75+ Funny Sarcastic Quotes. Husband: Tell me an interesting fact that will make me happy and sad at the same time. Wife: Yours is bigger than all your friends. Sarcasm: The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it. Don’t regret doing things, regret getting caught You always do me a favor, when you shut up! Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage. I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time? I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night. I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
“Don’t take life so seriously, it isn’t permanent.” “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” » Ashleigh Brilliant “It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.” » Paul Newman “The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.” » George Bernard Shaw “People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world!” “Always remember that you’re unique.
Just like everyone else.” “Always give 100%, except when giving blood.” “Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you that they can’t laugh either.” “Well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems” “Without geometry, life is pointless.” “I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.” “The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.” “Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.” “Let’s share, You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.” “The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.” “I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.” “Zombies eat brains.
You’re safe.” “Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.” “I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.” » Whitney Brown “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” “There are some people who come in your life pretending that they love you only because they need you.” » Uzair Lallmamod “Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.” “As the joker said, if you are good at something why do it for free.” “I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.” » Stephen Bishop “Silence is golden.
duct tape is silver.” “Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.” » Ambrose Bierce “A man can be happy with any women, as long as he does not love her.” » Oscar Wilde “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” “In the end, everything we do is just everything we’ve done.” “I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” “There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.” “History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” » Abba Eban “Save a tree, eat a beaver! Hurray for Earth Day!” “Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.” “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.” “If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?” » Charles Pierce “Don’t worry about what people think.
They don’t do it very often.” “Every calendar’s days are numbered.” “I can resist everything except temptation.” “Stupidity is not a crime, so you’re free to go.” “A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.” “If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.” “When two egotists meet, it’s an .” “Don’t regret doing things, regret getting caught” “I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?” “Congratulations, If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really.” “Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.” “The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.” » Mark Twain “Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.” “Light travels faster than sound.
This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” “That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.” “Whoever said nothing was impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.” “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.” “If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.” “I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don’t like?” » Jean Cocteau “Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.” “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” “Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.” “If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.” “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.” “Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?” “Money doesn’t make you happy.
I have 50 million dollars now but I was just as happy when I only had 48 million.” “Never test the depth of the water with both feet.” “You never learn anything by doing it right.” “A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.” “If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.” “I don’t believe in plastic surgery, But in your case, Go ahead.” “You go girl! And don’t come back.” “If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.” “A conclusion is a part where you got tired of thinking.” “Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.” “Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.” “Some cause happiness wherever they go, some whenever they go.” » Oscar Wilde Post navigation
best sarcastic dating quotes on friend birthday - Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm Sayings (430+ quotes)
Sarcasm is part of our daily routine. There are occasions when we can’t speak the truth or can’t speak straight about something. So what we do is, we use sarcasm. It’s just not for everyone! Some understand it and some do not. Many people have no idea about what the hell is sarcasm! Well, we can’t do anything about them.
But, hey! June 14 is being celebrated as Sarcasm Day across social media. So, here we present Top Sarcastic Quotes and Sayings. Did you know? October is the National Sarcastic Awareness Month! Following are some funny, inspirational sarcastic quotes, sayings with images. Best Sarcastic Quotes & Sayings • Light travels faster than sound.
This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Steven Wright • When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark. • It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste. • You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.
• If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me. • Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. • I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
• Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes. • It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black. • I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day. • When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I. • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
• Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity. • I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words. • I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today. • Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything. • Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it. • Find your patience before I lose mine.
• Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand. • The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. • I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. • Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.
• Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face. • Fighting with me is like being in the special olympics. You may win, but in the end you’re still a retard. • I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding. • Me pretending to listen should be enough for you. Funny Sarcastic Quotes and Sayings • If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor. • I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.
• Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either. • Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion. • I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.
• If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ. • Let’s share, You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.
• I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew. • Zombies eat brains. You’re safe. • Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege. • Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver. • I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception. • “Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years. • I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
– Whitney Brown • Save a tree, eat a beaver! Hurray for Earth Day! • People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world. • If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you. • That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly. • Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest! • I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.
• Congratulations, If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really. You May Also Like : | Sarcastic Quotes on Life • Don’t take life so seriously, it isn’t permanent. • I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life. • If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. • There are some people who come in your life pretending that they love you only because they need you.
