Animal Jokes Animal Puns Bad Puns Bar Jokes Birthday Jokes Cat Jokes Cat Puns Christmas Jokes Coffee Jokes Computer Jokes Corny Jokes Customer Service Jokes Dad Jokes Daily Life Jokes Diet Jokes Doctor Jokes Dog Jokes Dumb and Funny Jokes Family Jokes Food Jokes Funny Headlines Funny Quotes Funny Stories Halloween Jokes for Kids Holiday Jokes Kids’ Jokes Knock-Knock Jokes Love Jokes Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely. … Read More. Share Bonnie McFarlane On The Key To A Good Marriage. I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!” Bonnie McFarlane, from You’re Better Than Me. … Read More.
Dr. Julia Porter has worked in Higher Education since 2008, following a career as a High School teacher in Brooklyn, NY. She holds a PhD in Global Leadership from Indiana Tech, an MA in English Literature from Brooklyn College, and a BS in English Education from Indiana University-Purdue University-Indianapolis (IUPUI). She lives in Indiana with her husband, daughter, and rambunctious Australian Shepherd.
best short funny dating jokes to tell your crush - Funny Jokes to Tell Your Crush
There’s a saying that a short, concise and funny joke is better than a long empty joke as no one wants to read a long joke just to find out it’s not that funny. One Liners are the answer, as short as they are, they will make you burst into uncontrollable laughter. Are you stressed, feeling depressed or in a bad mood, these kinds of jokes will certainly cheer you up. Life’s too short to be in a bad mood, take in as many as you can and you’ll never feel the same again.
Why waste your memory on long boring jokes when you can get some really cool, nice and easy to memorize, short funny jokes to cheer up your friends or use as a pickup line at the bar to break the ice. If what you’re looking for is a funny story, unfortunately, you won’t find that here, what we can offer are funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
We bring to you a reason to laugh again. Laughter is good for the health, you might not need to take those drugs, after all, a little laughter can heal you. A merry heart makes good like a medicine and we’ve got hundreds of funny jokes below to get you laughing. Anything from short funny jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, business jokes and relationship jokes, just click on through! Here Goes Our List of Short Funny Jokes That’ll Definitely Make You Laugh 1) Dad: Shame on you, Peter.
Why did you hit your little sister? Peter: Well, Daddy, we were playing Adam and Eve with the apple and all. Well, instead of tempting me with that apple, she ate the thing herself! 2) Q: What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married?
A: Feyoncé!! 3) I told my dad to embrace his mistakes. He cried. Then he hugged my sister & me. 4) I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
5) Daughter: Mom, I’m pregnant! Mom: I thought I told you when a guy touches your boobs, say ‘don’t’, and when he touches your v**gina, say ‘stop’. Daughter: But he kept touching both, so it came out,”don’t, stop, don’t, stop.” 6) Never ask for the ‘High Five’ from a short person, you can ask for a ‘Low Five’!
7) Question: What does Dumbo do after taking a photocopy? Answer: He compares it with the original document for spelling mistakes!
8) It was the end of the school year and Joey’s mother asked: “And were the exam questions difficult?” “They weren’t bad at all,” her son replied. “It was the answers that gave me all the trouble.” 9) Behind every great man is a woman with a hostage. 10) Q: What did one butt cheek say to the other? A: Together, we can stop this sh*t. 11) *boy whispers to his mom during a wedding* boy: “Mommy?” mom: “What?” boy: “Why is the girl dressed in white?” mom: “Because this is the happiest day of her life.” boy: “… so why is the boy dressed in black?” 12) How do you keep a man from drowning?
Get his wife/GF off his back. 13) Fastest mode of communication – Tell a girl a rumour and take a promise to keep it a secret. 14) Man: Why are you beating your son-in-law so badly? He replies: I sent him a message that you have become the father but he forwarded this message to his friends! 15) Boy texts his Girl “Honey, I can’t live without you! When will you come to me?” Here is the KILLING Reply – “Who is dying! I lost my saved numbers, kindly tell me your name?” 16) I think Fear Factor would have been much scarier if it had just been people in their twenties trying to figure out how to have careers!
17) Photographer: My secret of success is? ‘Think negative’! 18) I have already acted on your memo on saving power in my department by an immediate ban on employee empowerment! 19) My teacher pointed at me with her ruler and said that at the end of this ruler is dumb.
I got a detention after asking, “Which end?” 20) It is better to be late than to arrive ugly! Really Short Funny Jokes 21) How Bedroom smells after marriages: 22) First 3 months – Perfumes and Flowers! 23) After 12 months – Baby Powder, Cream, Diapers, and Lotions! 24) After 7 Years – Balms, Move, and painkillers.
25) Make no mistakes. The junior is your biggest prospect! 25) Wife: If I would have been married to a Monster, I would have been felt much better than with you… Man: But marriages are not allowed in same blood relation!! 26) Just changed my Facebook name to ‘No one’ so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say ‘No one likes this’. 27) My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. 28) If con is the opposite of pro, does it mean Congress is the opposite of Progress?
29) I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect. 30) Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level, and then beat you with experience. 31) Doctor: You’re overweight. Patient: I think I want a second opinion. Doctor: You’re also ugly 32) I woke up with a dead leg this morning. That’s the last time I take out a loan with the mafia. 33) The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winters day in December.
Wife: “Windows frozen.” Husband: “Pour some warm water over them.” Wife: “Computer completely screwed up now.” 34) I asked my wife to let me know next time she has an orgasm but she said that she doesn’t like to call me at work. 35) Got approached by a prostitute today who said that she would do anything for $10. Guess who just got their car washed? 36) My wife was complaining the other day saying that I never take her anywhere expensive anymore.
So I said “come on, get in the car we’re going to the petrol station” 37) My clever friend said that onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut in his face. 38) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 39) What do you call a Chinese Billionaire? Cha-Ching! 40) Yo mum’s so fat that when she stepped on the scales it said: “1 at a time, please!” 41) Q: Why can’t a bike stand by itself? A: Because It is two tired. 42) Q: Why was six scared of seven?
A: Because seven was a well-known six offender. 43) Q: What do you call a big pile of kittens? A: A meowntain. 44) Q: How does NASA organize their company parties? A: They ‘planet’. 45) One day a tiger was walking through the jungle, the tiger saw two men relaxing under a tree. One was reading a newspaper, and the other was working feverishly on a manual typewriter. The tiger leapt on the man with the newspaper and ate him up.
The tiger did not bother the other man at all. That’s because any predator knows that readers digest but writers cramp. 46) Nurse: “Doctor, the man you just treated collapsed on the front step. What should I do?” Doctor: “Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving! 47) A man called a hotel. “How much is a room?” The clerk said, “It depends on the size of the room and the number of people.” “Do you take children?” asked the man.
“No, sir,” replied the clerk. “Only cash and credit cards!” 48) Husband: “Honey, am I the only man you’ve ever loved?” Wife: “Of course you are! Why do all men ask me the same question?” 49) 40 is the new 30, try telling that to a speed camera. 50) Relationships are a much like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y? 51) Girlfriend: “Will you love me after marriage also?” Her Boyfriend: “This depends on your husband if he allows me.” 52) Women are like a Tea Bags, u never know how strong it is until it’s in hot water.
Yesterday, I ticked off a LOT of you by telling you about . I also had a LOT of you climbing onto your roofs just to sing my accolades. That to me is a good day of blogging. Today, let’s just laugh.
I don’t want anyone having a heart attack, and this time of year roofs can be slippery and dangerous. My late sister Carissa (she had Down’s Syndrome) loved telling jokes. She carried her little joke books around and loved to make people laugh. Her favorite joke was the one in the image above.
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie into it. I never have awesome jokes. People say, “tell me a joke,” and my mind always goes blank.
I’m a wit man. I like to make humor on the fly. But when I’m an old fart I know the wit won’t be as witty as it used to be, and I decided I need to start building an armoire of short jokes now that I can tell my kids and grandkids and great grandkids.
Right after I die, I want to pop my eyes open all the sudden and just as I fade away into eternity say, “bury me with that music I wrote when I was younger.” They’ll say, “why?!” I’ll say, “I might as well spend my time underground decomposing.” Okay. That wasn’t my joke. My Grandma Ann always has a joke up her sleeve. It doesn’t matter the topic of conversation.
Last night she told us that joke about Beethoven. And she told us three or four other priceless jokes over the course of the evening. And I just want to be like her when I’m old.
And like Carissa. So, I asked you all on my Facebook page for your Best. Short jokes. Ever. And you delivered. In fact, you delivered a few posts worth of them. Haha. So thank you. I will now be a funny old man someday. Oh, and some of them were a leeeeettle bit naughty. Or politically incorrect. Or just plain wrong. I pushed those to the last page so that those of you who aren’t as “free spirited” as someone like me can skip them if you like. BEST. SHORT JOKES. EVER. • How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it. • Why did the policeman smell bad? He was on duty. • Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? FO DRIZZLE! • Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because it has a silent pee. • What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything. • What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies. • Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Why the long face?” • A mushroom walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Hey, get out of here! We don’t serve mushrooms here”. Mushroom says, “why not? I’m a fungai!” • I never make mistakes…I thought I did once; but I was wrong. • What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit?…Ba-na-na-naaa! • What did the little fish say when he swam into a wall? DAM! • Knock knock. Who’s there? Smell mop. (finish this joke in your head) • Where does a sheep go for a haircut?
To the baaaaa baaaaa shop! • What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business! Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017.
Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together! © Single Dad Laughing, LLC. All rights reserved. The content of this blog (but not necessarily any sub domains, which may have their own owners, copyrights, etc) including all content, comments, submitted emails, and images are the property of Single Dad Laughing, LLC.
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