Would you like to date a Mormon guy or girl? Here's what cute LDS guys and girls look for when they date The clean lifestyle and family values of LDS life make Mormon guys good candidates for dating and marriage. | Source. For non-Mormons interested in dating an LDS church member, trying to figure out the church culture can seem like a mystery game. It's a bit challenging to figure out how a group of people can have fun and date if they don't drink alcohol, prefer to avoid R rated movies, don't drink coffee, and are taught not to mess around before marriage. So, what exactly do Mormon guys or girls look for in a date? And what do they do for fun? Great Video .
Dating in Your 20s This is part one of a four-part series, “Conscious Courtship,” in which we chat with professional matchmaker, Amy Stevens, and marriage and family therapist Alisa Snell. In this post, we’ll examine the trials and tricks to dating as a 20-something in the LDS world.
This is a supplementary discussion from a Mormon Channel Daily interview. What challenges do Latter-day Saint singles in their 20s face when it comes to dating and marriage today?
Stevens: We live in a world where there are so many choices and so much technology. Marriage has become much more of a choice, and some people wrestle with whether or not it’s a choice they want to make in their 20s. Also, people often go from dating in groups as teenagers to being told, post-mission, that it’s time to find a spouse. So some people just find anyone and get married, which can lead to issues in the marriage.
Or they go the other way and feel so frustrated that they decide they don’t care about marriage. Snell: In addition, dating as an art form still matters, but a lot of singles in their 20s are not dating.
If men don’t pursue women, women don’t feel safe and secure, and if they don’t feel safe and secure, they’re not going to act more feminine—something men look for. We can’t just ignore those realities. People are hanging out, and in the process they’re not making the male or female feel fulfilled.
Hanging out is a huge problem. Fear is a huge problem. Perfectionism is a huge problem. Stevens: It does take a certain amount of vulnerability and faith. A lot of people want to play it safe in the dating game because they want the other person to make the first move. Therefore, no one makes a move; it just becomes kind of vanilla and stagnant.
What myths about dating in our 20s would you like to dispel? Snell: That it’s just going to happen; it is just going to be easy and natural without any work.
And that if they do have to work at it, there must be something wrong. I also see people use a lot of “should” statements. For example, a man looks at the perfect woman for him and says, “I should like her and I should want to call her more.” The moment you say “should,” the more unattractive it is. The reverse also happens: The person you shouldn’t be with becomes the person you really want to be with. If you’re not feeling a connection with the kind of person that really would be best for you, chances are you’re “should-ing” yourself, and that’s part of the problem.
Stevens: I think those in their 20s feels like they have so many options, so how would they ever choose one? They become paralyzed. People imagine this sea of singles within the LDS community, so there’s no urgency. It seems like they can hold out and look for perfection. Sometimes they look at the prophet and his wife and think, “That’s the kind of marriage that I want,” but they don’t consider the process it takes to become that kind of couple—a lot of trial, change, and self-improvement.
What do you feel men and women in their 20s are looking for in a spouse? Snell: Everything starts with the physical. From there, men are really looking for a woman who makes them feel great, that’s what flirting is for. Men are also looking for women who are kind, positive, spiritual, and confident.
On the flip side, the first thing women are looking for beyond the physical is strength and confidence. Unfortunately, there are a lot of really nice guys who don’t let those qualities show. Ultimately, a woman wants to make sure he makes her feel great as well. Stevens: Men bond through activities, where women bond more through talking. The activities men enjoy and want to share with women are often physical and outdoorsy, so they want a woman who is fit.
Snell: Intellectual connection is very important. And everyone wants someone with social skills, drive, and ambition. Stevens: Education is important to a lot of people.
For some that means just being able to talk about a variety of things. Many want someone with at least a bachelor’s degree. A focus on family is also high on the list for men and women.
Because we’re LDS, we usually want a family and children. Why is non-committal physical affection in a relationship so damaging? Stevens: That happens a lot because people are afraid of being vulnerable and making the first move, as we talked about.
So they’re friends with people and then one day someone decides to make that type of move, but then they don’t follow it up with actual dates.
