Life of Divorced Man in India!!! Going anonymous for obvious reasons. Recently divorced few months back with total 3 years of marriage including 2 years of battle included. So basically for me the answer to question can be divided into three stages(The first two parts will explain the importance to third part and answer the question): (i) Before marriage: As usual took birth in lower middle class, had the honour of going through the intricacies of life full of responsibilities.
Atleast, from the age I remember the things and feel that I had grown up. However, these were the days I really enjoyed the life, the whole fraternity, friends, family, relatives, neighbour respected me and always praised me for sense of my being responsible and simple guy. In Indian perspective, especially if you are from a small town, people will respect a man if he earns, do not drink and smoke.
Add to this, I was a shy person with no girl friends even. I was working with a Govt department and it being a transferable job, I roamed around many a places, had and made many a new friends, and all over I was a respectable figure with atleast in my knowledge no one going against me and never uttering anything wrong or negative about me.
To sumup, Life was good, people respected me, I was often quoted as example by others, had friends around me looking for me, life was good. (ii) During marriage: The life started to change from the day of marriage. The day of marriage was itself horrible. Full of dramas. Well truly speaking Indian marriages are nightmare atleast for bride and groom. Then new life started with a decent honeymoon at a hill station. Being in Govt job I was already living separately from family so, now I got a companion with me.
Till 6 months every thing seemed to be okay, but then slowly, things started to change. I was isolated from all friends, family, relatives and even my parents. I am still not able to make out why, but when you fall in love with some person, you start to follow her. And it happened to me. Office-home-office, me and my wife. I was now forgotten all over. Still I tried to keep contact with important persons in my life. Used to call parents from office. Then things changed more abruptly.
Her behaviour, her lifestyle, expressions it was changing. Got from somewhere that she is cheating on me to which she denied. It was immense pressure at office, tensions emerging at home, and no one to share. Even telling this to parents was not possible. One fine day I caught her cheating to the extent that it was end of relationship for me. It was told straight forward to her. She left home, I filed for divorce and few days later got a notice from court.
I along with 7 members of family living at four different places were implicated in three different criminal cases. Then later on I was even implicated in yet another criminal case and had to go to Jail for crime which never happened, which was cleverly drafted by advocate, written by police, and later on jail stamped by Magistrate(By meagre reading of complaint one could get that it is a concocted story), all closing their eyes as complaint was by a Women who was a wife of a man who along with his forefathers had never even seen police at home, leave police station or a lockup.
Next day story with catchy headlines was all over the leading newspapers with boy and his family shown as monsters and girl and her family as real victims. I felt it was end for me, and I decided that when I will move out of Jail I will end my life. Well, actually it was start of my new life. I saw changes all around, friends whom I admired were no where to be seen, my family was running from pillar to post to save me somehow, and I was sitting in one of the barracks of jail with one or other inmate smoking a bidi every 30 seconds(Around 100 in one barrack), thinking where I went wrong.
Inmates in jail sympathising, all with their ideas, experience and legal advices and me with no hope, almost finished. People from outside world(I call jail here a separate world – can write a full story on it) were coming to meet me in jail with some fruits, biscuits etc and were trying to show their sympathy, some showed help with money, some quoted about to meet some NETA etc, and then never even showed their face.
Friends whom I thought will never say no for me, were the one participating in gossips against me. This all was being conveyed to me on daily basis. I was all broken. But in end it was my brother, few close family members, a friend, and yes few from whom I expected least, were the person who actually made efforts to make me help come out on bail.
The process took around 20 days with corruption all over and also helped to me change my mind when I became more stronger, got some time for myself and future ahead. The inspiration here was my brother(Love him for all he had done, he was always a kid for me, never knew when he had grown up). I was a stronger person when I came out. Then the battle started, and after round of dates in court, with fear of shame and disgrace growing against them in society and their criminal cases going weak in court, it took one year for other party to sit on negotiation table.
However, inspite of all wrong done to me¸ I always maintained decorum against her and never spilled any wrong or disrespectful against her in public or society for my opponent being women. Even applications submitted by me in court were requested to be kept in sealed cover.
But being a small town things do not really get hidden and truth always surfaces. Well, another six months and divorce was done, in all cases I was acquitted clean. Lot of hard earned money, add loans from family and bank was gone to legal battles, court, advocate and handsome alimony. Even I did not bothered for it for I wanted to get my family out of this ASAP.
Thought that on day of divorce will shout out loud, atleast on social platform of being free but could’nt do it. Life started as usual from next day, (iii) First decision taken was to change my place of posting, so requested my employer to shift me to some low place. I was given posting near hills. Second I decided to shift with parents. I requested them to stay with me and leave the hometown for sometime atleast.
As per many, this is the best of my decision, I do not know, but during those days, I have seen that fear in their eyes, which had made them sleepless.
With every door bell that ringed, I have seen my Maa and Paa standing up simultaneously and looking from the pinhole as if something bad is coming. With every unknown call on their mobile, I have heard the tremble ness in their voice. They also grew weaker. I also had lost around 10Kg of weight. So firstly it was decided to live together and improve the wellbeing.
Now in three months we look lot better. We are moving every weekend to new places, temples and exploring. Got time to write this when I am down with fever this weekend. So, after divorce: • I am living peacefully as good as I used to live before.
