Here’s that best dating advice ever: Become the kind of person the kind of person you’re looking for is looking for. 'Best Advice about Dating Ever: Be the kind of person the person you want wants. - Andy Stanley 'Click To Tweet. Stop looking for someone great, and become someone great I have a couple of good friends who recently got their first post-college jobs and are living in the city. They always seem to be in this endless cycle of hook-up-break-up and then act confused when none of their hook-ups become long-lasting relationships. I just want to say, “Well what did you expect?
I remember my first summer in New York City, when I was that ended after five years. My sister took me aside and gave me the best piece of dating advice I've heard to this day: "Be selfish." Not rude and mean selfish, but you-do-you selfish. Hang out with who you want to hang out with, do what you want to do, and don't feel obligated to do anything or see anyone you’re just not that into.
Since that advice was so helpful to me, I decided to poll different women to find out the best advice they've ever received when they were single. No, "You'll meet someone eventually," or, "Try OKCupid instead of Tinder." And certainly no, "Just stop trying so hard," or, "Try not to come off as desperate." Instead, we asked women what judgment-free advice was actually helpful to them.
best i need dating advice ever got - How to date a single dad. The best dating advice ever!
If I asked you to describe how being single felt, what would you say? Free? Exciting? Fun? Empowering? What about lonely? Tiring? Depressing? Unfortunately positive connotations of single life seldom prevail. Historically, finding a partner has been viewed as a huge milestone in our lives. It sets the basis of progression towards many traditional stepping stones such as having children or getting married.
Instead of all the great things that coincide with being single, such as having the time to be selfish and love yourself, we often think of single life as a passing time, as though we’re incomplete until we’ve found ourselves a counterpart.
Being in a relationship and sharing a deep connection with someone is an amazing feeling. But it doesn’t have to be your main goal in life. There’s no need to equate happiness with marital status.
In the digital age, single life is way more accepted and celebrated. However, dating still occupies a huge chunk of our time and with a new dating app launching every week, it can quite a vicious circle. A lot of the time dating can be exhausting, but it doesn’t have to be. Here are some dating tips we hope will make you feel good about single life, and recharge you ready for mulled wine season. Dating Tip #1: Look out for yourself first I know it’s a cliche but your self esteem, your self awareness, and how strong you feel about yourself is where the good stuff is.
How can you expect someone else to love you, if you don’t love yourself? Taking the time to be independent is really important. The feeling of being content and happy with your life by yourself is incredibly empowering.
Remember that a great partner (or partners) will always just be a by-product of your happiness. They’re an added bonus. Make sure you discover ways to enjoy being single and have fun in the process.
Dating Tip #2: Accept rejection I know it can be really difficult to accept rejection, especially when you feel as though things are going well. The key to getting over this is to accept the fact that you’re not going to be compatible with every person you meet. Don’t take rejection too personally, it happens to the best of us.
Whenever this happens to me I say to myself; Think about a person you dated, that was nice, but didn’t really feel a connection with. How did it end? Often, you’ll find that in this scenario, you stopped prioritising them, despite their eagerness to see you again.
I bet this has happened more than once. You see, the dating game involves rejection from both sides, we just become oblivious to the times we’ve rejected someone when the shoe’s on the other foot! Dating Tip #3: Don’t rush Seriously, there’s nothing wrong with being single. In fact, the longer you’re single, the more time you have to value yourself and your relationships.
By realising your worth, you’ll end spending less time on bad dates, and more time on good dates with good people! We don’t give ourselves enough time. We need time to breathe. We need time to think and to learn. We need time to get lost in a few pairs of lovely eyes and share stories with strangers that make us laugh. We don’t need to jump into the arms and beds of different people until one of them decides to stay for a little while longer than the rest.
We don’t need titles or commitment that’s rushed. We need time to love ourselves. Dating Tip #4: Be selfish You shouldn’t ever have to ‘put up’ with something that doesn’t make you happy.
Of course small idiocracies such as how they like to dress, or what they like to eat, are all personal preferences. But if your date is rude or doesn’t value your time, it is absolutely okay to say no to a second date (as long as you politely explain why). Never feel pressured to make yourself like someone, if the spark just isn’t there. ‘There’s plenty more fish in the sea’ is such an old story, but it’s true.
