divorce is hard enough, but while legally married, the perusal of romance is intricate territory. Firstly, there is the very real potential that no one is going to want to date a married woman If a separated couple spends one night together during that period, the clock resets to zero, even if the couple sleeps in separate bedrooms and abstains for sex. The couple must then file for uncontested divorce and wait for a date to stand before a magistrate who hears the case and writes a report She's dating it hurts because she still has my last name but sees,someone else lives with her doesn't work but he's living on my VA benefits and other government benefits and is not my family and she says she's not ending with him and to get over it that he's her bf and is supporting him.
OK, am I insane or what? After 19 years together, my wife and I have come the conclusion that we can no longer meet each others' emotional needs.
We wish to pursue other relationships. We both accept this and there are no ill feelings going forward from here. The catch is, we have a teenage son who we feel would be hurt by a separation or divorce -- we both want to be involved in his life, and do not want him to experience the difficulties that our separation or divorce would bring at this point in his life. We have discussed continuing to live together as a married couple until he graduates high school in three years.
But in the meantime we would both be free to establish whatever relationships we choose outside the home, as long as it is kept discreet. Is this possible? Would it cause more harm than good? I think it might be very difficult for me to find someone willing to date while I live at home with my wife. (Go figure) Is this a really stupid idea, or is it a creative compromise? If I were in that situation, I might agree to stop living as husband and wife, but NOT pursue other relationships until after the son graduated.
If you think you are protecting him, what are you protecting him from? I knew what was going on with my parents from a much younger age, so don't assume your son is not aware at the very aware age of 14. My best suggestion is to be open and honest with him about the situation.
Let him know you both love him and don't want to disrupt his life. That you still care about each other, and therefore won't be going outside of the marriage out of respect for each other and because it would be wrong.
Let him know it is YOUR choice, as his parents. You decide what is best for him, and that the decision is to in no way put pressure on him or to cause guilt. Encourage him to be open and honest with you. Present it in a mature and honest way. I think that the situation that you are planning, would be very muddled, and very confusing to your son.
IMO, the honest thing to do is to divorce your wife, but live nearby. In that way, you can be a part of your son's life, and you and your wife can develop other lives. It is so much cleaner than living separate lives, while still living together. I think that Noddy has hit the nail on the head..........listen to her! Your son will know. It doesn't matter if you don't tell him - he'll either put it together from what he observes or some well-meaning "friend" will inform him or you will slip up some time.
You're teaching him, like Noddy says, that cheating within marriage is acceptable. You're also teaching him that lies and denial are acceptable forms of behavior. Do him the biggest favor of all: don't pussyfoot around and get the divorce. Sorry if that sounds harsh but he will respect you a lot more for respecting his intelligence and his morals, which you have presumably been trying to instill in him during his first 14 years.
best dating while married separated but still living together - Separated but Still Living Together?
While dating but living together, my now-husband and I kept things separate but split rent evenly and traded paying for groceries. We stuck all our grocery/household receipts on the fridge to figure out who spent what each month, and tried to keep it even. We did a very similar version to the hybrid approach when we were married and *renting,* but once we bought a house we couldn’t afford the allowances anymore.
While we have talked about eventually getting back to a place where allowances are a thing, I think the year of operating with the hybrid system gave us some level of comfort into each other’s spending habits and we both learned from the other (I to be a little less uptight, and him to be a more prudent saver).
Now, not having the allowances isn’t that big a deal — we are 100% joint, and it’s working because we talk about the personal expenses in the context of our overall financial situation. Of course, buying a house generally made the rounds of golf and new shoes less practical overall, so maybe the best advice is to so inextricably tie your financial future to someone by taking on massive debt so that neither of you has the freedom to spend money on anything but food, utilities, and repairmen.
If you’re thinking of divorce like millions of other in the US only, you probably thought of legal or formal separation too. If money is an issue, then there is another option that might help in situations like this. Trial separation while living together with your spouse. Many couples decide to separate while living together out of financial reasons, but many also choose this kind because it’s the easiest and most harmless way of changing the unbearable situation in the marriage.
Still living together and be separated in the same time has only one disadvantage compared to being separated physically – the chance to get the things back to usual very fast and unnoticed. However, if done right, separation while living together is a great choice for .
Here’s what you need to define and why it can be better than divorce or physical separation: Have the big talk Sit down with your partner and openly talk about the situation. State clearly what you need, what you think, and what you have to do, but and his or her needs too.
It is very important to be flexible and find a way not to act like you’re still being married. You’re getting separated, keep that in mind. Talk about details Talk about the little things and make a plan and an agreement what are the rules.
Who cooks for who and does he? Who and when uses the bathroom? Is the dog someone’s responsibility? Who takes the kids to school? Everything must be put on the table and be discussed. , it will be very easy to go on. Precise how long you’ll do it Don’t leave anything to coincidence. Give yourselves time and be officially separated, but don’t go on like that forever. A period of three to six months is optimal, but whatever the spouses agree on, is also good.
Talk to children The good part when living together and be separated is that you have plenty of options how to handle the children’s problem.
Kids are sensitive and extra care should be given to them. It is your choice if you are going to tell them about the separation or not. If they are older, they’ll probably understand, but if they’re too young, maybe not having to talk to them is the best option.
Define how you’re going to tell the world Are you going to tell the world? You don’t need everyone to know if you want to keep this to yourself. You can tell some friends, but leave the family out of it, or tell some family members you trust, but not everyone else. It’s your choice. Arrange room possession Being separated is about gaining some space for yourself.
You should talk about having a place to think and enjoy. It is a good idea to split the rooms and arrange their use. For instance, the living room can be his room, but the bedroom hers.
More rooms, more options. Have occasional serious talks Arrange how you like the communication to look like. Are you going to talk to each other all the time? Are you going to communicate just for important things? However, set some milestones after which you’ll have a serious talk about how things are going and is there an improvement in the relationship. This way you will see if the relationship is going back to being married, or divorce will be necessary.
Date Of Separation For California Divorce If Still Living Together