• The bonding between me, my parents, my family and few of my friends have grown stronger. • I am now able to see true faces of people(What I think), or atleast bad times have shown me true faces of people and I know, who is who. But still I opted to remain the same for them.
• I also know now that people should not be judged by their appearance or even by their nature, sometimes, a person with worst nature who is disliked by all makes out to be the person who is better then 100’s or thousands. • The urge to go to places of interest has grown manifold. • I keep a distance from all other women, as in India it can be dangerous, have seen many examples during my legal battle in courts and police station. • People still quote my examples, but for other reasons also. • People sympathise with me and then say, what can we do, no one can question women and laws here.
Every one comes with their own share of problems. Face them. Now atleast good times have come. • The biggest problem “Get married again.” I can not make out why getting married is so important. I had a marriage which was worst then nightmare. • I am now making new friends but with added clause in my mind, “Not to expect”. • When I see any marriage function, first thought which comes into my mind “ God keep them happy, specially the Man” • During days of separation, I threw myself into work so badly, that normal working hours changed into 9 – 9(Without weekends), now trying to get out of that hangover, but still had reached to level of 9 – 7(With weekends off), that’s quiet normal I think.
• I am planning to learn some musical instrument and buy a DSLR. • Repaying loans(More than half my salary is going against EMI’s) • For the first time I came to know about MRA’s.
For before that in my life I never knew, that there can be something like it, as I used to thought that women are sufferers and men do all sort of violence against them. For I was also inspired by catchy news all around showing men as perpetrator. (I do not say that all crime published are true or false, but atleast now I do not judge and do not believe what is written or told is true.) Also I admire the work of MRA’s, their fighting spirit which I did’nt had in me and also their selflessness.
• Atleast I now understand how our system works in true sense. • I know still people make fun of me, judge me(during bad times there were different gossip stories like I may have an affair, I asked for dowry etc in the market), some still sympathise me, ask me again and again if is over or not, tell me to move on, etc.
But actually now I do not c are, even if they say anything, I smile and give any soft apt reply, and not run or shy away. • Sometime I regret being so good(I am saying this about me myself, true or not, let it be), but then think, I should not change myself, atleast not for a person who was not mine, so I have decided that I will remain so, and try not to change my nature atleast.
• I have kept those paper cuttings with news of my arrest safe with me, same is available online also with just a google search, and whenever I read it(Firstly I feel bad) and then smile, for fate.
Will sum up with few words “ I have learnt to live more, laugh more”, as life always has its up and downs, one or other, with turns or without. It was a bad phase of life, a bad relationship, it has ended for good, so life ahead should be better, and it is I who is having the responsibility to make it better, all are with you in good times and most of us shy away when it is actually required by the other, so better enjoy with same set of people in good times and if God brings something odd, then accept it and thrive for good times to come, live on and enjoy.
PS: I have no grudges against system, police, judiciary, society, laws, as it is, we all who are responsible for it. We do not leave any opportunity to harm anyone for little gains, we all love to have freebies. These freebies added with ego and sense of enemity along with lopsided laws promote such corruption and result is the question: “What is the life of Divorced man in India” – Atleast for me, or may be for many. Edit : Thanks for the response. My motie while writing my story was not to make anybody scared about marriage.
There are plenty of good couples around. I just wanted to convey that in Indian context how difficult it is when you do not find a good partner and when you are separated how difficult it is to live a social life. Daily you have to cross those judgemental, sarcastic eyes, some making fun, some showing sympathy.
The notion in mind of people that it is difficult for women is not true. Well, as said, everybody out here is living with its own set of pains. I have my own.
And I am learning to live with them.. and i am happy☺ !!! Before I talk about my life after divorce let me tell you about my myself before marriage. This one is too long. I am writing it only because I wanted to talk about it to someone but cant. So its fine even if no one reads it. But if anyone reads it I want you to understand that even when the guy is at fault he is not necessarily happy in his life.
I was always a stubborn person who would do what I wanted and not what other tell me. Exceptions were made only when someone requested me. I could never turn down a request especially if it was something I could do. I was always known to be bold and courageous since I always speak truth even when I am wrong and I always stood up for justice. For example, I would not let my seniors rag their juniors and when I was a senior I would not let my classmates rag our juniors.
I always spoke up to the teachers when they were wrong, for instance when a classmate of mine was slapped by a teacher for wearing a metallica T’shirt told him he didnt have to slap him rather he could have sent him home to change the clothes. That’s the kind of person I was. Not that I have changed much with regards to that. After college, I had a gf, we had fun all the time except for the time when she would doubt me for going out for lunch with my female friends.
She was aware that I hated to eat lunch alone and all my friends were working and were not available and my gf was still in college so she could not come out. Ofcourse I would ask her first if she would come and when she would not I used to inform her ask my other friends. She always hated that. Not that I was a very good looking guy or anything. I was and am a below average looking guy so I could not understand why she would think the pretty girls would fall for me. Anyway she would often start a fight with that.
I always get angry when someone accuses me of doing something which I haven't done. I never cheated on her. So we used to end up fighting very often but that was only over the phone. Later she started working and then the next 3 years she was busy with her work and I was busy with mine. We would meet hardly once or twice a week but always spoke over the phone. The fights never ended. I had changed my company and I was going out for lunch with male friends but she always doubted me.
I used to hate that. So we used to fight more often now since we didnt meet regularly. This went on for 5 years. We used to fight over phone and make up later and again fight. One day I went to my native and was there for a week. There was poor reception to no reception of network there.