Don’t ever settle.
FUCK YES, or no. It is a simple concept that was made popular by one of my favorite writers in the dating realm, . In dating we often find ourselves in this grey area where we don’t know what to do anymore.
Some examples: • Your date is not texting back after what you thought was a great night. • The colleague you asked to go watch a movie together tells you “Sorry, I can’t make it today, but let’s do it another time!” But she never says a word about it again.
• An interesting guy who said he’d call you but never does. • The cute brunette that invited you to her party but didn’t even talk to you when you were there. All of these examples show you ambiguous situations that – let’s be honest – suck.
This is where “Fuck yes, or no” comes into play. Why would you want to be with someone like that? Why would you want to be with someone who is obviously not excited to be with you? Why would you waste your time and sanity chasing after someone who clearly isn’t as into you as you are into them? From now on, you should follow a simple rule: only pursue romantic endeavors in which everything seems to flow naturally. • Go for the lover who calls you in the middle of the night after your date because he couldn’t stop thinking about you, opposed to the guy who barely remembers who you are.
• Go for the colleague who immediately buys those tickets for Avatar 2 instead of the one who leaves you hanging in the neverland between colleague and date. • Go for the cute brunette who invites you to her party, welcomes you with open arms, and introduces you to everyone there. Life is short. Spend it with people who want to be with you. To everyone else, your answer is “NO”. ––––––––––– Here is Mark’s article about the concept: I think this is perhaps the most relevant dating advice I’ve received in regards to my own dating experience and life.
• You have to love yourself first, before you can truly love another in a healthy, mature way; I know this may sound corny, but seriously, it is entirely, endlessly relevant.
• It’s not just about finding a partner whose life fits and aligns with the life you’ve built for yourself, it’s about finding the balance between what you’ve created on your own, and that which you can build together. It’s about being honest in regards to what you want and need in your partner and what you are truly capable and willing to provide them with in return (compromises etc.).
Now before I go on, let me explain. I wrote about the interaction which inspired this discussion in a previous article for Elite Daily, which I will copy below. If you are interested in the explanation of #2, read on: On a recent Friday night, I found myself on a date with a guy I have known for about a year. As I sat across from him, relaxed and chatting vigorously between sips of the beer we had both happily agreed on, we quickly landed on the topic of dating.
We were like-minded people, both deeply rooted in the pursuit of our careers and narrowly focused on the path to that success. As he detailed his recent dating experiences and stressed how difficult it was to find someone who could embrace his schedule, I found myself readily nodding along. “He gets it,” I silently mused. “The thing is, I don’t have a void to fill. I have amazing friends and I love what I do for work. I’m happy. So I don’t feel like I’m searching. I know what I need in someone for it to work, but I don’t feel the pressure to force a fit that isn’t there, you know?” As soon as he said those words, I was brought back to a conversation I had had with someone’s older relative a few months ago.
She had asked me if I was dating anyone. I replied, “Not really. I’ve been on some dates, but nothing too exciting.” She chuckled and shook her head.
“Dating was so different in my day.” I asked her what she meant, and she gifted me with some insight that provided a bit of perspective. She explained that when she met her husband, they were each other’s firsts. They met and fell in love at a young age (which was the norm).
They grew up together, literally and figuratively. Of course, today, we scoff at the idea of putting a label on it too soon, moving in with someone hastily or getting married too young. For the younger generation, it’s usually more of a waiting game.
Admittedly, every time I see a new engagement notice pop up on my newsfeed that involves anyone below the age of 25, I visibly cringe. But before, this was embraced, as your partner wasn’t viewed as a risk to your future or as a distraction. He or she was your support. He or she was there to help you create your future. School, marriage, work, financial troubles, family disputes: These transitional moments brought them together, instead of tearing them apart. They learned to need each other. The difference now is, the majority of Millennials are hell-bent on paving their own, independent paths before they even consider joining their lives with another.
We don’t want to need anyone. Or at least, not until the last possible second. This is great, actually. This is everything I preach and everything I believe in. Don’t rush. Don’t create voids that need to be filled by another. Don’t force it. Focus on yourself, your personal happiness and your career.
