'Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar' by Cheryl Strayed. Cheryl Strayed used to write what is perhaps the greatest advice column of all time, Dear Sugar. In this collection of Dear Sugar's best column, Strayed doles out the kind of compassionate but firm advice you need when love has you feeling down. Click here to buy In this compelling book, Jen Kim turns to science to figure out why dating and relationships are so damn difficult. Drawing from her own experiences, Kim analyzes why her own dating life hasn't quite panned out yet, reserving judgement only for herself. Click here to buy. 'Things You Should Already Know About Dating, You F*cking Idiot' by Ben Schwartz and Laura Moses.
Nobody will protect you from your suffering. You can't cry it away or eat it away or starve it away or walk it away or punch it away or even therapy it away. It's just there, and you have to survive it.
You have to endure it. You have to live through it and love it and move on and be better for it and run as far as you can in the direction of your best and happiest dreams across the bridge that was built by your own desire to heal. The useless days will add up to something. The shitty waitressing jobs. The hours writing in your journal. The long meandering walks. The hours reading poetry and story collections and novels and dead people’s diaries and wondering about sex and God and whether you should shave under your arms or not.
These things are your becoming. It is not so incomprehensible as you pretend, sweet pea. Love is the feeling we have for those we care deeply about and hold in high regard. It can be light as the hug we give a friend or heavy as the sacrifices we make for our children. It can be romantic, platonic, familial, fleeting, everlasting, conditional, unconditional, imbued with sorrow, stoked by sex, sullied by abuse, amplified by kindness, twisted by betrayal, deepened by time, darkened by difficulty, leavened by generosity, nourished by humor and “loaded with promises and commitments” that we may or may not want or keep.
The best thing you can possibly do with your life is to tackle the motherfucking shit out of it. You give a lot of great advice about what to do. Do you have any advice of what not to do? Don’t do what you know on a gut level to be the wrong thing to do. Don’t stay when you know you should go or go when you know you should stay. Don’t fight when you should hold steady or hold steady when you should fight.
Don’t focus on the short-term fun instead of the long-term fall out. Don’t surrender all your joy for an idea you used to have about yourself that isn’t true anymore.
Don’t seek joy at all costs. I know it’s hard to know what to do when you have a conflicting set of emotions and desires, but it’s not as hard as we pretend it is. Saying it’s hard is ultimately a justification to do whatever seems like the easiest thing to do—have the affair, stay at that horrible job, end a friendship over a slight, keep loving someone who treats you terribly.
I don’t think there’s a single dumbass thing I’ve done in my adult life that I didn’t know was a dumbass thing to do while I was doing it. Even when I justified it to myself—as I did every damn time—the truest part of me knew I was doing the wrong thing. Always. As the years pass, I’m learning how to better trust my gut and not do the wrong thing, but every so often I get a harsh reminder that I’ve still got work to do.
best dating and relationships advice on love and life from dear sugar - Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life From Dear Sugar (Excerpt) by Cheryl Strayed
Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from DearSugarCheryl Strayed 1 / 5Publisher : VintageRelease Date : 2012-07-10 2 / 5ISBN : 0307949338Author : Cheryl StrayedDownload Herehttp://bit.ly/1UjlMLT 3 / 5http://bit.ly/1UjlMLTLife can be hard: your lover cheats on you; you lose a family member; you cant pay the billsand itcan be great: youve had the hottest sex of your life; you get that plum job; you muster the courageto write your novel.
Sugarthe once-anonymous online columnist at The Rumpus, now revealed asCheryl Strayed, author of the bestselling memoir Wildis the person thousands turn to for advice.Tiny Beautiful Things brings the best of Dear Sugar in one place and includes never-before-publishedcolumns and a new introduction by Steve Almond. Rich with humor, insight, compassionandabsolute honestythis book is a balm for everything life throws our way.Find the Full PDF Herehttp://bit.ly/1UjlMLT 4 / 5http://bit.ly/1UjlMLTYou Can Download the PDF Herehttp://bit.ly/1UjlMLTPowered by TCPDF (www.tcpdf.org) 5 / 5http://bit.ly/1UjlMLThttp://www.tcpdf.org
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For 12 years, Brain Pickings has remained free (and ad-free). It takes me hundreds of hours a month to research and compose, and thousands of dollars to sustain. Your support really matters. MONTHLY DONATION midweek newsletter Also: Because Brain Pickings is in its twelfth year and because I write primarily about ideas of a timeless character, I have decided to plunge into my vast archive every Wednesday and choose from the thousands of essays one worth resurfacing and resavoring.
