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Dating a Jamaican man Hi everyone. I have just written a miniature eBook to help out American women It is based on many questions and concerns that I have been asked on my blog So please read this excerpt and if you like it you can purchase the complete version … Thanks so much and Jah bless. (update)This e-book is now called “Jamaican Men” (21 things about dating a Jamaican man) You can buy it on on amazon – Table of Contents • 2 Types of Jamaican Men • Are Rastafari Jamaican men allowed to date white women?
• The trend in Jamaica you need to know about • 6 Reasons women love Jamaican men • How do Jamaican men treat women? • My Jamaican man dominates in the bedroom. Why? • Help! My Jamaican boyfriend wants to get me pregnant?? • Do all Jamaican men like to fight and argue? • “Foreign Boopsy” • 15 Reasons Jamaican men Cheat • How to stop him from Cheating • 7 Reasons Jamaican men date white women • Dating a Rastafari Jamaican Man • mentally and Physically Abusive Jamaican men • Do all Jamaican men lie?
• Can you trust a Jamaican man? • 7 things to make a Jamaican man happy • Jamaican men and STDs • American Jamaican men • I want to go Back Home • If Jamaican men are so, bad why bother? “Jamaican Men;” 21 things about dating a Jamaican man Who I am My name is ‘Empress’ I am a Rastafari and Jamaican Culture Author, blogger, and Rasta Reggae music song writer.
My heritage is Jamaican, and I have been Rastafari from birth. I have written 3 books / e-books… • • • To purchase please visit ‘Dating a Jamaican man’ – Inspiration Dating a Jamaican man was inspired by many questions and comments I have received on my blog, Many American women have questions and concerns regarding dating a Jamaican man.
I wanted to create a concise and honest e-book that would address their most important questions and concerns. My hope is that women will feel that they have just had a window into the heart of the Jamaican man after reading this e-book. With pleasure, I present to you ‘Dating a Jamaican Man, 10 things American women need to know.’ Dating a Jamaican man – “Must Know” #1 7 Reasons women love Jamaican men?
• Jamaican men have a nice sexy Jamaican accent • Jamaican men make great lovers • Jamaican men tell women what they want to hear • Jamaican men are known to have the big bamboo • Jamaican men have a cool and interesting culture • Many Jamaican men have a dark smooth chocolate complexion Jamaican men and foreign women have a natural ability to meet and allure foreign women. They are very good at telling women what they want to hear, and they further capture a woman’s heart with their love-making skills.
Many foreign women who visit Jamaica, or who meet a Jamaican man in America, often fall head over heals in love with the Jamaican man, his sexy ways, and his culture, very quickly and very easily.
Dating a Jamaican man – “Must Know” #2 How do Jamaican men treat women? There is no definitive answer to this question. I cannot say ‘all Jamaican men treat all women in “such and such a manner” because that wouldn’t be accurate.
However I can give you the break down of factors that can affect how a Jamaican treats a woman. Does he respect the woman and her culture? Does he see her as being better than him in some way? Does he see her as someone who he would settle down with?
Does she understand his culture and his way of thinking? Does he think she is beautiful? Is he just using her? A Jamaican man can treat one woman like Gold and another woman, well….not so great; it all depends on many factors, going on in his heart, his mind, and his motivations at the time.
Dating a Jamaican man – “Must Know” #3 Jamaican man dominates in the bedroom. Why? If you are dating a Jamaican man and he dominates in the bedroom here are 2 reasons why he may be doing this… He thinks it’s what you want Many Jamaican men have a reputation of being great lovers.
They are known to last long in the bedroom and have the right equipment to do the job. Jamaican men feel they must maintain their reputation and live up to the expectations you may have of him as a woman. So, if you are dating a Jamaican man and he is dominating you in the bedroom, it’s probably because he thinks it’s what you want. Conditioned to be the best There once was a time when it was a rare thing for a Jamaican man to date women who were not Jamaican.
In other words the Jamaican man has been conditioned through his culture, that he should do a fantastic Job in the bedroom.
Jamaicans are conditioned from they are very young to be the best in all that they do – no exceptions in the bedroom! To a Jamaican man, doing a good Job in the bedroom, means taking the dominant role – Nothing more, nothing less. Buy the book how to date a Jamaican Man. Click here to buy the e-book (eBook) Want free Jamaican Dating for Everyone?
Check out this link and post a profile! I have a friend that met this man in Jamaica on a net dating site. In the beginning they problems… There was one instance where his baby mama took the phone called her bad names called fat, Humpty Dumpty and he never corrected the baby mama…. Christmas came she offer to send some clothing and toys from her kids closet and some new items, he in turn cussed her out.
Stating his kid don’t wear hand me downs… This same guy she used her mortgage note and income tax go over to marry him and prepare too come to the States… I want to tell her how dumb can you be…. Your the breadwinner now you’ll be the breadwinner when get over here. Like • You are correct. Dating a Jamaican man for about a year. Awesome guy, treats me like a queen.
His controlling factor started to easy in the relationship. Everything going great, a little controlling, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Because this is a long distance relationship (both live in florida – 150 miles apart) and just into a year of dating. I wanted to discuss the possibility of putting together a travel calendar for us, because we both can get busy at times. I was told that I was being pushee and he has stop communicating with me. So I am taking this as sign to move on.
Which could be a blessing. Like • Kind of what’s to be expected when you desperate females get with a guys 7, 10, 15, 20 years your junior. So why are you complaining about a guy whose acting his age??? If you’re a mother and you met him as single man that wasn’t a father. Then why is it you have no common sense as why he’s not being fatherly to your children??? That’s why you’ll never hear an older man speak of his younger woman as immature.
Even if she’s half his age. Why??? Because he’s man enough to know what comes with that territory. Are you women, women enough to come with yours??? Perhaps some of YOU females need to GROW UP and stop tryna be so immature and controlling. THEN get a man your own age. I mean, what’s so mature about whining and nagging, after all. Like • Kind of what’s to be expected if you get with a man 7 to 10 years your junior.
That’s why you’ll never hear an older man speak of his younger woman as immature. Even if she’s half his age. Perhaps some of YOU females need to GROW UP and stop tryna be so immature and controlling. THEN get a man your own age. I mean, what’s so mature about whining and nagging, after all. Like • I have been dating a Jamaican man for 2.5 years and we’re getting married in 2018. We met in Canada when he was here on a work permit and he treats me better than any other man I have ever dated.
Jamaican men get a bad rep because of a few “bad apples”. He’s currently in Jamaica, but is coming back in a few months and has never ONCE asked me for money. He even refuses if I offer when he is having cash flow issues. He’s a hard worker that takes pride in being a man and supporting his kids etc. He’s one of the best things in my life! Don’t lump all Jamaican men into one as you may miss out on an amazing man who will treat you like gold.
I can’t wait until we are married and start our lives together next year Like • I too plan on marrying the love of my life born & raised in Kingston in the fall god willing. The past 5 years I’ve submerged myself in Jamaican culture mainly b/c my best friend (originally my coworker) is Jamaican.
It started with new foods then clubs and parties then trips. I have 5 kids already and wasn’t even looking for love but my second vacation with her home I met her boyfriend’s nephew and fell madly in love on hellshire beach.
He’s never left the island and I’m 8 yrs his senior and he has 3 kids but he works everyday at a university as groundskeeper/ landscaper/ janitor and has a place in Allman Town.
We talk alll the time and when we don’t I worry b/c his babymama lives with him (although the says it’s for the kids). She doesn’t work or clean and he said they haven’t slept together in over 6 months!
I went through his phone & see he tell her do what she wants he doesn’t care. I try to be understanding of the situation as my child’s father pops up at my house and stayed whenever and we won’t sleeping together. Plus I know he wants to spend as much time with his kids as possible before he leaves. I met most of his family as many live in VA in we party together. I can honestly say he is first Jamaican I’ve ever been with&the last! We got matching tattoos on my last trip and I’m applying for k-1 visa.
But now I’m hearing all types of bad things like they use foreign women are abusive and cheaters. So I’m researching. If he wants to marry me, treats me like a queen, better than any man has ever done how do I know if it’s real or if he’s one of this badman?? Some say they tell u what u wanna hear and we say I love u a whole lot. Please comment! Like • Big up! I wish you all the best. I have a good Jamaican man too!
We are married and coming up on our 5th year anniversary in June. God could not have blessed me with a better man. You are right when you say “Don’t lump all Jamaican men into one” Because there are still some good ones out there. Good luck to you and your Jamaican man! Bless up. Like • I’ve been in a steady good relationship with one for 12 years and two children. All of a sudden he wants to have friends. I think the family look is messing up his style it doesnt look cool or something.
Alot of women throw themselves at him just because of his accent and where he’s from. Believe me it gets old and tired. Aint enough rice and peas in the world that would let me be dumb enough to stay with someone who don’t value and acknowledge me. I don’t care where he’s from or how hung he is. Men take care of their families and don’t leave the heavy burden on the woman especialls a RASTA MAN!! huh Like • I have been with a jamaican for 12 years in a good steady relationship had 2 children.
However,he started hanging with his single friends and now he wants to have female friends. I guess the family life is messing up his image. He is too cool or something. Alot of women throw themselves at him because of his accent and where he’s from. It gets old and tired believe me.
It’s not that much rice and peas in the world that would let me be in a relationship with someone who does not value or acknowledge me, that’s traumatic. I don’t care how low he’s hung or where he’s from. A man does not abandon his family and leave the heavy burden for the woman to carry. So called RASTA MAN at that..huhh! Like • Hi ndora, A friend once told me, when she was getting married, her Uncle told her, “leave your single girlfriends where they are.” I strongly disagreed with this advice, however; I understood the point her Uncle was making.
The life of a single person can seem so exciting as they can come and go as the please. Your husband must find balance within his friendships with single males, marriage and fatherhood.
As for him being friends with newly found female’s. No. If you are not part of the friendship, he shouldn’t be either. Like • When you have true friends that love you yes my Aunt Calla my girls my ride or dies.lol but you do have to be careful with those fake friends. I recently shared info with a co-worker who kept asking questions and.wanted to see pics. I did have a naughty pic from him. He later asked me did I allow anyone to see it because he got two comments from a strange # commenting on the pic saying it was nice, next comment that she wanted to be with him sexually.
I know who it was she was going to help with a background check on his # she denied it off course but I know she did it.So you do have to be careful but that clearly was a snake not a friend so I am glad she revealed herself. Hopefully this will help the next person. Everyone is not happy for you. Liked by • I met my Rastaman 2 months ago on a biz trip. We started out as friends and biz partners in Jamaica.
I live in the US but I’m of multiple ethnicities. I’m also a strict Rasta like him. Nothing physical happened between us while I was over there but just days after I returned to the US we realized that we have something special. I had actually taught him how to text for biz purposes while I was in Jamaica and we started utilizing the texting option for our long distance relationship until I return in 12 weeks.
The problem I’m having is that he is extremely busy with our biz over in Jamaica and he rarely texts. He did call me his queen and we talked and texted about sex. I once told him I loved him over the phone and he replied “me too.” but I’m still getting the feeling that he is holding back admitting to his feelings and he often doesn’t reply to my lovey texts at all.
When he replies at all it’s 1-4 words. He rarely texts at night which led me to get my feelings of mistrust or jealousy get the better of me and accuse him of having sex with other women. He was very upset and only on the next day told me that he has nobody after I apologized for my rant.
Now I feel like it’s going to take even longer to get him to say lovey things to me. I feel So frustrated over the lack of communication because of his sparse texting habits (which are so important in a long distance relationship).
I cry a lot these days and I feel heartbroken. Is this normal for a Jamaican, especially Rastanman? Or is he just playing games with me. He is 40 and I’m 46. Any advice I welcomed. Jana Like • Sistren, I feel your pain. I am a woman too. I don’t know what to say, because I don’t known the man.
Is it his faith? Is it the relationship? Is it because you two are not seeing each other? I do not know…Is it normal….every man is different depending…try to keep your self busy. Embrace your own faith. Perhaps some of the other ladies want to chime in. Blessed. Like • Greetings Sister; Thank you for your input.
Since my original post my King and I have not had any more issues. We have had many late night phone chats about the fact that he only learned how to text (and he doesnt use email or social media at all).
Our initial problems arise from his inexperience with the text communication and the language barrier. I have learned a lot during our calls and he has really picked up quick on the whole texting thing. I have also consulted Jah about our chances of a long-term union and he has shown me that this is true love…I’m moving in 9 weeks and my King is getting our place ready.
Thanks again and I wish you the best for your future. Blessed Love; Jana Like • I also was dating someone for about a year. He is not able to come back to the U.S. now from exile. He got in my mind and we would talk for hours video chat etc… then he started saying he needs money for food he is trying to get his business off the ground and off course wanted me to invest, til this day he begs me to come to Jamaica, he is beautiful to look @ but became very controlling in the end.
If I didn’t answer the phone on the first ring or if I needed to shower I needed to stay on the phone. I never got my passport because I felt I could not trust him with my life and my passport because of his controlling ways.
We made so many plans. In the end I found him on Facebook saying the same comments he was saying to me and failed to mention he was married!
Its been over for a little over a year now and today ask me to send a hundred dollars. I refused and got a angry text. He said that’s why I don’t have a Man.But I didn’t have one then and I still have my money in the bank. They are extremely romantic my ex husband never made me feel so special. But keeping it real it was all a scam. I don’t believe the entire culture is that way.
Just ask a lot of questions and whatch what they do for u and not what they say! That’s for all men. I hope no one will have this experience just use caution and stay away from Western Union lol.😀 Like • Dee Sheph, Lord, don’t I know it. Over a two year period my relationship with a Jamaican man cost me over $30,000 USD. I completely took loss of my senses. And threw caution to the wind.
No. I drowned my senses in the sea. My advice to foreign women. Do what Jamaican woman do. Most would never even consider managing a man financially. And guess what? He will still love her. Liked by • So true sounds like we dated the same guy. I feel so foolish for believing those sob stories I have just recently blocked his number because he still makes me think I mistreated him.My family warned me but I decided to trust him. I only lost a few hundred dollars, but my heart break was price less.
It is also affecting new relationships thinking everyone is out to use me.He was once so kind and sweet now the messages are very mean and distrespectul. I can’t just blame him because there were signs that I ignored.
Lesson learned. Trust your intuition! Like • Dear Sheph, I just wanted to give you some words of encouragement. I know that right now things feel pretty awful! Trust me, I have been there! I was in a 3 year relationship with my Jamaican boyfriend. The realization that it was all a joke is a hard pill to swallow. I was completely devastated when we broke up. It has been a couple of months now and I am doing so much better.
I prayed a lot and read self help books to give myself strength to carry on. Hold your head up high and know that you are not alone. So many women have been in the same predicament that we were in. It could have been worse…you could have been out of a lot more money and wasted more of your time. I have started dating and have met a really wonderful man. He treats me really nice and lives here in the states. I just want you to know that you will find love again and you deserve the best!
Keep your head up and love and pamper yourself! 🙂 Liked by • Thank you so much for the encouragement. Congratulations on your new healthy relationship it definitely gives me hope. I will not be satisfied with accepting crumbs when we all deserve that full loaf. It is great to hear positivity amongst us women thanks again ladies and stay blessed.
I know when God approves of my special man it will work he knows best. Much love. Dee. Like • Thanks great advice. I am learning to stand my ground and cut off any communication. I hope to one day find that special one. It’s not about the bedroom for me. I just have never felt so special by someone. I am learning to look in the mirror and love myself.
I still enjoy the company of a Jamaican man.I am sorry American men don’t compare. I just have to be more selective and do more listening than talking.
Liked by • Dee Sheph, I believe there is someone special for you. It may even be a Jamaican. There are plenty Jamaican men who uphold their honor and work earning their own keep. Many of them are professional, own bars, restaurant’s, small hotels and all other kinds of establishments. Just find one who can support himself without begging you.
