tags: dating , Exes , Friendship , Unconditional Love. It’s not the first time; he’s dated a handful of women since we broke up, it has been three years after all. The first time he told me he was in love with someone else, I missed work for a week, because I couldn’t stop crying It’s confusing, because he’s dating someone else and he loves her, I assume, but then some days he sends me an email out of the blue telling me he hasn’t had a good laugh since he’s talked to me, or that I’m the person in the world who knows him the best and how special that is, etc. I fell asleep after our phone conversation and woke up around 6am feeling wretched Well, I think you should never cry and press send. Anything you write in that state is bound to be over-dramatic and barely makes any sense.
I’ve been with my Ex in “on and off” relationship for about 2 years. Each time it ended up with her dumping me for another guy or just for sake of being alone. She broke my heart like six or seven times that way.. After it happened for the last time in December, I decided that I didn’t want to live in this misery for the rest of my life. I gave myself one month of very limited contact and prepared mentally to move on. In the beginning of February I met online absolutely fantastic girl and after about 3 weeks of dating we became a couple.
I felt happy and liberated. Until I’ve learnt that my ex is now in a relationship with her old friend from university. And it totally killed me. My current gf is way prettier and hotter than my ex.
She loves me deeply and cares about me like my ex never did. She’s very open about our relationship status, not like my ex, who never called me “boyfriend” and wanted to keep our relationship in secret.
Everything now is better. (including interpersonal communication and sex) So I’m totally frustrated with fact that I still crave my ex.
I can’t stop thinking about her and her new boyfriend kissing, having sex and being affectionate to each other. It drives me insane. I want to let it go completely. I don’t want to lose my new girlfriend, who is absolutely fantastic person. I’m totally freaked out that she will notice that I’m becoming emotionally distant and I’m wandering with my thoughts somewhere else. I feel like I was cheating her, even if I haven’t contacted my ex for one month!
I was even thinking about telling my new girlfriend about all this turmoil, but it would only make her insecure and resulted in worsening our relationship. As for my ex… From my observation she’s emotionally unavailable person. All her relationships seem to be very intense but short. She’s showering new guy with a lot of attention and when he’s hooked and looking for something more serious, she withdraws. It’s stupid. I really believed, I’m the one for her.
The one who can cure her heart and earn her trust. She is amazingly charming… believe me! She might not be the prettiest girl in the universe (my friends told me she looks very “average”) but she has.. SOMETHING which you notice only after you get to know her better. How to let go of past without ruining my current relationship? Dear David:’ The “something” your ex girlfriend may have is the very fact that she was intense at the beginning of the relationship with you and then she withdrew.
That “something” about her may be just this, and nothing more. Maybe one of your parents was emotionally distant. There were moment he or she expressed love for you but for too long periods of time, that parent was distance. Oh, how intensely did you crave that he/ she will love you again.
This is the same kind of craving, and there is nothing more intense than a child’s desire to earn back the parent’s love. What do you think? anita One thing you need to keep in mind is that you can get past this. The reason why you’re like this is because you got out of an intense devastating relationship. She caused a lot of turmoil in your life and it caused a lot of damage to your self-esteem believe it or not.
I would not tell your current girlfriend. If she is not worth losing, don’t put yourself at risk of losing her. That will be your biggest regret. The problem is, you never exactly got your closure. Which is okay, you’ll eventually move past that when you’re ready. You need to give yourself time. Trust me, you will forget about this girl. You can’t freak out over missing her. She was a part of your life for 2 years.
You know shell do the same to this guy, so I wouldn’t worry too much. Thank you for your replies. I think that might be the point, Anita. Actually both my parents were very distant emotionally.
They were fighting all the time and I’ve never really seen them being affectionate for each other. I may not even realize this, but there might be something familiar in pattern of chasing unattainable love. Maybe that’s why I have such strong feelings for my ex. It wears me out.. I spend fantastic time with my girlfriend, and then I come back to my empty apartment and nostalgia takes my mind. During these times my ex is the only person on Earth, I’m thinking about.