Often, the woman becomes more emotionally attached in that process. The she gets frustrated and feels used, which the man might not even realize. Snell: The more deeply a man sacrifices the more deeply he loves. And non-committal affection requires no sacrifice, so of course there isn’t going to be any love. So women really set themselves up for unrealistic outcomes when they engage in that.
Those who engage in that are more likely to be rejected than loved and protected. I refer to something I call the “Three- to Six-Week Drop-Off Curve.” If you’re passionately kissing in the first three to six weeks, you’re much more likely to see the relationship end within that time. It is counterproductive to creating a deeper connection. Stevens: Alisa always says, “I don’t give the best of me to people who don’t invest in me.” Don’t miss next week’s post in this series, where Stevens and Snell offer similar advice and insights to singles in their 30s and above who are hoping to date and marry.
best mormon dating advice blogs - Dating Is Weird
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So you’re thinking of dating a Mormon, eh? Good choice. I’m bias, but I find most Mormons are very cheerful people who care about others. If you’re dating a teenage Mormon, there are quite a few things to know. First, we’ll talk about the rules, but then we’ll get into the more important things that will help you understand where they are coming from. Required Mormon Dating Rules The official Mormon dating rules can be found in , but I’ll do my best to explain them in layman’s terms here.
• Nope. If it’s what you’re wondering, no. Mormons do not have sex before marriage. Period. • No dating before age 16. • Date only people who have high moral standards. • Date in groups. You go with one person, and join up with another couple for planned dates. • Avoid going on frequent dates with the same person. This doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with the same person often as friends, but it means if you’re hooked up, you have to be careful about spending too much time together, because it often leads to… well… feeling too comfortable around each other.
That’s Only Half the Story The “Rules” for Mormon dating are only half of the story. You can understand those rules and still have no idea what your teenage Mormon friend is thinking. I want to explain a Mormon belief that is central to our beliefs that is responsible for just about every dating decision we make.
Eternal Marriage. Eternal marriage means that Mormons believe that if we are married with proper Priesthood authority (in a Mormon temple) then God will honor our marriage not just on earth, but also after we die and are in Heaven. So the whole point of the rules above are to help Mormons to keep from disobeying God’s commandments about morality and sex, so that when they decide to marry later on in life, they can marry for eternity.
If you understand that, you’ll understand something else, too. The “rules” mentioned above are just the base guidelines for dating. They are the bright-line, never-compromise standards. It’s the minimum acceptable code of conduct. The Individual Standards for Mormon Dating Since Mormons strive to meet the goal of eternal marriage, they also make their own individual standards to help them to stay chaste (sexually pure). The following are some examples. • Some Mormons may choose not to kiss anyone while in high school and will wait until they are ready to date seriously in consideration of marriage later on.
Others, will be completely fine with it, but wouldn’t get into any passionate, heavy kissing. • Some Mormons may choose not to develop a relationship to the point of calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, but others may see that as acceptable as long as it is kept within certain bounds.
• Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Knowing Where the Line Is What’s the best way to know what is okay and what isn’t when dating a Mormon? Don’t be so weird about it! If you want to know, then just ask the girl or guy. It’s not rude. It shows great respect for their decisions and goals. One last thing. If you really care about the Mormon you’d like to date, the easiest and quickest way to understand them at a deeper level is to understand the beliefs that are central to the way they live.
Ask your friend if you can talk with some missionaries, or check out , which has more information than you can shake a stick at. I own an online company where I create websites which are read by millions of people. I'm a non-practicing lawyer, and a father of three little kiddos. My faith in Christ is the most important aspect of my life, and this blog is where I get to share my beliefs. The rest of the time, I'm riding dirt bikes or traveling the world taking pictures.
I live in Meridian, Idaho where I attend my local congregation of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I started this blog at the encouragement of President Boyd K. Packer who asked members of the church to step up in sharing their beliefs online. It is now read by 21,000 people each month who are beginning to learn about the church.
The opinions expressed on this website are not necessarily those of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints as this blog is not an official source of church information.
However, every effort is put into providing accurate information in support of the church. I recently started going to Mormon Chapel in Preston, uk. I hope to be Baptized soon.