– Uzair Lallmamod • Life’s good, you should get one. • A man can be happy with any women, as long as he does not love her. – Oscar Wilde • There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. • Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty. • I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed. • Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues. • The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog. – Mark Twain • Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone. • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. • If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. • Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again? • Some cause happiness wherever they go, some whenever they go. – Oscar Wilde Inspiring Sarcastic Quotes • Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else. • As the joker said, if you are good at something why do it for free • If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
• In the end, everything we do is just everything we’ve done. • My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues. • Don’t worry about what people think.
They don’t do it very often. • I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it. • The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire. • I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time? • Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. • Every calendar’s days are numbered.
• Don’t regret doing things, regret getting caught. • Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue. • Whoever said nothing was impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door. • Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever. • I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don’t like? – Jean Cocteau • Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield. • Never miss a good chance to shut up. • Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
• You never learn anything by doing it right. • A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
• If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher. • If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction. • A conclusion is a part where you got tired of thinking. • Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. • Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. Sarcastic Love Quotes Love is in the air and air is full of pollution!
Here are some of the sarcastic love quotes that you can send to your other half. But, think before you send it to them. If they don’t understand it than everything is good!
If they get what you mean than you could get in danger. Have fun! • The one who loves least controls the relationship. • Love is not blind, it sees more not less But because it sees more it chooses to see less. • Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime. – Batte Davis • It is impossible to love and be wise. – Francis Bacon • Love like a river will cut a new path whenever it meets an obstacle. -Crystal Middlemas • New love is so beautiful, time just makes it ugly. -Wale • I have decided to stick with love.
Hate is too great a burden to bear. – Martin Luther King Jr • The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him. – Cher • Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman. – Oscar Wilde • Gravity is not responsible for people falling in love. – Albert Einstein • Love doesn’t die because of distance. It dies because of doubt. • People must learn to hate and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love.
– Nelson Mandela • Love is the power to see similarity in the dissimilar. – Theodor Adorno • Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look.
• Reason is powerless in the expression of love. – Rumi • When thought is closed in caves, then love will show its roots in deepest hell. Sarcasm is the best friend of an intelligent person and enemy of stupids. But yeah, use it only when you can handle the reaction of victim!
I hope you liked these short sarcastic quotes. Keep visiting for more amazing stuff. Best Sarcastic Quotes
Birthday wishes comes in many form, those that are romantic, for those special people in your love or those that you want to impress, there are birthday wishes that are quite funny that are meant to make the birthday celebrant laugh, those that are amusing, those dedicated to family, purely platonic, those that are meant for your friends, those that are meant for the elderly and quite a lot more. On the other hand, here are some sarcastic birthday wishes that are for you to use freely to make humor or maybe just to use it to greet your enemies on their birthday.
You can try them out to see if it really works. Happy birthday, I wanted to make a joke about your age but I feel bad about how old you are.
I personally welcome you to the age that is definitely past your youth, my dear, enjoy it so! You only got this one night to have the best time of your life so go out there and have fun!
This person is definitely a trouble maker so I have to get ready to clean up your wastes. I am giving you what you have given me every day, trouble and sarcasm, happy birthday I bet you cannot even walk straight after that night we had, those beers that we have drank.
I hope you do not let your old age keep you from doing anything, just kidding, have fun today. Since today is your birthday, I promise I would shut up for 24 hours, enjoy it while it lasts. Happy birthday, today is a special day, the day you finally got out inside of your mom’s belly. Today is the day you were born into this world, well I am happy for you, hope you are too. Good job for trying to keep being alive until this day, congratulations on getting older again.
They say age is but a number, do not be fooled, I bet your joints are starting to hurt by now. To the guy who looks so big but has a very small and cute voice, I wish you a happy birthday! I want to congratulate you for being one of the ancient people in this world, that is great! Calling you an angel would be a lie so let me just hope that you are happy on your birthday!
If I tell you that you are awesome, that would be pushing too much, so just stay happy, dear. For once, I want to be honest to you so let me tell you that I wish you all the best in life.
Happy birthday, if you were a dog, you would be that by now because of your age this day. You are different and that is the truth, so here is me wishing that you would never change. You have not change ever since we met years ago, how did that happen, you are so great.
Here is me wishing you a happy birthday and telling you to make use of your years left. I wish you birthday this year do not suck as much as it totally did the last few years, sweetie. Thank you for putting up with me, I promise that I will try to put up with you harder than ever. Happy birthday, I bet you would use this as an excuse just so you can get wasted tonight!
May you get all the things you want for a change on this birthday, go try to get them all! I hate surprises as much as the next guy so I hope that you have great food when I come there. I’m in, let’s go and party and drink hard all night until we finally drop, happy birthday! Why do people celebrate this day when they just get older anyways, I still do not know why. I am expecting an invitation for your birthday party, you are never too old to celebrate one.
Happy birthday, you are awesome because you threw this party and let me hog the fun. I would not wish you a great birthday because I hate to remind you that you are older now. Throw a great party and I promise you that we will give you great gifts that we can find.
I hope you live long enough after eating so much cake and drink too much, happy birthday! As I am but polite on your birthday, I would not even bother asking just how old you are. Let us not even start with blowing candles today because there are too many to blow! Happy birthday, just know that just because it’s your birthday doesn’t mean I am doing favors.
Smile as long as your body would allow you to, it is something that will keep you healthy. I am happy your birthday is on Christmas, it means I can give a gift of one for two occasions. Happy birthday, I wish you all the best from Facebook because I cannot attend your party. I wonder if you are just wiser now or you have just been practicing how to act rightly in life. You are wonderful, amazing, cool, but do not get carried away, I am saying it is your birthday.
Grow old but never let yourself fall old especially on your brains, fight for what is right. You have been becoming forgetful nowadays that it is starting to be more and more alarming. You are definitely a Facebook stalker but hey, I will still wish you a very happy birthday! You might as well smile now that you still have real teeth, having fake ones really suck.
Getting older also means that you are growing wiser, the question is are you really? I hope you do not get all nice and boring just because it is your birthday this very day! A good relationship has a give and take basis, I will give you awesome gifts, throw me a party! Happy birthday, stop being immature, because you definitely have stop being so young, dear. I promise to be by your side even as you mourn the loss of your youth, my dear friend.
Do not forget to make goals that are too high to reach, after all that are the best you can do. I bet your birthday is really awesome especially bow that I have greeted you, am I right? Though you are broke and do not have enough money, I am sure you would still celebrate. If I would make a list to describe you it would start with bad, helpless but happy birthday!
The age in your birth certificate does not seem like it is real, now which one do I believe? You got another year older today but do not worry, I will back you up when you need help.
Happy birthday, you are definitely embarrassing most of the time but I love you just the same. It is quite a bit painful to get old, but remember that we will all go through that stage of life. I will gift you a nice spa treatment if you remember to pay me the money that you owe me. I tried to get you an anti-aging soap, I hope that it works for you, my dearest friend, okay? Another year of your life got wasted so bad, I hope you make this year better for you.
I just want to tell you how lucky you are to have a person like me by your side, happy birthday! You are now getting a whole lot more mature, I guess that it somehow comes with age.
It is great that you throw cool parties, it makes you more tolerable than you really are. Parties are sad if you do not have friends to be there for you, do not worry, I will be there. Age may be funny to you now but if you look in the mirror I bet you will change your mind. Happy birthday, I wish I can keep on putting up with you for another year around the sun. I hate going with the flow of things so to be different, I did not bring you any gift at all. This year I am planning to make you feel that you are special, so I got you a specialist.
I wanted to make fun of your age but then I remembered that I am getting a lot older as well. Happy birthday, I try my best to like people, but some of them are too stupid for me to do so. I want to be truthful to you so I am telling you that you are totally getting older every year! It is okay to have wrinkles, they come with age, you might as well tell yourself that it is true.
Stop growing old so fast or else no one would believe that we really are friends, you and I. Happy birthday, I thank God you are not one of the stupid people that are hard to handle. Most people have the same face though they grow older, you must be an exception to that.
Get more friends as you get older so that you can have more guests on your birthday party. You might be happy that there are many candles on your age, but they count to your age. Happy birthday, it is your turn to get drunk this year so get yourself ready to have fun! People tend to get pickier as they grow old so I just got you a gift certificate for your day. The best thing about being old is that you have seniority access at your work, that is great. On your birthday, you might want to pray that someone invents an anti-aging machine!
Congrats on getting older, at least you now that you are really normal not otherwise. Life will keep on throwing more challenges as you grow older, may you keep fighting back.
On your birthday, I hope that you really get to have an awesome time and enjoy it as well. Happy birthday to my new drinking partner who will get wasted with me on her big day!
Happy Birthday My Love