El, I think your right in that point. She caused a lot of damage to my self-esteem.I remember the first time she dumped me for another guy. I was questioning totally everything about myself At the same time I cannot even evoke in myself feelings of anger towards my ex for making me feel so low.
I tend to think about her as a victim of her own difficult childhood. Just like me, she suffers from depression. Sometimes it’s stroneger, sometimes it almost completely wanes, but it’s always there.. and she totally mirrors that darkest part of my nature. Dear David: It is termed the “repetition compulsion”- you want to find love in a situation that is a repetition of that in which you grew up. Your compulsion, almost irresistible urge, is to be loved by a woman like your mother/ father who doesn’t love you.
Insane, isn’t it? It is a shame if you lose a woman who does love you. Perhaps you can attend good, short term psychotherapy, at the least, so that you to accept and process that pain of having been unloved growing up and so that you will be available for love that is attainable and no longer pursue love where it is not.
Your ex girlfriend as depressed as she may be, as much as you would like to… fix her (?) so that she will love you (repetition compulsion) that is very unlikely going to work for the same reason you couldn’t fix a parent so that he or she would love you.
It just can’t be done, impossible. Fixing yourself is going to be hard enough, but at least it is possible. No matter how strong your pull toward your on and off again ex, like a moth to fire, resist and turn toward love. anita Hi David, I am curious to know how you are getting on know with this?
Have you made progress and are you still with the current partner? Your story is almost identical to what i have been going through. I dated someone for 6 months which she ended a year ago and i am still struggling with some cravings to try and go and talk to the ex even though she has made no effort to approach me at any point.
We have had the odd text on her birthday but that was it. I am in a new relationship for last 6 months and similar to you she is prettier, more understanding and we get along much better but i just struggle to get rid of these thoughts of wanting to try and resolve the past. Any advice or tips on how you have coped. I have just started some counselling sessions to try and be more mindful with my thinking patterns.
* Dear lukesblues: I hope the Original Poster of this thread will answer you (last posting on the thread is 11 months ago). If you would like input by other members, start your own thread: click FORUMS, then CATEGORY, choose one (RELATIONSHIPS), click that, scroll down the page.
You can copy (some of) the above and paste it there. anita Hi David thanks for getting back to me. It is frustrating when you want to move on from this past relationship. Can i ask are you still with your current girlfriend? Anita made a good point to me when i admitted i have a trait to want to fix things in general anf because of this i am trying to fix a broken relationship in my mind instead of focusing on the new healthy relationship.
I also can track back to suffering rejection from my dad as achild which could be partly why i struggle with this situation. A posted called VJ just sent me this on my forum discussion which may help: you still have the energetic cords (ties) of attachment with this person. These cords are invisible since they are at an energetic level. They are also called as psychic ties.
All you have to do is cut the energetic cords of attachment to get it out from your head so that you can be fully present. Please go through the below links to know more on what it is and what to do- () () Calling upon Archangel Michael with his golden sword is a very famous way of cutting negative cords- () There are many ways of doing this. Simply do a web search on “cutting energetic cords of attachment” Also if you prefer something visual then there are lots of videos on YouTube too.
Yes, I’m still in relationship with that girl. The thing is.. I really love her. She’s great, we fit each other perfectly, we both love travelling, she’s fun person to be around, we almost never argue..
She has all qualities to be a perfect life partner on the other hand, relationship with my Ex was rocky form the beginning, there was a lot of jealousy and other unhealthy emotions. Yet.. there was an amazing chemistry, which I don’t feel for my current girlfriend. It was something electrical and it still gives me shivers when I think about it. I miss this “kick” which made me feel like walking in the air. I am on strict NC for almost a year now. I have cut all communication with my ex.
We haven’t said a word to each other since last May. I unfollowed her on all social media, and somehow resist the urge to check her profile. Since last May, there were only two times when I saw her picutre on facebook and it’s only becouse one of our common friends liked the picture on which she was tagged.