So I could not talk to her properly for almost the whole week and I welcomed the change for we were not fighting. Finally at peace is what I thought. Little did I know that it was a calm before the storm. When I got back things had changed. My gf who would always call me had almost stopped calling and even stopped responding to my messages. I thought she must be angry for not being able to talk for a week.
So during my off I went to meet her. She did not receive me properly. I continued to think she was angry and tried to pacify her (It always worked) but she still said that you dont care about me and left. Again didnt answer my calls like she would earlier and didnt respond to my msgs as well. Finally one day I get a call from her colleague (common friend who knew about our relationship), he told me that she is having an affair with another guy in her office and that guy is already married and also she is not listening to anyone.
My heart sank thinking about it. I still tried to talk to her. I went to her place and met her and asked her is everything alright. She said yes and that she needed some time alone.
I knew it was a lie but still asked her how much time. She said she doesn't know and asked me to stop texting her. I was angry and decided that I will not talk to her again. Quit my job and started helping my dad with his business.
At my home they had started to pressurize me over marriage. I had not informed them about our 5 year relationship. I just asked for more time. since I was just 26 then. I told them I do not want to get married until 28. They didnt say anything and kept quite. Later one day we went to my native for Diwali, we go there every year and spend a week there. All relatives had gathered. They said lets go to my uncle’s in-laws’ house (paternal uncle).
I agreed to go there since the house was right next to the sea( We are from the western coastal region, close to Mangalore). I had been there only once when i was a kid. I went there oblivious to what my parents had in mind. I was sitting in the hall and a girl( a distant cousin of mine whom I didnt know existed and yes down south its normal to marry your second cousin) walks in draped in Saree.
I realised what was happening and walked out without even looking at her. I was not ready for marriage. No one asked me anything and we all went back home. Everyone knew I was not happy about the surprise. Next day, I went to my mom and told her that I dont feel like marrying her( I know I should have confessed about my relationship but I didnt do it coz I was not sure about it now and moreover my mom was aware that I had a gf but never confronted me).
My mom who is always thinking about caste and dad’s prestige said “its ok, Everyone feels the same initially”. I realised she is not the one to listen to me.
So I thought I will talk to my dad. I waited for the time to be alone with him. My dad has been strict since childhood and only spoke to me when he had to ask me to do something or about my progress report. We have never had a normal father-son conversation ever. He was leaving to Bangalore and my mom and sisters had to stay back in Udupi.
So I was supposed to drop him to the nearest bus stand. I decided I will talk to him on the way since no one else would be there. So we left from our house and were going to the bus stand and he started the conversation about marriage.
I was happy that he initiated it but he didnt let me talk. He was going on about how in the past her granny had helped his parents when they were very poor and he felt that his heart would feel lighter with this girl being his daughter-in-law.
All the emotional and sentimental dialogues came one after the other. I like a fool felt that I should not hurt my dad’s emotions here. So I told her I will marry her but I had a condition (I was trying to be smart here). I told him I will marry only when I am 28 (I was 26 back then).
He said her uncles will not wait till then (She had lost her mother when she was 3 and her father married a second time so her 3 uncles fostered her). Trying to be smart I said no problem I will get engaged right away if they want but marriage only after 28 if they cant wait then lets forget about it. Of course no one would accept that and I didnt expect my father to talk about this to her Uncles. Once we came back to Bangalore I get to know engagement is fixed. I was in a soup, I didnt expect anyone to accept such a bizzare condition.
I didnt know how to get out of it. I didnt tell anyone anything thinking I will hurt their sentiments. I felt suffocated but did not inform them.
We went to my native again and this time I decided I will meet her. I had not seen her at all. We met and we started talking. after talking for about 15 mins. I told her about my gf and the breakup. She was not bothered about the past.
I did not tell her that I was not interested in the marriage and that I am yet to move on (two reasons, one being I knew that the news will go to her Uncles and later to my dad. Second reason being I thought I will move on by the time I get married).
I was still not sure if I should marry her. I never got the vibes of falling in love with her. I was caught in a web spun by me trying to be smart with my dad. Got engaged and a year later got married (Yes I got married at 27 due to lot of pressure at home). After marriage I was being friendly with her did not let her know that I was not really happy.
For a month after marriage we slept separate. First week she didnt bother later she started questioning. I told her I need some time but didnt tell her the reason. I had convinced myself that with time I will move on. So I asked her to give me time. Initially she was ok but when it was getting close to a month she started fighting. So one day I explained to her my situation thinking she will understand and will stop fighting.
I had asked her not to tell anyone about it. Next day I went to work and came back home, my dad called me upstairs. I thought he wanted to talk about work, since I was working in his firm now.
I went up and he looked disappointed. I thought I had done some goof-up at work. And then he starts talking about my wife and me. He said I should forget the past. I was angry at my wife since I had asked her not to tell anyone. I didnt want my father to know. She broke my trust. I was angry with her. So I stopped talking to her. During the next few days she would fight and I would not respond and sleep on the bean bag.
This went on for about a week. Later I could not take it, Every time she was in front of me, my blood would start boiling for betraying my trust and to top that the fights everyday.
So when she started fighting, I decided to move out. My parents tried to stop me, they supported her (they were right to support her, I was at fault). They kept telling me things will change with time, but I was adamant because I knew that I will never be able to go back to her.
