Dating your ex-partner’s best friend can feel like a tricky situation, as you do not want to upset your ex-partner. If you have strong feelings for your ex’s best friend and you feel you both have a future together, you may want to figure out how you can date this person without conflict. To do this, you should first disclose your new relationship to your ex-partner and set boundaries. You should then focus on fostering a positive relationship with the best friend so all your hard work is worth it.
Dating your best friend's ex is fraught with danger, says Aditi Bose. My friend's teenage daughter was very upset. She was ruing the day she decided to date her best friend's ex-boyfriend. Since then, her relationship with her best friend has gone kaput. It made me wonder: Why do we date our best friend's ex? Is it the right thing to do? I asked around and most people said NO. Here's why: It is difficult to let go When two people fall in love, they come close to each other and plan a life together.
If things don't work out, they move on. Yet, it is difficult to let completely let go because love is a complicated emotion. Dating your best friend's ex will more likely than not cause a rift/ break in your friendship.
There could be two reasons why this happens – either he/ she still loves the ex or it is difficult for him/ her to completely detach himself/ herself. My ex-colleague bitterly regrets the day she decided to date her best friend's ex. Her friend begged her to reconsider. Though she didn't harbour any affection for the guy, she said she felt jealous when she saw the two of them together.
Yet, my ex-colleague decided to go ahead. In case you decide to follow the same path, talk to your friend first. Give him/ her enough time to get used to the new equation. It won't be easy.
Your friend will need a lot of sympathy and thoughtful care from your end. We are, after all, human. Letting go of someone, especially if you were in love, can be tough. The couple might just be on a break Has a couple parted ways or are they just giving each other a break?
The speed at which relationships form, fizzle out and re-form these days makes this a very difficult question to answer. When a couple are in the 'give me some space' mode, you might feel tempted to date your best pal's partner. In such a scenario, there's just one thing you can do: STAY AWAY. A cousin of mine, who was in a similar scenario, believes he was backstabbed by his best friend. My cousin and his girlfriend had a fight and his best friend was quick to use the opportunity.
Two years later, my cousin is still not in a forgiving mood. He is angry with his ex-friend, and upset with the girl who, he says, moved on easily after more than eight years of going steady.
If you are the best friend in such a scenario, you are running straight into the arms of trouble. At the cost of sounding cheeky, I'd suggest you run away with the 'ex' to a place where your friend can't find you! Is it worth the effort? There are those who covet their best friend's partner. When the opportunity arises, they waste no time jumping into a relationship with this person without asking that all-important question: Is it worth jeopardising a close friendship?
More often than not, it's not. As my 18-year-old sister-in-law discovered, much to her dismay. She was dating her closest friend's ex-boyfriend despite knowing he had been cheating on her. My sister-in-law felt, for some reason known to her alone, that theirs would be a stronger bond. Things went on swimmingly till she found out he was two-timing her as well. Still want to give the 'ex' a shot? Here's a tip. Don't be hasty. No matter how tempting the offer, take your time.
Analyse why your friend broke up with his/ her ex. Take the time to know the ex. Move forward only when you are very sure of him/her and you feel that he/she is worth the effort. Are you hiding something? You have begun dating your closest pal's ex but are afraid of how he/she might react.
So you hide this information from him/her. Do you really believe this is a permanent solution? Tha people won't see you? That this information won't reach your friend's ears? At that point, how do you think he/she will react? Ask yourself: Is this the only person on the planet whom you can date? When I was doing my MBA at the International Management Institute in Delhi, I had a batch mate who did precisely this -- he started dating his pal's ex and did not tell him about it.
They got caught when they were spending time together at a popular pub nearby. Before he knew it, his best friend had punched him in the face! Here's a tip. If you are dating your best friend's ex, don't hide it from him/her.
Telling the truth is a sign of maturity. If you are mature and rational, hopefully your pal will reciprocate. Are you willing to become an outcast? Remember your gang of friends? The fun you always have when you get together?
Here's what will generally happens when you decide to date your best friend's ex. Not only will your closest pal shun you, the rest of the gang will shut you out as well.
Girls, in particular, tend to be fiercely protective about their friends, especially when they are at their most vulnerable.
A female business associate says, "When I began dating my best friend's ex boyfriend, I became an outcast among my friends. People began to look down upon me!" The colleague, who is in her mid thirties and lives in the US, adds, "It is good that it did not work out between us. At least, I got my friends back." If you still want to take this thorn-strewn path, ensure you have a long chat first not just with your best pal but with the entire group as well.
Are you being taken for a ride? You might be looking at a bright future together. Your best friend's ex might be looking for a temporary partner or someone who could make your best friend jealous!
My neighbour, who's a young working woman, told me how she had been taken for a ride when she began dating her close friend's ex boyfriend.
After a couple of dates, they spent the night together. Soon after, the guy went back to her best friend. He explained their budding relationship as a fling that had just one purpose -- to make 'his girl' jealous.
The sex, as he had put it, had been a 'spur of the moment' thing completely driven by hormones. Unless you are okay with such one night stands, steer clear of such people. Better than your best friend? Or worse? Close friends share details, even intimate ones, about their partner.
When you begin dating your pal's ex, it's quite likely that you will already know a lot about him/her. Knowingly or unknowingly, you might land up comparing yourself with your friend. This will jeopardise both the new relationship and your self-esteem. A distant cousin of mine, currently living in Australia, was lucky. His best friend did not object when my cousin began dating his ex-girlfriend a few months after they had broken up.
The problems began when he kept comparing himself with his best friend -- their dressing style, their behaviour and even their performance in bed. Naturally, it affected their relationship which ended a few weeks later. If you don't want to find yourself in such a mess, do not keep going back to your best friend for advice. Give yourself a regular pep talk. Only you can free yourself of negativity and handle such a sensitive relationship. Some things in life are taboo for Aditi Bose.
Dating an ex is one of them.
best dating your best friends ex husband - Why I Won’t Be Friends with My Ex
I was watching last night on ABC and the main character Addision is secretly seeing her best friends ex, Sam. You can feel the chemistry between the two. They even look good together. On-screen they are both into each other. BUT BUT BUT the best friend of Addison, ex wife Naomi; doesn't know. Sam is fine with the fact of going public with the relationship, but Addison is struggling with telling Naomi.
I can see why she is struggling - that is her best friend! And that's a line best friends don't cross. No ex-boyfriends and no ex-husbands. Because I watch the show, I know that there was nothing going on between Addison and Sam, while he was married to Naomi. The chemistry started to develop over the last 2 seasons. The question is, will the EX wife believe that? Here come the questions: "Were you two sneaking around behind my back our entire marriage?", "Were you always attracted to my husband?", "How long has this been going on?" "What if you have a baby by him?" A friend of mine posted this question on Facebook and my response was, not in real life.
I could forgive a friend dating an ex-boyfriend. I have forgiven friends for doing that to me. I have had two or three different friends date boys after I did. And at the time it hurt like hell. I was madder at my friends then the dude because it was an act of betrayal. Here I have told you all my secrets, good things and bad things about this dude and then you go and see for yourself. I got over it and remain friends but never really trusted them on a best friend level and definitely not around new boyfriends.
Isn't that a shame? I even got one back! But that's another blog. I don't think any woman would be cool with her very best friend dating her EX husband. Usually if you have a VERY BEST friend - that relationship will out last a marriage (if you get divorced!) and if that friend starts seeing your EX, he now becomes a part of your life in a whole new way. I don't think I could handle seeing my ex husband (I am not divorced but I am just saying) with my friend, no matter what the reason for divorce was.
We would go from being best friends to just cool. Anonymous My ex husband is dating a girl that I used to be best friends with. Before her he went through 3 other so called 'friends' I divorced him because of infidelity and he obviously didn't like it. I am appalled that these women would even for a second THINK that he would treat them any differently than he did me.
It just goes to show WHO they are: crappy slutty people with no boundaries. Which is why I stopped associating with them. An ex's friends are so off limits. I think of dating his old friends and it is unfathomable to me. People are so selfish and don't think about how their actions are about to effect others. OR THEIR CHILDREN INVOLVED. Anonymous My good friend ( not so much anymore now) texts me tonight to let me know she's on a date. When I ask who the lucky guy is, she says it's a secret.
Then I tell her if he's such a great guy why be a secret? So she proceeds to tell me she can't stand it anymore but she's "dating" my ex- husband!!! WTF? Although I've been divorced from him for 18 years now, I feel betrayed!
Not to mention threatened in some way. The funny thing is that it's never gonna last for they are both recovering alcoholics, she 30 days and him 5. Everyone knows that your first year of sobriety is the hardest and being in a codependent relationship is extremely unhealthy! What saddens me too is he doesn't see that she's after his money, now that he's become a millionaire, . she uses people and in her last marriage, she was unfaithful to her husband. As the saying goes, once a cheater always a cheater!
Plus the fact she works for him... How stupid are you to be sleeping w your boss?!!!! Life is good when you have your love ones around you, I am saying this because when i had issues with my lover i never seen life as a good thing but thanks to Dr. OGUDUGU OF OGUDUGU SOLUTION TEMPLE, for helping me to cast a spell that brought my lover back to me within the space of 48hours.
My husband left me for another woman after 7YEARS of marriage,but Dr.OGUDUGU help me cast a spell that brought him back to me within 48hours. I am not going to tell you more details about myself rather i will only advise those who are having issues in there relationship or marriages to contact Dr.OGUDUGU SOLUTION TEMPLE through these details via; (GREATOGUDUGU@GMAIL.COM Website: http://greatdrogudugusolutiontemple.webs.com/) or call him on WHATSAPP: +2348055304321?
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And it’s especially hard when there’s something special between you and you have no idea what went wrong. I assure you it’s nothing that you did. In fact, he may even care about you a great deal and still not be able to stop himself from acting this way.
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The news about Simon Cowell getting it on with his good friend’s wife — or estranged wife, depending on who you talk to — has sparked a great debate once again. Under what circumstance is it acceptable to pursue your friend’s former love interest? I would say never… because I just don’t see why of all the people in this world you need to choose to put yourself in such a complicated situation. But that’s just me. Read on for editor Meghan Sharp’s guest blog about this very subject: Simon Cowell recently sparked some scandalous headlines when it emerged that he is set to become a father — with the wife of his close friend.
Some reports indicate the relationship between the married couple was already over by the time Cowell moved in. Others claim the opposite was true. While many details remain unknown, this revelation raises a question: Is your friend’s ex always off-limits? “If your friend is totally over his ex, has no romantic feelings for her, and wouldn’t mind being around the two of you socially, that could work,” muses Nina Atwood, author of “Temptations of the Single Girl.” “But look at all the conditions that have to be met!
The reality is that it’s just too weird and uncomfortable for most people to want to deal with.” Therapist Karen Sherman agrees. “The only time it might be okay is if your friend has moved on to another relationship,” she says. “Even if the two of them have split, emotions take a while to heal, so it’s unlikely that the friend is going to be okay with it.” But not all relationship experts see it this way. “It’s ok to move in if they are estranged and no longer in love and divorcing,” says matchmaker Marla Martenson.
“You never know where you will find love. It could be right under your nose, and circumstances have to shift for things to evolve.” As Martenson points out, “It’s a delicate situation, but why let a potential love match get away? If it’s a great match, it’s a great match.” Still, it’s best to proceed with caution.
Martenson advises “letting things dissipate a bit” before making your move. If you do decide to pursue a friends’ ex, be prepared for the potential for some major fall-out. “You should avoid this whole scenario unless you feel very strongly that your friend’s ex is your ultimate soul mate,” says Atwood. “If you decide to pursue the ex, you should be prepared to lose the friendship. “Most people are highly uncomfortable with these situations, so it’s best to look for love somewhere else,” she adds.
We would love to know what you think: Have you ever been down this dating road? Is it ever a acceptable to date a friend’s ex? More at :
I am Secretly Seeing My Best Friend's Ex Husband!