Dating someone should be a ‘you, me and God’ thing but if it’s not it might be a sign that you’ve missed His will. Here are seven things to look out for when this happens. You don’t feel like yourself. Having a hard time recognizing the person you’ve become? If you have made major noticeable changes to be someone you’re not just to be in a relationship than you’re not getting the best God has for you. He would never ask you to hide, compromise or dumb-down who you really are to find love. He doesn’t ask that of us and He certainly doesn’t want us living like this as we relate to ot .
Have you ever tried to list out all the different dating advice you’ve heard, even just the advice from other Christians? • Date for at least a year. • Don’t date for any more than a year. • Date exclusively in groups. • Make sure you get plenty of time one on one. • Don’t kiss before you’re married. • How can you know you have chemistry without kissing?
• Put clear boundaries into place. • Don’t try to follow everyone else’s rules. • Spend lots of time together. • Be careful how much time you spend together. • Date a bunch of people before getting serious.
• Don’t date anyone until you’re ready to marry them. I could go on, and if you’re a part of almost any kind of Christian community, you probably can too.
Even though we’re following Jesus, and reading the same Bible, and aiming for the covenant of marriage, our dating advice can be surprisingly wide and diverse. One Lord, one faith, one baptism — and a billion different dating tips. The First Rule in Dating The first rule in dating is the first rule in all of life: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength” (Mark 12:30).
You will not truly love anyone else if you do not love God first and most. And no one will truly love you if they do not love God more than they love you. The first step in dating should always be the step of faith we take toward our Lord, Savior, and greatest Treasure, King Jesus. He captures our heart; we find our deepest joy in him.
We hide our soul in him, and stop trying to save or prove ourselves. We devote our minds to knowing him more and more, and plead with him to conform our mind and will to his. We put all our strength into his goal and plan for our life: to make disciples who love him with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. If our heart is not there — if our soul is not already safe through faith, if our mind is distracted and focused on other, lesser things, if our best strength is being spent on the things of this world — jobs, sports, shopping, entertainment, relationships, and not on God — we simply will not date well.
Do you want to date and marry well? Listen to Jesus, and “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” Seek him first (Matthew 6:33), and dating will be added according to his perfect plan and timing. The Golden Rule in Dating But after embracing and applying the first and greatest commandment, I have found that the golden rule in dating is this: Lean hard on the people who know you best, love you most, and will tell you when you’re wrong.
It’s not the first rule, because in absolutely every area of life — every decision, every calling, every relationship, every dream — we must start with what we think and feel about God. Do we love him more than anything? Will we obey him, even when it will cost us?
Are we willing to set anything aside for his sake? Will we trust him, even when we want something else for ourselves? It’s not the first rule, but I have found that it is a “golden rule” that most often makes the difference between healthy and unhealthy Christian dating relationships.
If you’re not a Christian — if you haven’t dealt with God before trying to date — you don’t have a chance of having a truly healthy Christian relationship with someone else. But even if you are a Christian, there are still a thousand more ways to subtly or blatantly reject God’s wisdom and fall into sin. The key will be to lean on other Christians who know you best, love you most, and have a proven record of telling you when you are making a mistake or wandering away from God’s will for you.
The Third Wheel We All Need Today more than ever before, we’re faced with a never-ending buffet of opinions and advice that has something to say about everything and yet lets us choose the answer we want. • How far should we go physically before marriage? • How soon should I start dating after a breakup? • What things should I be looking for in a guy? • What are girls looking for in a guy? • Should couples live together before getting married? We won’t have trouble finding an answer (or a dozen answers) to any of our questions in relationships.
The scary reality is that we can find an answer somewhere to justify what we want to do — right or wrong, safe or unsafe, wise or unwise. The advice we choose might be from a book by a doctor, or a random conversation with someone at church, or a blog post by a teenager, or just something we found on Pinterest.
For many of us, if we’re honest, it really doesn’t matter who’s offering the advice as long as it confirms what we thought or wanted in the first place. We think we’re leaning on others as we wade into all the material online, but we’re often just surrendering to our own cravings and ignorance. We leave the safety of the doctor’s office and choose the freedom and ease of the gas station convenience store.
Instead of getting the qualified perspective and direction we desperately need from people around us, we walk away eating a candy bar for dinner, again, and washing it down with Dr.
Pepper. Real friendship, with real life-on-life accountability, may not offer the same amount of information or advice, and you will not always like what it has to say, but it will bring one new critical dimension to your dating relationships: it knows you — your strengths and weaknesses, your successes and failures, your unique needs.
These people know you as a sinner, and sinners who are never being confronted or frustrated by inconvenient truths are sinners drifting further from God, not towards him. The truth is that we all need a third wheel — in life and in dating — people who truly know us and love us, and who want what’s best for us, even when it’s not what we want in the moment.
The Voices We Need Most Dating often isolates us from other Christians in our lives. The closer we become with a boyfriend or girlfriend, the more removed we are from other important relationships. Satan loves this, and encourages it at every turn. One way to walk wisely in dating is to oppose absolutely everything Satan might want for you.
Fight the impulse to date in a corner by yourselves, and instead draw one another into those important relationships. Double down on family and friends — with affection, intentionality, and communication — while you’re dating. The people willing to actually hold me accountable in dating have been my best friends. I’ve had lots of friends over the years, but the ones who have been willing to press in, ask harder questions, and offer unwanted (but wise) counsel are the friends I respect and prize the most.
They stepped in when I was spending too much time with a girlfriend or started neglecting other important areas of my life. They raised a flag when a relationship seemed unhealthy. They knew where I had fallen before in sexual purity, and they weren’t afraid to ask questions to protect me. They have relentlessly pointed me to Jesus, even when they knew it might upset me — reminding me not to put my hope in any relationship, to pursue patience and purity, and to communicate and lead well.
These guys didn’t guard me from every mistake or failure — no one can — but they played a massive role in helping me mature as a man, a boyfriend, and now as a husband. And I wish I would have listened to them more in dating. Joyful, Courageous Accountability My golden rule in dating is a warm, but unpopular invitation to accountability — to truly and consistently bear each other’s burdens in the pursuit of marriage (Galatians 6:2). Maybe that term — accountability — has dried out and gone stale in your life.
But to be accountable is to be authentically, deeply, consistently known by someone who cares enough to keep us from making mistakes or indulging in sin. Only people who love Christ more than they love you will have the courage to tell you that you’re wrong in dating — wrong about a person, wrong about timing, wrong about whatever.
Only they will be willing to say something hard, even when you’re so happily infatuated. Most people will float along with you because they’re excited for you, but you need a lot more than excitement right now — you have plenty of that yourself. You desperately need truth, wisdom, correction, and perspective.
The Bible warns us to weave all our desires, needs, and decisions deep into a fabric of family who love us and will help us follow Jesus — a family God builds for each of us (Hebrews 10:24–25). God has sent you — your faith, your gifts, and your experience — into other believers’ lives for their good. To encourage them: “We urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all” (1 Thessalonians 5:14).
To challenge and correct them: “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom” (Colossians 3:16). And to build them up: “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11). And as inconvenient, unnecessary, unhelpful, and even unpleasant as it may feel at times, God has sent gifted, experienced, Christ-loving men and women into your life too, for your good — and for the good of your boyfriend or girlfriend (and God willing, your future spouse).
The God who sends these kinds of friends and family into our lives knows what we need far better than we ever will.
We all need courageous, persistent, and hopeful friends and counselors in the dangerous and murky waters of dating. Lean hard on the people who know you best, love you most, and will tell you when you’re wrong.
() is a writer and managing editor at desiringGod.org. He’s the author of . He graduated from . He and his wife, Faye, have a son and live in Minneapolis.
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Bible verses about dating and relationships Try to find anything about dating in the Bible, you will not find anything. Nor will you find anything about courtship, but we do have biblical principles to help you when seeking a Christian relationship. Quotes • “Relationships should draw you closer to Christ, not closer to sin. Don’t compromise to keep anyone, God is more important.” • “Your heart is precious to God so guard it, and wait for the man who will treasure it.” • “Broken things can become blessed things, if you let God do the mending.” • “She has his heart and he has her heart, but their hearts belong to Jesus.” • “A God centered relationship is worth the wait.” • “Imagine a man so focused on God that the only reason he looked up to see you is because he heard God say, “that’s her.” • “A real man opens more than your doors.
He opens his Bible.” You really can’t talk about a relationship with the opposite sex without talking about marriage because the whole point of a relationship is to get to marriage. . It shows how Christ loved the church and laid down His life for her. Who’s the church?
Unbelievers are not part of the church. God wants His children to marry Christians. Marriage is probably the greatest tool in the sanctification process of a believer’s life. Two sinful people are united into one and they commit to each other in everything.
No one besides the Lord will come before the person you are going to marry. The world teaches that you are supposed to put your kids and your parents before your spouse.
No! No one comes before your spouse! You have to say no to everyone else when it comes to your spouse. 1. Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” 2. Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” 3.