I like one of the Sisters at the chapel and would like to take her to movies on a date. I hope to marry her in the future but a bit shy to ask her on date,due to my slight Aspergers. What is best way to ask her,while respecting her beliefs? • It wouldn’t be rude or disrespectful at all to ask out a Mormon on a date–even if you are not a member of the church. Just call her up and ask her if she’d like to go with you.
It’s that simple. After reading this blog post, you already know what things to be aware of and how to make sure your actions don’t conflict with her beliefs. It’s wonderful that you too are learning the beliefs that this sister also holds.
Good luck to you! • There’s one thing people don’t understand about Mormons .Mormon is no t another form of religion ,we are also Christians , followers of Christ ,we follow the teachings of Christ .Also the word Mormon is an Egyptian name which means more blessings more righteousness .Mormon is a prophet ,a historian that abridged the book of Mormon.
And I testify to you that the church is true ,also that book of Mormon is true ,and I testify unto you that if you feast upon the word of Christ,the word of Christ Will Tell ye all things which ye should do ,this I testify humbly in the name of Jesus Christ.Amen • @Sarah – I honestly can’t answer that for you. The prophets have given us their advice in the For the Strength of Youth, which is what I refer to in this article.
The Church doesn’t want to make your life decisions for you. You take the words they say and the spirit of those commandments and choose what is right for you. For me PERSONALLY, I wouldn’t have wanted to have kissed when I was 12. The younger you get too familiar with the other gender, the less a kiss will mean to you later on when you’re ready to choose someone to marry. • I happen to have a friend that is Mormon.
He also happens so be in a relationship with a girl but have never been on a date. He is thirteen and he calls the girl his girlfriend. Me being Christian I don’t really know much about the specifics of Mormonism, but is him calling her his girlfriend kind of “against the rules”? It’s been bothering me and I wanted to see if it was true. • Hey Christian, Thank you for taking the time to learn about our beliefs. That’s cool of you. We believe in following the guidance of our prophet, and that’s what I’ve shared on this page.
Everything else is really up to the personal choices of members of our church. It’s good for you to encourage your friend to do what is right, but also remember that we are all different and don’t have any business judging each other. • Hi, I’m a Mormon youth (16) and on the flipside of who this article is designed for. I am dating this boy, who isn’t a member. I have deep feelings with him but I don’t like how people are treating me when I say I am dating a non-member.
I’ve talked with him about WOW, sex and other standards and he respects them, even encourages them. How can I explain that he respects me and is there for me, he just isn’t a member? The worst part is that I’m a convert (as of age 7) so people undermine me for that as well. Sorry if this makes no sense • @Clover – Makes perfect sense to me. It sounds to me like you feel confident that you are doing what is right, but that your main concern is how it appears to others. I understand that feeling, but just remember that other people can make their own choices.
YOU act for you. Just do what you think is right and ignore the naysayers. Read through For the Strength of Youth, pray, study the scriptures, and YOU decide what is right.
Follow the prophet and do what’s right and the opinion of others will matter little. You also mentioned that you feel that some look down on you. There will ALWAYS be people who look down on you. People who look down on you because you’re a teenager, because you’re a convert, later because you’re young and they are the old person at the firm, because you’re too fat or too skinny or too serious or too goofy. Your religion is about developing a relationship with Heavenly Father and we ALL have our problems–including those who are prideful and look down on you.
Just focus on the Savior. • Hi so my friend and me really really like each other ( ive known him since pre-k), he’s Mormon and i am a Methodist. Hes 15 and i am 14(almost 15). we are both very mature . we both want to respect both of our beliefs but, i really would like to make it official bf and gf. I feel bad hanging around him and his friends (who are all Mormon) when i want to be more then just his friend. I feel this way because my last boyfriend felt embarrassed about me being with him.
When he says we can only be good friends till hes 15 does that mean that we are in secret or just no your my friend only and we can only talk online. • @Nessa – I’m glad to hear that you and this boy like each other. That’s a fun time of life. It’s also admirable that you are willing to respect his beliefs as he respects yours. I understand that you want to “make it official.” If that conflicts with his belief system, do you care enough about him to wait?
Life is a long journey. This may feel urgent right now to get a boyfriend and make it official, but I’d just encourage you to ENJOY BEING A TEENAGER and not feel it too much of a rush to be in a relationship.
Just REALLY HAVE FUN together. Hang out all the time. Be with other people and friends. Once you pair off, others will never treat the two of you the same way when you’re in a room together. • Hello my name is Leo, I am 14 years old (almost 15). I am Christian and I am sort of dating this girl who is Mormon, and she is 13 years old (almost 14) and I understand the whole dating thing you know, like they cant date till they are 16, I get it and I really respect that.
In the beginning when we both started to like each other, she told me that she doesn’t like using the word love because she feels like its for the grown ups, and I respected that and later on I was the first boy she ever said I love you to. but we have been dating for 8 months and all but last week she broke up with me, because her parents don’t like me anymore, but I don’t know what I did wrong honestly, I wanted to respect her, her parents rules.
before we do things like hugging, holding hands and etc I always ask her is it okay. But I just need help because I really care for this girl and I don’t know what to do honestly, like what can I do to gain her parents trust again? And how would I know if she just wants to be friends or?? cause I’m new to dating a Mormon its like my first time. • Hey Leo, You sound like a good guy who really respects this girl.
Would you be grown up enough to simply go meet her parents and ask them how you can best respect their wishes for their daughter, and for you to still be able to be close to her? If you really respect her, then be brave enough to simply talk to her parents and learn from them how you can navigate the relationship.
They have been where you are, and could help you and her to do this right. • Hi Jim, First, thanks a lot for your blog. I’ve just found out, that my good friend is a Mormon (22yrs old; unfortunatelly, he’s never talked about it before with me… don’t you know why is he keeping it as a “secret”?), so this really helps me to understand his beliefs.
I love when you said “You can understand those rules and still have no idea what your teenage Mormon friend is thinking.” I totally found myself in this. How can I recognize what is he really expecting?
One day he calls me “bro”, the other day he texts me “sweet dreams” or “good morning” or make a surprise you’d expect only from your real boyfriend. It makes me so confused!! But now, I finally know, what the reason propaply is. And also – Can a non-religious person (as me) marry a Mormon? Are there any “problems” connected with that? Thank you! • Hi Andy, Yes, a non-Mormon “can” marry a Mormon. We fall in love with people of all religions just as anyone does.
However, you’ll often find that Mormons marry each other. Why? Because we believe in eternal marriage. We believe that marriages we make on earth will be forever–that our families will be together in heaven as well.
However, God requires us to make certain promises to him in order to receive that blessing. Those promises can be made in our temples. Mormons, who believe in eternal marriage, want to find a partner who is willing to live by God’s laws and promise to do so in the temple. A Mormon may certainly marry someone who is a non-Mormon, but they will always want that person to prepare to go with them to the temple and become married for eternity.
• Hi, I have a question. I’m a Mormon guy with a strong testimony, and I will not give up my standards. After 3 years of homeschooling, I get put into grade 9 high school ( I’m 14). I’ve been here for about 2 weeks, and already a year 10 girl likes me and a year 9 girl says she loves me every time we meet.
I haven’t told them I’m Mormon and I don’t know what to do or how to reply to that year 9 gal… I’ve prayed and I felt to ask her ” why do you love me? ” I don’t know plz reply. 🙂 • Hello, i have a question my cousin was a christian until she decided to have a seriously relationship with a Mormon boy but now she has converted to being a Mormon like him and she has also been baptised.
I’m unfamiliar with this religion and was just wondering if this was normal when the couple is beginning to think of marriage. • @Mia – Thanks for your message and your concern for your cousin. There is no rule or anything that requires Mormons to only date Mormons. However, we believe that families can be together when married with God’s power. For this to happen, the couple must follow God’s commandments to be prepared for making those commitments.
One of the preparations for that is baptism–the first promise we make to God. So yes, it’s normal for a couple who wants to be married for eternity in the church to begin this process by both of them taking on the promise of baptism. • Hey so I think I love this boy.. And I think he feels the same about me, but we’re both 13. Is it wrong to love someone at this age? Because after reading articles like this they keep saying like “Don’t love someone in your teens.” And “Getting too close with someone is wrong before 20” This got me all confused like, seriously?
