It's no secret that there are pros & cons to dating in general, and I'll be the first to admit that my cons definitely outweighed the pros. But - alas, one day a 6ft 6in police officer walked into my office and my entire notion ofI'm 23, I don't need a man!I'm too young for…. But – alas, one day a 6ft 6in police officer walked into my office and my entire notion of. “I’m 23, I don’t need a man!” “I’m too young for a serious relationship”. “I don’t even have the time to deal with that right now”. “I want to travel, I want to do so many things before I settle down”. went straight out the window (my boss never lets me forget it, either). It’s weird, ya know, it’s one of those “this is too good to be true” type of things, but it makes you happy so you put up with it.
The news can be misleading iStock/juanmonino If you get information about policing only from watching the news, the impression you are left with is that all police-civilian interactions are going badly.
That’s not the case. — Sue Rahr, former sheriff, now executive director of the Washington State Criminal Justice Training Commission. These are the . We appreciate being appreciated iStock/jodi jacobson Officers tell me people are stopping them daily, thanking them, buying them lunch or a cup of coffee.
Reasonable people know that police are under extreme scrutiny right now. They’re coming up and thanking us for the job we do. — Lt. Bob Kroll, president of the Police Officers Federation of Minneapolis The world has made us cynical iStock/shakzu The best part of the job?
Waving to a kid and getting a wave in return and not a middle finger. We were much more idealistic 15, 20 years ago. We were going to change the world. Unfortunately, the world changed us. We’re more cynical, more guarded, less trusting. — Chicago police officers who blog anonymously at secondcitycop.blogspot.com We know people are afraid, and that bothers us iStock/400tmax I pulled over a female the other day, and it took her a block or two to stop. When she finally did, I asked why, and she said she didn’t want to stop where there wasn’t any light, because she didn’t know what I was going to do to her.
I thought, Wow, we’re the bad guys now. — Jay Stalien, a police officer in Florida who also served in Baltimore Check out . We act out of self-defense iStock/fotorezekne People seem to think that we should take the time to discern whether a gun is real, whether a person is willing to use it, and if they will shoot.
We can’t wait for a person to shoot first. That could mean not going home at the end of your shift. — An Iowa state trooper Our use of force is judged by our colleagues iStock/juanmonino The Supreme Court says whether an officer’s use of force is justified or not should be judged not with the benefit of hindsight, but by whether other officers with similar amounts of training and the same facts before them find that same amount of force to be reasonable.
— Jim Bueermann, a former police chief and president of the Washington-based Police Foundation, a nonprofit dedicated to improving law enforcement There’s a right way to respond when we pull you over iStock/kali9 If you’re pulled over, turn on the dome light if it’s dark, roll down the window, and wait with your hands in sight on the wheel. If the officer asks to see your license, insurance, and registration, tell him or her where those things are before reaching for them.
That’s because most wallets are where a criminal would carry a gun (pocket, purse, glove box). Then move slowly, without any sudden jerks. — Chicago police officers who blog anonymously Stories about shootings can get blown out of proportion iStock/400tmax There were a lot of false narratives at play in some of the police shootings. We now know that Jamar Clark was not handcuffed and then shot. And people quote Michael Brown with his hands up saying, “Don’t shoot.” But he never said that.
— Lt. Bob Kroll (Editor’s note: Jamar Clark, 24, from Minneapolis was killed during a struggle with police. Charges were not brought against the officers involved. Michael Brown, 18, was shot and killed by a police officer in Ferguson, Missouri.
Charges were not brought against the officer involved.) We should connect more with community leaders iStock/anna bryukhanova Compare the calm in Tulsa this past September after an officer shot an unarmed black man with the rioting that took place in Charlotte. The fact that the Tulsa police released the videos right away had an impact. But what stood out to me in Tulsa was the police department’s strong engagement with church and community leaders. It looked to me like a lot of work had been done in that city to build relationships with black leaders, and I think that helped quell the reaction.
— Sue Rahr Cultural differences hinder us iStock/amphotora Many officers lack experience dealing with different cultures. There was a white guy from rural Oregon in my policing class. We were policing a city that’s mostly black. He was like a fish out of water. He couldn’t communicate.
People were like, “What’s he saying?”— Eric Quarles, PhD, a federal law-enforcement officer who served as a city police officer for 18 years We get angry when officers abuse their power iStock/kali9 I felt like quitting the force when I watched the Alton Sterling and Philando Castile shooting videos.
It broke my heart. But it made me angry too. If you’re that officer, and you have a God complex or you’re afraid of people who don’t look like you, you have no business wearing the uniform. Take it off. — Nakia Jones (Editor’s note: Alton Sterling, 37, was shot several times while held down on the ground by two Baton Rouge police officers.
The shooting investigation is ongoing. Philander Castile, 32, was killed during a traffic stop in Minnesota.) Find out the . Admittedly, it is easy to abuse our power iStock/kali9 As a police officer, it’s hard not to have a superiority complex.
You take a 21-year-old male, you give him a uniform, a gun, pepper spray, a Taser, a nightstick. On an individual basis, we have more power than the president. I can pull people over for no reason, arrest people, and change their lives forever. No banker can do that. No doctor can do it. We are giving young people so much power. Without the right training, it can easily go to their heads. — Eric Quarles, PhD Gender is part of the problem iStock/400tmax This is a guy thing.
Most police shootings are by male officers. When I was a police chief, we made a decision there would always be one or two women on our SWAT team. I told them, “I need a den mother.
I need you to be there because you are a rational person who can help tamp down some of that testosterone.” — Jim Bueermann Some officers form cliques iStock/anna bryukhanova People ask me, “Why don’t good police officers rat out bad police officers?” Well, just like in any other organization, there are cultures and subcultures.
Police officers who tend to do things by the book hang out with other officers who do things by the book. Those who push the envelope hang out with other people like them. — Eric Quarles, PhD The tactics we use now should be revisited iStock/wellphoto We need to teach proper police tactics so officers have more options when someone doesn’t cooperate.
In the Tamir Rice case, officers there were dispatched to a man with a gun in a park. It turned out to be a 12-year-old boy with an Airsoft-style pistol. But because the officers drove right up to him instead of staying at a distance, they didn’t have an opportunity to take cover. When they saw him with gun in hand, that left them with no other option but to fire.
— Sue Rahr (Editor’s note: Tamir Rice, 12, from Cleveland was killed when police mistook his air gun for a real gun. Charges were not brought against the officers involved.) Improving communication could save lives iStock/adamkaz Communications training is sorely lacking in policing. Look at Eric Garner. Here’s a case that starts out as a minor infraction [selling untaxed, loose cigarettes].
The officers are trying to talk to him, and it’s not going well. In a case like that, if they had better communication skills, they may not have had to use that kind of physical force.
— Jim Bueermann (Editor’s note: New Yorker Eric Garner, 43, died when he was put into an outlawed choke hold. A grand jury refused to bring charges against the officer involved, but a sergeant on the scene was brought up on departmental charges.) We want to get to know you iStock/vivalapenler Departments that are doing it right look for ways to connect with residents when they’re not in crisis.
When I was chief of Brooklyn Park, Minnesota, one of my command staff members was a fisherman, so we started a Cops ’N’ Kids Fishing Tournament. We’d take 100 kids each year and have fun. Over time, those off-line interactions add up.
— Mike Davis, chief of police at Northeastern University in Boston Find out the . We avoid using force, if we can help it iStock/anna bryukhanova Tucson, Arizona, created a new unit to handle cases involving mental illness. These officers serve the department’s involuntary commitment orders, which typically involve a lot of conflict.
They go in plain clothes and start building rapport with the person before serving the order. To date, they’ve served over 1,500 orders and had to use force only twice in emergency situations; that’s remarkable.
— Sue Rahr The best officers are the best listeners iStock/kali9 As I’ve matured in this job, I’ve learned that you become a better police officer when you listen to people. We’re trained to neutralize a threat, to make arrests.
But I find that if I let off the gas a little, listen a bit more, I can resolve problems with a lot less conflict. Some of the problems we encounter, people just want to vent. — Eric Quarles, PhD Our jobs are emotionally draining iStock/wellphoto We are affected by things we experience on the job. I get a lot of calls where I see children who have been abused and neglected. I’ll go into a house and there’s no running water, no electricity, feces all over, and kids there who haven’t eaten for days.
Sometimes, I’ll say a prayer while I’m there. It wears on you. — An Iowa state trooper We care about the people we serve iStock/filo Every time I teach a policing class, I ask who in the classroom has ever reached into their pocket while on duty and given someone money for food, gas, or shelter.
All of the hands go up. — Rex Caldwell, of the Washington State Criminal Justice Training Commission; retired police chief of Mukilteo, Washington Try these. We believe that people are good iStock/gards Kids wanting to get inside the squad car to run the lights and siren.
A parent thanking us for bringing their kid home. A victim thanking us for writing them a report even though they’re the one getting bandaged up at a hospital. These are the things that restore our tattered faith in human nature. — Chicago police officers who blog anonymously Check out the . Don’t assume our actions are biased iStock/jerrygrugin When someone is caught with a small amount of marijuana, our officers can either make an arrest or issue a ticket/notice to appear.
The legal criteria for giving a ticket (as opposed to an arrest) is that they have stable employment, ties to community and assurances they’ll show up in court. The reality is, if you live in a lower socioeconomic area, you are less likely to meet those criteria.
So is that cops being biased or is it because the laws as written disproportionately affect those in lower socioeconomic conditions, many of whom happen to be black? — Bob Gualtieri, Sheriff of Pinellas County, Fla. We acknowledge that racism does exist on the force iStock/lisafx When white people don’t comply or make threats, police officers follow through on their training and try to talk them down. With African Americans, it seems to me that my colleagues don’t always use the same tactics.
