Dating and Marriage is a very sensitive topic, especially when looking at it from different angles of the world We all know there are some fundamentally different approaches between eastern and western cultures, especially when things come to the family.
I lived in Spain for 7 and a half years and I moved there as a single woman with a fairly decent level of Spanish and I found it to be the hardest place to “hook up” or meet someone of anywhere I´d lived previously and all of my foreign, Spanish speaking, female friends said the very same thing. I´d just spent a year in South America before moving there and in my ignorance, I expected similar in terms of how easy it´d be to meet men…or I at least expected an experience along the lines of Italy or Greece or even France where men will approach you anytime, anywhere if they like you.
In Ireland, we´re not exactly smooth operators when it comes to meeting men and women (we´re pretty awful at it, in fact) but we muddle on through in our awkward, very often drink fueled way and it´s not frowned upon for a woman to approach a man but after 7 years in Spain, I still wondered exactly how men and women actually hooked up because I didn´t see it happen in bars or discos in all my time there except for the really sleazy ones where tourists and Erasmus students frequented (which I hated).
Spanish men, as lovely and handsome as they are, are not very forward AT ALL despite what you might think and this was in Madrid, a large capital city and I´ve heard various reasons given for this but I did, in fact, date two Spanish men, one of whom had been checking me out all night but did nothing else and who I finally approached (I was 29 at the time, he was 37 so not exactly teenagers) and my current boyfriend of 7 years who had concocted this elaborate plan to get me to go out with him whereby he´d sent a message to a mutual friend to ask her to organise a situation where we´d both be there.
My friend told me and I contacted him directly and asked him out. At that time, I was 30 and he was 39. Ridiculous carry on at that age.
I didn´t get why he was so shy but that was my experience with men there in general. My foreign, female friends had an awful time on nights out. All of them were really attractive, educated and friendly and they were never approached (but unfortunately, unlike me, came from cultures where it´s frowned upon for women to do the approaching).
I finally made friends with some Spanish chicas and it was the same: they struggled to meet men on nights out, even for a kiss. The whole situation wasn´t what I expected it at all and I still can´t make head or tail of what´s going on. I don´t know if there´s quite a conservative undertone to dating there despite appearances where women don´t want to come across as “easy” for fear of being judged.
I get the impression people meet their boyfriends/girlfriends through mutual friends but it´s quite difficult to meet and date a random woman or man. Saying all this, my not-very-forward Spanish man is by far the loveliest man I¨ve ever met and those of my friends who have met Spanish partners say the same.
It´s just meeting them that´s the tricky part! EDIT: Just to add, these are my experiences and those of my friends (and my current boyfriend, in fact) and I don´t claim to be a Spanish dating expert!!
Like Mithur said, it is much more organic, and, in my humble opinion, that very “grey area”-ness of it makes it far more complex and stupid than it should be. Lots of indirects, unnnecessary paddling and misconceptions, plus lot of frowned up looks if you happen to be direct about whatever you want out of a relationship. Needless to say, there are individual exceptions to this general rule of thumb. Also, expect lots of intra-group preassure when flirting with Spanish girls. If they are with their group of female friends your chances of hooking up with them will be almost nil.
Most people here will simply outright refuse to flirt in front of their friends, no matter if they are attracted or not to to the person, and lots of girls will be“trying to not look too easy” in front of other people. If a Spaniard role on a certain group of friends is to be “the single guy”, or “the girl who is not pretty”, by God they will put their assigned role within their ingroup before their own self interests.
This is what a “too much gregarious” culture looks like, yes. Another ridiculous aspect of the dating culture in Spain has to do with the fact that Discos here are not considered to be dating nor hookup grounds, sans for the expats / tourists. There are a lot of Spaniards who feels that discotheques are somehow incredible, pleasant places to expend the night even if you have no sexual nor alcoholic needs, which is something that puzzles me (and apparently many expats friends) to no end.
For many people in Spain, going to the discotheque just to “enjoy some music” or “dance” is its primary purpouse. Yes, I don’t understand it either. Music festivals, however, are an entirely different matter.
Also, one final note: “Dating culture” varies a lot in Spain depending on which region you are. And I meant: A LOT. The more cosmopolitan a city is, the more Tinder-friendly will be, yes, but outside of that general template, it is pure madness full of particularisms and regional know hows. Madrid has always had the fame for being the easiest city for dating Spanish girls, dating Andalusians is akin to playing russian roulette, and the North of the country is famed for being Dark Souls level of difficult for dating, with social circles being closed and guarded like frotresses.
I can totally understand why a foreginer would rather to try their luck dating other fellow tourists and expats rather than us Spaniards.
It’s awful. A total mess. A date basically consists on going to a discotheque with your friends, getting drunk, and making out with a friend or in the best case a friend of your friend. After iteration, you end up with the one who didn’t exit the iteration with someone else. That’s how most marriages are done. People usually end up married with someone they went to school with or who lived in his same neighbourhood.
Someone of his same social environment. If you don’t get a couple this way you are considered an unsociable or misguided person and you have few options. It’s not like in the USA where dating is considered normal. Dating here is for losers, foreigners, or “pijos”. But sometimes you find someone by chance, not belonging to your social group with whom you have a connection. In Franco times you would invite that person to met your parents, and then, only if they agree, you would have a date.
It’s over now. Now you would invite him/her to a discotheque with your friends. Then if your friends accept him/her then you can make out with him/her. If he/she doesn’t exit the iteration with someone else of your group, then you can take him/her. You can obviously have a date like in Hollywood films, but you have to accept then being a dude, a loser, someone who goes against the rules. And guess what?
Your relationship has less chance of being successful if you date independently than if you date by social acceptation and iteration. I think it has been proved by some scientific studies. So after you disagree with everybody else saying that a romantic date is a smarter way to find a couple you are likely ending up failing and being the loser as everybody warned you about (or like everybody will think even if they don’t say it).
Somehow they have managed to find alternative facts and it’s likely no other spanish will explain you that it works like I say.
Well, we can start saying that there isn’t a Dating culture, as in USA. Things here are more organic, less normative. There are three main ways to know people (and dateable people): • Through common interests, courses, shows, work (though dating at work is something less extended here than un USA).
You know people, you speak to people, and sometimes, things happen. • Going out, and knowing people by the old way of present yourself in a pub/disco. • By knowing people through other people. • Tinder. but this is in Spain the same that in other parts. Usually you speak with someone you could like.
You look for signs of attraction, and then something might happen. And this is a wide something that ranges from keep texting and then take a cofee to start to make out right there and now. As I said, a lot more organic. Depends a lot of the people involved, but: • There is nothing wrong in making out or having sex even the first night. Not everyone want this, of course, but is pretty usual. • There are no expectancy of what a date must be, or how it should end.
But in my experience, if you are in the stage of a kiss in the lips for good night, you also are in the step of staying the night. • A one night stand doesn’t mean anything. A relationship starts when both persons agree to start it. the most usual way is that the conversation start after some weeks of hooking up, but some people do that much earlier, and other people never do that.
And, as I said, things are more organic, so those are guidelines that don’t have to apply to everyone. I think the main point is: there is no pre-established rule of any kind, more than respect and clarity.
best us dating culture - WPost " US dating culture favours men"
I grew up reading Laura Ingalls books and falling in love with the idea of “courting.” I thought how Almanzo taking her on a buggy ride everyday was the most romantic thing in the world, even though he was 25 and she was 15 so it was actually super inappropriate. I fell in love with the idea of love and dating and going on romantic dates. I became the typical romantic, but I hid it under a facade of tomboy antics and an adamant hatred of dresses and girly things.
When I finally became a teenager, got my braces off, lost my middle school baby face, and started talking to guys, I realized something terrible: this dating culture is literally the worst. Now I can excuse the guys in high school, because they’re in high school. They’re just confused teenagers who haven’t fully learned how to treat and respect women yet. So the ones who would send me messages asking for nudes and sex, who disrespected me, and treated me like I was less than human, I got over pretty quickly.
They're just stupid kids who will never get a woman for a long time. What bothered me the most about high school dating was this stupid thing my generation invented called “talking.” The trope that older generations hold that millennials are the worst bothers me to no end because millennials are amazing and kind and open minded, but one thing I will never forgive my generation for is inventing the term “talking.” It is literally the same thing as being boyfriend and girlfriend except they call it “talking” because they’re afraid of commitment.
The person that you're “talking” to you go on dates with, typically get physical with to an extent, post them on your social media, and stay loyal to.
It’s literally dating without the labels. It is the stupidest thing ever. People, please call it what it is: dating. Coming into college I was much wiser and much more of a woman. I was confident and I knew what I wanted with men, for the most part. Still, the dating culture in college surprised me to an extent.
It’s kind of amazing how many men are willing to ask a woman for sex before even asking for her last name. It didn’t necessarily surprise me, but the amount of guys doing it surprised me.
When it came to actual dating it was also slightly disappointing. I had grown up from the hopeless romantic attitude that I had had earlier in my life. My ideal date wasn’t a romantic dinner, it was just a night where I could have fun with a guy. Being in the city is the best because the greatest dates occur when you can walk around the city for hours and go to random places.
The best dates I’ve been on we didn’t plan beforehand, we went to new places, and spent the entire night laughing and having fun, but this is hard to find. The dating culture in college is either straight-up hooking up, chilling in a dorm while watching Netflix, or getting food somewhere. It’s difficult to find someone who you can click with and feel comfortable with, people don’t ask each other out on real dates anymore, and it’s hard to tell if a person is just leading you on in hopes that they’ll get sex.
It's a very confusing and difficult time for dating and trying to find a relationship with someone you can trust. Dating is difficult, guys are dumb, girls are also dumb, basically everybody is dumb, and no one knows what they’re doing with life. So to survive dating in college, you need to focus on your friendships, yourself, and enjoying life. If you constantly find yourself trying to force romance out of a guy you are going to be miserable.
If you find someone you can have a lot of fun with, keep following that feeling and do adventurous and new things together. A relationship will happen naturally and probably very randomly. Also, most importantly, if a guy texts you “wyd” at 2 a.m., DON’T REPLY. To the girl who is blessed enough to have her momma this Christmas, please remember to soak every last bit of it in.
Please remember to hug her so tight, that the way she smells is locked into your nose. Listen to all the stories you've heard a million times, like you've never heard a single one.
Help her, even if it seems completely silly to you, help her mix that cake. Laugh, oh please laugh. Laugh at all her corky ways, at the way she mispronounces words, try's to be hip and use new found lingo, or how she cusses when she forgot to get the rolls out of the oven but quickly asks the Lord for forgiveness.
Remember her laugh, etch it into your brain. Make her happy, if she wants to go riding around looking at Christmas lights down the same streets you've went for years, do it. Don't fuss, take her advice, agree to just disagree on things. It's not worth it. Most importantly, remind her over and over how much you love her.
Because unlike you, I'm not able to see my mom on Christmas. I'm not able to see her on birthdays, Thanksgiving, or any other occasion. My time with her is up. Death is the most permanent heartbreak. How I long to hear her voice, her laugh. To feel her tight embrace. Smell, oh god, what I would give to just be able to smell her. I would absolutely love to go riding around for hours while she ohhs and ahhs at every single house we pass.
If I had the opportunity I'd tell her just how much I love her, how I'm so thankful for all the sacrifices she made for me. In fact, I'm not sure I could ever tell her enough. Some days I wake up and it still doesn't feel real. Others, I panic trying to remember exactly how she sounded. Because, I don't want to forget. I don't want to forget a single characteristic about her. Not one. Take time, not just on holidays, or special occasions to be with your mom.