I told them not to let her life go waste and asked for a divorce. They said she is their daughter now and I can leave if I wanted to. I had already decided as I could not stay calm at home. So I left after a huge fight at home. I didnt know where to go, I didnt have any savings, I called a friend of mine.
He didnt like the idea of me leaving home but he felt for me coz he knew what I had been through so he welcomed me to his home. I found a job in BPO coz that was the only I would land a job quickly. Once I had enough money for paying advance I moved out of my friend’s place. For three years I stayed away from everyone. My sister used to call me once in a while to check if I was willing to come back but I had no intention to go back.
Parents place already felt like hell to me. I could not sleep. I would sleep for 2 to 3hrs a day. I started smoking and drinking. Drinking helped me sleep but I could not drink everyday coz I did not like the taste and small amounts of alcohol didnt help.
I was feeling very lonely now, feeling betrayed(that is how I felt because my parents never considered my feelings. My wife didnt give me time and exposed me to my dad). It was getting harder to sleep everyday though I wanted to sleep a lot. Finally I consulted a doctor who was reluctant but still prescribed 5 pills for 5 days. I took the pill everyday and slept peacefully. After 5 days again no sleep I went back to the doctor for more pills but he refused. I didnt know what do next.
I continued sleepless for 3 months. I happened to get to know a person who supplies drugs to the chemist. We became good friends. So he started giving me some pills without any prescription so that I could sleep. Every week he would come and give me pills. I got used to sleeping with pills.
Fortunately or unfortunately I found a new love at my work place. I had told her everything about myself. She said she didnt care about my past. I was happy with her. She was exactly what I wanted as a life partner. She pushed me to stop taking pills after a while.
I stopped, but I was again sleepless but since I had promised her I didnt continue with the pills. We were happy, but this happiness lasted only for 6 months. Her mom was against us. We broke up, She didnt tell me what exactly happened. I was broken. I could not concentrate at work, I would see her everyday and she would avoid me at office. I could not sleep at all. I would stay awake for 3 days straight and then sleep for 2–3hrs.
It started affecting my work. I decided I will go to her place and ask what exactly happened. When I went there her mom spoke to me and I realised what happened. She was right how could she give her daughter to a guy who is already married and not yet divorced. I could not say much and left. I was angry with everyone. On the way i met with an accident. My head was bleeding a lot but I knew it was a small wound so I didnt bother to go to the doctor. I came home, was exhausted and disturbed.
I wanted to sleep. I thought I will take some pills and force myself to sleep. I took one and tried to sleep I could not. I was too anxious. Then took the second still no sleep. I remember taking a total of 5 pills one after the other. I was chatting with a friend of mine who stays abroad. That was the last thing I remember. I slept. When I woke up I saw myself in the hospital on drips. I was shocked how was I in a hospital. I saw my friend besides me. I asked him what happened.
He said I took pills and was almost unconcious with blood all over my face, when he came to my place. So he called my parents and shifted me to the hospital. I was sleeping for 3 whole days. Though I was not unconscious the whole time but I didnt remember anything.
I remembered 2 instances that happened in the hospital but it all felt like a dream. He told me how I was reluctant to go to the hospital and how I gave everyone a tough time getting admitted. I didnt remember any of those. I said I didnt think 5 pills could put me into this state. I could not believe it when he said I had consumed all the pills I had stocked at home (If I remember correctly I had 38 pills).
I could not believe him coz I remembered taking only 5. Later my dad came to visit me. Everyone thought I tried to commit suicide (I never had any intention to commit suicide) I tried to tell them what happened but why would anyone believe.
So I stopped justifying. My dad tried to convince me to come back and start a new life. I could not, the sight of my wife would make my blood boil. So I did not accept his request. My parents and sis were scared to leave me alone thinking I will attempt suicide again.
I could not convince them but I was reluctant to go home. My friends parents were also there. They told me to come to their place and stay with them. My parents agreed to that. I too had to agree. I started living with my friend for 2 more months. I stopped going to work, I didnt want to see my gf at office. I knew she didnt cheat me and I could only cursed my fate. Looked for another job and started working there(BPO again), I had decided I will not let any gal to come into my life again.
I could not sleep but then I had decided I will never take pills again even if I could not sleep. I used to go to work as soon as the office opened and would stay there till the office closed.
I used to spend 20 hours in the office. I could only work for 8 hrs so rest of the time I used to spend helping new comers and learning things I didnt know. Some of them were worried about me spending so much time and asked me to go home and take rest.
I kept telling them that I have insomnia and cant sleep and I dont want to be alone at home. Even on week-offs I used to go to office and spend time with friends. Calls from home never stopped.
My Father who would never talk to me started calling me and started talking casually(always short calls) asking me to come home for lunch or dinner. twice I went to visit them. The moment I would see my wife I could feel my blood boil, but I didnt say a word and kept quite.
Later when my dad called again, I told my dad I dont want to see her face when I come there, only if he was ok with that I would come home. He was okay and instructed her to not talk to me or come in front of me. So I would visit them once in a while during my week-off. One day when I was home my parents left to our farm house and told me to wait for dinner. I didnt feel like going with them so I stayed back home. I was watching TV and my wife comes to me and starts fighting.