All the best, Kim Like • Jamaican men are womanize. They will never never be satisfied with one woman. They lie to keep you. They don’t wanna lose one of there many woman. I just went throw everything you said. But we was sleeping together he made me happy for 2 month and I been crying for 2 month.
I had to realize he never cared for me only the sex. I had to walk away or let him keep hurting me. Liked by • I am sorry to hear that Sylvia. As a Jamaican man you didn’t deserve that but you must understand a Jamaican when him have more than one sex partners or women they are were hurt once and trying to full that hurt by becoming a Galis(have plenty woman) I know because I wasn’t a galis but that’s the past.
Be strong there r better Jamaican out there I can swear on that. A dat mi a seh Like • Many of the Jamaican men don’t like texting because they can’t spell correctly, so they keep it short and simple.
Even the one’s who are excellent with grammar act the same. They don’t like being tracked nor controlled or put into routine situations with women.
They like to be free and do as they please without any questions. They don’t answer most text messages because they are not going to allow you to force them into this habit forming behavior of knowing their every move and where about’s like a tracking device. They don’t like being questioned nor tied down. I’m an American but have caribbean background. I’ve been in 2 relationships in the past 16 years with a Jamaican man. You eventually adapt to their culture and that makes it hard to go back dating the American Man.
Eventually you become tuff and unemotional and don’t care to ask and don’t want anyone asking you many questions. That can be a good thing if you plan to continue dating a Jamaican or a bad thing.
You’ll soon become emotionally detached and just don’t give a damn. In Jamaica the man tell his woman mi soon come back and that can be from 6 am to midnight without contacting you and you better not say one word about being tired nor about their where about’s and get up and make sure the plate of food it hot and delicious.
Like • Lol well China your not accurate on that, some Jamaican like myself don’t like to write out text words and I can spell accurately. It’s just too much(lazy at times) . Some Jamaican men rather call than text like myself. And one more thing Miss China never compare other Jamaican men with one bad experience with a Jamaican man u been with.
It’s just bias and inaccurate. But I do understand where you coming from. Like • Thanks for the input Sis! We have since spoken on the phone, which in itself is challenging because my King speaks Patois exclusively (and fast), but I understand now that he is very busy being the only chef at his restaurant with very little outside help. He works 12 hours 6 days a week and on Sundays he goes up to our farm to cultivate the organic foods.
No spare time. I feel silly and ashamed for having doubted him. He was so sweet on the phone and told me that I’m his queen and to please understand why he is not texting much. He also told me that I worry too much and everything is gwan. I was never so much in love with anyone before. I’m sure we will have more challenges in our long distance relationship until my move in September but I just have to remember to give my king respect and trust.
Blessed Love Jana Like • Hi Jana, From what I am reading in your post it appears your insecurities are creeping up and out. Long distance relationships are challenging to say the least. And when you add insecurity to the mixture things will not go well.
Just relax and show him you can manage yourself well under the pressure of being separated. Like • Thanks, Kim. Indeed, long distance relationships are hard. My King and I have since talked for hours on the phone and he told me that he is very secretive about his feelings and didn’t want to admit them to himself and me at first but he has now told me that he loves me and that this will not change. His words were very reassuring and I no longer doubt him.
I thank JAH for revealing this man’s feelings for me to him and me. Give thanks and praises, only 11 weeks until my move to Jamaica. Bless up Sis Jana Like • Hello Ladies: Want to share something to get your thoughts and/or opinions. Would you consider the following a scam?
A Jamaican man who only has a travel visa comes to foreign via Miami with a return ticket back to JA. While in Miami, he decides to come to California on a one-way ticket with no return ticket or financial means to purchase said ticket.
He reaches out to my friend via social media, meets up with her and quickly engages a romantic relationship. After a few weeks, he ask her to buy a ticket back to Miami for him and his minor child and assures her she will be repaid after an event he’s helping to promote is finished.
She believes him and purchases two tickets. One for him the other for his child. Yet, she never gets the money back. When she questioned him about her money, he said, “the event did not make any money” So, exactly what is he saying? And who comes to foreign on a one-way ticket with no money or ticket to get back to Jamaica?
Thoughts? Liked by • Greetings Sis, It is very difficult to judge the situation by the post alone. If the man you described is a Rastaman I would say that he could be genuine and honest. The event may not have made any money. Life is hard in Jamaica. The fact that the man is replying to your friend is a positive sign. If he just wanted the tickets, he could have just disappeared.
Do you know if he made any future plans with your friend? Does your friend appear wealthy or rather average? If she’s not wealthy and the man still shows the same interest as he did in California, he probably is genuine. I don’t know, I’m just giving people the benefit of a doubt… JAH Rastafari.
Jana Like • Greetings SisStar, Thanks for replying. No he is not a Rastaman. And, she is not wealthy by American standards, however, she does earn a nice living which might be considered wealthy by Jamaican standards.
He asked her to purchase the tickets prior to the event and told her, “my manager will reimburse you after the event.” The event was held in California not Jamaica. My question to her was…if his manager was going to reimburse her after the event, he could have waited until after the event and just let his manager buy the tickets. When she finally decided to contact his manager to get her money, he asked her, “did I tell you, you would be reimbursed for airline tickets?” All she could say was no.
And that was the end of it. So what we have here is the Jamaican telling her she would be reimbursed for the tickets and his manager denying it was ever said. Either way she’s out of $800.00. Personally, I believe if this Jamaican was genuine, he would offer to make monthly installment payments to reimburse her.
This was not a gift or investment gone bad. It was a loan. He knew full well when he and his child arrived to California on One-Way tickets, they would have to get back to Florida where they already had return tickets for Jamaica. The story seems to always involve money when it comes to foreign women and Jamaican men. This was an $800.00 lesson I sincerely hope she never repeats. Love n light, kim Like • Ohhhhh! Now that sheds a different light on the story. The way you describe it now, I have to say that my gut feeling is that she was conned out of $800+ .
Sad to say, Sista. Has the man (not the manager) been in touch with your friend at all or has he tried to hide altogether (or evade questions about repayment)? The whole story sounds very shady to me now and it is sad that it’s giving Jamaican men a bad name (although the sad truth is that the financial struggle in Jamaica is real and its unsurprising that some people resort to these dishonest practices). Is your friend blindly in love with this man or is she beginning to realize that she was taken advantage of?
Best of luck to her. Give thanks and praises. Jana Like • Hi Jana, Please pardon me, for not being thoroughly detailed with the description.
Your gut and my gut agree. He evaded payment by saying, “the event didn’t make any money.” After speaking with his manager she blocked his phone number as well as social media access. But, she’s taking this really hard. Excessive drinking, crying, anger, depression and not eating. This situation is having a very negative impact on her self-esteem and self-confidence.
She’s feels dull-witted for not realizing when he asked that she purchase the tickets to return to Florida that he had come to California on a One-Way ticket. Had she stopped to think, she would have realized what was happening.
I appreciate your insight and will share it with her. Sometimes our friends need to hear an outside voice. One love, Kim Like • It’s truly sad that the devastating oppression in Jamaica has caused some of the people to use, cheat, scam, steal and hustle from others. The excessive dry begging is another sad situation and seems to be apart of the culture. I mistakenly fell in love with a Jamaican man and ended up truly heart broken.
I helped him get a visiting visa and assisted him with paying the fees. I helped him financially from time to time. Trust me 50 to 100 bucks her and there adds up. Not to mention topping his phone up on Digicel. I was wore out and becoming disenchanted with the whole thing. I figured once he visited I’d see once and for all how things could be if he were in the States.Well….to make a long story short.
We were completely elated when he got “thru” and was able to come to America. I should have known it would end up as it has because we were having problems anyway and the 3 year long distance relationship was becoming increasingly challenging.Once he got the visa I noticed a complete shift in his personality.
He wasn’t sharing any of his plans about when he would be visiting and was very distant. All he kept talking about was how he wanted to come over here to work. First of all, I tried to explain to him that it is illegal for him to work. He insisted he has friends who have come over and made a little money on the side. I waited patiently to see if he would let me know when he was coming but he kept saying he didn’t know.
We ended up getting into it about it and I was really pissed off about the whole thing. His mom helped him get the ticket and when she did we weren’t even talking.
We are back communicating but he is working in another state and says that he will “Do his best” to come and see me before he goes back to JA. I seriously doubt if he comes and I feel like a complete idiot because he used me and It’s my fault because I should have known better and had many signs that I ignored.
He was so charming and sweet in the beginning, to say he swept me off my feet is an understatement. I have had many opportunities to date other men but have tried to remain loyal to him. I have constantly tried to move on and it has been so difficult. I guess it’s because I gave in a sense more than I ever have in other relationships. Wow…I walk away with nothing and he has his Visa and a job which is why he wanted to come over here anyway.
We are completely disposable to them….I wonder if they even like foreign women at all. It seems as though I didn’t really mean nothing to him. He constantly complains about how much he hates it over here. I want to scream in the phone TAKE YO ASS BACK TO JAMAICA SINCE YOU HATE IT OVER HERE SO MUCH! He says he doesn’t like the system here and the people are rude.
I thought to myself…are you f**&in kidding me. Jamaica is beautiful but the system over there sucks and keeps the people starvin and enslaved. Not to mention they have to scam tourist and foreigners and do it all in stride because they feel we have it. HE IS SO UNGRATEFUL!! Liked by • Greetings SisStar Sarahyah. Sorry to hear you are in this circumstance. Not all Jamaican men are this way. Yes, many are but many are not. And trust me. A lot of Jamaican women don’t have it any better with their men than foreign women do.
Think about it. If a Jamaican woman had your man how would her life truly be? Great sex and endless attention will not pay rent, buy food, feed the baby or provide transportation. Jamaican women want the same things we want and they don’t want a man they have to manage(take care of). If their man can’t provide for the household they give them bun(cheat with a men who can give them some money). On the island they call men who can’t provide “wutherless” I think because we don’t live their day to day existence we idealize the relationship.
Sarahyah, you have to decide what is best for you and go with that. From what you describe this relationship seems to only bring pain to your life while depleting your finances.
Real love does not operate this way. Sure it’s possible to have a genuine relationship with a Jamaican man or Rasta, but he must be self-supporting. And there are plenty of Jamaican men and Rasta who support themselves.
The challenge is finding one. Like • Thanks for your encouragement. Even if things do not work out with us, I am still happy that he is able to work and make a decent amount of money over here before he returns to the JA. The way some of the people have to live over there really saddens me. My compassion is the reason why I helped out when I could.
I just don’t want anyone taking advantage of me. I am learning to accept that it may not work and know that I can move on and hold my head high. I have definitely learned a lesson as far as dating someone over there is concerned.. Blessings sistren Like • Greetings SisStar Sarahyah, I just wanted to send you my love and positive vibes.
I just have one suggestion to you. From my experience with my Rasta who is working his butt off in Jamaica right now, while I’m in California), he is somewhat introverted and didn’t want to discuss feelings. I’m the exact opposite and had to know how he feels. Now, I have the feeling that he trusts me (that I’m real) and he often texts sweat notes. Some men might be more reserved and this might feel like a rejection in a long distance relationship. In your case, I would really confront him to find out exactly where you stand.
Call him and ask him outright. You will get a vibe from his voice and reaction whether he is genuine or whether he was only after your money. The struggle in Jamaica is real and I have helped out my King by sending items he needs for his restaurant. He never asked me for money but you know how shipping costs add up. He is giving back by taking care of other things for me (I own a small farm and we are growing organic foods on it together). So it is more of a give and take like in a marriage. I hope that you will get the same kind of relationship if you love this man.
But you MUST ask for an honest answer and go from there. He may just be shy like my King was at first. Good luck. Bless up. Jana Like • Oh my….I’m now talking to a Jamaican who is in Miami. I met him on social media. He has a minor chileague. Says the mom passed away. He is to visit me in two weeks via plane.
I explain to him that he will need to get an hotel room. He says we will talk about it later today. Later today has come and gone. He leaves for Mexico tomorrow morning. On his way back he will fly here. He cannot stay with me because I have a roommate and she’s a minister. Is this guy trying to scam me. Does he think that I will pay for his room for 3 days.
Is this the same man? Like • Kim you’re right. Frank called yesterday morning. Always through Fb never his cell number (redflag). He stated that he need me to take care of his ten year old son who’s in South Africa while he was in mexico.I asked Frank how am I to do that when I have no contact info. Frank says don’t worry about that. That’s easy I will give you info when I get to Mexico. But the day prior he Said he was going to the country side of Mexico and would call me for 2 weekso no interception.
Anyway 8 to 9 hours later he message me and he said I made it. I just arrived. He then said he had sad news his 10 year old was sick and he needed $650.00 to be sent to his son Care taker. He didn’t take his money because it’s a business trip and company paying for everything. Plus he froze his account before he left didn’t want any transaction made. Ok now I’m thinking……he said that he will visit me when he leave Mexico.
I told him that he would have to get a hotel and could not stay with me. He said ok……so why would he leave his money if he knew he would need it when he came to m visit me. Just all lies. I finally message him and told him in detail that I knew.
I also told him that if he said anything nasty back to me I would contact the police. I told him that I knew that he wasn’t in Mexico. He said thank you…..that was it just thank you. I haven’t heard from him now in 15 hours…..Im laughing…really I am not dumb and I don’t give men money. Like • Thanks Kim for the tough love. I am so proud of myself! It has been over two weeks and I haven’t talked to him.
I am making steps in the right direction and although it hurts and it is really hard I know that it is the absolute best thing to do! I don’t want to continue to allow him to take advantage of me and receive my stuff, i.e.
money, time, love, care and concern. He has already gained so much when all I have is a broken heart. It has really been a powerful lesson. I had never experienced anything like this. The only reason I helped him as much as I did is because I felt so sorry for his living conditions.YOU CANNOT SAVE THEM!
When you are compassionate they simply see you as a fool. Like Maya Angelou said….when a person shows you who they are, believe them. I didn’t want to believe it and was blind to the truth. My eyes are now WIDE OPEN!!
Blessings sistren and much love! Like • Greeting ladies and Miss Kim I am delighted to see the encouragement you giving to these ladies and mi rate yuh vibes and how you lay it down but also misconception can cause problem.
Some of these ladies commenting I understand where you guys coming from and unuh(your) experiences but some of you ladies have a few misconception about Jamaican, like for example “Jamaican man love to have a lot of women and they are not loyal nor treats me right and only want money” well no not all Jamaican men and this can lead to other women agreeing to these statements that are not completely accurate making it look bad for us hard working Jamaican men who tends to make life better us and our families.
If your going to state something inaccurate before you do research and come back with statistics results regarding your statement. That’s all I am say you zemmi( Jamaican language) be good and continue doing what your doing Miss Kim.
:-)😊 Like • I have been with my Jamaican man for 3 years. We are mostly very happy he often talks of marriage. He’s close to my family and I am close to his. He has made many changes for me meaning the arguing and always feeling like he had to kinda take the leAd on everything.
But there is one thing we constantly argue about, FRIENDS. I hardly see my friends because we all are busy with life but whenever I want to see them he’s like your always with them whenever they ask you to go somewhere you just go. I could have went 2 months without seeing them and he would still say that.
All of the friends are females. Why is he jealous of females. I could say I going to lunch and he starts his rant. I’m so annoyed by that. He says he’s not jealous he doesn’t have trust issues but then what is it? One month he’s like sorry I shouldn’t act that way and the next he’s back to his rants. If your wondering if he goes out.. not often but more than me and all I ever say is okay where who you going with what time will you be back.
Someone help me! Like • I’m so glad I came across this blog! I have been going back and forth in my head – am I crazy or what? DWL. During a recent trip to a beautiful Jamaican resort, I met and talked with this young (26 year old) scuba instructor (I’m just a few years older).
We only talked for a few days, and we kissed. We exchanged numbers and he has been calling and texting me. Honestly, he’s cool and we are just talking like friends very cutesy/PG13. No harm, but I am a little embarrassed because I kind of like him! He has not asked me for money or anything — I go to Jamaica every year, so we talked about me coming back.
He suggested that I not stay at the resort but at a guest house instead, because it would be cheaper, I could stay longer and he could visit me. Because I know that often times Jamaican men prey on American women – my guard is up. And I am just waiting for him to say something crazy. So what are the signs I should look for — I like him, so I don’t want to get caught up in my feelings that I miss something.
I’m single and like the attention from him — but I know that this is not going to be a full-on-relationship, just having fun right now. But I don’t want to dumb bunny either. Like • I recommend you stay where you are comfortable since you are not a native.
Be very observant and cautious as you would with any stranger. He could be a good one but don’t get caught up in trying to solve problems for anyone. Take your time catching feelings. People will always reveal themselves we just have to believe them when they do rather what we want them to be.
Like • Hello, I have been dating a Rasta man for 5 years now and we have had our fair share of good and bad moments. My concerns of communication are definitely getting under way because he is so quite most of the time. Recently he has changed , it just seems like he his so angry and I don’t know what by.
I have tried talking about it and it is like breaking into Federal reserve bank (no entry). I am an American woman dating a Jamaican Rasta Man Help this Queen understand her King please. The love is strong still but the passion,spark and romantic aspects are dying slowly and I want to at least give it one more try before we decide to no longer be us.
Like • I ment my jamacian man 5 months ago . He was here working in the states. He returned to Ja In september and was to jave 2000 dollars when he returned to pay back people whom he borrowed money from to come here in the first place. He had a 1000 saved up. He said bad things were going to happen to him if he didn’t have the other half.
So i volunteered the other half through payments . I send him 170 dollars every 2 weeks. 100 for the people and 70 for him. I top his phone up and pay his wifi monthly. Supposed to be sending a box of stuff over worth 207 dollars. He has never bought anything for me but a bottle of water here and there. I would have to ask him to help me with gas. He does’nt ask me for anything but makes me feel bad. Im going over in January and plsn on staying until we come back together.
He said thats not a good idea. My gut is telling me he is using me to get his visa and come here but not for me and he is using me to make life easier on him over their.
Like • Dear Heart broken, “He doesn’t ask me for anything but makes me feel bad.” He should not be making you feel bad. Do you have any evidence he owes people money?
A lot of these Jamaican men “dry beg” They won’t ask you for money but have no problem detailing their supposed financial problems. He’s back in Jamaica, and you are in the States.
He could be using your money to date his Jamaican ooman. And trust this. He has a ooman somewhere who’s looking for money from him to maintain her. A person who truly loves and cares about you will NEVER manipulate you into doing anything that would cause you to feel bad.
Stop sending money and see how quickly he stops communicating with. Best regards, Kim Like • Hello, I stumbled on this blog, and am seeking guidance, cause you all seem so much more knowledgeable about Jamaican men than me. I’m an American black woman (parents are Jamaican) in my late 40’s involved with a Jamaican man (also late 40’s) for 8 months now.
NEVER dated one before, because my Dad always told me to stay away from them because they are womanizers, LOL. We met at my apartment pool where he was working. When we met, I asked all the questions – any wife, girlfriend, kids, etc… I was told he was in the process of ending a 5 year relationship, was not involved with anyone else, etc.
I was not even that interested in him at first, and went out with him at the urging of my family and friends. Well, it was like electricity.The chemistry we have is amazing. We talked all the time, saw each other often, and did not become intimate right away. Then he began becoming distant, disappearing for days with no contact. I would break it off, and he would pursue me. We fought constantly.
Yet, every time I would leave, he would call continuously, or show up at my house asking me to stay with him. He tells me he loves me often, and that I am in his heart. He compares me to his mother, saying I’m nurturing and protective and value family (he watched me at the pool with my granddaughter and thought she was my daughter, because of the way I doted on her. He says that is what first caught his eye about me.
He claims to have watched me for a year before he approached me). I’m independent, handle my business, and he says he admires that. He loves the way I carry myself, and tells me I’m a true lady. Now fast forward to now: 1. I finally found out (by finally investigating online, something I really should have done from the very beginning. I did look up criminal records at the start, but not social media.) that he is married (since 2010), to a white woman, with money. She helped him come into the country, and brought his teenage son over as well.
She is rather a large woman (over 300 pounds), average looking, 14 years younger than him, and seems to handle the finances. Everything is in her name, and she has paid for everything – condo, cars, insurance, etc. 2. When approached with this information, my Jamaican Man was shocked that I learned everything, yet spent more time trying to convince me to stay with him.
He admitted he was married, claims the marriage was to come into the country and that it was actually her idea. He met her here while on a work program and claims nothing was romantic between them initially. He had a wife in Jamaica, divorced her quickie-style, married this woman months later and they lived as roommates for some time.
He claims she started to want more, and wanted a true marriage and he had to oblige due to the situation. He also says that he would have never told me he was married, because he knew I would not have given him a second glance.
I asked him how he thought he could have gotten away with that and he said he did not think that far – all he knows is that I was in his heart and can’t let me go. He says he was not expecting this to happen at all between us. I asked him if he did not feel guilty fooling around on his wife, and he said no, because one situation does not affect the other, and he wants a life with me.
He is currently trying to get me to agree to a relationship with him, admitting he can’t give me 100% of his time, but wants me to let him know what will make me happy enough to let him stay in my life. I have yet to answer. 3. We do go out (he pays, always), I’ve now met friends, and he also has begun cooking Jamaican dishes for me – we have never cooked/eaten together before, ever. He plans to teach me how to prepare Jamaican dishes properly, and brought me back spices and other items from his trip to Jamaica this past Christmas.
He opens doors, pulls out chairs, and completely focuses on me. We talk about everything and anything, except his life with his wife. His brothers know I exist, but his mother and sister do not. He has also told his son about me and wants to introduce me to him. He has met my adult daughter (who showed up unexpectedly while we were talking about this issue), and told her he is not using me and that he loves me and does not see his life without me in it.
He said if he was not in his situation at home, that with me is were he would be. He again said he could not let me go, because now I am in his heart.
4. I’d like to add that I’m an attractive woman (I do get attention and approached by men), confident, independent, educated, and sociable. I like to think my self esteem is solid, because I don’t suffer from severe bouts of loneliness or desperation for a man. I never call him, except when I an returning a call that I missed. I have NEVER given this man money EVER, and he has never asked me for any.
He has mentioned in the past that he was trying to come up with money for this or that, but I always encourage him to keep trying and things will work out, and never offered him a dime. I would like to think that if he was looking for a woman to financially help him, he would turn to his wife (unless the well has run dry) or would have ran from me a long time ago and sought out another target.
I’d like to add that I do not conduct myself as a bus stop or convenience store – there are no late night visits, or drivebys with us – I made that very clear from the beginning, even before I found out his secret, and it does not happen.
I’d love someone to give me some insight on this. A man can find sex anywhere, so I can’t believe that is why he continually keeps seeking me out. When I break it off, he is relentless in trying to get me back. He’s been on his knees in my home, pleading with me to give him another chance. I always do…I love him. He’s right – if I had known his situation from the very beginning, I would not have given him a first or even second look.
Now that I am involved, it is harder to let go. When I say I’m going to move on and date other people, he loses his mind….seriously. The thought of me being with someone else drives him crazy, yet I’m supposed to be cool and accepting about his situation. He has said many times that until the last breath leaves his body, he is not letting me go, and I need to understand that Jamaican men don’t love easily, so this is a big deal to him. Please be as candid as you can – I wear big girl panties…I can take it.
Thanks. Like • Sarah, You asked for candid so here it goes. This man is a FRAULENT lying cheater who seeks to fulfill his own desires. He lied to you about his status, therefore manipulating you into a situation with him. He is married!!! So, he is not available to you or any other woman but his WIFE. This man has on INTERITY.
Point. Blank. And Period. Time for you to see the TRUTH and end all communication with him. Like • Hi. It’s Sarah.
I got out of this situation a couple of weeks after posting this. I deserve better and happy I got out early before any real damage was done. Can’t build something good on lies and deceit. I hope other women on this site pay attention to the signs, and trust their gut feelings. If something seems wrong, trust me, it is. I wish you all the best.
Like • I feel everyone’s pain😔! The Jamaican I met is much younger than me by 9 yrs. he is very charming….. As a matter of fact, just too damn charming so I know how he got me, he can get 20 other women as well.
my Jamaican man experience wasn’t as crucial by a long shot, as the forums I read, but the stereotype of this culture is spot on and relatable in a strong sense. Example: the arrogance, charm, and amazing bamboo is enough to entrap a woman if she is feeling a need for a companion that usually tells u all the things u want to hear! ( just too good to be true). Led me to finally wake up from being a fool. All I was looking for was someone to be true to me and value a relationship by communicating and spending more time so I wouldn’t feel like I’m being lied to with ongoing excuses of wk.
24 hours. There is a fine line between making time and making excuses. Good luck to all. I am still mentally drained cuz I cared so much for him. Just didn’t feel it coming back to me 100%😓. I’m moving on Like • Jamaican men are not all that. Bottom line, my guy is Jamaican and we argue alot. He thinks he knows it all, be is controlling, abusive at times and can treat me like crap when he is angry.
Then they turn around to apologize, only to blame you for there actions. The worst group of men are Jamaicans. I prefer Hispanics because at least they love there women being around them. I tried to break up with my guy but it’s even more drama!! In my opinion, Jamaicans are insecure and full of pride. They are just too much for American woman. It’s a burden, headache and a never ending battle. I stand up for myself, I will not allow a foreigner to run me. ( sad, I feel like he has made me hate all Jamaicans.) Like • I have to agree.
I used to have some fantasy in my head about Jamaican men. They are not that great. Its basically about how they were raised and what they “worship” most Jamaicans worship something.
Bring them closer to that, or be that…you have a great relationship. Thats life anyway. Blessed. Like • see alot of Jamaican men who live on the Island may originally start off as good loving men but where foreign women go wrong is thinking these men are poor & needy. First of all a man has to be a man and work because nothing is free in this life.
The Island has jobs for those who want to work so there is no excuse why many men prostitute themselves by thinking the cocky is sooo good a woman will provide for them financially. God knows I love me some Jamaican men til death but there is no way in hell I am a western union or bank of America! Instead build me a house there in Jamaica paid in full w my name on it then just maybe I’ll believe that it is not a relationship based out of financial convenience.
Also, if a Jamaican man is truly in-love with you as a foreigner he would not have to leave his country. The option should be open for his wife to go there and live. Because if the relationship is based off of love and not money he would still bust his ass in Jamaica to make sure his foreign Queen is provided for over there too.
The saying is for richer or poorer…. not for richer & richer at the expense of someone else. I am currently in a relationship with a Jamaican man but he knows what’s up because I don’t foot the bill for any abled body & working man.
And the minute he comes across with that same old line many give they need this and that I am sooo gone! Once they figure out you are no fool to their money schemes and ability to use good sex as a weapon they will have nothing but respect for you. And if they still stick around and are willing to go through the fire for you then perhaps that’s a good ass Jamaican man. 🙂 But in any relationship use common sense. And if something doesn’t feel right after awhile 9 times out of 10 they had hidden agendas’ Like • So I have been seeing this guy from Ja..Mobay for about 4 months now..I had met him on a dating site called interracial love.
So after 2 weeks on the site he said he had a confession…and it was he was using his brother profile because he wanted to make sure I was a woman ! So he asked was I still interested. I said yes and gave him a chance ! So he gave me his profile and we have been using the what’s app every since then. This was in June when I met him..so we talked every day all the time..it was great like luv instantly!
We had so much in common! & no sex yet… So in July I was coming back to JAMAICA to vist anyway but ended up spending all my days with him…he was amazing! The sex was the best I ever had !
Oh I forgot to mention that he lIves with his Baby momma ! He says that he wants to leave her.anyway I also find out he was dating a white girl about 300 pounds and he is really a handsome small guy..then he told me she paid for him a visa and many other things. Says they have been dating for 2 yrs… He has visited her in Maine and she still visit him there…but he claims that he’s going to leave her alone that he already told her before I came along.
Then I visited in August again it was great ! Untill he took me to his mom’s house in the country. And the baby mama was standing in the dark road waiting for him.. because she’s not allowed in his mom’s house. He walked right pass her…like she wasn’t even there! He didn’t tell me who she was right off top..but I knew. So I asked and he said yeah..so we were rushing walking to get to taxi in town. Man was I scared !!! He did apologize greatly he said he would never put me in harms way..he didn’t go home and he continued to stay with me untill my trip was over.
It was a good trip besides that incident..oh and I forgot to mention this time I payed for everything because he said he was short on money..because he didn’t work that week.
Now since I’ve been back…I have noticed that we talk everyday but it has been getting strange…saying that he doesn’t have credits ! Oh and I forgot to mention he tried to get me pregnant!!!🤔 Hes still with his baby momma claims he wants to leave but why didn’t he leave with the white woman… And yes he did ask me to buy some video games and he just told me he was depressed because of financial reasons! Oh and on Facebook the white girl has all there pics posted of them together.
But on his Facebook he has no pics of them at all posted together! ?🤔 Lol ! This man is really kind, humble and sweet…but for some reason I just don’t trust him ! Please any in site on this situation? Should I stay away from this man ? Like • Can you answer me please why would a rasta Jamaican man asks for anal sex.
I been dating him since last yr and I refuse to give in. I am very attractive,independent,and a mix black women.last week he bought food over and changing for the better. I love Caribbean men of their loving ways and culture.but,when it comes to love making Jamaican men are the best. I don’t know if it’s the love making or my rasta Jamaican man I love.at first we did things together he would chip in then I bought him things and I stopped.when he bought dinner over I was shocked!!
But anyway his daughter’s went to college and he is giving up his house in Jersey where he lives as he said with his uncle and aunt. I been to his home one time and NEVER met his daughter’s.whats going on he met my kids. Like • Hello Ladies, So my name is Kay and I have been dating my Jamaican man that I met online for 2 years.
With him things seem too perfect, we dated for a year and 11 months before we finally met in person this February. I wanted to take it slow and he completely understood that. We even got engaged on our one year anniversary which was in March of 2016 via Skype it was the sweetest thing he sent me a ring to my with a personal message that said LINK MI SKYPE BEFORE OPENING. Truth be told I was a bit uncertain about the relationship in the beginning because he’s a very attractive, tall, charming man and all I could keep thinking to myself was “I know he has women chasing behind him.” We actually went through a lot In the beginning, even broke up for an entire month but he always wanted to work things out with me and check on me daily because he swears he loves me beyond words and I absolutely do love him the same way!
He doesn’t have any children, I met his family and everything but as we all know that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. He is a very private person and from time to time he does post up photos on his whatsapp that we took together back in February. He even went through every photo and text that I had on my phone when I saw him in February as if he was looking for something and even though he gave me his phone so I could post things on his snapchat I didn’t snoop through his messages.
My question is and still remains the same why did he go through my phone? Oh and for those wondering, we are set to get married March 31st,2018 on our 3 year anniversary the K-1 visa has been approved! I honestly don’t have any doubts but I know two woman that married Jamaican men and once they got to the states the men started cheating.
On top of that I constantly hear horror stories about how Jamaican men use foreign woman and it always leaves me overthinking my situation….. Like • i am with a Jamaican have been for a year and half But we was talking twice before so i gave him another chance and this time its been the longest he lives in Flordia and iam in West Virginia but im so confused it was gone good till here lately we use to talk all the time on the phone and text and now i rarely hear from him its been like 3 days and i havent heard from nor will he answer my phone calls i dont understand cause we havent fought or anything .
i dont dont understand how a man can do a good woman that way after everything she has done for him and his kids Like Comment navigation Jamaican Beef Patty Recipe How to cook Jamaican Rice and Peas Rastafarian Rules Book Curried Carrot Soup 5 Rastafari Principles & Views about Money Your Rasta Name!!!! Categories • • • • • • • • • • • • Recent Posts • • • • • Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.
