First-date questions don't all have to cover big, meaning-of-life topics, and this question is useful to establish what your date does for fun, without the social awkwardness of asking, “So, what do you do for fun?” This way you can learn about any weekly soccer games, wild partying habits or child custodial battles with a simple, off-the-cuff question. If your date is on a weekend day, just ask about the remaining, or previous, days. Bonus: This question gives you some crucial intel for the next question, the final best thing to ask your date: 9. Do You Want To Go Out Again Next Week? Le .
Going on a first date with someone can be intimidating. If you’ve met on an internet dating site, dating app or through friends, you may know very little about this person, yet you’re expected to sit across from them and make conversation. Yikes! What should you do or say? These 22 first date questions for lesbian dating should help get you started and by the end of the date, you should know if there is enough chemistry to want to see the person again.
Start off slow and simple When you meet for the first time, the first few questions should be general get-to-know-you variety. They may seem boring, but they will break the ice and get you both talking. After asking how her day was and if she had any trouble finding the meeting spot, start out with a variation on these first date questions: • What do you do for a living?
• What part of town do you live in? • Where did you grow up? • How long have you been living where you live/working where you work? • Do you have any siblings? Now that you’ve gotten the basics out of the way, it’s time to find out a bit more about her personality and if you two have anything in common. Try asking some of these questions: 6.
What do you do when you’re not at work? 7. What is your favorite movie of all time? 8. What are your favorite authors or what kind of books do you read? 9. What kind of music do you like to listen to? Who are your favorite singers or bands? 10. Have you gone on any vacations recently? Where did you travel?
11. Do you have any pets? 12. Do you have any children? Listen to her answers and ask follow up questions if she says anything interesting. She has a dog? Great! What’s his name? Where did she get him? What’s he like?
You can even ask to see a picture—most people have pics of their pets on their phones. Now hopefully the conversation is flowing a bit smoothly. You can start to dive into more personal questions to find out what her personality is really like and if you would enjoy hanging out with her: 13. If you could live anywhere, where would it be? 14. What did you want to be when you were a kid?
15. When did you come out? (This can lead to a whole conversation in itself!) Make it a bit fun by asking her questions that will really show her personality. Try some of these: 16. Where is your favorite place in the whole world? 17. What’s your biggest goal right now? 18. What would your friends say is your best quality?
Your worst? 19. How do you spend your weekends? 20. What are your favorite restaurants? 21. Do you cook? What’s your favorite dish to make? As the date progresses, listen with not just your ears but all of your senses. Is she engaging? Does the conversation flow easily or does it feel like you’re pulling teeth? Does she seem interested in you and does she ask questions back or is the conversation one-sided? Does she seem to be paying attention, or is she looking at her phone, trying to find a way to escape?
If things flow well, you can ask one final question: 22. Would you like to get together again?
best lesbian dating tips first date questions ask - The 45 best speed dating questions you can ask a prospective date
The craze over the posited by the New York Times last year as the pathway to falling in love with someone would draw skepticism from any true . The thinking behind the questions—ranging from mild to moderately-probing questions about life and death and relationships—is that opening up to someone about these topics introduces vulnerability and openness, and mutual vulnerability inspires intimacy (yada, yada, yada). But everyone knows that a vulnerability session is not always a comfortable way to while away the hours when you're getting to know someone.
To get a second opinion on what types of questions people could ask someone they're dating to get to know them beyond the surface-level, we spoke with , a clinical psychologist and relationship expert based in Boston who lectures at the Harvard Medical School.
She notes that there is no cut-and-dried "correct" way to approach dating and getting to know someone, nor a specific set of questions everyone should ask a partner, but she advises people—especially those looking for more serious relationships—to think about questions that help you have a better understanding of what you need and whether or not somebody is a good fit for you—intellectually and emotionally.
"You want to meet someone who's willing to sit through the discomfort and the ambiguity and to be able to ask deeper questions and be curious about the responses." "If you think about it," she says, "if you're dating someone, and you're going to eventually want something serious with them, you want to meet someone who's willing to sit through the discomfort and the ambiguity and to be able to ask deeper questions—not get fixated on whether something's right or wrong—and be curious about the responses." Below, her recommended questions for a typical dating sequence, from the first date to a point where you're getting more serious about someone.
Timing of these is important, she says, based on what age you are, where you're at in a relationship, and whether you're pursuing a more serious relationship or not. Yes, the questions are a little scary, but the goal is to ultimately gauge a response that helps you read whether your partner demonstrates a range of , from openness and flexibility, to curiosity and empathy.