Even if it's just you two piled up watching reruns of "The Little House on the Prairie", soak it in. You only get one momma. Nobody could ever take her place. She's your rock. 3. Candy Canes Photo by on Candy Canes! The holiday season absolute most iconic and popular item! Not only can you hang Christmas trees, eat them, hang them around a house, gift them, or use them for holiday spirit, they bring joy to everyone. Christmas is a special time for everyone, young and old.
The season is meant for giving, extra love, support for family and others, as well as it being a time to be selfless. So, what will you decorate with?
By: Amanda Stovall - Updated April 27, 2015 American dating culture has a long, storied history that is closely related to the history of marriage in America. The first American dating traditions were brought to the continent from the countries of the immigrants origins who came ashore here. Because of this, America's dating culture has become a a conglomeration of cultures, customs, traditions, and evolving expectations with the only predictable element remaining 'change.' When the Puritans set up camp in North America, they also established rigorous religious moral expectations.
These expectations encompassed all aspects of life, including courtship and marriage. Marriage between a man and a woman was not seen as an emotional connection, but a business deal, where a man brought wealth and security to his wife, and a woman brought a dowry and the ability to bear children. Negotiations between parents took place that took into consideration monetary wealth and social status, with little input from the marriageable parties.
In the 1700s, a couple's union was still staunchly guarded by parents, but beginning in the 1800s, young men and women began to have more autonomy in their choices for a mate. Love became a larger concern in a pairing, with letters and courtship shared between lovers considering marriage with each other.
In the 1920s, with dancing growing as a social activity, youth able to spend time together without their parents, and the growth in popularity and availability of the automobile, American courtship began to see a drastic change. Lovers had the opportunity to spend time alone with other singles their own age, and could go on dates with multiple people until they found someone to see exclusively.
Exclusive couples often shared letter jackets and rings with the expectation that the relationship would lead to marriage. As couples began to date younger, starting in junior high and high school, the age of marriage dropped to the late teens and early twenties, with many couples marrying before a husband, or a husband and wife, began university studies.
After WWII, there was a flood of marriages as service men returned from overseas and quickly found sweethearts, new or old, and proposed. The wave of feminism in the 1960s began to change the face of American dating culture drastically. Prior to the feminist movement, women and men who did not get married could be viewed as pitiable, or possibly flawed, prompting men and women to date and marry quickly. As women began to skirt traditional roles of housewifery in favor of college, employment, and independent living, dating became prolonged and marriage delayed.
Sexual freedom also gained prominence, with traditional dating traded for shorter, casual encounters. Modern American dating is a product of the precedents set by the past. With many different religious traditions, personal ethics, and other guiding principles shaping the way different subsets of American date, there is not one way to sum up modern dating culture.
Sexual promiscuity has remained prominent, as well as problem for many girls, specifically teenagers, who find themselves pregnant and in a difficult position to support themselves and their child.
Conservative religious groups have risen partly as a backlash to these trends, stressing abstinence and prolonged courtship strictly intended for marriage. The majority of American couples have abandoned the full dating of rigors, favoring instead to date members of their group of friends, engaging in short dates over coffee or drinks, as opposed to previous traditions of long, evening dinner dates.
The digital age of dating has ushered in dating websites, matchmaking tools, and personality assessments to help couples find each other in an era that often lends itself to feelings of disconnect and isolation. While many people, especially women, will act ashamed of having met a date on the Internet through an online dating service, the rapid growth of dating websites demonstrates that they are in high demand, whether or not people are willing to talk about it in public.
Digital dating allows singles to read profiles, view pictures, and compare personality traits before deciding if they'd like to talk with someone or meet them. Whether or not these sights will lead to an increase in successful dates, and subsequently marriages, remains to be studied.
Dating in America: "The Rules": A guide for newbies to the USA