Subscribe to this free midweek pick-me-up for heart, mind, and spirit below — it is separate from the standard Sunday digest of new pieces: When an anonymous advice columnist by the name of “Dear Sugar” introduced herself on on March 11, 2010, she made her proposition clear: a “by-the-book common sense of Dear Abby and the earnest spiritual cheesiness of Cary Tennis and the butt-pluggy irreverence of Dan Savage and the closeted Upper East Side nymphomania of Miss Manners.” But in the two-some years that followed, she proceeded to deliver something tenfold punchier, more honest, more existentially profound than even such an intelligently irreverent promise could foretell.
This week, all of Sugar’s no-bullshit, wholehearted wisdom on life’s trickiest contexts — sometimes the simplest, sometimes the most complex, always the most deeply human — is released in (), along with several never-before-published columns, under Sugar’s real name: Cheryl Strayed.
The book is titled after , which remains my own favorite by a long stretch and is, evidently, many other people’s. (Or, at least, the editor’s.) It’s exquisite in full, but this particular bit makes the heart tremble with raw heartness: Your assumptions about the lives of others are in direct relation to your naïve pomposity.
Many people you believe to be rich are not rich. Many people you think have it easy worked hard for what they got. Many people who seem to be gliding right along have suffered and are suffering. Many people who appear to you to be old and stupidly saddled down with kids and cars and houses were once every bit as hip and pompous as you.
When you meet a man in the doorway of a Mexican restaurant who later kisses you while explaining that this kiss doesn’t ‘mean anything’ because, much as he likes you, he is not interested in having a relationship with you or anyone right now, just laugh and kiss him back. Your daughter will have his sense of humor. Your son will have his eyes. The useless days will add up to something. The shitty waitressing jobs. The hours writing in your journal.
The long meandering walks. The hours reading poetry and story collections and novels and dead people’s diaries and wondering about sex and God and whether you should shave under your arms or not. These things are your becoming. One Christmas at the very beginning of your twenties when your mother gives you a warm coat that she saved for months to buy, don’t look at her skeptically after she tells you she thought the coat was perfect for you.
Don’t hold it up and say it’s longer than you like your coats to be and too puffy and possibly even too warm. Your mother will be dead by spring. That coat will be the last gift she gave you. You will regret the small thing you didn’t say for the rest of your life.
Say thank you. In the introduction, Steve Almond, who once attempted to be Sugar before there was Sugar, captures precisely what makes Sugar Sugar: The column that launched Sugar as a phenomenon was written in response to what would have been, for anyone else, a throwaway letter.
Dear Sugar, wrote a presumably young man. WTF? WTF? WTF? I’m asking this question as it applies to everything every day. Cheryl’s reply began as follows: Dear WTF, My father’s father made me jack him off when I was three and four and five.
I wasn’t good at it. My hands were too small and I couldn’t get the rhythm right and I didn’t understand what I was doing. I only knew I didn’t want to do it. Knew it made me feel miserable and anxious in a way so sickeningly particular that I can feel the same particular sickness rising this very minute in my throat.
It was an absolutely unprecedented moment. Advice columnists, after all, adhere to an unspoken code: focus on the letter writer, dispense all necessary bromides, make it all seem bearable. Disclosing your own sexual assault is not part of the code. But Cheryl wasn’t just trying to shock some callow kid into greater compassion. She was announcing the nature of her mission as Sugar. Inexplicable sorrows await all of us. That was her essential point. Life isn’t some narcissistic game you play online.
It all matters — every sin, every regret, every affliction. As proof, she offered an account of her own struggle to reckon with a cruelty she’s absorbed before she was old enough to even understand it.
Ask better questions, sweet pea, she concluded. The fuck is your life. Answer it. The release of was in large part the reason for Sugar’s recent in which she revealed her real identity as Cheryl — an event made all the more exciting by the inimitable (), who : donating = loving In 2018, the 12th year of Brain Pickings, I poured tremendous time, thought, love, and resources into this labor of love, which remains free and is made possible by patronage.
If you found any joy and consolation here this year, please consider supporting it with a donation. And if you already donate, from the bottom of my heart: THANK YOU. midweek newsletter Also: Because Brain Pickings is in its twelfth year and because I write primarily about ideas of a timeless character, I have decided to plunge into my vast archive every Wednesday and choose from the thousands of essays one worth resurfacing and resavoring.
Subscribe to this free midweek pick-me-up for heart, mind, and spirit below — it is separate from the standard Sunday digest of new pieces: Brain Pickings participates in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn commissions by linking to Amazon. In more human terms, this means that whenever you buy a book on from a link on here, I get a small percentage of its price.
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Tiny Beautiful Things Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar