There is no exact science to having success when trying to date an older man. Don't let age be a factor with help from a dating coach in this free video on .
‘I need someone older and wiser, telling me what to do’ - unforgettable lines sung unforgettably by Julie Andrews in the equally unforgettable movie ‘Sound of Music’. If what Julie Andrews crooned then is currently your theme song, chances are you are wise enough to know what obvious advantages there are to dating older men. Greater confidence, a more developed personality, and a mature attitude to life are some of the obvious attributes that easily appeal to women.
So why not be prepared with a few cards up your sleeve too, and shoot off some sharp arrows in case cupid strikes in the form of an older man? Here is exactly how you can tip the scales in your favor and make dating an older man a rewarding experience! Befriend The Boyfriend First The sensible thing to do starting out is to first develop an honest friendship with the older man you are dating. This will help you take the relationship slowly but more steadily and surely into a zone of better mutual rapport and understanding.
The depth of which will in turn make it easier for both of you to gauge not just each other’s intentions better, but also to discover the extent of your mutual compatibility levels, and a glimpse into the feasibility of a future with him. Set Expectations Right State your goals clearly from the start once the intentions from both sides match. If you are dating with the intent of settling down, let your partner know exactly that, and conversely, if you are dating an older man simply for variety, make that also equally clear, to avoid getting his hopes up.
Don’t Be Frivolous Be more responsible as older men tend to be more successful than their much younger counterparts and also do not particularly appreciate frivolous behavior, as they tend not to be frivolous themselves. Make sincere efforts to connect well with an older man on the emotional and intellectual level first. As the chronological age differences may or may not cause gaps in these spheres, after which of course one must most certainly look for the presence of a good mutual physical attraction, especially since an age difference can have just as much of an effect on people’s sexual preferences.
All aspects greatly matter if a mature and serious long term relationship is what you are looking for, eventually leading to marriage. Keep Off The PDA! Exercise patience, as older men are a lot less impulsive and may leave you guessing at times. And the up side to their apparent reserve is their comparatively demonstrative behavior in private.
They just don’t feel the need to prove themselves in public, and hence come across as rather critical of your need for public displays of affection.
Be Your Own Person Prove that you are not just arm candy, and demonstrate that you are keen to contribute to the relationship the way older men usually want. They will most certainly appreciate you for this, much more than younger men who need someone to massage their inflated egos. Remember, older men are past the showing-off stage, and looking for someone they can share their lives with. So be yourself effortlessly, and not just a tag-along.
Let The Older Man Take The Lead Allow him the opportunity to pamper you whenever he can as it will not only make you feel cared for and special (and which woman does not like that?), but will also give you a chance to see his affectionate and protective side.
It will also give you a glimpse into his ‘take charge” side, and help you trust him with bigger decisions to come. It is a role-playing that has its own charm! Reign In Those Raging Hormones! Older men are much more uninhibited and unafraid to make non-sexual physical contact with a woman in privacy than most of their younger counterparts, which takes a woman’s experience of intimacy to a deeper level, and in turn makes sex even more pleasurable. Reign in those hormones if you are looking for a future husband in the older man you are dating, and make sure you have ample patience.
Control your primal instincts, and exercise more maturity, as older men are more likely primarily to be looking for companionship, while sex may feature just a little less prominence on their list of priorities.
best tips to date an older man - 17 crucial tips on how to date an older man successfully
I know a lot of women who prefer dating an older man. Remember when you were a teen and your mom said that girls were two years more mature than guys the same age? Whether you believed it then or not, dating in your 40s or older reveals that dating an older man can have perks over dating a younger man. The good news is: , so you’re a hot commodity for anyone older, whether that’s two years older or, if you’re into it, 20. Dating an older man can have some pretty great benefits. There are also, however, some drawbacks to be aware of.
Let’s look at both so you can decide whether dating an older man is appealing to you or not. Pros to Dating an Older Man You’ve dated your share of men your age…and even younger.
