Bonos: Why do men have trouble committing to women who seem to be the whole package, or as you call them: the End Goal? Birch: Women who are “End Goals” are those who really have their lives together; it might be the partnership that these men ultimately want, but they’re just not there yet, so they can’t commit. I wanted to reassure women that if they were having these problems, not to get a complex about it. Just wait until they find an investment they really want to make or someone who is special Birch: I had an ex-boyfriend tell me that I was so sure of myself that I was going to scare guys. I’ve also had situations where, on first dates, men will say things like: “I can’t have a girlfriend right now.” They might be thinking about moving, going to grad school or taking a job out of state.
By the time you reach your 30s, many of your friends will have paired off. Some will even have children. And while family life certainly has its merits, not everyone is ready for it at the same time—if ever. Whether you’re happy to stay single or are looking forward to eventually meeting your match, here’s what’s truly amazing about being independent during this time in your life. And for more great relationship advice, here are the More Time to Focus on Your Career In your 30s, “you have a better perception of who you are than you did when you were in your 20s,” says Rori Sassoon, CEO of VIP matchmaking service .
That means you’re probably pretty clear on what you want career-wise, and being single ensures you have the time to put work in toward your goals. “This is a great time to build your empire without the time commitments that come with a relationship.” And for some great advice to help you out, here are the No More Drama Unless you’re the one bringing it—which is another issue entirely.
“Men and women in their 30s have done a lot of growing up,” points out James Anderson, dating expert at . “They are more mature and less tolerant of the drama that many people in their 20’s enjoy and even thrive on. This creates a dating environment that is more relaxed and enjoyable with fewer games.” And if you’re hot on the dating scene, know the You Can Focus on Your Friends and Family “Often times, people get into relationships and start to neglect other people who play important roles in their lives,” points out , a licensed professional counselor at Clarity Clinic in Chicago.
When you’re single, you can use your time to invest in close relationships and develop even stronger ties with them. Or, focus on broadening your horizons: “Use this time to meet new people and socialize with a variety of different individuals.” And for more on family life, here are the Your Home Is Truly Yours “You can take command of your own space,” says , a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.
There’s definitely something to be said for not having to compromise on what your apartment or house looks like. “You get to keep your living space however you want. Whether it’s immaculate or a mess, it’s yours and you don’t have to think about the needs of any one else in your safe space.” Plus, your home is completely judgment-free zone. Want to wear sweats all day? No one will ever know. For some killer home decorating tips, check out these . Your Confidence Is at An All-Time High “It’s common in your 20s to be a little unsure of yourself,” says Vikki Ziegler, celebrity divorce attorney, relationship expert, and author of .
“But when you enter your 30s, you regain momentum in your ability to exude confidence about decision-making in your life.” The self-assured attitude applies to dating, but also other crucial areas like setting boundaries with friends and family, getting what you want at work, and making lifestyle choices like where you want to live.
And for great ways to send your confidence levels through the roof, here are You Can Differentiate Between Sex and Love This skill—often developed with age—saves you a lot of time and energy. “In our thirties, we are less impulsive and less driven by sex,” says , relationship coach, life coach, and founder of With Enthusiasm.
That doesn’t mean you’re not interested in sex, but you now have the ability to appreciate a fun, no-strings-attached relationship in a way you maybe couldn’t in your 20s. You’re Less Reckless If you got yourself into some sticky situations dating in your 20s, you’re not alone.
“Being single in your 20s can be a bit dangerous, as we tend to have that ‘YOLO’ mentality,” says , an online dating consultant. “However, in your 30s you are a bit less likely to indulge in risky behavior, such as drug use and unsafe sex.” There’s Time For A Life Outside Work “Let’s face it, relationships require individuals to invest a lot of time and energy in them and make it harder engage in leisure activities,” says Carl.
“When you’re single, you have more free time to put into your hobbies and self care activities. Eating healthier, working out, taking fitness classes, or even picking up an artistic activity such as painting could be done because your schedule isn’t so cramped.” You Know Which Red Flags to Look For By the time you hit 30, “your BS meter has maxed out,” says Allison Perez, a relationship expert and love coach.
