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The Girl Code states that you should NEVER date your best friend’s ex. But, every rule has an exception. What if you and he develop a relationship many years after he and your bestie broke up? The rule just wouldn’t make sense then, right? But, what if your bestie tells you that she still has strong feelings for him despite having broken up years ago? What would you do then? We know it’s tough and we understand your pain. So, if you’re in this boat now and you’re wondering how to sail the seas smoothly, here’s how you know when dating your best friend’s ex-boyfriend is a no and when it’s a go.
Dating your best friend’s ex-boyfriend is a NO when: He cheated on your best friend. If his infidelity is the reason why their relationship came to an end, forget about the guy. If he cheated on your closest friend, who says he won’t do the same thing to you?
You can’t prove that he’s a changed man. Lastly, losing a friend you’ve been with for years. Their breakup was very recent. Maybe you had a secret thing for this guy already even when he and your best friend were still together, and now that they parted ways, you think there’s a chance for the two of you. While that may be possible, it’s important that you wait.
Wait for your friend to heal and move on. You don’t want her thinking that you were just waiting for them to break up and, now that it has happened, you’ll jump on her ex-boyfriend without caring how that will make her feel.
Their breakup was messy. If they didn’t part ways amicably, they may still have unresolved issues. They might get back together when things have settled down a bit or they might hate each other forever.
Whatever the situation, don’t date your best friend’s former man. If you do, you’ll just add insult to injury. At the very least, you should wait and see what happens to their relationship and then decide what to do. She’s not over him yet. You know your best friend is when she reacts badly to the mention of his name.
If remembering him pushes her to tears or makes her explode, it means the wounds are still fresh, so you should respect her and give her time to move on.
Dating your best friend’s ex-boyfriend is a GO when: Their breakup was mutual and there were no hard feelings. If they both decided to end the relationship because it was not working for them, and you know there aren’t any hard feelings between them, then it’s a good sign.
Your best friend may not mind if you date her ex-boyfriend. Just be sure to let her know about your intentions and see how she reacts. If she does not flip out on you, it’s a go! It has been a long time since they broke up. If it’s been several months or even a year since they went their separate ways, then you’ve probably waited enough time for your best friend to heal.
They remained friends after the breakup. While people seldom stay friends with their former partners (it’s another tricky thing), if they’re both in other relationships and are now happy and content, your best friend may not care about you dating her ex-boyfriend.
This is the best situation and one where jealousy and awkward feelings rarely occur. So, go ahead and ask your bestie for her blessing. She’s moved on from him. If your BFF is already in a committed relationship, one where you see that she’s happy and serious, that means she’s moved on.
Talk to her and confide about how you feel; if she really is your best friend, she will understand your dilemma. She will appreciate your honesty, having waited for the perfect time and respecting her situation. She’ll surely give you the green light to date her ex after your heart-to-heart talk. Now that you have clear guidelines on when it’s alright to date your best friend’s ex-boyfriend, use your best judgment when making a decision.
Always proceed with caution and love. We hope you not only get the guy but, more importantly, you keep your best friend’s friendship and love. Have you ever loved an ex of your best friend? How did it go for you? Do you have any additional tips and advice for other women in this situation? Share your thoughts and words of wisdom in the comments!
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My best friend is now dating my ex-boyfriend. Needless to say, it's weird. So in your opinion, what are the rules about dating exes? Does Gretchen Weiners have a point about the rules of feminism? I don't think those are the rules of feminism so much as the rules of human decency. I am so sorry your best friend is dating your ex. That's some Dawson-Joey-Pacey kind of betrayal, and I can only imagine the level of hurt you've been feeling. I dealt with a similar sort of situation with an ex and a best friend.
Basically, I encouraged my gay BFF to hang with an ex of mine because why not? Life is easier when everybody is friends, right? The second I set it up though, I regretted it, because I started thinking about what would happen if they hit it off and crushed on each other. Even though I no longer had feelings for my ex, that didn't mean I would want him shacking up with my best friend! I'm flexible, but I'm not THAT flexible. Luckily, they didn't hook up, but I felt like my ex would have if given the opportunity.
And that created a whole shitshow of drama and insecurity for me. It didn't feel good worrying if he would trade in our friendship just for a forbidden make out with my best friend. For a moment, things got so bad that my ex and I stopped talking for a bit, but we're fine now, thankfully. We met up recently, and it turned out, like with most things, to be a matter of miscommunication. Still, what I found most interesting is when I would go to friends and ask for advice on the issue and some people would say to me, "Your ex has a right to make a move on your best friend.
You don't own him." Wait, what? I was shocked! I thought it was understood that exes are off limits to best friends, or hell, even good friends. Who would ever think otherwise? Here's the thing: I don't ever want to date my ex again. I'm not secretly in love with him. But you know what? Feelings are complicated and messy. They exist in a gray area. While I wouldn't mind seeing my ex go hook up and be happy with a stranger, there is an undeniable sting when it's with someone you know.
And I don't think you should ever apologize or justify that sting. We are humans. We are sensitive. That's explanation enough. As far as I'm concerned, there's only one rule when it comes to friends dating exes and that is: YOU CAN'T DO IT. Maybe if we didn't have the capacity to feel jealousy and insecurity, we could all just have a big happy orgy.
But as it stands, that's not possible. So what do we do? We remain mindful of other people's feelings. We respect our friendships. We don't backstab. We don't betray the ones we love the most, or at least we try not to! I understand that no one is perfect and that shit does, in fact, sometimes happen, but your best friend and your ex hooking up is a BIG dump to take.
If you're ever feeling temptation island, I advise you to think about how YOU would feel if your ex and BFF hooked up. If that doesn't get your dick limp, I don't know what will. —Written by Ryan O'Connell for Has your friend ever dated an ex of yours? How did you handle it? More from HowAboutWe... Photo: Tumblr ©2018 Condé Nast. All rights reserved. Use of and/or registration on any portion of this site constitutes acceptance of our (updated 5/25/18) and (updated 5/25/18).
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My Best Friend Is Dating My Ex! Help?!