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The purpose of this post is simply to show you some pictures of Pakistani brides. Also to comment a little on Pakistani conception of marriage and ask for your ideas about these girls. If you have read my post on (I also have recommendations where to find Urdu brides online), you know I think that Pakistan is a pretty good place in terms of women and brides.
I think highly of Karachi brides and the traditions of marriage and I have respect for this culture which men and women treat each other with kindness, in most cases.
Why a Pakistani bride is not for me – but maybe for you The women there are loyal and hot. However, for me it is too foreign a culture. I am a American European guy and a Catholic. Therefore, these Pakistani brides were never a serious consideration for me for love, maybe I should have, but I think the culture is too different from mine.
Further I would not want an arranged marriage. Can you imagine marrying some girl from your high school. No way. there is no way I would be happy with any girl in my past, I want to choose. Many of these Pakistani girls are required to be in an arrange marriage. A Muslim bride will be be better off with a Muslim groom in most cases as they understand each other’s culture.
Marriage in Pakistan – Pakistani bridal customs A marriage in Pakistan is seen a a joining of the two parents families. It bridges two clans. This is a very traditional view of marriage. I like the idea that when people get married they leave their parents to cling to their spouse.
Again this is just a cultural difference. I would not want my parents involved in my relationship. It would make things very complicated. Most marriages in Pakistan are arranged. I know a lot of guys from this area and they all have arranged marriages. their parents choose the wife based on family and even astrology (more Hindu – Desi) and spiritual signs. I think they have the option to opt out of the marriage if they want, but most get married to their parents first choice.
Many do not even meet their Pakistani bride to be until days before the wedding. However, they may have exchanged letters before hand written in Urdu or English.
Urdu bride after her wedding Arranged Pakistani bride – a teenager boys fantasy I like love marriages not arranged Pakistani marriages. However, to a teenage boy the idea that a bride will just be given to you, rather than going through all the dating rituals of western culture is not a bad idea. He would not have to put up with about ten years of head games American girls put most guys through.
Basically he does not have to worry about chasing his bride, she is just delivered basically to him when he is ready. Not a bad idea. And and perhaps most important Pakistani brides are totally hot., with few exceptions. Take a look at these pictures of Pakistani brides, they are beautiful, each one has her own quality to her.
However, I still like the idea of a love marriage better. Pakistanian American bride - look at her beautiful face -round checks and full red lips and look of innocence. Shaadi in Urdu The wedding reception for Pakistani weddings are held at the brides house. For about two weeks before the wedding the Pakistani bride to be goes under a process of beautification and seclusion with herbs and rituals.
They have a mayoon or mayun (either spelling), which is like you imagine from a Bollywood film, that is colorful dancing. A beautiful girl from Pakistan in a bridal dress The herbs I think are turmeric and sandalwood mostly. I see these sold in Indian and Pakistani stores in Boston pretty cheap. I think they are not bad in terms of skin care and anti-oxidants. Maybe the next time I am in the States I will pick some up. I think turmeric is one of the best skin healers, the yellow color are flavonoids that is what rejuvenates the skin and why women use it.
Are Pakistani brides happy I think most are, as this is what has been conveyed to me, through people I know personally. Although I can not look directly into their hearts.
However, arranged marriage is not a bad, thing, just not for me. I again believe in love and marriage with love.
People should be able to make their own choices and mistakes if the case may be. Picture of another Paki bride However, in Pakistani culture it seems to work very well. Hats off to these people to produce happy brides and grooms and marriages.
Pictures of a Pakistani bride I hope these pictures of Pakistani brides inspired you. Which one is the best looking? Try some of the Middle Eastern and Indian dating sites I recommend on my website. If you look through my posts you will see many specific recommendations on where the best place to meet a girl is online or in person.
Please leave a comment about the photos or on your thoughts on marriage. However, do not use chat style, use grammar and proper capitalization and punctuation. But I would like to hear what you think of the photos of a these girls or ideas about brides in Pakistan in general. Categories Dear administrator…… I read your blogs about Indian and Pakistani brides. Sorry to say but you lack a lot of information about them. I am an Indian but I know many things about Pakistani cultures too.
It will be my pleasure to share if u want. The thing that I felt very uncomfortable is that you really don’t have any idea what exactly an arranged marriage is.
Its not like a deal or any girl that parents like and one has to marry. Its not even any girl from high school. Pakistani don’t match Astrology signs. Correct it. Hindus match astrology signs, time of birth and position of planets. They have calculations which are scientifically correct. These calculations are based on time of birth and they determine whether the couple will be happily married or not. But its not in Muslim religion. This is in Hindu culture. I stand corrected and I need to correct my post.
I guess when I see 10 Hindu guys I know, in the USA and all 10 were happy (maybe one was only somewhat, but he grew up in the USA) with their arranged marriage, it is not a bad thing at all.