They just go right in. It frustrates me when I hear officers say, “Well, he didn’t do what we said from the beginning.” Fine, but that doesn’t give you the right to plug him.— Eric Quarles, PhD Not everyone reacts to body cameras the same way iStock/ftwitty Cameras seem to work two ways: they calm people down who realize there is an impartial observer recording everything they say. These are usually older, more mature people. Or, conversely, they provoke the younger set to act out and perform for an audience that may or may not see the video at some future date.
— Chicago police officers who blog anonymously Body cameras may actually hinder us iStock/gwengoat One consequence of cameras is that we might get a lot less cooperation. When we’re chasing someone, people sometimes give us a wink, a point or a nod in the right direction. We have people all the time who whisper information in our ear. With cameras, we risk all of that going out the window because people really don’t like be recorded. — A police officer in Massachusetts Our data on shootings is flawed iStock/hanohiki One issue is that we do not have good data on something as simple as the number of people who are killed by police officers in this country.
Because we have a voluntary reporting system, agencies all over the U.S. do not report incidents to the FBI. The best data have been compiled by newspapers, and their numbers are double what the FBI shows.
— Jim Bueermann Check out the . Videos don’t tell the whole story iStock/pixinoo Videos of police shooting don’t always show everything, and releasing them can make a situation more confusing.
Also, if you release a video too early, you can end up tainting some witnesses. They may watch it and then form an opinion like we all do as humans. It’s important to talk to all witnesses before any video comes out so you can get firsthand knowledge of what they saw. — Sean Gormley, a former police chief who is executive director of a police union in Minnesota
best dating a police officer relationships - About Police Officer Dating Sites
Dating a police officer means dating a responsible member of the community who has made it their living to protect the rights and safety of their fellow man and woman, and this is of course something that can be a great source of pride. At the same time it means having a partner who is passionate about what they do, and who is bringing home a good salary with a good pension plan.
And then there’s the uniform… However at the same time this can also come with it a number of different problems and points of contention that don’t exist when dating people with other careers. Dating a police officer can be stressful and at times scary even, and there are a few issues you need to consider and work through. Here we will look at what those are, and briefly discuss them so that you can decide whether they are likely to cause a problem and how you can overcome them.
It’s a Worry: Now not all branches of policing are going to involve any danger and if they’re a desk jockey or a ticket inspector then this isn’t necessary likely to come with any particular risk. However if they are out patrolling the streets or even directing traffic this can be a different story and if you are the kind of person who is prone to worrying then this can mean that you are left at home worrying about whether they are going to make it back okay or not.
If you do worry a lot and their job is dangerous then you need to discuss this with them so that they might put your mind at rest. You might also want to consider getting them to change their job within the police force, though in many cases their job will be important to them and this might not be a sacrifice they are willing to make.
Remember though that police officers are well trained and equipped and will generally do things in pairs – and many other jobs such as working on a building site carry other considerable risks.
You just need to decide whether that’s enough to put your mind at rest and whether you’re happy to continue in that light. The Hours Can Be Antisocial: Again this will depend on the particular role your partner has within the police force. However many positions will involve patrolling around pubs and clubs during closing hours, or getting called out at unearthly hours or during children’s parties in order to attend to an emergency.
Again this is a personal decision and you need to decide whether you’re okay with it – if you are able to see the plus side then it means you can get some time to yourself to pursue your interests or engage in some light reading or TV watching. And while you do you can know that your partner is going off to do something worthwhile.
Again if you do have a problem with it, you can always try and convince them to change departments. It Can Be a Power Trip: Unfortunately police work has a bad rep in some circles and this comes from a few police men and women who let the power go to their head. At the same time these aspects of the job can sometimes attract the wrong kinds of people. These people can be highly bureaucratic and or bullies and this can make many people reluctant when considering dating a cop.
However what’s important to remember is that these are really just a few bad eggs spoiling it for the majority. It’s important to judge you partner on their own merits and not stereotypes and misconceptions.
Ask yourself what kind of person they are and why they’re in the police force and let this inform your decision. It Reflects Your Beliefs: Police men and women essentially have the task of carrying out the law, and that law is a direct result of politics. This means that they will likely be patriotic types and will likely have a lot to say regarding the law.
If you are very anti-establishment or very much disagree with the laws in place then this might lead you to have some disputes and arguments – or on the other hand it could lead to some stimulating and interesting debates and discussions where you learn another point of view.
You Can Feel Under Scrutiny: Sometimes knowing a cop as a friend or as a partner can make you feel as though you are under scrutiny and like you can’t cut loose. For instance if you smoked weed then you might feel like you can’t tell your date, or if you downloaded music through file sharing sites then you might feel you have to stop.
However that’s not how a police officer’s job works and they’re not going to arrest you for a petty crime while they’re off duty any more than any of your friends are likely to perform a citizens arrest. It’s a Way of Life: Many police officers will take their job very seriously and will bring it home with them.
They will likely have friends in the force and will talk a lot about their views regarding the police force. Having a partner who is passionate about something can be very attractive and so this shouldn’t be viewed as a bad thing, you just need to be aware of the possibility going in.
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Tinder Date Was A Cop?!?!