I didnt say a word and left immediately. My dad called and I told him the same. He was supporting her which irked me even more. I told him not to expect me to come back as long as she is at home and disconnected the call. During Diwali, they called me again. Though reluctant I went to meet them and once my dad’s office pooja was done we went home.
Again my wife started fighting. I went to my mom and told her to tell her not to talk to me or disturb me. She said “why should I interfere. She is your wife you handle her”. I was pissed, I went to my sis and told her the same. She didnt bother. I went to my elder sis and told her to tell my wife not to talk to me. My sis said I should talk to her rather than she telling her and she doesnt want to intervene in the husband wife business.
I was even more angry now. I said if that is the case you guys should not bother what I do to her. I went to my wife and warned her to never talk to her. My sis who knew about my temper had followed me. My wife started fighting again. I slapped her. The moment I slapped her, everyone came running and started scolding me.
I was expecting that and told them you didnt want to interfere a while back so why are you guys here now. My mom got angry and asked me to get out of the house.
I told her I never had any intentions to be here. It was they who called me. As I was leaving my dad came home. I thought he was not aware so I asked him to never to call me home again. He was angry with me for slapping my wife and he said to never return.
I left telling them that I will not return and told them to call me only if they want to file a divorce so that she could get married again and live her life.
I changed my number so that I stopped getting calls from home for a while. My friend who was abroad told me to come to him. He said he would find me a job. I accepted. I went to my elder sis’ home to tell her that I was going abroad. My intention was to let them know that I am not going to come back and they should not wait for me.
I thought I would get a divorce and move on with my life. But that did not happen. My sis started scolding me and abusing me for spoiling a girl’s life. I got angry and told her its not completely my fault, it was my parents as well. I had told them I do not want to marry before 28 but they didnt wait. They didnt even bother to take my opinion about the girl and went on with their emotional story without giving me a chance to speak what I had in mind.
So I blamed them and left. I went abroad and attended some Interviews didnt find a job. I was kept on hold by two companies. My visiting Visa was about to expire so I came back. Once I came back I got a call from one of the companies offering a job. I was happy. I again went back to my sis and told her that I got the job and I will be leaving and will not return ever so, if they want a divorce then they have to do it before I go.
They had about a month’s time. Finally they called her Uncles to come home and asked me to come home and talk to them. I tried convincing them but they were not willing to listen.
They said if I spend some time with her things will change. Even after arguing for half an hour they kept telling the same thing. So I told them fine I will stay until I get my visa and you will see that I wont change. I have always been stubborn so I knew I would not change. They wanted me to come to their house and stay there for a month. I accepted. I was in their house for a month. In the meantime I would wake up and go to the beach and spend most of my time there. I continued to stay quiet.
My wife could not fight now since her uncles would scold her. So I was sort of at peace though sleeping in the same room used to piss me off. Then my grandpa passed away. I was at the beach, it was about 12pm my wife came and told me my grandpa passed away. I called my mom(Her father was the one who passed away) immediately. My mom asked me why did I not come early? I was puzzled what does she mean. She told me that she had called my wife the previous day (as she didnt have my new number) and had told her that my grandpa was not keeping well and I should go to my grandpa’s place(It was 45 mins away from my wife’s home).
I had not been informed about anything. I was very angry and sad at the same time (He was my favorite). I didnt say anything and went to my grandpa’s place. I didnt ask anyone anything nor did I say anything I was there looking at the funeral proceed.
I was pissed coz had I been told the previous night that grandpa was not keeping well, I would have gone there and taken him to the hospital. He might have lived for few more years. After funeral my wife came to me and said lets go home.
I didnt speak. She said she told my mom and my mom had asked them to take me to her place. I told her no one gets to decide what I do and asked her to get lost. She went to my mom and my mom told me to go.
I told my mom to shut up and leave me alone. My aunt(mom’s sis) convinced my mom to let me stay here for a while. Everyone in my mom’s family knew what was happening. They felt bad for me and my wife both unlike at my place.
I stayed there for about a week and later went back to my wife’s place collected my stuff and left to my dad’s home in my native. Next day her Uncles and her cousin bro came there. My dad, mom and elder sis were also there. This time they didnt come to talk peacefully, they had come to threaten.
They started scolding my dad. My dad didnt say anything (My dad was a person whom everyone in our family feared as he was strict. But he didnt say a word). They started blaming my mom for using their niece as a scapegoat. That ticked me off ( I was aware that they had agreed for a proposal from another guy before my mom approached them. They did not tell my mom about the proposal. Else my mom would have backed off. I got to know from my wife). So, I told them to not blame her and instead blame themselves for being greedy(The other guy was hardly earning 25k per month, whereas I was taking care of my Dad’s firm.
My dad was a successful business man and he was the most well off person in his entire family.) So they tried to abuse me and I told them to give respect and talk else to leave. They tried to threaten me. I was not one to get scared, I warned them to get out quietly or I would beat the crap put of the. Her uncles were in their 30’s and cousin bro was elder to me, maybe they thought they could scare me. They left saying that they will call all the elders in the family and sort out things.
After a month a date was fixed and we all gathered. I got to see many new faces among my relatives (they were all distant cousins of my father). After talking to me, everyone decided that divorce is the best option.