I need to rewrite this and if you want I can do a separate more accurate post. Wow please go take some lessons on culture and regions before you go state your opinion.. First of all Urdu is a language that Pakistani people speak and Pakistan is a country, got that?
Another thing there’s a lot of differences between Pakistani weddings and to Indian wedding (including major cultural and religious differences) STOP COMPAIRING THEM! For the love of God it’s humiliating so stop! Ugh.. and these pictures? The lady in the red looks more like a hindu bride because Pakistani brides don’t wear that DOT on their forhead! Arranged Marriages.. it’s a lot like eharmony, except other people find a husband/wife for you and you get to know them and decide whether or not you want to get married..
kapish? It’s not forced like you might think it is. AND not many people even have arranged marriages anymore, times are changing. Leave the culture talk to the people within the culture, please and thankyou 🙂 Are you sure you know what you are talking about?
Look up the statistics please. 80% to 90% of the Pakistani brides are arranged. Look up the facts it will confirm it. To say that it is not common any more is not true. You are just talking. How can 80% of the marriages in Pakistan be arranged but it is not that common any more?
Urdu is a language of course, but it is like saying Arabic girls. Why all the hostility? If you have read my other post I say the same thing about arranged marriages as you. That is, people have a choice.
My friends that are Indian have arranged marriages. The Pakistani brides also. The differences is in the ritual and ceremony but the idea of strong family connections and arrangement is similar. I think both cultures are nice but different. Remember it was the same country once and people should promote peace and love between all cultures. But again, how can you say that arranged marriages are not common when 80% almost 90% of the marriages?
I think sometimes arranged marriage is cruel to lovers. My boyfriend is a good son. He had been working hard, doing business abroad(My country) to cater his family since teenagers. His father was sick. At the country he spend most of his time doing business, of course he meets someone who inspires him, share bitter-sweet memories, being good to him and what I mean, he falls in love with me. But his mother had fixed a bride for him.
Why can’t his family think of giving him happiness and satisfaction after all the years of sacrifice he has been doing ti his family. Recently I got SMS from him telling that he had broken up his marriage after 7 days. Hi nice to see your blog. well I must say Pakistani and indian both % of arrange marriage is about more than 70% but in pakistan it goes up to more than 87 to 90%. well Pakistani girls in Dubai are player to be frank with you.about indian girl i must say they are also player but u find them rare case.
well, I have personal experience they lied about there name there address they want to play with you and get married with arranged form. means come on after that incidence I made my self as player.
and for miss. nela Pakistan is Pakistan plz. grow up. are Pakistani brides are happy after marriage no no way at all. when you find the women who don’t even had freedom to show there face how you can say. Pakistan is Pakistan huh. now about india come on guys need to clear you also 10% indian girl never play with the person they choose for religion or for country recent example sania mirza and shoib malik very first thing about the Pakistani brides are big players.
Mr. Joshi, I think you have no idea what u r talking about! I live in US and believe me you don’t want to date a Indian girl because they are corrupted. Please have your data correct before stating your option. As as far as, Pakistani bridals not showing their face, well that’s not correct. Because these days Pakistani bridals even dance on their wedding day. Please don’t state your option against Pakistani bridals – because good/bad marriages are in every and any culture.
I definitely agree with the posts above, you have slightly confused yourself with Pakistani and Indian cultures, but what really bugs me is that you’ve written this article on arranged marriages without properly understanding the concept of them. The only difference between an arranged marriage and any other marriage is that parents suggest potential partners to their children, so we don’t have to go through years of bad dates and ex-boy/girlfriends, and still not find ‘the one’.Also, I really cannot understand why in one caption you’ve written “Urdu bride” beneath the photo, and in another caption you’ve written “Paki bride”.
What’s going on here? Use the correct term and use it with consistence. Pakistani bride. Im sure you aren’t out to offend anybody so please don’t use the term paki. Thanks for the clarifications. I am for sure not out to offend anyone. I really am a peace and love type of person, not trying to rub anyone the wrong way. I have not problem with arrange marriages. I will have to go read through my post to see if I have conveyed something that would say I do. My friends that have arranged marriages are very happy.
Yes it does save lots of productive time and energy on finding a mate. In the west many guys and girls are serial daters, that is they spend about 15 years dating and at the last minute find someone, and many times it is just someone good enough.
I like the idea of finding your one and only and not having to date every girl out there. I mean in Boston I think most people connect with dating sites.
I think the parents who have some wisdom is not a bad idea. However, it is not for everyone. I am a guy who is traditional values and romantic ideals. I believe in destiny and even fate with love and marriage. I also believe there is one person for everyone.