Clearly, you haven’t found what you’re looking for yet, so why not go with someone older and more wiser? While all of these won’t be true of every older man (after all, many suffer from ), as a whole, you’re going to realize more of these benefits with an older man.
1. He’s Financially Stable An older man is past the early-20s “what am I doing with my life” phase. There’s a good chance he’s midway in his career, and therefore at least somewhat financially stable. Being financially stable isn’t about making $300k a year. It’s about being smart with his money. Maybe investing it or buying a house. It basically is the opposite of which is a libido-killer for most women.
It’s nice to date a man who can afford to pay for dinner. Whose car doesn’t break down in front of your house… Who has more than one shirt… Who could afford to take a spontaneous weekend getaway with you… There’s appeal in that, and you can’t always find it with a younger guy who’s still struggling to find his foothold in his career. 2. He Doesn’t Play Games He’s already played games in his 20s…and he’s over it. A young man doesn’t know what he wants, and so he plays those . An older man, especially one who’s already been married once, knows what he wants.
If he’s ready for a long-term relationship, he’ll make it known. You won’t wonder. He’s not out to waste time; he wants to know within a few dates whether you have potential or not. Now, I’m not saying every older man is ready to settle down again. Plenty want to continue to play the field. But they’ll be more upfront about it if they’re older. At least then you know immediately whether you want to pursue something with him or not, based on whether your goals are aligned.
3. He Has More Confidence An older man is more likely to be sure of himself and what he wants. Chalk it up to older men having more life experience: they tend to be more confident. They’ve been around the block: sexually, financially, career-wise, and in love. They’re not timid about sharing their opinions. They carry themselves with a cocksure attitude that you find appealing. If you’ve dated younger guys that were wimpy and lacked confidence, it’s understandable you’d consider dating an older man.
That take-charge attitude and the desire to take care of his woman is plenty appealing. 4. Jealousy Takes a Backseat Younger guys tend to be jealous at the drop of a hat. “Dude. That bank teller was totally checking you out. WTF?” It’s yawn-inducing, I know. But how nice is it to be with a man who knows that, from time to time, another man will admire his lady…and not freak out about it? It goes back to that confidence thing.
He’s assured of what he has (including you) and isn’t threatened by another man. 5. His Status is Appealing Some critics of women dating older men say they do so because they have “daddy issues,” but . Here’s what it said: “…it is evolutionarily beneficial for women to seek older mates, and that there will be no significant difference in attachment styles between women in age-gap versus similar-age relationships.” What this means is that it’s an evolutionary pattern that women are drawn to older men, in part because of their status and resources.
Think about it. If you were pumping gas and a gorgeous Lamborghini/Tesla/Porsche pulled up next to you with a good-looking older man in it, wouldn’t you do a double-take? Don’t you find photos of men speaking on stage on dating apps appealing? When you find out a guy you just met is a doctor, doesn’t your mouth water? These are all status indicators, and they’re part of the attraction factor. It’s completely natural for you to be drawn to a man because of his status.
It subtly communicates to you that he can take care of you, and that life with him would be fun! 6. He’s Mature Dating a mature man may be a relief for you! While most of the above benefits of dating an older man fall under the “he’s just more mature” category, it’s worth pointing out additional perks of . He has his sh*t together, first and foremost. He’s likely been in at least one long-term relationship, so he knows how to give to his partner and compromise when necessary.
A mature man isn’t in the middle of an identity crisis. He knows who he is and what he wants, and he isn’t shy about communicating that. 7. Communication Comes Easily Speaking of communication, there’s a better chance that an older guy will be a better communicator than a younger one.
Again, if he’s been in at least one long-term relationship, the subject of communication more than likely came up, so hopefully, he’s learned how to express himself in constructive ways that will make him a good partner.
Dating an older man may surprise you: he may be a better listener than anyone younger that you’ve been with. And if you prefer talking on the phone to texting, there’s a good chance he does too. 8. Baby Time May Be Over If you’ve already had kids in your past relationship or don’t want any in the future, dating an older man is a good path for you, because it’s less likely that he’s interested in having (more) kids.
He may even have grown children, which may be easier to deal with if you get serious and end up living together or married (you’re not the wicked stepmother to small children). Having a relationship with an older man without the focus being on raising children gives you the ability to really bond and connect with no distractions. Cons to Dating an Older Man Dating an older man may have drawbacks. Every man is different, regardless of his age. But these are a few things to be aware of if you consider dating an older man.
1. He Might Be a Bit Controlling Because older men usually know what they want, they can have a strong need to control a situation…and also you. The older we get, the more set in our ways we are. It goes both ways. But you’ve both got to be able to compromise in order to .
If, when you start dating an older guy, you immediately get the sense that he’s controlling, walk away. You need a man who will let you be you and won’t try to change you. 2. Life May Be Less Exciting The last guy you dated took you to parties. You went out for dinner or drinks often. This older guy wants to stay home every night of the week. He’s already had his party years. He’s done going out and being social. So you’re left…yawning. While it depends on the person, you may find that an older man prefers his routines and may not be as keen to go out.
If it’s important to you to have an active social life, dating an older man may not be for you. 3. He Might Want To Settle Down Too Fast An older man may be overeager to settle down. Like I said in the pro section: older men know what they want. If this one is looking for a long-term relationship, he might move a little fast for your tastes.
If… …on the first date, he asks your ring size… …he starts shopping for a house for the two of you early on… …he tells you he loves you after only a few dates… …you need to pump the breaks. You likely want a too, but you know you can’t rush it. If it’s meant to be with this guy, it will happen. Speeding into becoming an established couple never works. 4. People Think You Have Daddy Issues Here’s an interesting fact: around marry someone who is 10 years or more younger than them. If the age difference between you two is significant, expect some raised eyebrows and negative opinions.
Many people feel that women who date significantly older men are looking for a substitute for their father. Maybe they had a bad relationship with their dads or maybe he was absent while they grew up. Even if this isn’t the case for you, realize that there are a lot of opinions out there about women who date much older men (far fewer opinions about the men in those relationships, which is totally unfair), so be prepared to deal with it.
5. You May Feel Immature Among your friends, you are the mature one. They turn to you for advice, and you’ve got a level head on your shoulders. But when you date a much older guy, you may feel like a baby. He’s lived so much more life than you. He’s had more experiences.
And if he makes you feel that way, you’ll struggle all the more. You want a man you can learn from, regardless of his age. Just make sure he’s not taking on the role of your teacher without you wanting him to be.
6. You May Not Get Along with His Friends His friends may give you the cold shoulder. This man may be head over heels for you, so he’s willing to compromise on the differences that your ages create. But his friends are another story altogether. They may not understand why he’s dating you and may give you the cold shoulder. It may be challenging to get them to take you seriously.
If he’s worth it, you’ll put in the effort, but realize they may never accept you fully. 7. He May Not Be in Shape Certainly, there are many older men who take care of their bodies, but if you’ve only dated younger men, you may not even know what an older guy’s body looks like. It may, quite honestly, turn you off.
You may have a meeting of the minds with this man, but are you physically attracted to him as well? It takes both for a well-rounded relationship. Advice on Dating an Older Man Dating an older man brings you new perspective. If you do decide to date an older guy, realize that the experience will be different from any past relationship. But (who prefer dating older men) clearly have figured out how to get the most out of a relationship with an older guy, so take the following advice to heart to make this relationship successful.
Be Prepared for a Bumpy Road with Friends and Family I touched on this a minute ago, but things may be challenging as he introduces you to the people who matter to him.
They may assume he’s just having a fling with a younger woman, and may not be ready to accept that you two are long-term. Be patient. It will take time for his friends and family to accept you. Be gracious when you’re with them, and do your best to engage them in conversations to show that you’re interested in developing a relationship with them. Don’t Be a Trophy While this isn’t necessarily going to happen to you, realize that some men date younger women It makes them feel powerful and desired if they can snag a much younger woman.