Ephesians 5:33 “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” We have to watch out for these emotions. We are so quick to say I believe the Lord has given me this person. Are you sure? Have you consulted the Lord?
Do you listen to His conviction or do you do what you want to do? If the person is not Christian, then the Lord didn’t give you that person. If you seek to enter into a not only is it wrong, you will regret it, and you will be hurt. If the person claims to be Christian, but lives like an unbeliever God didn’t send you that person. God would never send you a . No type of ungodly person can do God’s will in marriage. “But he’s nice.” So!
4. 2 Corinthians 6:14–15 “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial?
Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?” 5. 1 Corinthians 5:11 “But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler.
Do not even eat with such people.” If anyone is thinking about dating did you talk to God first? If you haven’t consulted God about it that means that you haven’t asked Him if the person you have met is the person He wants you to marry. Christian dating does not consist of casual dating, which is unbiblical. This type of dating will leave you broken and all over the place and I’m not even talking about sex.
Non believers date for fun, for the moment, for a good time, for sex, to not be lonely, to impress people, etc. If you don’t think that you are going to marry this person and if you don’t feel like God has possibly brought this person into your life for marriage, then stop wasting each other’s time.
A relationship is not something to take lightly. Casual dating is a form of lust. It doesn’t always have to be sexual. Lust is always selfish. It is always about I. Lust never seeks the Lord for His will. Many people think they are in love for reasons such as the person’s looks, communication skills, etc. No, did God send you the person? Do you believe God has called you to commit your life to this person in marriage?
Falling in love is not in the Bible. True love is built on actions, choices, etc. It proves itself over time. Many people get into relationships and when they break up they find out that they were not really in love. There are so many things in this world that help you deceive yourself. For example, sex, physical attraction, looking at other couples, constantly listening to love music, fear, constantly watching love movies, etc.
6. 1 John 2:16 “For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.” 7. Galatians 5:16 “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” 8. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 “Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” Why should we seek a relationship? For God’s glory and to carry out His will. To be conformed into the image of Christ. To marry and be a representation of Christ and the church. The advancement of God’s Kingdom. It’s all about Him. “Oh Lord may this relationship honor your name” and this should be our mindset going into marriage. “Oh Lord I want to love and lay down my life for someone just like you loved and laid down your life for me.” 9.
1 Corinthians 10:31 “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 10. Romans 8:28-29 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.” 11. Revelation 21:9 “Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls full of the seven final plagues came and spoke to me, saying, “ Come, I will show you the bride, the wife of the Lamb!” I am not saying that you can’t enter into a relationship, but take this into consideration.
Are you able to leave your mother and father? Do you have any responsibilities or are your parents paying for everything? For men this is one of the things that tells you if you’re ready to seek your wife. Are you able to live on your own and provide? Are you a man? Does society consider you a man? 12. Matthew 19:5 “and said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh?” 1 Peter 3:7 show how God feels about His daughter.
. It is always scary meeting a woman’s father. That’s his precious little daughter that you want to take out. She is always going to be his precious little baby in his eyes. The love between a father and his daughter is so great. He will die for his daughter. He will kill for his daughter. Now Imagine how much greater is the love of a holy God. Imagine His seriousness if you lead His daughter down the wrong path. It’s a scary thing. Don’t play with God’s daughter. When it comes to His daughter God does not play.
Listen to her, respect her, and always keep her into consideration. She’s not a man. 13. 1 Peter 3:7 “In a similar way, you husbands must live with your wives in an understanding manner, as with a most delicate partner. Honor them as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing may interfere with your prayers.” 14. Genesis 31:50 “ If you mistreat my daughters or if you take any wives besides my daughters, even though no one is with us, remember that God is a witness between you and me.” Is kissing a sin?
Is there kissing in the Bible that applies to dating? No. Can Christians kiss? Maybe, but let me explain. I don’t believe kissing is sinful, but I believe it can be. A passionate/romantic kiss is sinful. Anything that leads you to indulge in sexual thoughts is sinful. If you feel the temptation just stop don’t lie to yourself.
It is a good idea when Christians don’t kiss before marriage because when you kiss there is no going back you can only go a step farther. Some Christians choose not to start kissing before marriage and some Christians choose to hug and kiss lightly. What is going on in your heart? What is your mind saying? What is your purpose?
Kissing for a long period of time with someone who you are not married to is wrong, it is a form of foreplay, and it will cause you to fall. Think about this. Waiting and disciplining yourself in many areas will make your sexual relationship in marriage more unique, special, godly, and intimate. Never compromise! This is something that you should really pray about and listen to the Lord.
15. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 “For this is God’s will, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality, so that each of you knows how to control his own body in sanctification and honor, not with lustful desires, like the Gentiles who don’t know God.” 16. Matthew 5:27-28 “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Never be alone in a room with your boyfriend/girlfriend for a long period of time or you will fall.
In some type of way you will fall. I’ve heard some guys say, “I can handle it I’m strong enough.” No you’re not! The desires for the opposite sex are so strong that we are told to run. We are not given power to endure it. God doesn’t want us to endure the temptation. Don’t try to fight through it, just run. You are not strong enough. Stay away! Don’t put yourself in a position to compromise and sin.
Don’t do it! The world teaches you to have sex before marriage. When you hear about Christians living in sexual sin they are false converts and not truly saved. Seek purity. If you have gone too far repent. Confess your sins to the Lord, don’t go back, flee! 17. 2 Timothy 2:22 “Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” 18.
1 Corinthians 6:18 “ Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” In relationships you are to lead each other to Christ.
You are to chase Christ together. If you get into a relationship with an ungodly person they will slow you down. Run to Christ and whoever is keeping up with you introduce yourself. Not only are you to lead each other by the way you live your life, but you have to worship together. In a relationship you both are going to learn from each other, but the woman takes the submissive role and the man takes the leadership role. If you’re going to be a leader you have to know the Scriptures to teach God’s daughter.
19. Psalm 37:4 “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Don’t be led into marriage by a girl’s sensuality.
You will regret it. Don’t be led into marriage by a man’s looks. You will regret it. Are you pursuing them for godly reasons? I am not saying that you should not be attracted to the person who you are dating because you should be. It’s not good to seek a relationship with someone you are not physically attracted to.
If God blesses you with a very beautiful godly woman or handsome man that is OK, but looks are not everything. If you are looking for a supermodel you must know that extreme pickiness is not good and also there is a strong chance that you are not a supermodel. No one is if you remove all the editing and makeup. Sometimes the woman is Christian, but she is unsubmissive and contentious.
Sometimes the guy is Christian, but he is not a hard worker, he can’t manage his money, he is too immature, etc. 20. Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” 21. Proverbs 11:22 “A beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.” What to look for in a godly man? Take this into consideration.
Is he a man? Is he growing into a man? Does he want to be a leader? Look for godliness because a husband is to one day be your spiritual leader. Look for his love for the Lord and the advancement of His kingdom. Is he seeking to bring you towards Christ?
Does he work hard? Does he have godly and respectable goals? Can he handle money well? Is he generous? Is he living in godliness and seeking to obey the Word? Is God working in his life and making him more like Christ? Does he have a strong prayer life? Does he pray for you? Is he honest? Does he seek to take your purity? How does he treat others? Is he violent? 22. Titus 1:6-9 “one who is blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of wildness or rebellion.
For an overseer, as God’s administrator, must be blameless, not arrogant, not hot-tempered, not addicted to wine, not a bully, not greedy for money, but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, righteous, holy, self-controlled, holding to the faithful message as taught, so that he will be able both to encourage with sound teaching and to refute those who contradict it.” 23.
Psalm 119:9-11 “ How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.” What to look for in a godly woman? Take this into consideration. Has she surrendered her life to the Lord? Does she allow you to lead? Is she submissive? Does she seek to build you up and help you with what God has for you?
Does she constantly nag and belittle you? Is she clean? Is her house and car always messy? That is going to be your house. Is she pressuring you to have sex with her? Does she dress sensually, run if she does. Does she respect her father? Is she ? Is she contentious? Is she lazy? Can she run a household? Does she fear God? Is she a prayer warrior? Is she trustworthy? 24. Titus 2:3-5 “Older women likewise are to exhibit behavior fitting for those who are holy, not slandering, not slaves to excessive drinking, but teaching what is good.
In this way they will train the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be self-controlled, pure, fulfilling their duties at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the message of God may not be discredited.” 25. Proverbs 31:11-27 “ The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will not lack anything good. She rewards him with good, not evil, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with willing hands.
She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from far away. She rises while it is still night and provides food for her household and portions for her female servants. She evaluates a field and buys it; she plants a vineyard with her earnings. She draws on her strength and reveals that her arms are strong. She sees that her profits are good, and her lamp never goes out at night.
She extends her hands to the spinning staff, and her hands hold the spindle. Her hands reach out to the poor, and she extends her hands to the needy. She is not afraid for her household when it snows, for all in her household are doubly clothed. She makes her own bed coverings; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known at the city gates, where he sits among the elders of the land. She makes and sells linen garments; she delivers belts to the merchants. , and she can laugh at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom and loving instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle.” I’m not saying that the person is going to be perfect. There might be some areas where you have to talk to them or God has to change about them, but once again the person should be godly. Don’t be unrealistic and be careful with expectations when it comes to marriage. Things might not always be how you expect them to be.
Your spouse might have as many problems as you, but remember God will give you the spouse that you desire of course, but also the spouse that you need to conform you into the image of Christ. 26. Proverbs 3:5 “ Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” The reason for Christian breakups. Some of you are in a relationship with the person that God wants you to marry and you will eventually marry. Sometimes Christians get into relationships with Christians and it just doesn’t work out.
I know it hurts, but God uses this situation to work in a believers life to conform them into the image of His Son and build their faith.
God will replace the person He has taken away with someone better. Trust in Him. 27. Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand.” 28. Isaiah 43:18-19 “ Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” When will God give me a spouse? God has someone already created for you. God will provide that person.
Prepare yourself to get married. Pray that God helps you prepare. There is too much temptation today. Seek to get married at a young age. I am not saying be passive, but the Lord will bring that person to you. You don’t need to seek online dating websites. God will help you meet the person who is meant for you. Make sure that you start your search with prayer. Don’t be afraid because even if you are a really shy person the Lord will open a door for you. While you are praying for someone, someone is always praying for you.
What you must not do is become bitter and say, “everyone around me is in a relationship why am I not?” Sometimes we are not ready financially, spirituality, in maturity, or it’s just not God’s will yet.
You must keep your eyes on Christ and pray for His peace and comfort when you are single because you will kill yourself if you are constantly thinking about it.
You will start saying, “maybe I’m too this, maybe I’m too that, maybe I need to start looking like this, maybe I need to buy that.” That is idolatry and of the devil. You are perfectly made. . Sometimes God uses singleness to drive you in prayer. He wants you to keep on knocking and one day He is going to say, “enough, you want it?
Here! There she is, there he is. I have sovereignly given you this person. I made her/him for you. Now take care of him and lay down your life for her.” 29. Genesis 2:18 “Then the LORD God said, “ It is not good for the man to be alone.
I will make a helper who is right for him.” 30. Proverbs 19:14 “ House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.” Guard each other’s heart We don’t talk much about guarding each other’s heart, but this extremely important. We always hear people say, “guard her heart.” This is true, and we should be careful on how we guard a woman’s delicate heart.
However, a woman should be careful to guard a man’s heart as well. Also, be careful and guard your own heart. What do I mean by all this? Don’t get someone emotionally invested if you are not willing to commit. Christian men and women are guilty of playing around with the opposite sex until they feel that they are ready to get into a relationship with that person.
This goes especially for men. It is damaging to show interest in a woman, pursue her for a while, and then pull back. If she grows feelings for you she is going to be hurt if you decide that you never really liked her.
Never entertain a relationship just to have something in the meantime. If you are interested in a woman, then pray diligently before you pursue her. When we do this, we put other’s before ourselves. Not only is this biblical, but it also shows signs of maturity.
The last thing that I want to talk about is guarding your own heart. Stop falling in love with everyone that you see. When you fail at guarding your heart, you start thinking “maybe she’s the one” or “maybe he’s the one.” Everyone that you see and meet becomes the potential “one.” This is dangerous because it can easily create pain and hurt if it doesn’t work out.
Instead of following your heart, you should follow the Lord. Our hearts can easily deceive us. Seek His wisdom, seek guidance, seek clarity, and above all seek His will. Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” God gave Issac a wife: Read the whole chapter of Genesis 24.
Genesis 24:67 “ Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.”
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28 Whenever I am thinking on or praying about relationships, mine or other peoples, this verse is always an excellent foundation. God makes things work for your good, and that includes your dating life. If you trust in Him and listen to what he says about relationships, He will work for your good. Dating is complicated, tricky, testing and can be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.
But it can also be joyful and Christ honouring. Doing it right is flipping hard and requires some serious dedication. I’m not claiming to have this down, or to always get it right. In fact, I feel able to talk and write about this topic precisely because I have got it wrong so many times and God has consistently shown me grace and turned my mistakes into good.
I have found that the main challenges facing Christian girls (and the ones I struggled with HUGELY) are dating non-Christians, not having sex before you’re married, and the christian relationship myth! I’ll briefly touch on these three things from what I’ve learnt in my own experiences. But honestly, the main lesson I’ve learnt is a difficult one: it’s frustrating and easy to pretend it’s not true, but God’s way is the best way, like it or not.