"What made you decide to swipe right? What made you decide to ask me out?" Dr. Monica O'Neal: I would say that this is a good question for everybody to ask, regardless of their age range, not in a way where you're questioning, "Why do you like me?" but more along the lines of, "What about me in particular made me stand out?" I know some people might think it sounds conceited, but I don't because I think it gives a nice opportunity for the other person to volley and say, "What made *you* decide to do it?" How deep or how thoughtful the other person is might give you some information about who they are.
If they say, "Well, you're hot or you have nice boobs," that might be true and it would be rude if they said they didn't find you attractive, but you want to know that they're going to go deeper than your physical qualities. And on the flip side, be honest with them and see how they respond.
And if they don't respond at all, people might say, "I don't know, it's too deep of a question." You have to ask yourself, "Do you want to be with somebody who would be that quick to shut down? Or do you want to be with someone who has a little more room to push themselves and go someplace different?" "Have you been in love before?
What kind of person do you typically fall for?" MO: There's magic in this question. I usually suggest this for a slightly older crowd, and this is a question that you have to pull off with a lot of confidence. You can ask this in the context of knowing what made the other person swipe right.
And really listen, pay attention, have a little conversation about it. And then when they quiet off a little bit, look them solid in the eye and say to them, "Do I seem like I'm that kind of woman?" It's a very powerful moment.
What it does is, you can see the other person get uncomfortable. And it's not like you're trying to make them uncomfortable, but you want to stop the music for a moment and make sure that they're looking at you in a particular way. And the people who can do that and want to do that, I think that would give you a real clue if this is someone to pursue.
And that's a subtle way of saying, "I want something serious. I want to be special." Because we all do. Past relationships... MO: I would say that this a third date type of question.
It doesn't have to be as straightforward as, "Tell me about your last relationship." It can simply be like, "Oh you've been in a relationship. Well, tell me about it. How'd you meet? How did it end?" And so on. You don't want to go into too much detail but I would listen to see if you hear, "Oh, it was mutual." I think that's BS.
It's never mutual. Somebody has to pull the trigger, even if both people are unhappy. I would really listen to how somebody answers that question. Are they answering that question openly and honestly? Are they putting down their partners? "Of all your past exes and people you've dated, what is the thing they complain the most about you?
" MO: This is for when you're really liking each other, maybe on about the fourth or fifth or sixth date. And pay attention if someone says, "They wouldn't say anything. I was a great boyfriend." And be prepared to give your own answer. At any point during the first few four or five dates, you shouldn't be disclosing the most painful baggage. Be careful about the stuff that you share about family. You don't want to go too fast, too deeply, because it's hard and vulnerable.
And you should only make yourself more vulnerable when somebody's proven that they're someone you can go a little deeper with. Follow for the latest celeb news, beauty tips, fascinating reads, livestream video, and more.
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• • • • • • • • • • • About • • • • • • • • Sign in • Username or Email Address Password Remember Me It’s easy to have a lot of mixed expectations, feelings, nerves, hopes, excitement, boredom, dread and dreams around first dates. Sometimes all at once! Here’s how to have a good first date.
1. Lower your expectations. Be honest with yourself about what a first date actually is: a way to spend about 45 minutes to three hours with a stranger to determine whether you have enough in common to see each other again in a context that might eventually have sexual or/and romantic vibes. That’s all! It’s easy to put a lot of pressure on yourself or on the situation: What if you forget how to talk to strangers? What if she sucks? What if she thinks you suck? What if this is the only date you’ll have all year?
What if when you have a relationship you look back on this evening and it’s weird? What if they’re “the one” (“the one” is a myth) and you mess it up by talking too much about your cat? What if what if what if? — but take a deep breath and let all that stuff go.
2. Save talking for the date. If you’re looking for someone you can hang out with in real life, focus your initial energy on hanging out in real life. On a dating app, this means keeping the conversation brief and centred around when and where you’re going to meet, and then meeting — not making days of small talk and not sexting endlessly into that great night, unless those are the main things you’re interested in.
It’s okay if those are the main things you’re interested in, but if you want to date in person, you need to meet in person. Making a plan quickly, saying something like “I don’t like to text a lot before meeting someone, but I’m so excited to meet you,” and restraining yourself from doing a lot of early back-and-forth or internet stalking can all keep your expectations realistic and make the actual date itself go more smoothly.
3. Pick the right location. So you want to meet in real life… but where do you meet in real life? The best first dates have: • One-on-one interaction somewhere a little interesting but not too distracting, and • Built-in parameters.