How you get to find your other half, there are many ways. However, I believe asking God for help does not hurt. I can understand how arranged marriages don’t appeal to you, it’s totally expected.
I would say it’s mainly because our cultures are so completely different. For most asians, arranged marriages work because we don’t go through the whole dating process, whether it’s due to religious/cultural or any other reasons, and this method of finding a partner proves to be generally really successful when we look around us. With most of us, our parents, relatives, friends etc have had arranged marriages and when we see them work out so well it assures us that we really don’t have so much to worry about.
Finally I’d just like to say how impressed I am by how much respect you show towards our culture, and towards the opinion of the other readers who have left comments.
It’s nice to know there are still some intelligent, broad-minded, tolerant people out there! Do not Trust Pakistanis for marriage, they scam you to get Green Card, most victims are USA Citizens. Largely most scam marriage come from Pakistan,if you still want to look for Pakistani women for marriage, you might want to watch out for Punjabis and Pathans, and most offent they would ask you to get “Greed Card” for them, don’t fall for these scams.
It’s very common. Do not trust someone from Pakistan as a marriage partner if you are a US citizen. Ask yourself this question: why would they marry someone from a completely different country and culture? and then ask her/him this question: Will you apply for citizenship first and than marry me after you’re approved.
If either of those answers are, maybe, I’m not sure, Beware. You are getting yourself into deep trouble. People there are desperate, forget that your American idealism applies there. HAAA.. Mark.. Please listen to this guy.. He knows exactly what he is talking about.
Pakistanis are not so ethical in reality. As well, there are many desperate Pakistanis who are trying to get out of Pakistan. The situation there is quite dire. I, myself have had marriiage proposals from three Pakistani christian girls and they ran me around. There was something funny about how desperate they were and when they saw I woudl not marry them, they later petitioned me to send money to their dying mothers. Pakistan is a country with lot of troubles.
There are great Pakistani women, but the chances of you meeting them online are so slim. Pakistani society is even stricter than Indian society with the women and for a woman to be advertising herself to western men is considered the “ultimate taboo”. Fraud Marriage.. You are correct. I’m think most of the people that have commented on this article are male. I am a muslim Pakistani female. It is true that men have much more choice and go to people’s homes for dinner with their parents in order to view potential brides.
However, the girls have very little choice; they cannot go to people’s homes specifically for this purpose and are not supposed to be the ‘viewing’ party. It is frowned upon. They are the ‘viewed’ party. In addition, once someone asks their hand, the parents put a lot of pressure on the girls to accept the offer, regardless of whether or not the girl is happy.
This is because the parents are afraid that there may not be more offers and that the girl could become a burden if left with them etc. When I was 19, I was shipped off to Pakistan and forced to marry a poor cousin whom I had nothing in common with. My cousin is a beautiful and educated banker and at the the age of 30, she was forced to marry an illegal Pakistani relative (who was not great looking at all). She was not allowed to ask for his photo beforehand (in case she looked desperate) and did not see his face until all the preparations had been made and his mother had come over to stay.
The ‘groom’ on the other hand, a chicken shop worker, insisted a on picture of the bride before the marraige. All this when he was getting the much better deal in every way! So, yes, arranged marraiges do happen and it is mostly the females that bear the brunt. Only a very few women are happy with arranged marraiges and most of these have been where they have secretly met and chosen the guy beforehand.
I completely agree with the author of this article and yes, the forced narraiges are still happening to this generation! It will take atleast another 2 generations to be rid of this ‘forced’ culture. Thanks for reading, Shazia, London, UK. First, its nice to see a Western taking interest in anything related to Pakistan when the image of our country is shattered beyond repair.
before criticizing the writer of this blog, people should understand that he’s seven seas away, probably never been to Pakistan. whatever information he can have about our country is the traditional talk set for ages. It is right that times are changing and Pakistan is growing to be more and more modern in terms of marriages but the conservative families are still there. and trust me, you will never find a nice Pakistani girl on these any of the relationship websites.
and for Hindus, they should butt out of this blog its totally not relevant to them! i have more to say on the subject of this blog!
Its not admins’ fault if he is talking in such a way. Its just that people don’t know the culture of Pakistan and india. But one thing that stands out the most is the divorced rate which is extremly low in both the countries. This should be the ground for any infernce of being able to find a good compelling partner in these countries rather than the arranged marriage thing.
The reason for that is we all consider Marriages as a sacred act & as our parents have spent time and gain valuable experience; therfore it makees them a suitable candidate for selecting our partners but the point you miss is after a thorugh discussion with us their children, the ultimate decison is put in our hands. If we accept it; then it translates into a arranged marriage concept automatically.
Jazakallah TC salaam/namaste, I agree completely with ‘Mehrooz’ on the whole thing and also it’s not admin’s fault at all! Message for ‘FYI’: To be honest we were all one country before and just up until the partition, people were no longer calling themselves just indian, but pakistani and hindu.
Personally I don’t see the difference, we are all people at the end of the day and we are all Indians. Even though the two religions are different, the traditions and cultural values are almost the same, that goes with marriage too.
Arranged marriages are more of a traditional approach. Every woman still has a choice whether they are to pursue or not, regardless of whether their parents pressure them to get married. As previously mentioned, within indian culture marriage is a sacred act of love between the man and woman. With arranged marriages, they tend to have a higher success rate and divorces a lower one. Within the culture, divorces are mostly frowned upon.
It really depends on your parents and family, and what their values are. I would personally, like a love marriage and I have spoken about it with my family and made them see my point of view. I currently have an islamic boyfriend and I am a hindu girl. As traditional concepts of marriage are arranged and usually from the same religion,the concept is normally for your parents happiness.
I have shown my family that it is important to see the son/daughter’s happiness too. But that’s another issue for another time. I hope this clarifies things admin. If you have any other questions, do ask. Shukriyan @varun There is lot of wrong information you have got sir.
you cannot stereotype a nation because of your one off casual encounter. In Pakistan, people do not force their women to cover their face or things like that, its a personal choice of a lady that she makes. Some women prefer it and some do not so you cannot say that women who cover themselves are not happy. At least people in Pakistan do not kill their daughter before their birth. You can check the recent Indian census where there are only 897 women for 1000 Indian men.
Because in India, women are thought of as bad luck. They are given low priority in social setup in India. Every year millions of female fetuses are disposed/aborted when the Indian parents find that the upcoming child is female.
Another bad cultural stigma that Indian society has is the dowry, thousands of Indian brides are killed by their in-laws because they were not able to bring dowry with them. Readers can google ‘Indian dowry cases’ and ‘Indian female fetus loss’ for more info. Peace to all. i as a British born Pakistani agree with admin. Pakistani marriage culture is more based on hindu ritual e.g mehndi, dancing, music/ songs(sangeet), drums (dholki)etc.
75% of the rituals are from Hindu culture. probably that cause our ancesters were hindu before converting to Islam 500 yrs ago, well thats another topic. the only thing different is the 7 rounds in hindu culture and the nikah in Muslim. the admins question should of been more like why don’t the pakistani do their marriages more of the Islamic way according to the hadith and Quran or how come all different muslim countries differ from each others marriage ritual (except for the nikah part).
we Muslims need to understand our own religious way of marriage then pointing at the admin or our hindu friends. Now after reading all of these articles I can clearly say a few of you don’t seem to understand the whole concept of arranged or love marriage. Yes a lot of parents don’t feel that there is a need to ask their children as to who they would prefer to marry. I have seen this happen to a lot of people.
as someone has written times have changed those uncles and aunts who once upon a time had sworn that love marriages were a sin, a person would be terrified to actually mention this topic,have now agreed for their own kids to have which is really unfair. All I can say is strict arranged marriages are still taking place, but alot of parents want to see their chilren happy plus have agreed to love marriages. Look around you; love marriages have proven to be most popular and that’s a fact, arranged is also still and will remain popular especially in Pakistan.
Receiving your parents blessings is the key to happiness. Thanks by way,salaams I understand what you are saying and I do not disagree with arranged marriage in that content is all are willing and it is free will. However, think of Romeo and Juliet. Your parents and families are often the last people who should have a say in your love life. Romeo and Juliet were destroyed by families getting involved.
The greatest way you can honor your mother and father is live your own life. Little birds are kicked out of the nest to learn to fly. Parents need to let their children make their own mistakes in life. So if the culture in Pakistan is based on arrange marriage I respect that and I even admire it as there are few divorces and brides are loyal and following God’s law. However, this always has to be based on free will or the marriage is not authentic.
So arrange marriages are fine as long as free will, which I believe is given by God is intact. Arranged marriages are good in that they promote stability as a whole in a culture but they are bad in that young people often are chosing life partners based on other people’s influence.
I do not want to be influenced by others. I want to make sure that the mistakes I make are my mistakes. I want my wife and bride to feel the same.
That is she will love be with free will. I know arranged marriages are free will but for me they are culturally not what I grew up with. So nothing against them just does not feel right with me. When I was young I use to fantasies about having an arranged marriage as it makes life easier. You have one partner who is chosen for you and you can focus on other aspects of your life. It puts all the nonsense of dating behind you. Adolescence is a painful process. However, in retrospect all the nonsense of dating, and it is nonsense until you meet your one and only true love of your life was a learning experience.
That is now in my mind I have no question I want to be with my wife and no one else ever. I love her freely and with all my heart. I think my parents would have loved me to marry some rich girl from my own culture, but I married some girls from another culture from across the globe who was not rich at all. However, I believe if you seek love first everything else will be granted to you by God in terms of wisdom. And wisdom is the real riches of the Universe. Although I am religious and believe in God and I believe the way you honor and respect your parents is not follow tradition nor your family’s will, but follow what God speaks to you in your heart, your calling in life.
Some might have a more traditional way and others a more mystical or independent way but we are all children of God and our great and powerful father in heaven will love us either way we choose. And so it is with love. Some choose the traditional way with arranged marriages, but I prefer to choose not listen to my parents or family or friends and choose who I love in my heart. This is just me. I read some comments above (mainly from Indians) saying that Pakistani women are looking for green cards/are corrupt/Pakistan’s situation is dire etc.
As a Muslim girl living in Karachi, all I can say that these “speculations” are just that – speculations. I don’t want to beat a dead horse, but the reality is most Indians don’t have a good image of Pakistan, and they make it a habit to go about spewing hatred against Pakistanis wherever they live.
To the author I would like to request that he read up a little history of our region. We are neighbouring states, but have gone to war multiple times. However, as far as the situation being “dire” in Pakistan is concerned, I ask this of any USA resident, how many Indians are there vs how many Pakistanis are there in your country?
And it’s not just USA, but go to literally any country and you will see there are Indians living there. Even though their population is 1.2 Billion, yet it doesn’t make sense (even proportionally) that such a large number of Indian expatiates should live outside of India if the situation in India is stable, prosperous and not “dire”. The situation of poverty in India is extreme. People don’t have access to clean water and toilets. More than 500 million people, according to UN statistics.
That is more than whole population of Europe. Yes, Pakistan also has its own problems, but at least we don’t go about saying that problems only exist in India. We are not obsessed with them, as they are with us. Asking an Indian about Pakistan, is just like asking a Soviet era Russian about USA.
They will give you biased answers. As far as Pakistanis being conservative about their arranged marriages, yes they are quite conservative. The reason is that most of them are Muslims, and they don’t like the idea of adultery and non marital relations. I had a love marriage, in which I selected my partner and told my parents about him. But most of women don’t do it that way, because they are afraid of numerous problems e.g. rape, unwanted bastard children etc.
Such problems are easily mitigated through parent’s choice of partner. As everything in life, arrange marriage has its pros and cons. But that is the debate for another day. This is an intelligent and well articulated edification for me. I do not have an issue with arranged marriages. I also have a marriage of love. The key aspect of a marriage is that the partners need to be loyal. I agree the West as too much adultery and issues. Pakistan and India do not have the rampant disintegration of the sacredness of relationships we in the USA have, yet.
However, although culturally different, India and Pakistan and centuries of hostilities, I see similarities in family life.
Both are very family orientated, with spouse loyalty being a highly regarded virtue. For me the only real difference I can see if the religion. Religion is important, if not the most important aspect of life. I am not a Muslim, I am a Christian, Catholic.
Ecumenical relations between religions are more open in Christianity than in Islam I think? In theory Islam is very open to Muslims, Jews and Christian as the Holy Koran teaches we are all people of the Book. Yet in the current world we live in today there is a huge cultural divide. If you consider Hinduism than this seem an insurmountable chasm between Pakistani and Indian cultures and people. However, that being said, as an American born and raised in the great melting pot, I still feel peaceful relations and a merging of these two cultures are possible.
You do not even have to extrapolate out a few hundred years. The world is changing and like Romeo and Juliet, I believe marital relations between Christian Indian and Muslims are possible and happen.
I think that eventually with the world changing as it does, the two cultures might merge somehow including the Hindu culture. I mean I lived in Tampa a city in Florida and it seemed the Pakistani people I know at work were friends with the Indian people and hung out together even more than with me. Often the Indian stores and Pakistani stores are either next to each other or one in the same. America the great melting pot, allows for sociological experiments like this, real time. Personally, I think God the Divine master of all that is seen and unseen, the creator and infinite power in the universe, does not see differences in people though our cultural lenses like we do.
I think we are all children of God and God would allow the peaceful marriage of any two people in authentic love. However, since I am a mere mortal I recommend love and marriage with someone who is culturally similar, as you.
I think statistically this proves to result in a greater happiness. I invite you to educate me as I think I need to learn more about Pakistan, dating and Islam. I agree with what you wrote above, Mark.
The problem with both Pakistan and India is that we find it hard to get over our differences and accept our similarities. It is different than any other hostility in the world, including the two Korean nations.
Before the British left India, it was never a state as it is now, rather it was a conurbation and concoction of many small kingdoms living in the place called Indian Subcontinent.