Ready? Let’s go… Dating Non-Christians To start, the Bible pretty specifically tells us we should not be having relationships with non-Christians: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers…What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” – 2 Corinthians 6: 14-15 Your mission to share your faith with non-Christians doesn’t extend to dating them.
There is good reason for this instruction, but I remember in my youth groups and with my Christian girl friends we would find so many excuses to ignore it, because we liked guys that weren’t Christian and wanted to justify ourselves! It’s so easy to do, but I have dated a few non-Christian guys and in my opinion, it’s not worth it. They may be amazing but in my experience, they didn’t pray for me, didn’t try and stick to the values I have, didn’t challenge me, weren’t be able to build me up in faith and not having that did not make the fact that they were cute worth the sacrifice.
I’ve been with my boyfriend 6 months now, not massively long but it is my first Christian relationship and the difference that makes is phenomenal. He points me to Christ, shares wisdom, prays for and with me, encourages me when I am feeling doubtful and fights with me to hold firm to my faith and the values we share.
My experience, my getting-it-wrong, has taught me that you might not like what God’s telling you to do, but doing it WILL be what’s best for you. This includes not having sex…. Not Having Sex Before You’re Married I don’t know what you’ve been taught about sex, including maybe by your church, but I’ve found that often the focus is on young women’s purity, and it’s imagined that you will simply have to deny and fight off men’s advances.
This is not true. You will also want to have sex, and just because your boyfriend might be a Christian, don’t imagine that the temptation won’t be an issue.
But again, I’ve done this wrong before, and believe me if you have a non-Christian boyfriend, sticking to this is a whole lot harder, and it causes huge amount of heartache and hurt. God set this rule for a reason, and it’s too clear in the Bible to try and argue your way around it (me and my friends tried that one too!): “The body is not meant for sexual sin” – 1 Corinthians 6:13. The Bible pretty much STARTS by telling us that a man (Adam in Genesis) “will be united to his wife” – Genesis 2:24.
This is so difficult to stick to but it’s what God wants from us, obedience to him is tricky, but worth it. But know that if you’ve had sex, you aren’t unforgivable. I’ve found that women having sex before marriage is often treated for some reason as a sin worse than others, it’s not.
There is always enough grace, God’s love does not alter when you have sex: “Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered” – Romans 4:7. The Christian Relationship Myth Finally, an actual Christian relationship is really not what you’d think! I imagined that when I did meet and fall in love with the guy God had for me that it would be easy, that I’d be a fantastic girlfriend and that he would never let me down.
That’s not the case, the only perfect love is the love God has for us. Christian relationships are messy, complicated and sometimes they break down. I fight with my boyfriend, sometimes he’s annoying, sometimes I’m frustrating or just not loving him properly.
There isn’t a constant stream of sunlight around us. Real life is messy, and relationships are too. But God is faithful, and prayer that he will sustain you goes a long way. Some days, love will be a choice, but that proves that it’s real. Heartbreak is not impossible for Christians, and the first guy you try to date in a God honouring way might not be the guy, there might not even be a guy (there’s an excellent post on here, sooooo worth checking out), but “The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit.” – Psalm 34:18.
Relationships are both wonderful and testing, but the best way to do them will always be God’s way, whether we like it or not. Your relationship with Jesus is ultimately far more important, but dating and marriage is a gift from God and if you listen to and follow what He says about it, it will be worth it! Hi ! Ive been born again for 4 yrs now , and since then havent dated any1 or have sex with any1 .
Cause when i receive christ ive made a convenant with God that i am not going to live my old days , as i was meditating with the book of Romans 8:5-7 . For all this years praying with that schripture my flesh where able to die till today .. The olny thing that comes to me this days , is feeling lonely and sad at the same time ..
I believe in my bible when it says in the of 1 Peter 1 :13 Live as God’s obedient children . Dont slip back into ur old ways of living to satisfy ur own desire . You didnt know any better then . But now you must be holy in everything u do , just as God who chose u is holy .
For the scriptures say , you must be holy because i am holy . But this lonelines its just coming by force As Joseph did in the bible, run from temptation!
Don’t put yourself in a situation that you feel you can’t walk away from due to pressure from a boyfriend etc. Sex was designed by God for marriage only for our protection.
There are no exceptions to this law. If a Christian man doesn’t respect that, he’s not for you. Christian women should not be marrying non believers. As the bible clearly states there is no fellowship between light and darkness. Stay strong, the straight and narrow is worth it 🙂 Hi Cynthia, Like you I can relate to your feelings of loneliness when it comes to obeying the word of God and living as Christ intended us to live.
Then I slipped up and went back to my old way of living and dating. Now I’m back again. Dating a new man who shares my faith but like this blog says dating and choosing to love through the imperfections is constant battle. I applaud your dedication and obedience. You are a lot stronger than you think.
Hi ..I’m award…I have a boyfriend, a christian but we have been attempting sex for four years we have been together..i love God , so I decided to go back and repent ..we have stayed so way for month and my boy struggles to abstain but sometimes fails and talks to me about it…I keep telling him we can do that only after we are married…he is a believer but not that seriously into God…one thing I also wish he should love God as much as a real christian…what to do If YOU keep your eyes on God, He will take care of you and reveal to you what you should do in time.
Remember that nothing is a wait of time, it only takes time, so be patience with yourself and with God to show you what He has for you! I believe in you and you can do this!!! God was there for you before you BF so remember to magnify God as He should be. don’t be afraid because God made you exactly how He wants you.
Remember that a Godly relationship is when both parties have their own personal relationship with God aside from one another, you can’t force your BF, you and only encourage Him, and be graceful and forgiving toward him….your not alone, Jesus is with us and also I’m going through the exact same thing…but I know your a woman of God and therefore you can do it!!! Be blessed girl!
I totally agree with the statement preaching against abstinence and waiting for the right partner for sex in marriage. Sex appears simple to have, yet its the most complicated thing in the world if done outside the confines of marriage. A slow killer indeed and a disruptor is many Christian marriages. It bring s a lot of confusion, frustration and anger, not to talk of the accompanied guilt that lingers for a long period of time.
God creates sex for the pleasure of man and woman, but the wrong use of it can destroy one mentally and emotionally. I am 56 years old. Divorced twice from 2 abusive marriages. I contracted a STD virus from my second marriage which kept me from getting sexually involved with guys I was dating. However now I met an amazing, but non Christian gentleman who respects my boundaries about touching and sex. It’s is hands off. He loves me and respects my wishes but is confused. He has been wrecked by parochial school and their twisted application of God.
Here’s my dilemma: how do I hold the Bible card up til I tell him about my situation. And also show him scriptuture about purity? All the scripture is about adulterous affairs and incest. There’s plenty of scripture about purity other than incest and affairs. 1 Corinthians 6:18 talks about how sexual immorality being the one sin that is not an outer sin but a sin against your body which is huge because our body is a temple according to God.
Colossians 3:5 says to cast away these sins of the earthy nature . A sin is a sin and God will forgive you if you repent but you have to strive not to continue to do these sins. So put forth the idea that you would like to be better than you were in the past, and even play the card that you were physical in the past and it didn’t work so you want to do things right this time around. I know this can be very hard but I encourage you to lift him up and get him back into scripture the correct way.
God talks about being unevenly yoked and I am suffering in a relationship because of it. You have to stand firm in your relationship with the Lord and if he’s not running with you and he’s dimming your light you have to do what’s best for you and your relationship with God even if that means leaving him to find what Gods true plan is.
I’ll be praying for you and I wish you the best of luck in this journey . I had the same issue with a guy I was dating.
He asked if I was a virgin and I told him yes and that I wanted to remain abstinent until propsal/marriage. Well I put myself in a bad situation with him (we agreed to sleep in the same bed without having sex). He ended up asking me to have sex but I was to naive and felt pressured to say yes because of the moment we were in. So I ended up sad, regretful and angr angry for my mistake.
I told the guy how I felt and he apologized. He felt guilty. I asked him to pray with me about not allowing that to happen again.
He did agree that he would not ask me to have sex again. He actually promised he would wait till I was ready and he promised to marry me. However, the next time we stayed together he pressured me again by blindsiding me to ask me if I wanted to have sex. This time it caught me off guard and I found myself again disrespecting my values.
This time I told him I think we needed some time apart to think about our sexual sin but he got angry at me and immediately dumped me only to date another woman right after or before dumping me. I don’t understand how this guy called himself a Christian or a “man of integrity” if he showed no sympathy or remorse for taking my virginity and not apologizing or acknowledging my hurtful pain.
Instead he dumps me tells me to never every talk to him and then he has his aunt call and cussed me out because I tried to ask him about his sexual STD history.