The rest will naturally follow suit. University, master’s degrees, wanderlust, passions and careers: These are all things that often take precedent to the relationships we consider. We recognize the importance of satisfying these elements of our lives first, before incorporating someone else into the picture. The thing is, though, we are creating our lives and then trying to make them fit with another’s so far down the rabbit hole, so to speak.
In the past, you likely grew up with your partner and passed through the early tests of life with him or her. You learned about each other in the process, and were surrounded by the life you created together. Today, we trudge through university, ship off to other parts of the world, throw ourselves into demanding careers and become accustomed to a life of prioritizing ourselves first.
This isn’t a bad thing, but I can now see how it makes it harder for us to find a fit with someone else. Sure, we meet people. We date and we go through the motions. But when the honeymoon feelings fade and the relationship is put to the test, it is so much easier to cut our losses and walk away.
We have our own lives to fall back on. We were fine before this person came around, and there are plenty of other options at the tips of our fingers, right? There was someone before, and there will be someone after. Our lives are constantly saturated with choices and distractions.
This reality makes vulnerability seem more and more like an unnecessary expenditure. I’m the walking embodiment of this practice. I’m 23 years old, and I wear my independence like a badge on my chest. I consider my desire to be busy and motivated a necessary part of who I am. I’m not alone here. Every day, I meet people who take on as much as they can to pursue their own individual happiness.
This is amazing. But admittedly, this is also a tough breed of person to date. Are we closing ourselves off to the possibility of slow-burning, long-developed love? Are we just hoping that someone will come along and fit perfectly with every commitment, tendency and mindset we’ve formed throughout our 20s and 30s? In theory, we know exactly what we want. But are we really open to it? Can we put it into practice? Or are we looking for the quick spark, the “perfect on paper?” Then, do we check out when we sense some impending disconnect?
After all, Tinder dates and hookups are easy and quick cycles of instant gratification, riding on the process of efficient elimination. Working through the initial, ongoing hurdles of long-term love, however, is not so easy or quick.
“It’s no wonder there are so many breakups now. You guys have so much going on. Everything is about meeting demands and the next best thing, and you have so many reasons to look elsewhere. You’re always looking elsewhere. If things don’t work out, you go back to your separate lives and try again with someone else. That just wasn’t how it worked for us. There was no going back. There was only moving forward together.” I may not be ready to consider marriage before I’m at least 30, and I may reject most traditional concepts of love and courtship, but I think she makes an interesting point.
Maybe it doesn’t have to be one extreme or another. Maybe it’s about finding a balance between the two. Maybe it’s worth it to take an introspective look at how we really examine our romantic intentions as Millennials, and ask ourselves if we are leading lifestyles that are conducive to love. I truly think this is some of the most relevant dating advice I have received, thus far. While I am someone who will always maintain an intimate association with my independence and work to fulfill many areas of my life before I settle down, I also recognize the importance of bridging that gap.
I recognize the need to still be vulnerable at times and embrace dating and love as true, potential partnerships involving two people not only proud of the lives they’ve built independently, but also that which they can create together. It’s always about finding the balance. It’s about knowing when you need to walk away, and when you are using that as the easy way out because we have our own lives to fall back on.
It’s about understanding how to make a life fit with another, not perfectly, but in a way that fulfills both partners. And most importantly, it’s about being open, honest and adjusting as we go. Goodbeer Faucets, Tokyo I was in Tokyo for barely 48 hours when someone mentioned that I should go and visit this bar and surprisingly it was near to my hotel, like half a mile, so I walked down to the bar.
For people who have already been there, it looks aesthetic, but I found alcohol little expensive. I was sitting at the bar alone when someone tapped my shoulder and asked if the seat was taken. Now, this guy was drop dead gorgeous; he had this British Accent, blonde hair, and a deadly smile. I nodded, and he sat next to me.
"Indian?" he asked, I smiled. "Namastey," he said, and I was head over heels for him. We spent 2 hours knowing each other; he mentioned being an artist from Italy, he gave up his London based job after 11 years into it. We talked about a lot of things and of course at one point topic was relationships. He smiled and said, 'I'm 55 years old, my views on dating will be very different.' I smiled and said, 'I'm 40-year old trapped in the body of 20 years old, tell me.' And next 30 minutes gave me a new perspective on dating.