Then after the British left, then is when India came into a Nation state as it is now. Even then there were some states which didn’t join India until later, e.g. Goa was taken by the Indian government from Portugal after a fierce military action. Yet, I do believe that Muslims and Christians from both countries get married as I personally know a couple who have moved to the United Arab Emirates after getting married. The man is Pakistani Muslim and girl is Indian Christian from Delhi.
They are happily married. However, couples like that are far and few in between. In reality, it is difficult for people from the two countries to marry if they live in their native countries, mostly due to visa and residency issues. Yet again, I think religion is not the important factor any more when it comes to marriages between people from the two countries. I think now that it has been almost seven decades since the British left, a sense of national identity has formed in Pakistan, while India is still mostly defined as North India, South (Dravida), and Far East states (Manipur etc.) .
People from the three regions have very different cultures and often do not intermarry themselves. Pakistan, owing to its smaller size has a more cohesive intermarriage culture. My husband e.g. is not from the same ethnic background as me. The dating culture in Islam is very different from the rest of the world, for a reason. Islam came to Arabia during a time when girls used to be buried alive by parents, rape and prostitution were rampant, and the belly dance culture was so extreme that dancers were often killed if they refused to dance.
Muhammad slowly and steadily preached (not through sword, as is commonly said) that women have equal rights as men. Forbade Arabs to bury their daughters, put harsh punishments for extra marital sex and even harsher for rape. Back then, there was a quasi dating culture, but slowly after the spread of Islam, and especially after the Wahabbi version came along in the 18th century, dating was shunned.
Wahabbi religious police in Saudi Arabia now even imprison unmarried couples caught dating. That is not Islamic in the real sense, but Muslims are largely uneducated about the limits of pre-marital dating in Islam as prescribed (and practised) by people in the time of Muhammad. So they take Saudi culture mistakenly as the yard stick. In countries like Turkey, Malaysia, and even large cities of Pakistan, dating is very very common.
Go to any restaurant in Pakistani cities like Karachi and Lahore and you would be surprised to see how much dating culture thrives.
It is looked down upon, but people normally don’t care. Since the start of war with terrorists in 2007, Pakistani society is becoming more and more anti-extremist and don’t like the hard-line teaching of Taliban. If only Saudi Arabia were to become a bit more “Islamic” i.e. the culture of forgiveness becomes common instead of the culture of punishment for dating, then things will improve.
The problem is that Saudis treat dating as if it were rape. Which it is not. They assume that date would involve sex, which it might not. Yet the fear of punishment keeps many Muslims from not dating, and therefore a culture of frustration does rise in many Arab countries.
Women before Islamic culture and belly dancing Before Islam women were not treated with respect they have now, as you have outlined excess public displays of overt sexuality and the culture of belly dancing and force sale of women into sensual servitude.
True authentic Islam changed that. However, through some western eyes, it seems like women in Islam countries are oppressed, have little options in marriage and are unhappy.
That is largely not the case, perhaps the exception. Women from Pakistan stay married, can educate themselves and raise a family. In contrast, are ‘liberated’ women in the USA happier, after swapping multiple husbands and find themselves single mothers and their beauty fading? The single liberated women I know in the US are universally unhappy.
Life challenges everyone, even the married and in love but I believe it is a better way. In the US the women who are Christian or Islamic or Hindu and married are happy. Christians take the same bad rap of suppressing women, as portrayed in the western media. This is untrue. Before Christianity women in Ancient Rome were used as objects for debauchery.
It was religion that elevated women to a higher level, think of the romantic idealism of the Middle Ages. It is religion that brings together the carnal nature of humans to enjoy their bodies to the full extent with no limits, yet simply restricts this to the context of marriage.
The reason people will criticize Islam or Christianity is they want to do whatever strange debauchery they are into, outside the context of marriage.
They are looking for the public to absolve them of the guilt, when they know in their hearts they are doing something wrong. Islam and Hinduism can they every be bridged? The issue with Islam and Hinduism is, Muslims, like Christians and Jews believe in the One God.
One God in reality and metaphorically represents the unification of all the human race as brothers and sisters, as children of the Divine who has a set of universal laws to grew and develop in awareness and reach Shamayim, Heaven, and Janna. In contrast, the polytheism of Hinduism is confusing to our monotheistic prophetic religions and contrary to what we are taught. We are taught as Jews, Christians and Muslims that believing in more than one God is idolatry and paganism. However, I think there can be a bridge.
In Hinduism they have many gods which are metaphorically aspects of human psychology. Yet Vishnu is the one supreme God, of Hinduism. Perhaps someday, wise God centred theologians will be able to bridge our religions. I mean on the surface, for me Indians seem peaceful and spiritual and I know a lot of Christians and Jews who practice Yoga and mediation without feeling they betray their faith.
I do not know. I have to read the Koran and make a determination about what is really written and in what context. Me as a committed Catholic does not fully understand. I will have to similarly study Hinduism. I think culture can divide people and religion can unify people. It will be interesting to see how the world evolves sociologically.
How the British shaped Pakistan and India I did not know that this part of the world was so bifurcated and diverse between regions. I thought it was like Italy, that is each region has a dialect but they saw themselves as one nation. Nation building was a 19th century phenomenon in most of the world. Germany and Italy are anomalies. In other words, most of their two thousand year existence of these countries, they only existed as fragmented city states and principalities.
With the ideal of nationalism and nation building we have a new world. Visa issues with love and marriage Even in my own marriage, I am American and my wife Polish, an EU nation, we had to jump through a lot of hoops to get a visa. Lucky I am a Dual US and Polish citizen and a professional and was able to get employment. How people from different cultures make it with all these political boarders and issues is really a puzzle.
All I can say is if two people are in love they should not living in separate countries. Many Americans say they are separated from their love or souse because they partner does not have a visa for the USA. I think this is nonsense. I would recommend they live abroad and find a country they can live in, the USA is not the only nation in the world.
For Indians and Pakistani this is more difficult because of the history and visas. Maybe Dubai, maybe a few other countries.
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Sana Naeem never dreamed about falling in love while growing up in Roseville, Calif. Ms. Naeem, 26, immigrated from Pakistan with her Muslim family when she was 6, and everyone understood that her mother and father would find a husband for her when the time came.
Love would not be about “falling” or anything accidental. “My parents had an arranged marriage,” she said. “All of my aunts had arranged marriages.” She added, “I never actually believed in love.” When she was a young girl, assimilation was not easy. “I was this super-chubby butterball with glasses,” she said. “I didn’t understand English colloquialisms. I never felt truly accepted.” Following Muslim customs, she didn’t wear shorts, go to parties or spend time with boys.
Mostly, she stayed home and read books, a lot of books. She grew up to be a tall green-eyed beauty with a huge vocabulary and a determination to be successful and the opposite of a homebody. “She’s really passionate about whatever she pursues, whether it’s education or a hobby or a different mind-set she wants to explore,” said Saba Naeem, her younger sister. “One time she told me she wanted to be a more worldly person. She wanted to be different.
So she jumped out of an airplane. She went sky diving.” After graduating from the University of California at Berkeley, Ms. Naeem worked as a high school teacher in Baltimore through the Teach for America program while simultaneously pursuing a master’s degree in Urban Studies at Johns Hopkins University.
At that point, her mother began the process of arranging a marriage for her. “My mom was like, ‘You are not going to be young forever,’” she said. “I said, ‘Mom, I’m 21!’” Far more respectful than rebellious, she eventually complied. Whenever she flew home during breaks, her mother would arrange for her to meet prospects, along with their entire extended families. “It would be the son, his parents, his siblings and sometimes aunts,” Ms. Naeem said.
She received five marriage proposals, most of them after a single meeting. She turned them all down. “My mother would say, ‘What are you looking for?’” she said. “I was trying to articulate chemistry. You need to have chemistry, but that’s not in the equation for a Pakistani marriage.” In 2014, soon after entering the Ph.D.
program in social policy at Brandeis University in Waltham, Mass., she decided it was time to break out of her scholarly shell. Without telling her parents, she signed up for , a matchmaking phone app that connects Facebook friends-of-friends. By now, she had a better idea of what she was seeking: a Pakistani-American millennial like herself.
“I was a hybrid looking for another hybrid,” she said. One Bagel (match) she received, last January, was Rayhan Shaikh. “I remember looking at the picture and I thought, ‘Oh, my God, he’s gorgeous,’” she said. Dr. Shaikh, 28, has a doctorate in pharmacy from the University of Connecticut and is now a pharmacist at Middlesex Hospital in Middletown, Conn. Coolheaded and gregarious, he often works in the emergency room, overseeing medicines given to patients.
When he was 4, he emigrated with his parents from Pakistan to Farmington, Conn., where he grew up admiring the good deeds of Superman. He is as idealistic and aspirational as Ms. Naeem, but much more excitable. “He has an off-the-charts, vivacious personality,” said Yousuf Shaikh, a cousin. “He’s energetic, he’s intelligent, he’s a fan of hip-hop music.
He’s going at a faster pace than almost everyone I know.” Dr. Shaikh’s parents had also begun trying to arrange a marriage for him. “My mom hired a matchmaker, a lady to help me find potential people I could have a future with,” he said. “I was pretty upfront with my mom. I told her, ‘I’ll do this avenue, but I’m also going to try my own way.’” He was introduced to two women by the matchmaker and went alone to meet them, rather than taking his family.
He recalled telling his parents: “This is going to be awkward if you are shadowing me. Please don’t embarrass me.” He also signed up for Coffee Meets Bagel. After he and Ms.