“You’ve identified the red flags and you see them coming from a mile away.” If you do want to date, now’s the perfect time to put all the dating lessons you learned in your 20s into practice. And if you’re on dating apps, you’re probably aware of the Alone Time Isn’t Scary Anymore Some people love alone time no matter their age, but many don’t learn to appreciate it until their 30s.
When you’re single, you have the freedom to get more of it. “You thrive on self-care and time to get to know yourself better,” Ziegler says. FOMO is a thing of the past: “You can sit home with a book and a glass of wine on a Friday night and be 100 percent comfortable with that decision.” You’re Free to Meet New People Of course, you can meet new people while in a relationship, but it can be easier to get out and about when you’re flying solo. “You make the most amazing friendships in your 30s,” says , LMFTA, a relationship counselor.
“You find your tribe, your people. Those that get you and you relate to, outside the context of a romantic relationship or ‘couple identity.’” You Can Travel Anywhere, Anytime While your friends might be spending all of their time raising their young children, you can do literally whatever you want in your off-time.
“No longer a broke 20-something, you can go to Dubai or Accra or Seoul and have the time of your life,” Watson says. And when you’re single, you can pick any destination you want without consulting anyone else first. If you’re considering a trip soon, check out the Dates Don’t Have to Be Cheap Speaking of money… Gone are the days of trying to figure out the cheapest possible date ideas. “You can date at your leisure and get to go to places that are way more interesting because you and the people you are dating have the money to do it,” Watson notes.
Chances are, you can splurge on a nice dinner, amazing cocktails, or theater tickets if you decide you really want to impress someone. And since you only have to spend money on yourself, you’re probably better off financially than those who have a spouse and children to support. Chances are you also know the You’re More Likely to Make Choices That Actually Make Sense for You “You don’t have any obligations and restrictions when having to consider a partner’s desire,” Carl points out.
“Having the liberty to make decisions without having interference from a partner can lead you to making self-defining and spontaneous choices.” Think: moving to another country for work, buying a house because you love it, or ditching a friend group that’s no longer working for you.
You’re Not Going to Encounter Ghosting Like You Used To “By the time you hit 30, you will have most likely experienced heartbreak and pain a few times,” Karyn points out. “And, because of this recently-collected wisdom, you will be able to enter the dating scene with sensitivity and class.” If you’re dating people the same age, you’ll likely find they’re also kinder than than the people you dated in your 20s.
You Care Less About What Other People Think Sure, it’s still annoying when your parents nag you about why you’re not married yet, but you’re less likely to take it to heart now. “Being single in your 30s is often seen as a consolation prize instead of the amazing experience that it can truly be,” says , a relationship expert and coach.
But those who experience it learn that it’s actually pretty fun—and that what other people think about your relationship status doesn’t matter.
“Gone are the days when the judgements of your peers sway your days and pull you into a tailspin.” You Understand Your Own Sexuality Whether you’re straight, gay, or somewhere in between, you probably have a handle on it by now. By your 30s, “you have recognized many of the negative messages you received about your sexuality and you’ve either shaken then or are working on shaking them,” Watson says.
“You re-grounding in who you are sexually and enjoying yourself more.” You’ve Had The Opportunity to Learn From Others’ Mistakes Everyone has that friend who got married in their 20s and then got divorced a year or two later. Yes, that could happen to anyone, but now that you’ve seen some of the things that can go wrong in a relationship and how that impacts a person, it’s less likely to happen to you.
You Can Spend Time Getting to Know Yourself This is something many people who couple up in their 20s never get the chance to do, and it often comes back to bite them later. “If you do not learn to really love you (first, and above anyone else), you will never truly be able to unconditionally love another, needing from them absolutely nothing in return,” Eldad explains.
“Our 30s are a beautiful time to practice this. As your career and social circles expand, so will your sense of self and your chance to really explore your most significant relationship: the one you have with YOU.