He mentioned, 'I belong to a very orthodox family, Concept of hook up or multiple relationships was never promoted in our house. However, my family was very welcoming to people my siblings, and I use to bring, in short, there was no scope of casual relationships.
That's how I came up with this theory called 4 Date Theory.' Theory suggests going on four dates, and each date places a very significant role in understanding them, your chemistry with them and how far will conversations. Date 1: Place of your choice: You get a chance of letting someone into your comfort zone, food is an essential part of any relationship and if likes match then it is good.
Another thing is, you get to know how open person is to new suggestions, how they lead in such situations, etc.
Date2: Place of your partner’s choice: You get to know the person you are going out with, what kind of places they like, what type of food, how do they take up leadership they get, etc Date 3: A movie: Choice of entertainment is significant, it helps you in knowing their choice of music, genre and how they behave in public place and how honest they are when it comes to giving feedback.
Date 4: A walk: Other than giving a slight glimpse of health, it is old school romantic, you get a chance to hold the hand, ask if they want to coat. Also, how they react to a proper public environment which means some weird weather, beggars asking for money, their love for street food, etc. So by the end of these four dates, you will know their choice of music, movie, mode of transportation, food, their behavior and other factors which you need to oversee over time and not ask.
But the question is, who has time for old school love? I want to give you 2 pieces of advice — one long, one short. • People reveal their real self to you in the first 3 months. Believe them! Behind this simple sentence, there is so much truth.
We all fall for wishful thinking when we meet a seemingly amazing person we fall for, but the truth is that very often, we want to fall for that person and skew reality to their benefit in our mind.
When we want to fall for a person, we ignore their obvious traits, personalities and — from our perspective — red flags.
I once fell in love with a girl. She was 18 (red flag #1), had an account on every social media site you can imagine (red flag #2), ridiculously low self-esteem (#3), her two ex-bfs were all over her FB, Instagram etc. (#4), wore the shortest hotpants on a trip with her classmates (#5), liked “Sex and the City” on FB (#6), had no natural, non-artificial picture on any social media site (#7), didn’t have any real hobbies or interest other than dancing and haning out on social media (#8), stayed in touch with guys who wanted to fuck her and told her so (referred to them as “a friend”) (#9), had a dysfunctional family with virtually no dad and a mum who didn’t know how to raise a child (#10), betrayed me and kept quiet about it for a while (#11), had little real empathy and showed signs of a serious lack of understanding of human relationships (#12), could not communicate (#13) … Jesus, now that I do the list, I realise how fucked up I was in the brain to go for this one, haha!
But my point is: even after all that, I was still in love with her, because I wanted to love her. It was like a drug, it made me feel great for a while, and yes, she DID HAVE her wonderful and sweet traits and we did have our magical moments, but the disappointment was sure to come. And it did. Over and over again. And every time, I felt like shit. Now, all those red flags (except the betrayal thing) were obvious after 2 months that I knew her, and I was still able to pull the emergency brakes back then.
But I didn’t, because I wanted to believe that she could be another person, a better person. After we came together, she promised me to change etc., and that is the mistake, because it makes you believe that she will change. She won’t. And while it is true that at SOME point, she might become a better person in some respect, it is obvious that she would never ever change and become a completely different person.
In other words: it is very, very unlikely that this girl would one day become a person I could truly bond with. 2. A person’s family tells more about her than the herself! We people fool ourselves and others.
You will often see your date giving you a certain image or impression of herself, and often it’s one you find appealing — that’s usually who she wants to be. Go meet her parents, talk to them, look at their family culture, their values, the characters of her mum and dad, her siblings, the way they talk, eat, think — that’s who she really is. Except for the case when a person has abusive, freakish or otherwise terrible parents, the rule of thumb is: if you can’t get along with her parents, you will not get along with her, eventually.
I know this sounds terribly conservative and old-fashioned, but it is the naked truth.
Dating Advice: You Wont Hear From Anyone Else!