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best dating a jamaican woman long distance relationships - Why long
Most people say they’d never consider a long-distance relationship. But that’s usually before they don’t have a choice. (Hey, life’s full of curveballs.) And while we can all agree that LDRs aren’t ideal, they’re definitely not the end of the world—or even the death knell of your relationship.
In fact, with the right mindset, the right expectations, and the right pieces of long distance relationship advice, you can have an LDR that thrives and grows stronger over time. So read on, and keep the spark alive! And for more relationship advice, check out these . Set Clear Personal Boundaries One of the most important pieces of long distance relationship advice is to set boundaries. “First and foremost, you and your partner need to set some guidelines: what is acceptable, what isn’t,” says April Davis, relationship expert and Founder of .
You don’t need us to tell you that boundaries related to fidelity are important, but it turns out that personal boundaries play a huge role in relationships from afar, as well. “Long distance relationships fail because of a lack of trust and invasion of space, even if it’s just virtual space.” And for more on curbing your smartphone addiction, these are the . Pretend You’re Single Yup, for real. Aside from actually having a physical relationship with someone else, experts say you can pretty much behave however you want—kind of like when you were single.
“Do what you want,” recommends Gabriella I. Farkas M.D., Ph.D., founder of Pearl Behavioral Health & Medicine. “Rejoice in your life and your accomplishments. Post pictures and statuses on social media about how you are and what you have been doing. Spend time with friends.” Basically, enjoy your life! “The better you know and appreciate yourself, the better you can focus on knowing and appreciating your partner when you are together,” she says. And for more on making friends, .
Never Spend More Than Three Months Apart An important question everyone seeking long distance relationship advice asks is how long you can go without seeing your partner. “Ideally every three months is the minimum,” says , a dating coach and expert, although your timeframe can vary as long as you agree on it together. “This is so you don’t forget why you love that person in the first place, and get some sex. It will also allow you to see how they evolve as a person.” And for more on spending time with your significant other, see these .
Don’t Talk Every Day You might think talking every single day when you’re in an LDR is a must. The truth is, experts say it’s really not necessary and might actually be harmful to your relationship.
“You don’t need to be in constant communication,” Davis says. “Keep some of the mystery alive!” If you go a few days without talking to your S.O., you’ll have a more interesting conversation to look forward to in a few days. Plus, keeping tabs on another person and providing them with constant updates can get exhausting.
And for more on dating, see these . Know What Success Means In Your Relationship It’s hard to know whether things are going well in your long distance relationship if you don’t have a goal in mind.
Do you want to make it through a short period of separation? Eventually get married? Stay married even though your jobs are taking you to different locations? Having an idea of what success means to you and whether or not you’re getting closer to it is key when you’re trying to evaluate whether things are “working” or not. And for more on wedding bells, see these .
Don’t Rely on Technology Exclusively “In this age of electronic devices, you can connect more deeply with your partner by disconnecting,” notes , a celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert.
“Snail mail is underrated. Try sending a love note a spritz of your favorite cologne or perfume.” It’s one of the most touching pieces of long distance relationship advice. Flirt With Other People In a way that doesn’t escalate, of course. “This may sound risky, but harmless flirtation, like giving your barista a lingering smile or offering a compliment to a stranger can be good for your relationship as long as you’re respectful of yourself, your partner, and the third party,” says Dr.
, Astroglide’s resident sexologist. “You don’t have to shut down your sensual side just because you’re separated by distance. In fact, some of the happiest couples use extra-relational flirting as kindling to fuel their own flirtation, seduction, and sexual spark within the relationship.” And for more on flirting, see these Do Things Your Partner Doesn’t Enjoy Maybe you love shopping, going to the gym, and seeing movies, and your partner doesn’t like any of those things.
Why not take advantage of your time apart and do as many of those activities as you want? This is an excellent way to find a silver lining in your time away from each other, according to Dr. Farkas. Tell People about The Relationship If you’re wondering how to make long distance relationships work, you’ll have to come clean about the fact that you’re in one. “Most long distance relationships don’t seem as ‘real’ as in-person ones,” says , a certified counselor and relationship expert.
“Part of this is that there is still some stigma associated with them. To make it more normal, make sure everyone that matters to you locally (friends, family, and people who want to date you) knows that you’re in a long-distance relationship.” To be clear, you don’t have to talk about your S.O. all the time, but keeping them a secret or treating them as an afterthought is a quick way to ruin your relationship’s chances of succeeding, Bennett says.
And for more on friendship, see these . Make Sure You’re Not Being Catfished This mainly pertains to those who start their relationship from afar, but with online dating being more popular than ever, it’s important to mention. “There are some amazing long distance relationships, however, there are many people who pretend to be someone they are not,” says Kiaundra Jackson, LMFT and author of .
“Before getting or staying in a long distance relationship, make sure the person is exactly who they said they are.” Be Sure You’re Dating “The One” Real talk: “The only real reason to engage in a long distance relationship is because you believe they are ‘the one,’ ” says , relationship expert and author. It’s true. “If you’re just dating for fun, you might as well do that locally.” And for more ways to decode your relationship, see these .
See Fighting As a Good Sign This piece of long distance relationship advice will serve you well in any type of relationship. All relationships experience ups and downs, but a in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that couples who use constructive strategies for resolving disagreements, like listening to each other’s point of view and trying to make their partner laugh were less likely to break up over arguments.
So instead of skipping out on a conversation that would allow you to get some grievances off your chest, use it as an opportunity to work through things as a team. Don’t Give Them The Play-By-Play Why?
Well, it’s boring. “You don’t need to share every detail of your day in order to stay connected,” O’Reilly explains. “If you’re only going to talk about your agenda (what you did today and what you’re doing tomorrow), you may be better off skipping the phone call altogether. Sometimes updates are necessary and relevant, but if your conversations are reduced to agenda-setting, it’s unlikely that you’ll feel passion—regardless of whether you’re apart of together.
Instead of sharing daily updates, talk about your greatest fears, celebrations and dreams. Talk about all the things you want to do (G-rated and racy) once you get together.” And for more on love, see these .
Remember That Your Partner Isn’t Perfect “Some partners tend to idealize their relationship, and remember it as better than it actually is,” says eHarmony research scientist Jonny Beber. “Research has shown that couples with more idealization in their relationship are more likely to break up due to an unstable relationship.” When you remember just the good things about your S.O., you might be disappointed when you get the chance to see each other again.
Instead of building them up in your head to be a perfect partner, try to keep things in perspective. Don’t Underestimate Thoughtful Surprises “Surprises are always welcome in any relationship, but long-distance ones may benefit more because the lack of day-to-day physical interaction,” says Justin Lavelle, Chief Communications Officer for .
“Surprises can be anything from surprise visits to sending small gifts just for the heck of it. Long distance relationships suffer when one or both parties think they are being forgotten or ignored. Special treats say more than just a phone call or text because of the special attention and time you spent in coordinating it.” Consider an Open Relationship True, they’re not for everyone, but if you’re really struggling with being apart, an open relationship may ease the solitude that comes along with LDRs.
“Loneliness can be challenging to overcome,” Farkas says. “If you and your partner are both comfortable with and agree to it, you each can explore seeing other people in your area while still being a couple. You’d be surprised how many people are open to dating an already-committed individual.” Know That A Bad Visit Doesn’t Mean You’re Breaking Up If you’re in a long-term LDR, it’s normal to have both great and not-so-great visits with your partner.
Sometimes the pressure of seeing each other after such a long time can cause tension, even when you’re actually excited to get to catch up with your S.O. If you have a visit that doesn’t go as well as expected, don’t jump to conclusions about what it means for your relationship.
Send Sexts That Require Deciphering Let’s be real: In 2017, sexting is a required part of being in a long distance relationship. But relying on obvious tactics all but ensures things will get boring pretty quickly.