You don’t want to be part of that. If you date an older guy, it’s not because he’s older that you’re attracted to him, but because he’s got a great personality, etc. If he starts parading you around like food on a platter, that’s a red flag that he’s not into you because of who you are. If He Has Children, Love Them Maybe you never planned to have kids and now you’re with an older man who has them.
If you’re serious about him, the kids are part of the package, so it will serve your relationship well if you put effort into getting to know them and having a relationship with them. Depending on the kids’ ages and personalities, they may take a while to warm up to you.
Give it time. Don’t try to be a second mother to them, but a friend. Find opportunities to spend time with them on your own and do things they’re interested in. He’ll take notice and fall even harder for you! Don’t Make Jokes About His Age Just like you don’t like being called a baby because you’re younger, this man doesn’t like it when you make jokes about him being an old man. It’s not cool. If age really doesn’t matter to you, you won’t make an issue of it. Ask your friends not to make jokes either.
Respect His Past An older man more than likely has a past that involves at least one major relationship. If he has kids, his ex may still be in his life. Don’t make things worse by acting jealous or bringing up past relationships. You’re with him now; what’s past is past. You want the same mindset from him. Be Open to What He Can Teach You A man who’s been around the block a few extra times has a lot to give.
He may have hobbies that you’ve never even considered taking up (sailing, anyone?), so if you’re open, you might find new things that you discover you love to do.
He may also have wisdom gleaned from past relationships that can help you be a better partner. So listen and see what you can learn. Conclusion: Dating a mature man can enhance your life in many ways. If you’re sick of dating younger guys, it may be time for something different. Dating an older man will at least give you a new perspective on men and relationships.
You may find that you’re different with an older man versus a younger one. Maybe you’re the one who needs control in a relationship with a younger guy, but you find that you really like being taken care of with an older man. Bottom line is: it doesn’t matter how old the guy you fall for is. He just needs to have the . He should be kind and loving and meet you in the middle in terms of effort put into a relationship.
He should make you feel like a queen. What’s your experience dating an older man? Love it or hate it? Share your tips in the comments below. Whether you’re interested in dating an older man, a younger man, or a man exactly your age, you need my to find him. Get on the list today! Haa ha, one thing you left out is he is just getting older and older. If he is say, 55 and you are 30 when you are 40, he will be 65 and will be getting older by the minute. Get ready to change his diaper.
And sorry most older men are just not very good in bed compared to their younger more and more energetic counterparts who don’t have to take pills to get it up What about sorting yourself out…as in whats going on with me that i feel this attraction to an older man…n get the healing you need go through thd process find yourself first…than when your active in who you are n become who you are…youll attract the right man for you…he will find you n see and accept you who you are… I’ve recently started dating an older man (9yrs older) and see the benefits of it; but not the superficial ones people may expect.
I’ve lucked out with finding a man that truly respects me (in all aspects). Communication, Honesty & Trust are also at the forefront of our relationship; which I appreciate even more. Yes, I do recognize those brief moments when our age difference is apparent; but it has never been to the point of feeling inadequate. I’m not the “gold-digger” type; I actually appreciate a man as he is–not what he can “do for me”. And I know that’s what makes our relationship stronger and more prone to last longer; but we also understand that it takes continued effort from both of us.
Similar to Alicia’s comment (from July 14, 2018), I am currently dating a man who is 12 years older than me. And I can tell you that at least in my personal experience, I could care less what kind of car he drives or if he has a fancy ass job.
What drew me to him is how kind and loving he is, how much he appreciates me, and the fact that he treats me like an equal. We are completely in-tune with each other on the way we view life. I am tired of people assuming (while it may be an “evolutionary” trait) that women are constantly looking for someone of “good status” because it shows he can support her. F*ck that– I have a full-time job and can support myself.
I want companionship, respect, love, and a maturity level that matches mine. And that’s what I’ve found dating an older man. I’m in a relationship with a man thats 26 years older but he doesn’t look his age at all. He has salt and pepper hair but it makes him look distinguished. Anyway, we are great together and he treats me very well.
I was always attracted to older men but this is my first time dating one. He is a huge step up from my previous relationship. Everything you listed above is pretty much dead on. As far as the bedroom activity, there hasn’t been a problem yet and he isn’t taking anything to help. I do realized though that down the line, he won’t be able to get it going or even keep it going.
I have come to terms with that and I get it. We speak openly to one another and we even work out together. I love that we come together as a team. Regardless of what others may think or say, I am content with this man and we make each other happy.
When you are 18 or above, dating an older guy can be an exciting challenge. While an older man will likely be more mature than the guys your own age, he’ll have an entirely different set of life experiences than you do. The two of you might not see the world the same way.
It can take a lot of patience and work to have a relationship with an older guy but you might find that a mature man can make a great partner. Avoid any men who only date younger women, or who are trying to date you when you are in high school, as these men might not be interested in you personally and might not want to invest in a dating relationship. Go where older guys hang out. Mature men don’t necessarily spend time at the same places as younger guys do.
They’re most likely over the party scene so you won’t find them at the loud, crowded bars downtown. They are likely to prefer environments that are more low-key. Some great places where you can meet older men include: • Nice bars and restaurants • Golf courses • Coffee shops • Poetry readings and book releases. • Gallery show openings. • Your friends obligation event. Tag along to a good friend's company picnic, neighborhood holiday gathering, or the extended family wedding as a platonic date.
You may meet older men, and you'll certainly save your friend from boredom. Get online. Older guys are online just like everyone else. Join an online dating site and customize your age preferences. You'll find men you like, and they'll be able to find you as well. Consider popular sites like OkCupid, PlentyofFish, and Match.com.
• You can also look for websites that cater to May to December romances, but check the website out first. Some of these are used more for financially involved relationships. Get informed. Many people pay more attention to current events as they get older. Keep up with what’s going on in the world so you can make conversation. Watch the news on television or read newspapers like the New York Times or the Wall Street Journal. Form an intelligent and informed opinion about everything you read, and look up references you don't recognize.
Older men who are worth your while will want to be able to have interesting conversations with you. • Don’t just read about the presidential elections. Research candidates in local elections and learn about general trends in politics. • Get acquainted with sports.
It’s fun to bond over and watch a game without having to explain everything. • Read about economics. Keep an eye on the stock market and learn what factors affect the economy. • Attend political fundraisers, protests, and volunteer for causes you care about. Show your personality. Older guys like a partner who is confident enough to be natural. Let them see who you are and don’t try to act like someone else.
Good older men want to get to know the real you. They’ll likely have enough prior relationship experience to tell if you’re being less than sincere with them.
• Be honest about your interests even if they’re things that you don’t think a mature man will like. You’ll be surprised by how many older guys still like things like cartoons and comic books. Be ambitious.
Invest in your work: seek promotions, awards, and responsibility. If you are a student, get good grades and apply for further education. The great news is, a quality older guy is not going to be intimidated by your success the way a younger guy might be.
He's already gone through your life stage, so he's less likely to be threatened when things go well for you. • If you're on track with your career or your studies, people are less likely to assume you are only into him for security. • Invest in your own life because you don't want the pressure of financial support to ruin your relationship.
You'll be happiest if you're with him because you like him, not because you don't have any other options. Be direct. Older men don’t like to play relationship games. Let your actions truly reflect your feelings, and don’t feel like you need to ‘play hard to get. Older guys usually have a lot of things going on in their life. They may have a steady career or even kids.
• Be honest about your feelings and don’t keep them guessing. • Call them when you say you will. Don’t wait for them to call you. • Don’t be afraid to ask them out. Older men appreciate the forwardness that younger guys can find intimidating. Tell him what you want. Find out what both of you need from a relationship. Things may not work out if you want children but he already has kids and doesn’t plan on having any more.
The two of you may even have a different understanding of how serious your relationship is. If he’s been divorced in the past, he may just want to have a casual fling while you’re looking for someone to marry. • After a date or two, initiate a conversation about where you see the relationship going long-term. • Consciously consider whether or not your needs are compatible with his. Keep your own life. Remember that a little space can be healthy for a relationship.
You don’t want to lose your independence. Make sure you spend some time away from your relationship and encourage him to do the same. You might start to resent each other if you try to be together all the time. • He may not have anything in common with your friends and vice versa.
Both of you might need a little time to be around people your own age. • You may not like doing all of the same things. Keep doing the things that you enjoy. Communicate your needs. Realize that an older man may have responsibilities that don’t allow him to relocate. He might not be able to go with you if you have to move to follow your dreams, so if that's something you might want from a partner, talk to him about it!
Understand that he may be already settled into his environment and might not want to change it the way a younger guy might. • He may want to stay close to his kids. • He might already a good career that he doesn’t want to leave. • He may simply enjoy living where he does. Have frank conversations about finances. An older man may have his finances in order. While it can be nice to be with someone who has financial stability, it can be awkward when you are younger and possibly broke.
• Be clear on what you're comfortable with. If you aren't excited at being treated to dinner all the time, let him know you'll need to choose some cheaper dates. Take it slow. It might take a while before he feels comfortable fully bringing you into his personal life. Don’t try to impose yourself on it too quickly. He’ll need to make sure that he can depend on you to stick around before introducing you to his family and friends. If he has a reputation to uphold, he won’t want to be seen as the person who casually dates younger people.
• Tell him when you're ready to meet his family, but let him know that it's up to him when it happens. • If he has kids, understand that he might not want you to meet them right away. It's unhealthy for kids to frequently get attached to new people they might lose. Even if you think your relationship is on track, you may need to wait for a year or longer before you get to share time with his children. • It may take him a while to admit that he has strong feelings for you. Hopefully your older man doesn't react to his fleeting emotions.
Rather, he may take time to be sure how he feels before he tells you. Remind him that you desire him. Everyone’s scared of getting older. For men, the thought of losing their physical virility can be terrifying.
Even if he doesn’t show it, he’s somewhat worried that you’ll stop being attracted to him because of his age. Reassure him that he’s still got it going on and don’t remind him of how old he is. Every so often, compliment him on his looks, strength or any attribute that makes him feel young and useful. Say things like: • Your arms are so strong.
I feel really safe when you wrap them around me. • You look so handsome today. I really like your style. • You can tease him about his age if he likes that, but be sure to check. Some guys might feel lighthearted about a few May-December jokes, but unhappy about being called "old man." Expect some judgment from those you love. Some people find the idea of an older man dating a younger person unsettling.
They may worry about you being taken advantage of, or getting pressured into committing to someone who is in a different life stage. Assure them that you genuinely have a connection with him and that you wouldn’t be with someone who objectified you.
• Calmly break the news about your relationship to your parents. Give them some time to get used to it. They only want to protect you. They’ll come around when they see that your partnership is loving and equal. • If you have a sibling or a trusted family friend who can act as a go-between, make sure they also meet your boyfriend and let your parents know that they like him. Maintain an equal partnership.
Make sure that both of you have an equal role in your relationship. Just because he’s older than you doesn’t mean that he should get the final word on every decision. He’s your partner, not your father. If the relationship gets serious, make sure that you discuss every issue that comes up together before deciding what to do. • You should be comfortable expressing your opinions to him even if they’re not the same as his. • Know your worth.
Absolutely refuse to be in a relationship with anyone who wants to control you. Ditch the creeps. Some guys want a younger partner because younger partners can be easier to manipulate and control.
Ditch older men who are jealous, controlling, who push you into quick involvement, who put unrealistic expectations on you, discourage you from interacting with friends and family. Dump an older guy who blames you for his problems, feelings, and other things that you could only control if you were a wizard.
Run, don't walk, from men who threaten you, who put you down, who ignore your good news and accomplishments, or who physically harm you. • Many acts that seem like signs of devotion are actually warning signs of abuse.
A guy who drops in at your work to check in on you, who tries to protect you from everything, or who claims to be unable to live or function without you is manipulating you. • If your partner is physically aggressive, call 911 or a domestic abuse hotline: 1-800-522-3304
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