It’s not like I can control how much someone means to me! He was the only person that made me happy back when I was depressed so yeah, of course I love him for that. But now I’m feeling all guilty about loving him because of this, so I need confirmation, is it wrong that I love someone at age 13?
• There certainly isn’t anything wrong with being in love, Rissa. No one is asking you to not love him. However, God’s prophets have asked members of our church to simply delay forming steady dating relationships while in high school. You can still love him. You can still be around him. You can still be friends and do things together. But that doesn’t mean you have to be boyfriend and girlfriend.
• Hi, i have a question. I am a 19yr old male and in love with this 18yr old girl who is mormon. The thing is, i am not a mormon. I dont have any religious affiliation. From what i read and what she told me, Mormons primary goal is to be sealed inside a temple to be together for eternity. Only problem is, I dont think i can give that to her. I have a meeting with missionaires and maybe they can lead me toward mormonism but i wouldn’t count on it. I love her and she loves me but i dont want to stand in the way of her beliefs and goal to be sealed.
Any advice? • Hi.. I’m 14 and the boy I like is a year and half older than me and is almost 16 (he turns 16 in five months) . He is a Mormon and I honestly don’t know what I believe in. Im very worried I’m going to push boundaries because I barely know anything about the religion. I want to fully respect him and his religion, so what would be “pushing it too far”?
• Hi, My “boyfriend” is Mormon and he’s 14 years of age. I’m 13. I know it’s super wrong for him to date at his age, and on top of that, me being a nonmormon, but we really care about each other? I’m just a little bit confused because his parents know as well, and they seem fine with it. We’re kind of, I guess you could call it, exclusive, but I’m wondering if I should stop it here and let him figure out if he wants to continue our relationship or see some other people, or stop dating altogether even though I know that if I told him we should “break-up” he would be really upset.
I totally respect his religion, and I do think it’s wrong for us to be dating, but we really just kind of clicked, y’know? Thank you! • Kat – That was a very mature comment from you. Thank you for being so respectful of his beliefs. I would encourage you to keep your relationship casual and friendly during high school. It’s wonderful that you care about each other.
If that’s true, then I think you may find that just being best friends at your age is likely a better choice for both of you. If you continue really liking each other later on, then you will have shown respect for one another while you’re young that it will create a healthier relationship later on. Studies have shown repeatedly that developing very serious relationships at a young age leads to immorality and a higher temptation for compromising one’s values.
• I really like this Mormon boy and i talk to him somewhat often but I’m not sure about how he feels about me even though he’s under age… I want to get closer to him but I’m not sure if that would be weird since he can’t date yet… also I’m not sure if he’s very strict Mormon or more layer back but I’m not sure what to do • Im a Mormon, I’ve recently become really close friends with this boy in my school.
He isn’t a member, however he also has very strict morals on being sexually pure. We are both 16 and really like each other and want to make it “official” and “exclusive” but I’ve been hesitant because of the rule that states that you can only double date at my age… Does him also having really strong values change anything? • Hey Jim! This article really helped for me in my current situation.
I’m in middle school and a little too young and unexperienced to be dating. But, there is this mormon girl I go to school with who I really like and so I gave her a valentine. She accepted this, and later told me that she was having a hard time talking to me because she liked me too! I was so happy, but I knew she was mormon from asking one of her friends ( who is also morman).
I’m trying to figure out what to do and I know these rules that Mormons can’t take till they are 16 and I 100% respect that. However, I’m wondering if I should wait until she is 16 in high school and then start making moves towards her when I’m ready enough to do so? I’m wondering what I should do because I have two high schools that I can go to, and the one I want to will not have her in it. But I’m wondering what I should do because the high school that she will be going to is different and I’m not sure which one I should go to.
If I was going to the one that she is going to, I would be going for my friends and her. However, if I was going to the other high school I wouldn’t know anybody, but I am familiar with the school because someone I knew went there. What do I do? • Hi Griffin, Thank you for your comment which clearly shows you have a respect for this person’s beliefs.