Get coaching, read books, and spend time cultivating you.” Plus, if and when the right person for you comes along, you’ll know exactly how to spot them. Dating Gets Honest “Men and women in their 30s have a lot more going on in their lives and are much less inclined to waste your or their time,” Anderson says.
“As a result, dating is a lot more direct. Your partners will be more upfront with what they are looking for in a relationship, casual or serious, and that alleviates a lot of the stress of dating.” You’ve Probably Worked Out Issues Holding You Back Or you’re in the process of doing so. “We all have scars from childhood—it’s a fact—but most don’t conquer them,” Ziegler says. “In your 30s, you might be in therapy or know that you need to be single and work on your past to make your future life bright.
It’s truly empowering and invigorating to conquer your childhood fears and stand tall and proud of where you come from and who you are becoming without a partner attached to you.
That is the true sign of growth and empowerment.” Kids Are Still An Option “If you are dating still in your 30s, the possibility of having kids is still on the table,” says Michela Hattabaugh, a matchmaker with in Chicago. “While some people never feel a strong desire to do this, that can potentially change once you find a partner who you want to spend the rest of your life with, so it is nice to still have that option.
While having kids in your early 40s can still be possible, it’s nice to be in your 30s and not feel the impending pressure of racing against the clock.” You Know How to Say ‘No’ Never underestimate the power of ‘no.’ “By your thirties, you have amassed a body of life experience, including a heartbreak or two,” Eldad says.
“All this living has gotten you real clear about what you don’t want.” When you’re totally clear on things you don’t want to do, it makes saying ‘no’ to people, favors, and experiences you’re not interested in a whole lot easier.
“And you know what’s awesome about knowing what you don’t want? It clarifies for you what you DO want.” Better Sleep shows that single people sleep more than those who are coupled up. Getting a good night’s sleep means you go into each and every day with a leg up on those who have another person’s sleep schedule and habits to deal with.
That’s what we’d call a win. For more on getting your best sleep, check out how . To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, to sign up for our FREE daily newsletter!
best why dating is so hard in your 30s - NYC Dating Coach
Flirting & foreplay are the keys to keeping any man interested — download these for FREE and I’ll show you how YOU can be the ONLY woman he desires! Dear Women of the world! I want to share something with you today. For those of you who are in your 20’s, I love you. You’re open and raw. You believe in love. You’re cool to hang with, and you’re not so guarded with your emotions. That’s one of the keys to finding love. So why is dating so hard? Read on and I’ll explain.
I was having a long talk today with members of my team. We were talking about why dating is such hard work for so many people. Sometimes dating feels as difficult as balancing the budget of the U.S Government. I remember in my teens and 20’s it was so different.
Boy meets girl. Girl is cool and fun, open and explorative. Boy pursues girl. She’s not playing for keeps. She’s not uptight. She’s not nursing too many wounds from previous relationships. She’s not worrying about being married within a couple of years. She doesn’t think her life will be over if she doesn’t have children by next year.
She’s just open and in the moment. She’s not worrying about “why dating is so hard?” Boy is happy. They hang out. There are no rules or guidelines. Sex just seems to occur. Boy and girl notice they’re together 5 nights a week. They wonder how they got into this relationship. There’s no talk of exclusivity. There’s no talk of all the bad past relationships. There haven’t really been any past relationships. It’s all about having fun. They spend their time talking about what they’re going to become, what life is all about, and before you know it, they find themselves head over heels in love.
Ah, the 20’s are so beautiful aren’t they? They’re so innocent and raw. If you’re in your 20’s right now, I’m sending you a big hug and kiss, and telling you to try not to change your attitude to life and love. All of you in your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and above reading this… You’re exhausting! It’s so much work trying to get to know you. There are so many hoops to jump through, and walls to climb over. I feel like I’m walking through security in a U.S airport when the threat of terrorism is high.