I didn’t know if I should have gotten tested for something he had since he was my first. I understand that he decided that he didn’t want to be with me or marry me but I thought he was a decent real man to acknowledge our sin and the hurtful feelings but he ghosted on me and treated me like I was a piece of “trash”. I had supported, encouraged, and prayed for this young man while we were together. I just hope he doesn’t treat his new girlfriend or wife like he did to me.
I learned my lesson about trusting guys who claim they are a Christian and a man of integrity. Hi..I left a comment when I first found this site June 24th. I don’t think it was ever posted. It would not take my email address which is dr_mack @yahoo.
com……it waited to use a email address I used a few years back when I published a couple of blog post on WordPress. I really hope this post get published because I have been to share my testimony on how i got my lover back …. this is a miracle. So much is going on right now…..but mostly I want say i am so happy. Dr Mack was a great helper when my Husband broke apart from me but he later came back after i used the service of Dr Mack. Thank you so much for saving my marriage.
What about the woman at the well? In John 4:4, Jesus talks with a Samaritan Woman. What should we learn from that example? Jesus said “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband….” I think God wants us to be happy and that there is a right and wrong way to go about finding a marriage mate but we have to be careful because God gave us hormones and feelings and his word.
You must be careful because you are linked with the first person you lose your virginity to. Matthew 19:5-6 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife.” If you are not careful upon selection to find the one as closest to perfection and God or Christian you are headed down a lifetime of hurt, indescribable mental pain and/or diseases. Then again if you are truly seeking God then your religion may change until you find the truth and you shouldn’t be looking for a marriage partner anyways.
Abraham got married again but only after Sarah died. Solomon was promiscuous even though he was married. Mary and Joseph were virgins before they married and stayed that way until after Jesus was conceived. So as you can see there is no perfect example of marriage in the bible because there are no perfect people but if you want to avoid the wrath of God, do not neglect his teachings. I am the perfect example.
I wasn’t in church after high school, left home without a mate, had ungodly counsel(friends) and ended up losing my virginity by my first pap smear after fooling around one time with a guy. Then being naked with a woman one time and then getting dumped by a guy I liked but hadn’t married because he dump me to marry someone else.
I had an awful ordeal. So learner from experience to trust in God, examine myself, consult the word first, do not put your trust in man and seek God first. They are more than teachings. They are a lamp to my feet. And a light to my path. Psalm 119:105 and keep his commandments if you are his Deutoronomy 4:40.
There are a lot of things in this world that can hurt you and like the article said sex can be one less thing to hurt you because no one is perfect and we all sin either intentionally or unintentionally. So be wise take heed what you learn from reading the bible and be careful of the things planted in your head by word of mouth unless it matches up with the bible.
The devil roams about like a lion seeking whom he wants to destroy and he can jump in people by means of spirits. Notice you are likely to be a lot like the people you are around. There are good spirits and bad spirits and waiting for sex can actually be a protection against bad ones. Just always, always, always seek God first.
Absolutely. You’re not ignorant to what the Bible says. And the word of God is alive. If you’re in a relationship and having sex outside of marriage, and scripture has made an impression on your heart.
That’s called conviction. Listen to what God says and stop having intercourse until marriage. You can have a meaningful relationship without sex. . I’m not sure which part of the article you are referencing but the truth is, everyone will be judged for their past, by our creator. Only He has the authority and power to judge. As believers, we are called to hold each other accountable. It doesn’t always feel good when someone points out something that we shouldn’t be doing.
However, it’s better to accept a warning than suffer the repercussions of sin. Inspiring young Christian women on a platform as large as the internet on a website as successful as Girl Got Faith is a privilege and an amazing opportunity. If you are going to give your personal opinion about dating non – Christian men (and women) then you need to balance out your argument otherwise it just appears that you are accusing those who have chosen to extend their mission to share their faith with the people they date (whatever faith they may or may not be) as wrong.
This article’s author needs to take a lot more care in her choice of wording as she has reached many Christian girls (which is amazing) so make sure they don’t make the reader feel isolated or like they have done wrong. Dating people who are not Christian is not a bad thing it’s just not traditional, but these days what is.
This is the issue we have in the world today: everyone wants a perspective that makes them feel good. The fact is, the biblical truth is not going to make everyone feel good. The author laid out the biblical truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Based on a this reply and a few other- people can’t handle the truth. At the very least, it’s a hard pill to swallow. God does not beat around the bush or make us guess. He is crystal clear about His plans for our lives. Sex was made for husband and wife.
Believers are to marry each other. Jesus was a friend of sinners and in the same way- we are called to walk in his ways.
Single, Not Alone :: Relationship Goals (Part 2)