7 signs you're dating a narcissist, according to a clinical psychologist. Elana Lyn Gross. May 30, 2018, 3:26 PM. Shutterstock About 6% of the population has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which affects more men than women — 7.7% vs 4.8%, according to research published in The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry. Business Insider spoke to Dr. Gene Beresin, executive director at The Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds at Massachusetts General Hospital and Dr. Forrest Talley, a California-based clinical psychologist to identify warning signs that you may be dating someone with NPD. An official diagnosis can only be done by a doctor, but here are a red flags to look our for
Sometimes in a relationship you might feel like something just isn’t right about the absurdly selfish things your significant other does or says — and, it could be that perhaps you’re overlooking the blatant . Is everything always all about him or her? Are your thoughts and opinions completely brushed under the rug at every turn?
Do you feel like you’ve lost any sense of control whatsoever? If so, take some time and read this article, my friend, because if it’s a narcissist you’re dealing with, you might need to weigh your options and consider running for the hills.
According to Dictionary.com, a narcissist is defined as “a person who is overly self-involved, and often vain and selfish.” Just the word “narcissist” sends a chill down my spine, as I once dated a terrible one (more on that later).
A lot of times, these relationships start out amazing. The guy or girl is incredibly outgoing and charming, and sometimes the other person reports they . Later, the true colors begin to show. Narcissists, as we’ll discuss in this article, feel the world resolves around them, so it’s difficult for their significant other to even begin to compete with that.
Even more troubling, as an additional means of boosting their own ego. Do any of us really want to be the person being put down by our significant other on the regular? Probably not. Here are nine telltale signs you’re dating a narcissist. 1. All Your SO Does Is Talk About Themselves This is the first and most obvious sign. I once dated a narcissist very briefly, and I’m telling you, all we did was discuss topics that related to him — his job, how rich he was, how cool he was, how he was so incredibly well-traveled, etc.
On our first few dates I thought perhaps he was trying to impress me. However, after a few months of this behavior, I realized this was part of his character. Needless to say, it didn’t last much longer than that. What’s more, narcissists won’t listen to a damn thing you say!
Perhaps they nod and gaze at you feigning interest, but ultimately they haven’t processed anything you’ve said, or maybe even took it upon themselves to cut you off completely to direct the conversation back the other way. According to Psychology Today, if someone is regularly and, rather, spend the time hogging the conversation themselves, it’s likely you’ve got a narcissist on your hands.
2. Your Partner Acts Particularly Entitled According to Psychology Today, in various circumstances. That said, if your significant other is a narcissist, likely he or she believes it’s your duty (as well as others’) to cater to whatever they need or want whenever they need or want it. Stop and pay close attention to how they treat service people, for example. Are they ultra demanding ala an A-list celebrity? Are they constantly snickering at waiters?
Do they get a major attitude if their coffee takes too long to prepare at Starbucks? These are the kinds of things to look out for. 3. He Or She Is Constantly Putting Other People Down How could your partner ever be the best if there are other “bests” out there? Narcissists are likely to put other people down as a means of . Remember those days of childhood bullying? The bully was usually mean because they wanted themselves to prevail over others while hiding their own issues and insecurities.
That’s what this is like. If you’re dating a narcissist, it could just so happen that they put you down, in addition to the poor way they treat others. Remember the narcissist I dated? Once, out of nowhere, he leaned over at dinner and told me I was wasting my time in my grad school program (I was already halfway through!) because it would never lead me to a good career like his.
Ick! I could vomit just thinking about him. 4. Your Partner Feels Everyone Is Jealous Of Them Given the overall conceited mindsets of narcissists, they tend to . This sign might become obvious to you if your partner is constantly mentioning how their coworkers are jealous because he or she performs so well at work, or how you must be jealous of them because they’re smarter than you.
5. They Thrive Off Being The Center Of Attention If there’s one thing narcissists seem to love more than themselves, it’s being the center of attention. In fact, according to Psychology Today, . This could be because they’re in when all attention is focused on them. This sign is a bit tricky to navigate though, because someone can certainly be outgoing and wanting to be in the center of crowds without being a narcissist.
Here’s the trick though: Pay attention to how your partner acts when someone else tries to join them in the “center.” Are they OK with sharing the spotlight, or do they have a cranky reaction? Keep this is mind — , so their reaction there will be telling. 6. He Or She Does Not React Well When They Don’t Get Their Way With a narcissist, it’s really their way or the highway.
Not only will they have that sense of entitlement we discussed earlier, they are also likely to have a really terribly response when things don’t go as they wanted or . This could result in any sort of emotional response, like yelling or crying. 7. They Are Never, Ever, Ever Open To Criticism How could this person possibly be wrong when they’re always right? The ego on a narcissist might lead them to believe there’s no shot their way of doing things isn’t correct.
According to Dr. Robin Berman, a practicing psychiatrist and Associate Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA, narcissists are “.” Dr. Berman said narcissists have an excessive need for praise and admiration, therefore . Their reaction might even be that of extreme anger. 8. Your SO Doesn’t Have Many Long-Term Friends According to Albert Bernstein, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist, to determine a narcissist, it’s they have.
When discussing males, he said, “If he has long-term friends and solid relationships for many years, it’s a good sign.” On the opposite end of the spectrum, if the person has trouble keeping long-term friends and is more of the “seasonal best friends” or casual friendships kind, it .
9. They Thrive Off Having Control Over You , according to Dr. Craig Malkin, clinical psychologist and instructor at Harvard Medical School. In fact, according to Dr. Malkin, they’ll even go so far as to “arrange events (and maneuver people) to orchestrate the outcomes they desire.” Dr.
Malkin said to be on the lookout for someone who makes you , as narcissists often have a knack for making someone else’s views or preferences feel off-limits. By examining some of these signs it could guide you in determining whether or not your significant other is really all about himself or herself.
Then — take my word on this from experience — if you think you are in fact dating a narcissist, run girl, run! Images: Pixabay (1); Pexels (8); /Flickr
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These signs can help you identify whether or not your partner may be a narcissist. Studio LouLou/Shutterstock • A can sometimes be difficult to identify, especially if you're romantically involved with one.
• Someone with (NPD) may be selfish, put you down often, and fail to express empathy. • If you're unsure whether or not you're dating a , there are specific signs you can look out for, according to experts. • Here, Dr. Candace V. Love, a clinical who authored a book about how to stop getting into relationships with narcissists, reveals the key signs you may be dating a narcissist. It can be easy miss the signs that you're .
Like in many , when you first start dating a narcissist, you may be lured in by their charm, confidence, and other attractive traits. However, as you get to know your partner, you may pick up on red flags that were not so easily identifiable at first, like "nice" comments that have not-so-nice undertones, or a lack of after you share something deeply personal.
You may justify a behavior by telling yourself that they just had a bad day, and that tomorrow they'll be better. However, the behavior doesn't get better, and you may start to feel worse about yourself in the . "The main point to keep in mind is that you can't always tell you're dating a narcissist — because they're experts at concealing their true colors until they have you," clinical psychologist told Business Insider.
"However, all the clients I have worked with have been able to look back and see all the red flags they missed — they are always there." According to the , those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, belittle those around them, take advantage of others to get what they want, have difficulty regulating emotions and mood, and become irrationally angry when they don't receive special treatment.
Of course, it's not possible to determine for sure whether someone has NPD without an evaluation by a qualified expert, but here are some often subtle signs that you may be dating a narcissist, according to a clinical psychologist. No one falls for a narcissist because of the negative qualities that make them a narcissist. "Many narcissists are charmers in the beginning, and it's too easy to succumb to their charms," Love said. "In time, the narcissist will show their true colors, but by then, you are usually already in love and will tend to overlook, make excuses, or minimize their bad behaviors," she said.
Although can woo you and be charming, they can also turn on a dime, Love said. "Pay attention to if the person is quick to anger if something doesn't go their way, such as traffic, parking, or reservations," she said. "Plus, look at how they treat others, too. How do they act toward service people — waitstaff, parking attendants, etc.?" Being a good listener is important in relationships.
If your partner makes everything about them, be cautious. "Does the person seem genuinely interested in you when you talk about your life — or are they quick to tell you about theirs?" Love said.
"See if they ask you follow-up questions or monopolize the conversation," she said. While everyone may act selfish from time to time, it is a recurrent trait among those who are narcissistic, according to Love.
"They feel entitled to do and say whatever they please — after all, they are the center of the universe," Love said. "They will spend time and money on what they like, not what you like — but they will make you think they are doing it for you or that they thought you liked it, too — and they will act hurt and disappointed when you protest," she said.
Although it's healthy for you and your partner to have varying opinions on things, if your date can't — and won't — see your point of view, it could be a red flag. "Determine if they're rigid when it comes to their views on things," Love said. "Also, determine if they're unable to accommodate another point of view." Although it may seem romantic when a new person you meet is extremely into you, it may also mean they're a narcissist.
"If you think someone you just met is your soulmate, definitely hit the brakes," Love said. "Too often, clients tell me, 'We talked for hours,' 'No one has ever understood me like this person,' etc." Instead, Love recommends taking it slow when you're dating. That way, you can figure out if someone is truly your soulmate — or a narcissist — or not. If you're feeling bad about yourself more than good about yourself, and it's due to what your partner is saying to you or how they're acting towards you, .
For instance, your partner may insult you non-verbally by rolling their eyes at something you say, but they'll likely insult you verbally, too.
If you question their behavior to them, they may say, "You're too sensitive," or, "You're too emotional." "Oftentimes, the put-down will take the form of teasing, but it is really veiled hostility," Love said. "For example, at a party or dinner with friends, they tell an embarrassing story about you — something you said or did — and everyone laughs, but you feel like crawling under the table." She said that when you protest, a narcissistic partner could say they're "just teasing," "Why are you getting so upset?" or, "You're too sensitive." If you feel your partner is not empathetic, even when you tell them an emotional, heartbreaking story about something personal that has happened to you, this is another sign they may be a narcissist.
"If your partner lacks empathy or an empathic response to something you told them or something you both witnessed, or they're quick to judge, you may have a narcissist on your hands," Love said.
7 Signs You're Dating A Crazy Person