I feel like you’re frisking me, and checking my suitcase for a weapon. I feel like you’re judging and evaluating everything I say. Why is it so hard to connect with you on a deep level? Do you really want to know why dating is so hard for you? The Real Reason Dating Is So Hard… Dating is hard because when a woman hits 30 something happens to her mindset.
Everything changes for women at 30. Suddenly you’re playing for keeps and it all becomes too serious for you. You’re not as funny as you used to be. You’re not as open as you used to be. Most your past relationships still haunt you. You’re scared to give guys a chance.
You give a guy your phone number and suddenly all hell breaks loose. It’s madness. What happened to boy and girl falling in love without all the hassle? Now it’s boy meets girl, boy texts girl.
Girl decides when she should . Boy calls girl. Girl doesn’t call back because someone told her to act busy. Boy goes cold. Girl wonders why. Girl feels like another man is treating her badly. It’s all over. Screw the rules. Forget everything you ever heard about acting busy and unavailable. . Stop trying to second-guess what he’s thinking. Stop comparing men to other men.
Stop getting dating advice from your friends. Stop worrying about every move you make in a relationship. There isn’t the perfect time to sleep with a man.
There isn’t the right time to text a man. Take the pressure off yourself and stop making dating so serious. Get out of your head, and back into your heart. It should be so simple. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Boy and girl are open. They want to explore each other. They fall in love. Go back to when you were 20 or younger. You were so much more open. You believed your prince was out there. Forget about your dating history. Learn the lessons and move on. If you feel any attraction to a man, act on it.
Stop overthinking everything. It should be easy. We’re not trying to balance the U.S budget. So the next time you meet “boy” remember what it was like when you were young, open, vulnerable, and ready to be the little mermaid.
If you’ve not seen the movie “The Little Mermaid” or you’ve forgotten how sweet and open to the possibilities of life Ariel is, go watch it. You could learn a thing or two! About About David 1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.
I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever.
One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything. Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place. Recommended for You: Andrew, you are in your mid 20's. You are NOT OLD. I am nearly 50, and this blog post hits home. Yes, it's hard to date when you have a lot baggage to deal with.
I've managed to get my baggage down to a carry on...and i am working hard to be open, honest and raw in my relationships. Just trying to temper it with a little wisdom, that's all. What happens if you don't find anyone INTERESTING enough to date? I know what I want, and it's in line with what I have to offer. I'm not settling. I've dated more since I separated than in my entire pre-marriage existence (WAY more). It was almost like my post-separation job; something I needed to get out of my system for lack of experience.
I'm in sales; I can talk for hours to a fire hydrant and have a decent enough time, but I'm sure not dating it. I'm happy and busy with a career, teenage kids, pets, friends, hobbies, etc. I'm not going to waste my time dating someone who doesn't float my boat.
I have been talking to a couple of interesting guys down south; maybe I'll be more simpatico with that crowd. The pickins are slim up here in Yankee country. Woof. I hope David also realizes that men come with a lot of baggage after a certain age, too. How many times have I gone out with someone only to end up hearing about their ex-girlfirend or ex-wife and how they are "hosing" them for child support or alimony? I don't date anybody who isn't emotionally ready to be in another relationship.
Yes, it should be easy, but men make it hard sometimes, too. Pam, That is an excellent point. I've read that men are far more likely to immediately jump into another relationship after being dumped than women, who tend to rehash the relationship over and over with friends.
Women, I think, are also more inclined to get help, such therapy, after a particularly devastating break-up. I have dated guys who were still seething with anger about their ex, or emotionally broken toys. Maybe that's why I don't find them interesting!
Exes aren't exactly a fun topic of discussion. I avoid guys like that like the plague now, and like you, one of my first instincts is to seek emotional readiness in a man I might date. Very true, Caroline. I've mentioned that myself on previous threads--women will usually take some time at the end of a relationship to get their bearings back and get over it. Men immediately jump into it without a second thought. I suspect it's because men in general can't handle being single/alone as well as women can.
We usually have a support system of female friends to fall back on. Anyways, I hope you fair better down south than in New England--as a lifelong Bostonian, I can second that the pickings can be slim up here...and also, the majority of men in the Meetup groups that I have met are WEIRD.