If the point of a first date is just to get enough of a sense of each other to see whether you want to see each other again, pick somewhere you can get a chance to do that one on one.
Movies are fun but all you learn about a person in a movie is whether or not they can sit still and not look at their phone for a few hours, you know? And only fuckbois invite their tinder first dates to bars with all their friends. Keep it simple, keep it one-on-one, and don’t pick an activity that you’ll want to focus on more than each other (unless all you want is a friend to do that thing with, in which case it’s not really a date is it?).
Going for coffee or a drink or ice cream or juice or whatever is a default for a reason: if the date goes well, you can easily order another round, and if it doesn’t go well, finishing the first can be a natural conclusion for your time together. There are other people around, there’s probably a bathroom, and you have an easy possible opening for conversation (“What are you getting?”) if you’re stuck.
If it’s really bad you can be out of there in 20 minutes, and if it’s really good you can linger for hours. Maybe she’s not a stranger, though. Maybe you’ve been running into each other for months and you finally asked her out and she said yes. Maybe they’ve been your friend for years and you matched on tinder last night and decided to go for it. Maybe there’s some other reason you want to get big and sweeping and romantic.
I totally get that! But remember how you’re keeping your expectations low? Don’t put a lot of pressure on the situation, even and maybe especially if for some reason it already feels like there’s a lot of pressure on the situation.
Keep it light, keep it simple. If you really like each other you’ll have so much time for the big stuff, and if you don’t it’s way better to find out by being yourselves then by trying to force something that isn’t there.
4. It’s okay if the conversation is a little awkward. The best thing is to let the conversation flow naturally. Do you come here often? Oh, what’s your favorite [type of establishment you’re in] in [place you live]? How long have you lived here? Why’d you move here? What was that like? But it’s okay if the conversation doesn’t flow naturally!
You don’t know each other (or if you do, you don’t know each other in a dating context), you haven’t established a shared language, you don’t know where the conversational landmines are, and you might both be a little nervous. That’s okay! There will probably be awkward silences and those are okay, too. Exchange your caution for curiosity. Ask questions. Say, “tell me more,” and lean forward a little. If you don’t know what to talk about, remember you can ask about pretty much anything — you don’t know about their neighborhood, their job, their roommates, their pets, their favourite tv show as a kid, whether or not they believe in astrology, whether or not they believe in weeding their houseplants, when they got that killer haircut, what they did this weekend, or anything else.
Listen to their answers. Share yours. 5. Be your real self. Dress how you normally dress, act how you normally act and care about things you normally care about. Don’t pretend you like movies (or, say, monogamy) just because she does and she’s really pretty and you want to see her again. Don’t pretend you hate tuna tartare just because they’re vegan. Don’t pretend to love cats when you’re allergic. Don’t wear clothes that make you feel anything other than awesome.
The point is to be you, not a version of yourself that you think someone else might like. And the only way for someone to like you for who you are is to be who you are just as hard as you can. It is okay to try to be the best version of yourself — the version that’s on time when you’d sometimes be late, the version that’s not still texting that one ex, the version that did laundry a little more recently — but make sure that you’re still being yourself.
Otherwise, what’s the point? 6. Follow your feelings. It can be easy to make your takeaway from a date all about the other person — Did they like you? Does she want to see you again? — but don’t. This is as much about whether you like her as whether she likes you. Follow your feeling. Did you just feel a little bored? Did they interrupt too much? Did you hate the way she kisses?
Do you just not want to see her again? Don’t see her again. Can’t stop thinking about their mouth? Can’t stop thinking about their mind? Worried it was awkward but you almost don’t care ‘cause you were so intrigued?
Say you had a good time and want to see her again and see what happens. Don’t think of a good first date as one that leads to a second. Think of a good first date as one where you got to be yourself, clear and honest and true, and got to meet someone new and see where you might line up or not. is Autostraddle’s series on how to have lesbian sex for queer women and anyone who finds this information applicable to their bodies or sexual activities.
Sex ed almost never includes queer women or our experiences, so we’re exploring pleasure, safety, relationships and more to make that information more accessible.
A lot of the language in these posts is intended to make them easy to find on search engines. Some of the body parts we talk about will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t. Some of the pronouns will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t. Some of the sexualities will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t.
Some of the language will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t. Take what you want and what applies to you or what you can make apply to you and your partners and your experiences, and leave the rest! is the NSFW Consultant, and was formerly the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor, for Autostraddle.com. Her writing has appeared in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, and .
She recently moved to Los Angeles from Montreal. Find her on . Carolyn has written 896 articles for us.
10 Questions To Ask Women On Dates That Will Get Conversation Going