Each time I saw her – I felt ruined. I feel desperate. I don’t know how to let it go. NC rule doesn’t seem to work for me, becouse I think about my ex every day. I don’t want it to jeopardize my current relationship. My current girl is kind of person, everyone wished to have as a life partner.
I know that my words may look like not genuine, but I just have feelings for both these girls. I deeply care for my girlfriend, and I’m always there for her when she needs me. We have a very supportive type of relationship. But at the same time, I feel this “chemistry” for my ex, and the fact that she’s unattainable makes me want her even more… I never felt that confused in my life 🙁 I do see similar themes to my issue also and what helped is anita saying you have to spend your energies on the healthy relationship.
You can still love and let go of that ex who may have had great chemistry but clearly as u admitted was not the life partner the new person is. Its hard and i know it myself but keep battling away and realise u need to be mindful that you are exactly where you need to be right now with somebody who fits what u need not what u crave.
Feel free to message me its always better to get it off your chest. I felt same about my ex but in reality i know my current is the right person amd better fit. My problem is wanting to fix broken things which meant i was focusing on the broken not the healthy relationship. We can do this Dear David: You started this thread more than 11 months ago, almost a year.
I re-read your posts. I don’t know if you are interested in my updated understanding, suggestions, input. You wrote that you “never felt that confused” and this is following a year almost of No Contact. I am following with my input just in case it may help with your confusion. It is here to follow for your reading and consideration, or not. Your choice. You wrote these things in your various posts here: * “she has..
SOMETHING which you notice only after you get to know her better” * “I cannot even evoke in myself feelings of anger towards my ex for making me feel so low. I tend to think about her as a victim of her own difficult childhood. Just like me, she suffers from depression… and she totally mirrors that darkest part of my nature.” * “there was an amazing chemistry, which I don’t feel for my current girlfriend. It was something electrical and it still gives me shivers when I think about it.
I miss this ‘kick’ which made me feel like walking in the air.” Reads to me that the draw, the chemistry has a lot to do with the fact that she indeed showered you with attention and then dumped you, and then repeated, like I suggested in my first reply to you.
It does feel “electrical”, intoxicating, “like walking in air” to have love lost COME BACK. You don’t have this with your current girlfriend. She loved you from the start, no loss-and-return. It feel nice, but not intense. But there is something more.
You see yourself in her (“she totally mirrors that darkest part of my nature”- you see yourself in your ex, but not in your current girlfriend. The distress you see in your ex is the distress that exists in you. And so, I think, you see your salvation in her.
Maybe you think she, the ex, understands you, as you understand her, and you can save each other. On the other hand, your current girlfriend, as wonderful and loving as she is, you believe, doesn’t understand you because she doesn’t share that “darkest part of (your) nature.” Let me know, if you will, what you think, and if you’d like, we can communicate further about this.
anita Dear anita and lukesblues, You’re both very right. And I totally agree with you anita. You wrote: “You don’t have this with your current girlfriend. She loved you from the start, no loss-and-return. It feel nice, but not intense.” True. She gives me all I have ever wanted with my ex.
I feel safe in my relationship. I feel secure. I give her a lot of freedom. She has her male friends and I do not feel jealous becouse of it. She also trusts me completely and gives a lot of space and freedom. I deeply care for her, and when she was going through hardships related to loss of job, I was giving my best to help her out with finding a new workplace.
I am always there for her, and I know that I can always rely on her when I feel low. I can expose to her my most vulnerable part and feel completely comfortably with it. Role model of what relationship should be. But… you’re very right anita.. I miss that intoxicating intensity of my flawed relationship with my ex.
It’s stupid, becouse rational part of me doesn’t want this kind of relationship. I know it has never served my well-being. I was suffering most of time, but still these occasional highs were totally worth it. I guess that’s how feel a crack addict. Dear David: You’ve been in no contact with your ex girlfriend for almost a year and you still, after all this time, and with not contact, you wrote today: “I feel desperate.