Her uncles also agreed now and then came the topic of compensation. Her uncles demanded 75 lakhs and a flat in bangalore in her name. I was shocked. A flat in Bangalore costs about a crore. Money was not the concern. Even if they worked their whole life they would not be able to see that kind of an amount at once. I understood that they got her married to me for my dad’s money. I tried to fight back but I was taken away from there. My brother-in-law was there and he said that they cant make such unrealistic demands.
Later the rest also asked them not to make such unreasonable demands, that did not stop her uncles. Finally my father spoke, he said he will either take complete responsibility of her second marriage or will deposit 25 lakhs in her account and nothing more than that.
Everyone agreed except her uncles. My father said if you dont accept it then we can move to the court. Everyone knew they would get nothing in the court since my dad did not inherit any ancestral property and all that he had was from his own hard earned money. So unless my dad was willing I didnt have any rights over his property. I was earning 25k in a BPO so they knew I would not be able to pay them much.
So they had to agree. Got divorced. Now I stay at my parents place. They are not happy but dont want to push me for another marriage. I am not happy but somewhat content being single. I dont think about marriage.
I dont want gf (I dont think I can take the pain of being dumped again for whatever the reason is). I dont work in my dad’s firm anymore. I earn a meager salary unable to make any savings. I do get proposals but all of them are from people who know my dad. Those proposals are not for me but my dad’s son who will inherit his business and his property. I dont have any other identity. I dont have the guts to indulge with another lady in my life.
Every now and then my friends, their parents, my father’s friends, relatives ask me to get married. But I dont want to. Now you tell me can I get married? I am 35 now. I dont have any savings. I have accomplished nothing. I dont have anything that I own from my own money except for my bike. Why would a girl marry me even if I wanted to? And should I marry the girl who comes to me looking at my dad’s property?
Will I be happy if I do that? If I accept any of those proposals, the girl will have lot of expectations. But I cannot fulfill any of them, how can I? Currently I cannot fulfill my own requirements so how will I take care of her? I have quit drinking but still smoke about 20 cigs a day. I want to quit smoking too but unable to. I am not able to concentrate on anything. I cant watch movies coz that will remind me of the past.
I dont go out to pubs or crowded places since I feel something is missing in life when i see couples. I dont go to my native coz I get irritated when someone talks about marriage. I have not met most of my friends now only because they will ask me what happened and I dont want to think about it. Some friends chose to stay away from me coz they consider me the bad person.
So that is the story of me a person who was at fault for divorce. Some people think that just because a guy is at fault he is living happy, doing whatever he wants. That is not true. I am not happy even though I was at fault. Not that I regret the divorce but still I am not happy with my life. Hi, This may be a long one; you may skip, if not interested.
Consider, a launching vehicle is just about to release satellite into orbit. Something went wrong and mission failed. That is my feeling at present.
I am 29, introvert, IIT alumni, central government employee, living in Mumbai. I am from middle class family in small town in A.P. I am raised by step parent and brother’s was inter-religion love marriage. We supported it.
Pre Marriage: IIT, high pay government job have changed social life, Relatives who did not show up before job, started talking to us, praising me and my family. After attaining pre-requisites to be groom (new house, good salary) in Andhra Pradesh, parents started searching for bride. “No dowry”, No marriage gift were my conditions. Parents accepted them.
After continuous rejections, Failure reasons were evaluated: Bride parents requirements: 1. NRI, H1-B visa, at least one onsite project 2. Software job in Hyderabad/Bangalore or U.S.A. Ready to send their daughter to America but not Mumbai 3. Individual share in property should be above 3 crore rupees 4. Job should be transferable to Andhra Pradesh. Bride Requirements: 1. Fair complexion, good height like actor Mahesh babu. 2. Good personality and talkative.
I failed all the above. Some proposals were lost after meet up saying step parent and inter-religon marriage were negatives, to cover up them we were not demanding dowry. I don’t want to blame anyone, so I started telling my acceptance for every match. Still no proposal was ready to go further. One proposal has come from nearby town. Bride’s mother have neurofibromatosis (scientific name was told after marriage) due to which, many proposals were lost.
I thought her condition was similar to me, accepted proposal and married with zero dowry. Post Marriage: My mother in law was calm during our meet ups before marriage. She started to dominate us from marriage stage. No one dare to stop her. She was intelligent, evil minded, psycho. She acts in public place that they were tortured by us.
In private place like house, she dominates us. She used to beat my father in law. I was shocked seeing it. I stopped going their house. Mother in law calls wife at least 20 times a day, there by controlling my life from her place. There were no issues between me and my wife in 1st month. She was tested positive for pregnancy. I requested her to postpone for a year. She denied and I accepted her decision.
Within a month, things have changed. Regular checkups, scanning, walking, diet were one face of coin; on other face was my place became replica to mother in law house.
Wife and MIL used to dominate me, They need my credit card and salary. Most of times I bear with them. when I oppose, they used to sit in front of gated community on road and shred tears. It totally gave wrong notion to neighbors and damaged social life. House hold work was bonus for me. They watch family issues related TV shows, in which men will be ill treated by host and women were given legal suggestions.
At native place, they spreaded rumors like I am locking wife in flat, torturing her, trying to sell her to pimp and she was not in communication with anyone.
Wife left to her home from mumbai during 9th month, told everyone that I abandoned her. Literally, I felt labor pains for her pregnancy. Hospital bills were paid by me. We were blessed with a baby girl. Wife started asking to transfer my hereditary properties to on her name. I felt ridiculous and denied it. . All calls were recorded by her. I avoid talking to her through phone. After 2 months, wife filed false dowry complaint on my family. Police called us for counseling and told that we were arrested on spot.
We will be sent to jail in the evening. They threatened me that I would lose my job. I begged my wife for not filing the FIR, she refused and filed it.
It was first time to station for all of us. Mother cried whole day at the station. One policeman assured station bail with heavy bribe in the night. With very much difficulty, money was arranged. Due to family and my lawyer pressure, I tried mediation once. Wife told me to transfer properties on her name for withdrawing cases and coming back to me.
After 2 months, she filed maintenance case. Present status: Two years over, my family is going through all trauma. Court proceedings are at snail pace. In court premises, wife acts as Arundathi(sage vasista wife) , In-laws acts as they are prey and I am predator.
They are using my daughter to draw judges attention and get their concern. She filed RTI for my salary details. She expects that she would get 50k rupees per month. I attend for courts at least once in every month, spending around 10K for journeys. Money is spent as water; some debts are yet to be cleared. Promotion was stopped. Socially, I am at very bad fame among colleagues, friends, neighbors and relatives.
Very few people show actual concern, rest of all acts to extract information for their gossips. Work and Travel take all time in Mumbai.
Sometimes I work beyond office hours. I feel much worried on weekends. I was put on by 8 kgs. I became bald. At home, No one to talk, No one to cook food, No one for company. Many colleagues were married and live nearby. I tried to be close with some families for food and playing with their kids.
They got in negative meaning, so I stopped meeting them. I tried to be with bachelors, they drink, enjoy weekend parties, eat outside food and make fun of me, which I feel bad. I tried few dating apps to get new friends (mostly girls). Nothing worked and gave up idea. I want to be strong and independent, I do myself every work like cook and household.
Weekdays, mostly I feel as normal as others, but holidays and weekends are terrible. Many times music sooths me. I feel as if I am not alone with music. Mother calls me once in everyday. I will just talk for a minute or two. I tried going abroad, but gave up the idea due to court work. Feelings are transverse waves for me, sometimes I feel very strong, suddenly I feel much alone again. I won’t get sleep whole night on weekends. Sometimes, I cries for no reason.
I started hobbies like trekking, cycling, swimming for passing time. Future scope: Childhood taught me issues of having single parent. Always, I thought of building a happy home.
I studied and worked hard for it. My wife knows about it, still she tortured us. Marriage episode taught me, “Marriage is a business but not of love”. I won’t feel bad much for damage happen to my parents and me. I feel bad for 2year old daughter. I feel angry on wife for using daughter as pawn.
My guess, Divorce is sure. Not interested in marriage anymore. searching for good friend to share pain. I was watching suits season 5 episode 4 when i got the call from my dad. He lives 500 kms away from me and i live in NCR. After initial chit chat he said , don’t mind if i say something. I knew somewhere inside what’s coming but i chose to listen. So he says “life is too long to be spent alone and the first time you didn’t listen to me and got married to a Delhi girl and made a mistake but now you can listen to me and get married to a nice “homely” girl.
I asked him was it entirely “my mistake” and he said yes because you wanted to marry that girl and you ended up being divorced. So i am writing this answer to vent out. Here is a little backdrop.
I was in final year of my engineering when my mom passed away, around the same time i broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years and i was in a rough spot. I was really close to my mom and the next person i was close to was my girlfriend so it was a major setback to me.
But then, life goes on and i somehow got over it after a depressing phase and moved to a new city for my job. There i made some great friends and in between my dad was pushing me to get married.
I was 27 years old then and was making 60K per month so financially i was fine. After my breakup, i met few girls but never had a any sort of connection with anyone so i thought it’s fine to get married in an arranged way.
Basically, we had no female in our family , it was just me ,my father and my younger brother and festivals used to be so depressing whenever i used to visit my dad on holi and Diwali. There was no one who could decorate the house or make some dishes , so i figured if a lady comes into the family we might feel happier.
Meanwhile, one of my dad’s friend recommended a girl and me along with my dad went to meet her and her family. I liked her and apparently she liked me too or let’s say her family liked me.
Reason being, there is this guy who stays alone in Delhi, has no mother ,earns fine, he will be under our control. I got married to her. After marriage, i refused to follow the commands of her family like i should not ask her to visit my dad every month, i should surrender my ATM to her and take money from her for my expenses, also i should take her to her parents every weekend and shower her with gifts now and then.
I obviously chose to not to listen to them and as a result a police complaint of domestic violence and dowry harassment was filed against me. However, when i was called into women’s cell i presented the proofs which made her case weaker and she came down to negotiations where she asked me 30 Lac.
Again, i refused to pay single penny and chose to fight it out. Now, all i wanted was little happiness for me and my family , i never mistreated her and never even used “tu” ,always addressed her as “tum” and here i am being accused of domestic violence? Nope, i can’t let you blackmail me. finally, she realised it would be a waste of time and money will be spent on lawyers and all and backed out.
I got divorced 4 months back. How is my life now? My career took a major hit after these issues and i lost my job. I was working with a major construction firm in india at that point of time. I joined a local company after three months of break because i needed to earn for me since my dad was retired.