One of my friends had to deal with one recently who made a simple dinner event difficult for her (she had made reservations and posted the info, he called the restaurant and made his own reservations then called her to say she never made them and he basically was saving the day.) He left the group but not before hitting on several women at the dinner and grossing them out. What a freak. This was a man in his 60s who should have known better... Yeah, I've dated a couple of "emotionally unavailable" guys myself.
As soon as I start hearing them trash the ex, I get very cautious. These are the guys who are usually just after sex because that's the only way they can "relate" to a woman when they are still hung up on another woman. The occasional "my ex is a bi**h" I can let go. That's perfectly normal. I do it myself about my ex. But, I usually will tell a funny story or mention something he and I did that I enjoyed...you know...positive stuff.
They are are an ex for many reasons... no need to get into the WHYS on the first or second date. Well, the South ain't exactly bursting with great men, either Collen. I have a three hour travel radius which does include a couple of larger metropolitan areas. That has increased the pool of available men for me.
But, then again, I'm a blue dot in a very red state... so I may do better in the Northeast myself, Colleen... Socially awkward and weird guys are everywhere. But yeah, that dude you mentioned takes the cake. Wow. That is really odd. It may be a coastal population thing. From what I've heard, Colorado and the surrounding states have way more men than women.
A friend's friend was single until she moved to Colorado and was married within a couple of years. Another friend's son lived and worked for the ski industry in Wyoming and had a hard time meeting women.
He was young and cute, too. A couple of weeks ago, I got an email about a new meetup group called "I want to have kids now - Dad does most of the childrearing." The guy who organized it was retirement age, obese, very unattractive and it was clear he started the group to attract a younger wife of childbearing age. He only succeeded in attracting one member, a young guy. And the events he posted were to meet at a Williams Sonoma store, wear red, and ask "meetup?" OMG...LMAO. I feel badly for any unsuspecting customers who happened to be wearing red in that store that day.
Anyways, I clicked on the group page to other day to see if it had attracted any other members...and he has left his own group! The page said it would be shut down unless a new organizer took it over. My guess is someone saw it and thought it sounded suspicious and reported it to meetup, or he got embarrassed. But he's now out $72 which is what meetup charges organizers to run a group for 6 months. But it doesn't end there. He has now joined all of the co-ed groups that I belong to!
And introduced himself as "62 and newly single." GAH. I suspect I'll be seeing/hearing about him causing trouble within these groups, which make it clear they don't like men pestering the female members for a date unless the feeling is mutual.
Great article, Elizabeth. I'm very old fashioned and love speaking on the phone and hearing someone's voice, so that resonated with me. I automatically deleted anyone from OKCupid who couldn't write beyond a short sentence. I wouldn't even view their profile. If you ladies want a laugh, check out this Instagram page that a former coworker told me about this morning...this girl was/is using the dating app Tinder (well, it's really a hook up app for younger men looking for someone to shag) and she got her revenge on all of the losers who sent her disgusting texts....
https://instagram.com/instagranniepants OMG! That is hilarious! My very young friend suggested that I try Tinder. I was on for about 20 minutes before it become apparent to me that it was a hook-up site.
Gross. As far as geography goes, I'm moving to Charleston because I want to live in Charleston. I'm not going to pick an area of the country that doesn't fit me just to find a guy.
I'm about as picky about where I'm willing to live as I am about choosing men, so I'll go for the place that will increase my overall QOL, and if a guy with whom I click comes along, that's just icing on the cake. :) OMG, Pam. These are priceless! Like Colleen, I was on Tinder for about 20 minutes when I realized it actually was. YUK! And, yeah, I can see why these dudes are online looking for hookups.
What bunch of idiots. @Colleen: Charleston is gorgeous. With HIlton Head, all the beaches, as well as Columbia and Savannah not too far away, you should enjoy the area. @Elizabeth, great article! I follow Digital Romance too. (In fact, that blog was where I discovered DW; he had a post on there.) I just had not checked out it out today. I'm prepping for a job interview tomorrow, so my brain has been on other things this morning...