I encourage you to come out of your shell and simply become a close friend with this person who you like, and who likes you back. It’s wonderful that you like each other, but that hardly means you have to turn the relationship serious. Just be great friends while you’re still so young.
• I recently bumped into these Mormon missionaries, and one of the Elders and I get along really well. My friend is convinced he has a crush on me.
As he’ll text me when he’s finished his day or tell me when he can go have dinner so we will meet up and just talk.
I’m 18, and he’s 19. And he’s fully aware of I’m agnostic. But I’m afraid to like him as I can see his religion is such a big part of his life. He also has 5 months of his mission left so that too is constantly in the back of my mind. Should I stop entertaining this friendship or whatever it is? • so I want to be open to dating is about to be 14 but I’m Mormon and I LOVE it and I’m just confused because…. okay so the problem is …..
I don’t know if I’m allowed to kiss or go to the movies or dinner etc. without feeling guilty about it, well actually I haven’t really done it but what I’m wondering is this. is it okay to kiss ( not heavily at all) or go out with someone since in under 16? • Hi, i’m not mormon but my bf is. we’ve been secretly dating ever since i was 12 and he’s 13 .. at first 2 years of our relationship i didn’t really know that he’s mormon and i didn’t know about the rules we already shared our first kiss and everything except that (you know what i mean), i just found out when i started sharing him about my religion ..
i’m 18 now and he’s 19 and we’re still secretly dating he’s about to go on a mission this coming april…. i know it’s not allowed to date while you’re on a mission but he never asked me to break up with him… should i break up with him so he can be more focus on his calling? .. also we’re in a long distance relationship for a year now because my family decided to migrate in other country.. • I am 14 years old and mormon and I recently met this 15 year old mormon boy who I feel very strongly for and he feels the same towards me.
We have been talking everyday for over 2 months but he is turning 16 soon. I am very nervous that he may begin to date other girls and I would be heartbroken.
I am not exactly sure what to do and I am very nervous because he is a year and 1 month older than me so if he did wait for me it would be a very long time. Any advice? Also is it okay to kiss before turning 16? • So, I like this guy who’s Mormon. He’s 16 and so am I. But there are two problems I’ve been having so I wanted to ask. I’m an atheist so I have no religious affiliation, would that be okay? also My friends are telling me he and I can’t officially date until his parents set up a formal date for us because it’s a mormon belief.
Is this true? • It’s up to him whether he’d date you or not, just talk to him about it and let him know about your concerns, ask him what his thoughts are. His parents don’t have to set up an official date for y’all, you can set up a date or just start dating, but really it comes down to what he’d be comfortable with.
I have some friends who are dating but never went on an “official date” so that’s up to y’all. Hope this helped 🙂 • Hi! I know this can be a bit of an awkward question. But I’m an LDS girl (16) and I’ve always wondered if it’s a sin to date/eventually marry a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th cousin.
I’ve heard that it would depend on the state. I’m also worried that my parents would think badly of me for even asking a question like this. Do you know a bit more about how this works? And any advice about my parents? • Hey, my name is John. Im 13 years old and an atheist (sorry). I have quite a few friends who are Mormon, but I could never quite understand the dating rules.
After reading through the comments, I’m starting to think that its up to the individual members although dating is frowned upon before 16. Care to confirm anything? Thanks • Okay. I’m a newly converted member of the church, and I have a question regarding dating Mormons. So there’s a sister at the church which I attend. I really like her, but I’m afraid that my lack of knowledge about Mormon dating customs will ruin any chance of us being happy together.
What are some big “NoNo’s” when it comes to dating a Mormon, compared with dating someone who isn’t a Mormon? • Okay. So I’m a newly converted member of the LDS Church. I like this girl who has been a member of the Church since birth. I’m a little nervous about asking her out as I’m afraid that I’m going to do something wrong that will put her off while on the date.
What kind of advice do you have regarding what is considered acceptable behaviour on a date. (I know about the Law of Chastity and stuff but I’m a bit fuzzy on the specifics of what IS appropriate.) Purpose In Christ is a ministry of individual members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
While every effort is made to provide accurate information in support of the Church, please note that the authors’ opinions are their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of the Church.
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