I don’t know how to let it go. NC rule doesn’t seem to work for me, becouse I think about my ex every day.” And you wrote above that you were “suffering most of time” when in the relationship with your ex. “but still these occasional highs were totally worth it.” Still worth it? Maybe it is still worth it. Maybe you have been experiencing a payoff from this preoccupation, this longing, all through this time and still, in the present. What could it possibly be, what is the payoff?
Maybe a clue to that payoff is in that “darkest part of (your) nature” (from “she totally mirrors that darkest part of my nature,”) anita • This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by . • This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice.
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best my ex is dating someone new but still loves me lyrics - Dating People After My Breakup Made Me Realize I Still Love My Ex
I'm a guy and my ex is a girl. In a relationship with her for 16 months, She dumps me out of the blue (I was suffering from a mild depression at the time, talked to her about it and thought she accepted the fact that I was working on it), took me about 2 and a half years to finally decide to allow myself to get in a relationship.
The thing is, I still miss my ex, with all her faults and whatnot, and despite being in my current relationship for almost 9 months now, and I do like my current girlfriend very much, I still feel bad. I feel an "It's just not the same" feeling all the time. Also I see my ex about once a year, and whenever I do I suddenly feel very depressed cos I start thinking that I want her back. I really do like my current girl quite a lot. I noticed that most if not all of the people on another thread I read were female.
Is it normal for a guy to feel this way? I kinda sometimes may have trouble with letting go. Also, since by reading that thread, I confirmed that there are many people who had this type of experience, do any of you have any tips on how I can learn to overcome this type of feeling?
(Don't get me wrong, I don't want to forget everything... that much I got from this thread already). It's just that I haven't yet found a way to live with it and just get on with my life. I really like this girl and I don't want to lose her, but I think that that's exactly what might happen eventually if I keep going on like this.
• its very unusual to see a man in this predicament. HUGS. i know your pain. I am at the end of 1 1/2 years split up with my ex-husband. let me guess you met this new girl and she just appealed to you in one way or another you started seeing her and BAM, that old flame wonders back into your head right?
yeah, it sucks when i met my boyfriend i was 6 months separated from my ex. he made me smile, and i liked him instantly. we started seeing each other seriously and as i got to know him i liked him even more.
BUT after about a month my ex stayed on my mind, i have accidentally called my boyfriend my ex before -names omitted because my ex MIL is an evil nosey old lady..
anyhow, the problem i had was because with him having initiated the divorce, i had no real closure, i felt like perhaps there was something i could have done or something i could do to make him want me back.. not until i finally realized and accepted that it was OVER did I stop missing my ex...
you have to realize that loving your ex isnt going to do anything but cause you alot of heartache, run off your current gf (because trust me, we can always tell when you miss someone else) or make you crazy. you cannot fully be happy with someone new until you fully let go of the ex. Also in your mind you will tend to compare experiences, action, personality traits, and even looks of your current gf to your ex. that is a very bad idea.
i found that avoiding my ex, as well as any place that we had gone together, restaurant, art gallery, pond, grocery store, ANYWHERE completely and experiencing and making new memories at new places with your new gf will help.. you can make new things to remember and enjoy new places rather than think of the old seeing your ex is a bad idea.
if it can be avoided i would for sure avoid it. i hope this helps.. but just know that you arent alone • I know you can always tell when something like this is going on... that's why I'm worried. I'm doing my best, but it's just not possible to completely avoid my ex. I have some very close friends that I've known for about 11 years, who happen to also be friends with her.
It's simply not possible to terminate my friendship with them simply on this basis. I definitely know it's over, she has another guy and all that (I even talked to him sometimes casually when we met at some event or other).
You hit the nail right on the head with that "maybe there was something I could have done". That's what's always on my mind whenever I end up thinking about her. Oh well I guess I'll just keep trying. I'm always experiencing new things with my current girlfriend, she's just awesome, but there's still that nagging thought at the back of my head.
:/ • also, my current girlfriend asked me out, not the other way round. At the beginning I had some doubt whether I said yes cos I liked her, or simply cos i missed being in a relationship. But I don't think that's the case anymore So yeah that's one step forward right there (oh and btw... completely trying to avoid any places with a connection to my ex is kinda out of the question... one of your cities is several times larger than my entire country hehe)
Took me a while But I'm finally here So I just wanna testify Make it crystal clear See I've been picked out To be picked on Talked bout outta me friends mouth I've been beat down Til he turned my life around (turn my life around) Seems like I always fall short Of bein worthy Cuz I aint good enough But he still loves me I aint no superstar The spotlight aint shinin on me (no no no no no) Cuz I aint good enough But he still loves me Loves me I used to wake up somedays And wish I'd stayed asleep Cuz I went to bed on top of the world Today the worlds on top of me Everybody's got opinions (they share) They aint been in my position (they don't care) That it breaks my heart when I hear what they Have to say about me yeah (what they say) Seems like I always fall short (fallin short) Of bein worthy (Lord I aint worthy) Cuz I aint good enough (no no) But he still loves me (still loves me) I aint no superstar I wanna be for you The spotlight aint shinin on me (but I want to be for you) Cuz I aint good enough But he still loves me I'm not perfect (I'm not perfect) Yes I do wrong (yes I do wrong) I'm trying my best (trying my best but) But it aint good enough (just aint good enough) Shunned by the world (shunned by the world) If I don't succeed Cuz I aint good But he still loves me (I just aint good enough) If you aint worthy just raise your hands And let me know that you understand That we are all so blessed To be loved, loved Stand for him or fall for anything Cuz through his eyes we all look the same What will we do Without out pain Feels like we always fall short Of bein worthy (we are not worthy) Cuz I aint good enough But he still loves me I aint no superstar (I aint no superstar but I wanna be for you Lord) The spotlight aint shinin on me Cuz I aint good enough (Oh) But you still love me I'm not perfect Yes I do wrong I'm tryin my best but (tryin my best) It aint good enough (I'm not good enough) Shunned be the word (shunned by the world) If I don't succeed (i don't succeed-ceed-ceed) Cuz I aint good enough But he still loves me (child sing with me) I'm not perfect Yes I do wrong I'm tryin my best but It aint good enough (But the Lord's been so good to me) Shunned be the word (Shunned by the world) If I don't succeed Cuz I aint good enough (I aint good enough) But he still loves me (The Lord still loves me) No I aint good enough But He still loves me (Raise your hands if ya understand) No I aint good enough (How he blessed you cuz he blessed you too) But He still loves me (even though I aint worthy) No I aint good enough (you aint worthy, He's there for you) But He still loves me (no matter what I do) No I aint good enough (I aint good enough) But he still loves me (but the Lord still loves me) This song is very meaningful and it describes clearly what we mostly feel everyday.
Admit it. Either you are a student, teacher, parent, worker or someone just using this website. You considered yourself worthless. Look, no ones worthy but no ones worthless at the same time. Did you know you worth more than money? Don't believe me, ask any of your fellow loved ones. You were created to do something unique on this planet. Everyone has a reason for being alive.
Yes, we might not be good enough, smart enough or not working hard enough. God still loves you and there's a saying. "Never give up." You may have failed today but try again tomorrow. There's no time to loose:) Hey! It's useful. If this song really means something special to you, describe your feelings and thoughts.
Don't hesitate to explain what songwriters and singer wanted to say. Also we collected some tips and tricks for you: • Don't write just "I love this song." Hidden between the lines, words and thoughts sometimes hold many different not yet explained meanings • Remember: your meaning might be valuable for someone • Don't post links to images and links to facts • Write correctly • Don't spam and write clearly off-topic meanings • Don't write abusive, vulgar, offensive, racist, threatening or harassing meanings • Do not post anything that you do not have the right to post • Please note: We moderate every meaning Follow these rules and your meaning will be published.
Why is my ex seeing someone else if he still loves me?