Good luck with the job interview, Laura! I've recently decided that I'm done looking for love--love is going to have find me. Like Colleen, I know what I want, I'm not willing to settle, and I'm enjoying my life..the man will a bonus. If I'm still looking for work this summer, I'm going to make the most of the season the best I can! yup and women usually prefer meeting men through their social circle, mutual friends, at private parties, or social gatherings more so than the other way around, people always argue and advise men that they can meet women anywhere, but obviously women are gonna have their guard up if you approach them in a place such as the mall or grocery store I just saw that the article was written by Dina Robinson.
I followed her for a while because she talks a lot about using the law of attraction in dating (case in point she instructs writing in a journal in that very article how you would like the process to go.) The reason I stopped following her is because she was beating the "you MUST have an online dating profile" mantra daily on her social media channels as if it was the ONLY way to meet somebody. She met her husband online (and claims she didn't have sex with him until their honeymoon night and was advocating it for other women...I know there was a discussion on here before about how important it is to get intimate at some point before marrying the person.) It annoyed me because the law of attraction talks a lot about letting go off "how" something will come about...there's tons of ways you can meet the ideal partner, not just online...and it's not a one-size-fits-all way to meet somebody.
Some people might feel it in their gut that they should go online, others will hear their intuition telling them to try a new store or join a group, etc.
And often, what you want will come to you very easily and won't feel like work and spinning your wheels...online dating is always exhausting for me. But, I did enjoy this Digital Romance piece. At least she is saying women need to have standards when doing online dating. Interesting. I may have to check her out but I agree with your concern about her online dating focus. I know people who have met their one and only's online, but I have never met anyone online that amounted to even a lasting friendship, nice though they were sometimes.
The digital dating removes important human elements of non verbal communication and attraction. Too often my online experiences I have are just men shopping for a hook up so I don't think it is any better than the bar. It is nice to be able to learn about a person in a social setting before you ever consider dating them. Their body language and interactions with other people tell so much more than any online profile or photo can tell.
Susan, I met the man I have been dating online... and we seem to be a perfect match for each other. Granted, a lot of the men on the sites are only looking for sex...and any woman who online dates is hyper aware of it. But, online dating should only be one tool in your dating toolbox.
Online dating is a way to meet people... not a way to "date" I think older people (we are both in our 50's) actually know to date and conduct a "courtship." That's somehthing younger people don't know. They just know how to swipe left or right and ask to hook up.
That's not dating. When my boyfriend and I met, I was about to take down my profile and give it a rest for a few months. He had just been on the site for a week, when we started talking to each other. We really clicked on that firs date, and here we are seven months later...in love...meeting each others families and friends and (on my side at least) seeing a future with him.
It's possible if you are patient and don' lower your standards. Whenever I did that, I ended up on a date from hell... That is what resonated with me, Pam. I learned that lesson the hard way when I first started dating online. At first, I went out with just about any guy (within reason) who asked.
I had been out of the dating scene so long that I wanted to get my chops back. I began to get a little pickier... and I started to meet guys when I went out with my friends as well. I started to see online dating as one way to meet guys...not the only way. And, yes, I do think you need to be intimate with someone before marriage. You just don't know if you are compatible sexually if you don't.
I certainly don't want to marry a guy and then find out we just don't click physically. That is too important to the relationship to leave to chance. This is spot on. I dated until I was in my mid-30's.
Once I started dating women that were 30 years old or older, I felt like the dates were more interrogation than out to have a good time. I can't tell you how many times a woman would bring up something I said from the other day/week and had over-analyzed it to shreds and now was confronting me with it, needing an explanation.
I was in a relationship with a woman who told me almost weekly that she wants kids and the window is closing. I know how women have a set window for having kids, I don't need a daily reminder. What happened to just living in the moment and enjoying each others company?
You can be honest with each other and say if you are in this for the long term or are just casually dating, but there is no need to constantly bring up past experiences, your fertility or other things like this. This turns guys off. Unfortunately a lot of women who go with the flow and live in the moment find themselves still in that place 5 years later with someone who simply won't make a commitment and they spent all this time having fun while their eggs were wasting away.
It is really a big deal for a woman. Nature is unkind to us. We have to find our mate before we are ready to do so. If women are open and act on their emotions with a guy and just do what comes naturally, the guy runs!
Maybe it's just me, but any kind of pursuit of a guy makes him run. If I guy is interested he will pursue you, if he doesn't pursue you he is not interested, end of story. I have never pursued a guy and it work out, ever!
I wish it were that simple and one sided. But not all women "act" aloof and don't respond to guys, just time and education has shown that women who are nice and available often get taken advantage of by the guy with bad intentions, or ignored.
The problem women have who want a serious relationship (that has a chance of turning into marriage with children) is finding a man who is 1) sincerely interested in the same thing and not just paying lip service to it to get laid, 2) not chasing every other woman that shows promise, 3) not nurturing some unrealistic/unhealthy habits or fantasies about what having a serious relationship actually means, 4) is not secretly a great big unhappy mean abusive jerk and 5) addicted to something.
This works for both genders. I know that is a tall order, but too many times something on this list is one of the reasons why a woman is so cautious, especially when her child bearing years are entering twilight before she has a good grip on her career, finances and how to pick a good man.
Time is of the essence in that matter for a woman. A man has more time to get comfy. Now I have a good friend who is a very nice man and finally ready to get married and have children but can't find a young enough woman to take him seriously because all the young ones think he's too old and kind of icky. What they don't see is he was once hot enough to be a t.v. commercial actor, but age is unkind and now he just looks like a skinny balding old dude with glasses.
He has had a couple of engagements to mature women who are set in their careers and almost too old to get started having children, only to have them realize now that the possibility is finally real, they don't want any. He's a nice fellow but I'm done having children so... It seems profoundly difficult to connect two people who truly want the same thing at the same time, and are able to make that clear to one another.
The one thing I agree with is it is a lot easier to meet and connect with someone when you are in your 20's providing your partner is just as innocent and open as you. I met and dated quite a few sweet boys in their 20's who were more than 10 years away from being ready for anything serious and they knew it.
A young woman who is ready really freaks them out. Yet the most stable marriages I have ever seen started when both were in their 20's. The young girls generally pick up their damage from the older guys who know what to say to get that girls interest and sadly, only a few of them are actually sincere. The sincere ones are usually the least aggressive which is why they end up with problematic relationships with nightmare hot mess women. There is no easy button.
It would be nice if we all had a stamp on our forehead that had the number we match up with like on food containers and lids instead all these 1's trying to fit with a 2 and 4's on 3's. It would be nice if we could communicate better or have some sort of rules in society that didn't change every decade and with each new introduction of technology.
But there it is. So because we act like grown ups and try to make good decisions we're the bad guys? Guys with Peter Pan complexes are EXACTLY why we're so guarded. Life and reality is so much different for women in their thirties and up. We have so many more responsibilities.
Some of them because men won't handle theirs. How unfair this article is, bashing us for not playing Wendy to your Peter Pan! This is exactly why dating is so hard. Men are not men any more. They only care about what makes them feel good, and grownup women can't count on them. For anything!
And here you are not only defending that behavior, but bashing women for calling you on your shit. Puh-Lease! Start over and try again. This article is not helping women OR men. It's justification/excuses for why they should be allowed to be perpetual man-boys and not catch shit for it.
not true. #1 there are a ton of responsible guys and they ask for a date and get told that they are boring and about 5 years of trying they give up and say fuck it im gonna buy an xbox and just drop out #2 there is responsibility and then there is just overload and you women love to just think that a man is a walking lawnboy, billpayer, housebuyer, carbuyer, baby watcher.
it never ends. hears an idea just have the relationship be you and your man and then it doesnt get complicated OH WAIT GOT TO HAVE THE CHILD AT FUCKING 19!!!! GOT TO HAVE THE MORTGAGE PAYMENTS AT 25!!!! GOT TO DO EVERYTHING BY SOCIETIES STANDARDS AND PLEASE THE WORLD INSTEAD OF JUST LIVING WITHOUT CONSTANT PRESSURE!!!!
#3 guys are sick and tired of all the boredom and pressure you women want to live in. so no dont make men out to not be men just because they dont want their girlfriend turning into a cosmic killjoy and destroying every last vestige of fun THAT THE RELATIONSHIP WAS BUILT ON FROM THE BEGINNING!!!! This is so true! I'd rather go to the dentist or a job interview than go on a date with a woman past the age of 30.
It has become a horrible experience devoid of any enjoyment and every woman I've ever tried to talk about it with, in a kind an gentle manner, is totally closed minded and convinced it's all men's fault. So salty, bitter, and childish, it's really very unattractive. Sad state of affairs. God this feels like all my relationships and I'm a 23 year old male. Seems like every girl since high school was like this. They are never open and free going.
Which I could only dream of finding a girl like that. Willing to just see what happens with no strings and expectations. To meet a girl that just understands that life happens. And it's not the end of the world if it doesn't work out. Hang in bro. You seem like a "nice guy" which of course can work against you. A lot of girls are never satisfied. Make sure you keep your values straight and find a woman not a self centered immature girl. There are still some out there whose parents raised them to be ladies.
Look in places where ladies frequent and strike up a friendship first. Reject drama, control freaks and rudeness.
Today unfortunately most women nowadays are nothing like the real good old days when finding real love back then for the men that were very seriously looking had no trouble at all since it was a very different and much easier time for finding love which today unfortunately it is very difficult for many of us good serious men still looking. Women have changed which is why the dating scene now has become a real nightmare thanks to these kind of women today that are so horrible to date anyway.
Most women don't even have any respect for us men anymore when we will try to start a normal conversation with the one that will attract us which she will be very nasty to us and walk away. Well that certainly makes it very difficult for many of us men really looking for love and would really know how to treat a good woman with a lot of love and respect.
Doesn't it? Well i would certainly say so since many of us men now Aren't to blame at all since it is these type of women that are really to blame in the first place to begin with.
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When you’re in your 30s, potential partners have kids, exes, dogs and cats. They have their own houses, careers and such. They sort of have their own personal culture. They know where they like to go and when and what they like and don’t like. Don’t give up. I was in my 30s when I met my husband.
We’re together now and I’m in my 60s. It’s been mostly awesome. We both had kids, I had a huge dog, my own house and my kid hated the guy. We worked it out. In fact, the main reason we’re together now is that he always says, “Don’t worry about it baby, we’ll work it out.” Unfortunately some of the time when he says it he means, “Live with it.” but other times, he means “I won’t do that any more” or “I won’t do that anymore if you stop doing XXX” and it’s all been worth it.
My kid has called him “Dad” for around 20 years. They worked it out. As you get older you hopefully have mature and know what you want out of your life. We are living in an era where it's hard to find someone who meets your own standards. Some people are still trying to find themselves. Others are still behaving as if they are in their 20's and don't want to grow up for whatever reason.
The media gives us false information and false standards to live by. Depending on what you want can be hard. At 30 you expect a person to have a job that offer benefits such as 401 or a pension. You expect a person not to want to just play around and waste your time and effort. You may if not already want children. Do the other person have children if not why? Or if so how do they treat their children or child. How they treat their ex and what in their life time so far have to show what they have accomplish.
It's not the dating that is so hard . Because at 30 you still can find someone but is it the person you want who meet your needs and vice versa. It depends on what you what and you have to go where that criteria can be found.
It should never be rush. Sometimes in life we get what we want at an older age ( talking past 30) . But we should never rush into anything because the wrong person will block the right person from you.
Just take your time and enjoy your life and weed yourself from the ones that is not right for. The person will come at the right time in your life.
Dating Advice for Women in their 30's