“Instead of sending clear pics of your hottest body parts, send close-ups that require your partner to change angles and shift perspectives in order to make out the full image,” O’Reilly suggests.
“Being playful and keeping your partner guessing are both key to passion in a relationship.” Have A Personal Project If you were in a close-distance relationship and now you’re in a long-distance one, you’re going to find yourself with a lot more time on your hands.
This is also true if you were previously dating around and are now pursuing just one person who lives far away. Whether it’s training for a marathon, brewing your own beer, or joining a bowling league, it’s a helpful distraction to have something you care about to invest your newfound free time in.
Have A Sex Strategy It might be awkward to talk about, but you’ve got to have one. “Sexual dissatisfaction is one of the main reasons people cheat in long-distance relationships,” Fu says. “The best way to work around it is to come to a sexual agreement. For some couples, it’s regular phone and video sex. For others, it’s an open relationship of some kind.
There’s no best one, but you do need one.” Forget About Your Relationship Once in Awhile “You probably have a lot going on besides your relationship, so focus on that,” Farkas says. “Take days where you avoid anything that reminds you strongly of them. Doing this a couple days a week can loosen some of the deep attachment such that you miss them less without loving them less.” Reassure Your Partner—Within Reason “One of the biggest challenges of long-distance relationships is the question of fidelity and commitment,” Bennett notes.
“It’s hard never being physically present with someone you’re in love with.” While you do want to make sure you’re taking care of yourself first and foremost emotionally, it’s also a good idea to support your S.O.
when you know they really need it. “Give them extra assurance when they’re doubting whether it can work.” Recognize That Change Is Inevitable also shows that the most common reason for LDRs not working out is that couples don’t usually plan for unexpected changes in the relationship.
The amount of time you’re apart, your relative locations, and the circumstances of your separation might change over time. Be ready for this, and be willing to talk about it instead of shutting down when faced with an unexpected bump in the road.
Use Digital Dates “Even if your significant other is 6,000 miles away you can still date,” Winston says. Instead of just having your typical phone call or video chat conversation, try having a proper date night. “Pour yourself a glass of wine and have dinner together. Even if it’s virtual, it can be a lovely experience. I advise my clients in long distance relationships to plan to do this to increase bonding and to feel connected.” Don’t Stress About the Miles If you and your partner are within hours of each other, it’s not that hard to see each other regularly.
But here’s a little glimmer of hope for those who are in bi-coastal or international relationships. A published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that couples with a further physical distance between them were more likely to have better outcomes. Even though it might get tough, it’s worth hanging in there! Don’t Make Assumptions A lot of people think that all long distance situations are doomed to fail.
This is definitely not true, but if you find yourself believing it, it could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Try to keep a positive mindset and remember that there are other people in America who are going through the same thing. Place a Time Limit on The Relationship Very few people are okay with being in an LDR forever. If you’re one of those people—great. If not, think about how long you’re willing to do the long distance thing.
“Agree with your partner that if the relationship is worth staying in, you will close the distance by one partner moving or both moving to an agreeable location,” Jackson says. “Also, if the relationship does not grow by a certain time frame, feel free to end the relationship to avoid staying in something that is not suitable.” And for more on breakups, see these .
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Some Long Distance Relationship Advice Reader Question I've been with my boyfriend less than a month. I met him while on travel and had to leave where he lives. But since I came back home, he called once and said that he will not call me everyday just because he wants to avoid complaints. Meaning that he doesn't want me to complain because he does not call everyday. This man never says to me: I want you, etc. I'm confused if he really cares about me or loves me.
During the time I spent with him, we had wonderful time and he cared a lot. What do you think? Do I have to continue with him? Please answer me. -- Contributed by: momo Related Articles • • • Expert Reply Dear Momo, Long distance relationships take a lot of work.
I was just talking with a woman yesterday who is getting married in July. She and her fiancé dated long distance for seven months before living in the same state together.
I know of others who met and maintained a long distance relationship, some even getting married. All of these people will tell you that things move slower when you are dating long distance. Moreover, they all thought this was a good thing because it allowed each couple to talk and get to know each other through phone calls, emails and text messaging. On the other hand, some people have vacation relationships that are intense and romantic. The relationship ends when the vacation ends.
This may be where your boyfriend is coming from. He may not be invested in working on a long distance relationship but, would see you again if you came back into town. This is why he told you he will not call you everyday and why he does not tell you "I want you, I miss you, etc." You're looking for encouragement from him to continue the relationship long distance and your guy is saying, "I not sure I want to put in the effort." So no, you don't have to continue talking or seeing this guy if he is not giving you what you want.
However, before you decide to walk away, talk to him. Tell him that you had a wonderful time when you were together and you're interested in keeping the relationship going until the next time you see each other. Then ask him what he wants. If wants the same thing that you do, then together talk about ways that you can maintain the relationship while living apart from each other.
Should he not want to put in the effort, to maintain a long distance relationship, then you can choose to walk away. ~~Lori Lack of Interest from a Long Distance Partner Reader Question My boyfriend and I were dating for two months.
He calls me once in a blue moon. I text him every minute I got the time. Should I stop texting him or not? We both live in different countries right now. He's in Jamaica and I'm here in the U.S. His mother and I have a good relationship. What should I do about this problem? -- Contributed by: dasiy Expert Reply Dear Daisy, I am going to guess that you and your boyfriend had a lot of fun during those two months you were together.
During that time, it seemed like this was an ideal relationship. That's because first few months of a relationship are driven by infatuation (those feelings of excitement and anticipation). There is nothing wrong with the infatuation stage of a relationship; it is actually an exciting time.
A downside of this stage is that it's not enough to sustain a relationship long term. There is a saying; "out of sight, out of mind." Now that your boyfriend is in Jamaica, his focus is on what is happening in his life now. His memories of the relationship you shared are built on shared experiences from the past. A limited number of memories exist during a two-month relationship. This is why his attention span for the past is so short and most likely why he calls so infrequently.
As time goes by, the memories you shared of the past move further away from the present. When he is lonely or reminiscing about the past, he thinks of you fondly.
There is another saying; "absence makes the heart grow fonder." You would think that by texting him as often as you can that you would be warming your way to his heart. That would be true if he was longing for you the same way you are longing for him. Given that he is not calling very often, it is likely that he is fond of you, but not longing for you. Stop texting him so often. Give him and yourself some space.
Set a time, say two weeks, if you don't hear from him during that time then send him a text. In your text, let him know you were thinking of him and wanted to know how he was doing. If he responds to your message, great; if he doesn't, it's time to say goodbye to the relationship.
Perhaps when he comes to visit his mother, the two of you can rekindle your romance once more. ~~Lori Confused or Scared? Reader Question I met someone 9 months ago. At first, I didn't want anything to do with him but he pretty much won me over.
I was still scared about getting involved in this long distance type of situation but he convinced me that he was willing to make this work. I tried ending it at least twice now but he insists I'm the one. We do a lot of messages on our Blackberrys back and forth and sending pictures. My problem is I'm scared of getting hurt and now I am finding reasons like maybe he has someone else or that he's married.
I'm so confused to what I should do, I love having him to talk to, he makes me smile, but maybe I'm just holding on to something that really is not there. -- Contributed by: confused Expert Reply Dear Confused, We all have a little voice inside us that guides us.
There are times when we know something; we don't know how we know it, but we do. As in your question, there is a possibility that your suspicions about your long distance Romeo are right on. You feel there is something off, maybe he is not quite honest about the relationship, even though you have no proof of deception. There is also the possibility that your fear of the unknown is clouding your judgment and the only thing getting in the way of a wonderful relationship is fear itself.
The only way to calm your fears is to address them. The only way to address them is to talk to your Romeo about your concerns. If you can do this face to face not only will you be able to see his reactions, but you'll also be able to assess his surroundings and see for yourself if his words and behaviors match.
How Romeo responds will tell you if your suspicions are accurate or it's just your imagination working overtime. ~~Lori .
(LDR) long distance relationship Jamaica- USA