After my divorce, my friends felt proud of me and congratulated me on the way i fought this case. I am sure they do judge me somewhere though. This whole idea of getting married seems fake and pure bullshit to me now. The same month i got divorced i got a job offer from a one of the major MNC and new job is good. I keep busy and salary is good. So 9–7 i am at work. I come back home and my dog is waiting for me so i feed him, play with him and take him out to walk.
Luckily, my maid cooks good food so that’s a huge plus. I keep having several thoughts about my life and my career. I do not want to get married again.I am an introvert and sometimes i want to go out or watch a movie but then i don’t have a company.
All my friends are married with kids and keep posting their pics and all , i find it utterly stupid so i am off social websites. I was having severe hair loss so i went bald and joined a gym so that i can get tattoos and look like a complete bad-ass guy.
I decided to give GMAT and move out of country for my MBA but studies are offtrack. I tried to learn coding for some time but that’s offtrack as well. I pursued photography for some time but that’ not happening. I created a website for a startup idea i had but couldn’t keep on with it. I quit smoking though :) . I am off alcohol for quite some time as well. I made out with a 23 year old girl but then i felt bad about it and i stopped. All in all i am mightily confused about my future right now and don’t know what life has in store for me.
I may end up alone most probably but i am 31 right now and i have some time to figure it out. Let’s see.
best divorced dating indian man - India Divorced Singles Dating Site, India Divorced Singles Personals, India Divorced Singles
Hi.. Bangalore, Karnataka, India Seeking: Male 44 - 49 for Marriage Marital Status: Divorced im a loving, caring woman in my late thirties,.
I run my own business from home Im independant ,loving, very sensitive , have deep religious values, i belive that prayers can change your fate..I love to cook & keep house, yet do other activities for business....
ooking for someone with Taqwaa Lucknow, Uttar Pradesh, India Seeking: Male 30 - 39 for Marriage Marital Status: Divorced As-salaamaliekum, I am posting this profile on behalf of my beloved niece who lives in India. She was unfortunate enough to have a Unconsummated Marriage. Allah knows Best. She was born in Bombay(Mumbai if you may)and grew up in Luknow. She is the third of the sibling.Two older sister's are happily married and settled in their homes.We are very simple people who believe in the closeness of family,and meeting the basic necessities in life with no high expectations.Richness is not in having many belongings, but richness is the richness of the soul.
More information will be provided as we proceed. Only serious enquiries please ! Looking for kind hearted man Ahmadābād, Gujarat, India Seeking: Male 25 - 35 for Marriage Marital Status: Divorced I am very down to earth, simple, honest yet very ambitious person. I am a teacher in a school. I'm divorced after 8 years of marriage.
I have 2 kids, they don't live with me. they live with their dad. I'm looking to start a new life with someone I can trust. Looking for suitable Groom for Cu... Mumbai, Maharashtra, India Seeking: Male 34 - 39 for Marriage Marital Status: Divorced As salam alai kum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu, All praise to ALLAH for bringing me in this world as a muslim.
I am Shagufta from Mumbai brought up in a middle Class Muslim family. I am a teacher by profession teaching kindergarten Class & BCOM graduate by Qualification. I am a Divorcee ( Qadarallah wa ma shafallah) & that was the decree of ALLAH for me . I am the Youngest of the 6 siblings we are . All are married alhamdullillah .I consider myself as a simple Cultured woman who values a goof family Life with Love for the religion of islam & to seek pleasure of ALLAH , respect the elders & to be patient with ALLAH decrees for you.
Looking for marriage Calicut, Kerala, India Seeking: Male 40 - 48 for Marriage Marital Status: Divorced This is prepared by me on behalf of my sister.. She is self employed, managing a ladies tailoring firm in native place. She is divorced having one boy studying in Bangalore for Nursing.She is fare and beautiful. She is very honest and loving personality. . Practicing Muslimah Hyderābād, Andhra Pradesh, India Seeking: Male 26 - 38 for Marriage Marital Status: Divorced Assalamualaikum, I'm Amtul's cousin.
I have created this profile to find a good match. Amtul is a simple, straightforward and down to earth female. Amtul's parents passed away more than a decade. It is my parents who are in relation to her (Phupha and Phuphi) are her guardian. Amtul has completed her Master in Commerce and Bachelor of Education. She was working as an Educator. divorced and living withg a chil... Mumbai, Maharashtra, India Seeking: Male 29 - 40 for Marriage Marital Status: Divorced my sister is a divorce's we are looking for a partner who should except my niece and take care of both mother and child over all I want to say a real father not a step one our expectation are very short which i have mentioned above to complete my deen Bangalore, Karnataka, India Seeking: Male 31 - 43 for Marriage Marital Status: Divorced Assalamu Alaikum, Alhumdu-lillah, my sister is educated and family oriented, she has completed MBA and is currently working as HR in MNC.
We are settled in Bangalore from 28 years and our extended family are in Kerala. We belong to Sunni Sayyed family, Namaazi, following Hijaab & Darood O Salaam, Alliances are invited from similar families, (Ahle Sunnat wal Jamaat are most appreciated).
Pls note: family who are serious about early marriage may contact, others please excuse Myself farha I m self indepe... Mumbai, Maharashtra, India Seeking: Male 28 - 42 for Marriage Marital Status: Divorced I have faced lot of hardships in life n looking for a happy n peaceful life ahead.My parents are no more with me n I don't have any siblings.I have my aunt the only guardian to take decision on my behalf.
Dark Skin Stigma & Interracial Dating