Naeem were matched, they began conversing in the Bagel chat room and eventually transitioned to texting, then phone calls. They had great conversations, although they have very different speaking styles.
She talks in long, beautifully constructed sentences while he uses slang, colloquialisms, sarcasm and exaggeration. “He’s funnier than I am,” she said. “He’s a bro and I have formal debate skills. It’s like worlds clash.” He asked what kind of music she listened to (hip-hop) and whether she liked to travel (yes).
“Oftentimes, men just talk about themselves and I just quietly listen, but Rayhan kept asking questions,” she said. “That was such a great quality.” On Feb. 1, he drove to Boston to meet her. Both were extremely nervous.
“Here’s this tall, beautiful girl that I’ve been talking to for weeks and 5 percent of her vocabulary I have to Google, so I’m kind of intimidated,” he said. She said: “I had a crush on him and I hadn’t even met him. It made no sense.” The two talked for nearly five hours. Remembering that date, she still sounds giddy, amazed to have actually experienced not just chemistry but love at first sight. “I was really attracted to him,” she said. “He looks like an actor. He’s 6-1 and very into physical fitness.
He walks with confidence. He has these gorgeous dark eyes.” In a way, their experience was not so different from that of an arranged marriage: After only a few meetings, both knew (but did not say) that they had found their spouses. Even so, they continued to be formal and chaste in each other’s company. “Whenever we were ending our dates, she would almost put out her hand to shake mine,” he said. “One time, I just ignored it and opened up my arms and she hugged me.” Dr.
Shaikh introduced mischief and pranks into her very serious, organized life. Whenever they took walks around Boston, he would purposely lead her astray, for fun. “She has no sense of direction,” he said, laughing. “She’s oblivious to street signs. Even when she turns on the GPS on her phone, it causes more confusion.” Ms. Naeem’s sister said, “Everything in her life has been very structured, and Rayhan is the one who disturbs that structure, in a good way.” By March, they were still in a platonic relationship and Ms.
Naeem found herself wondering: “Does he like me? Are we friends? Are we more?” One evening, she got up the courage to ask him, “What are we?” He ventured, “We are human?” Once he understood what she meant, he told her he absolutely intended marriage but wanted to spend a year getting to know her better. “This is the American in him coming out,” she said. “I remember in my head, red lights were flashing.
I was like, ‘A year! A year is so long.’” As it turned out, he proposed much earlier, in July. Like almost every other important event in the couple’s lives, the proposal was a communal, crowded, family experience.
He and his family flew out to California to meet her family, and everyone watched as he asked her to marry him. Weeks later, he proposed again, when it was just the two of them walking together on the Brandeis campus. He announced he had written a poem for her.
(They have a tradition of writing poems to each other. His rarely rhyme; hers always do.) This particular poem contained the line: “Will you be my Superwoman for the rest of my life?” Then he knelt down and held out a toy Superman ring, which she proudly wore until he gave her one with a diamond to replace it in October.
Their brief, businesslike wedding ceremony took place in the afternoon on Nov. 20 at the Salam center, a religious, educational and social services facility in Sacramento, Calif. The officiant, Imam Kashif Ahmed, sat cross-legged on the floor with the couple, their fathers — Ruknuddin Shaikh and Mohammed Naeem Asghar — and a few other male relatives. They talked quietly as they reviewed the wedding contract.
It looked more like a study group than anything else. “The imam speaks and we essentially acknowledge if we want to be with our partner,” Ms. Naeem said. “We just say ‘yes’ and we are married.” The real celebration happened the next day at the Hilton Sacramento Arden West, in a ballroom filled with 210 guests.
The groom stood on a stage in a white sherwani — a long coat and pants — as the bride walked toward him in a red, heavily brocaded and embroidered wedding lehenga that was closer to a piece of jewelry than a piece of clothing. The bride said that although the room was full of people, she just stared straight ahead at the groom’s eyes.
“My entire focus and energy was on him,” she said. “It was like, ‘You will always be my destination.’” Robert B. Gunnison contributed reporting from Sacramento. ON THIS DAY When Nov. 20, 2015. Where The Salam center, a religious, educational and social services facility in Sacramento, Calif.
A Family Connection Ms. Naeem was afraid to tell her traditional Pakistani mother, Uzma Naeem, that she met someone through Coffee Meets Bagel. “ ‘Millennial iPhone app’ ” does not translate well into Urdu,” she said.
However, her family soon discovered that Mr. Shaikh’s father, Ruknuddin Shaikh, had been a teaching assistant for Ms. Naeem’s father, Mohammed Naeem Asghar, at Sacramento State where they were both studying engineering. “My dad found pictures of them together in the ’80s,” Ms. Naeem said. “It was just a really amazing coincidence.”
Wedding Pictures of Famous Pakistani Actress